How sad to hear of the suicide of Frances Andrade, the violinist, and I wish I could have spoken to her, before or during 'her' trial. The old Catholic in me lit a candle and said a prayer.
The truth is, many will now be looking towards criminal and civil actions in the wake of the Savile revelations. Having spent a day and half in the witness box, be warned, it is not too much of an exaggeration to say that as a witness, it is YOU who is on trial.
Those Masters of the dark legal arts, swish their black gowns and posture in stances taken straight from Dickins. Skilled and honed by centuries of selective breeding, they are accomplished thespians and wordsmiths, but more creepy. They have that all important killer instinct and they like to play with their victim before they look to His Honour for permission to go in for the kill. You are the scallywag who wandered onto an Eton Playing field, there is no mercy.
Am I right to say that? Hell, yeh. In the wake of the trial, suicide was an option. I had been savaged and broken, but I could still write, and it saved my life. Will my book Cry and You Cry alone help others? I have tortured myself with that question so often. Should I tell others about the mental torture to expect in the witness box? I was not warned what to expect, and I don't blame the professionals for that. I wouldn't have wanted to tell me either. Mentally, I was much too unbalanced to cope with it.
The Learned barrister had reduced me to a sobbing heap. All my hard work to achieve my BA(Hons), my love of P.G. Wodehouse, my well mannered children, I had come so far, but in that court room, I was still one of the plebs, trying to get something I wasn't entitled to! I wasn't allowed to suggest that a man who had been found with a 15 year old boy in his bed, was a paedophile. His reputation had to be protected.
Despite my 'scallywag' background (see, I can laugh at it now), I took the decision to write my story warts and all, and I was fortunate to find a publisher straight away. Tell or don't tell, my moral dilemma continues to haunt me, but then I think, of my own trial, and I wish I had known then, what I know now. And that was the clincher.