I'm trying to imagine a picture of what we will all look like once the doors are flung open and we again walk into the light. I'm picturing a nation of ungroomed Neanderthals with mad hair, mad beards and unibrows. I once went on a (blind) date with a guy who had inordinately hairy fingers. Happily, it was only a one hour (lunch) date because I became fixated on them. He was wearing a smart suit and tie, but I couldn't help thinking of the orangutan that lurked beneath. I mention this in the unlikely event that anyone decides to stick with the unkempt lone occupant of an island look or hands covered with hair.
From what I remember, it was a long time ago, I was quite partial to a hairy chest, I come from an age where men wore tight trousers with shirts open to the waist and medallions hanging from their necks! 'Hair' the musical was big on stage, and big on the permed heads of construction workers and footballers. We girls can laugh at the daft things we wore, but it's a lot more fun poking fun at the lads! I remember wearing ridiculously high platform shoes, a smock (prettily embroidered) and bright green velvet bellbottoms! My hair was long, wavy and parted in the middle, I was never, ever, tempted to get a mullet, ha ha.
But I wandered, As I have mentioned several times, I am hooked on US news channels, so not surprisingly I stumbled on a Fox News segment discussing the plight of millions of American women who can't get their hair and nails done. The tragedy behind the headlines. The ladies who cannot now lunch. It is at moments like these that you realise what a great leveller this global pandemic has been. It is not (yet) aiming for the packed inner cities and the tower blocks, it is infecting, at the highest rate, the globetrotters and networkers.
The Prince of Wales, the Prime Minister, and, just now, the Health Secretary Matt Hancock. We are moving weirdly towards the disaster movie genre where all world leaders die and the lunatics take over. I am such a disaster movie fan that I have to categorise them, Independence Day for example, has a hero President who saves the world (from aliens). At the moment, I feel as if I have woken up in a disaster movie and fact and fiction is becoming seriously blurred. I don't ever think I have seen a more eerie sight than the images of the nation clapping for the NHS, such a contrast to the empty streets we have been seeing all over the world. So many real people apart but together, filled with so much goodwill towards the NHS staff and all the key workers supplying food and medicines.
And it was heartening to see that the nation hasn't, as yet, turned into a hairy Neanderthal tribe. For myself I am ecstatically happy that I ditched the dye (a year ago!) so have no white lines to worry about. The eyebrows are another story, now I know why my eyebrows have remained untouched by myself with tweezers for 30 plus years. I'm no bleddy good at it! I have overplucked one eyebrow and now have a permanent startled/quizzical look. I have decided to stick with it because if I start on the other one, I could end up with a full David Bowie no brow circa 1970s.
Now, I know my enemies have reason enough to hate me, bless 'em, but I am going to go right ahead and just say it. There is much pleasure in knowing, that people you hate, the rich ones especially cannot buy any privileges that will keep this pandemic away from them or allow them to wallow in the food, luxury and jet setting they are used to. They have wallets full cash and nothing to spend it on. Which makes me wonder, where does BUPA etc feature in all this? Will private health care patients get priority treatment? Now there's a hot potato. You cannot help but have sympathy for all those who have paid their monthly dues for decades, only to find themselves competing with the feckless for ventilators.
To anyone out there who feels like chatting, I will be watching my blog all day and hopefully will have some interesting comments to publish and reply to. Anyone looking for inspiration, here are some interesting topics to discuss:
1. AMC's The Walking Dead (to be said loudly in gruff, male voice) to set the mood.
2. If not, TWD, what disaster movie are we in?
3. How are we passing our time? Keep it clean(ish)
4. Project Runway (how I'm occupying my time) - there are 18 seasons! I am finding it mesmerizing, not only the fashions, but the bitchiness and that knife's edge between sanity and insanity. The craziness of the artiste, dahlinks.
5. Netflix: What's good, what's bad?
6. The Tudors. Both the real ones and the sumptuous (BBC?) one with Jonathan Rhys-Myers who I would happily sacrifice a head for.
7. Versailles. All of the above, but my love here is the fabulous gowns, the palace itself and the beautiful grounds. I had hoped to go this year, but meanwhile would love to hear from anyone who has been and can give me first hand knowledge of how it felt to be in the presence of such beauty.
8. Did you manage to get your hair, eyebrows, nails done before lockdown?
9. Last words. Mine, 'I still believe in angels'. I'm not religious but I do not scorn those who are. Actually that's not true, I do. I think to myself, wtf are you on? And do you have a number? But I jest, in a way it's a good thing on the basis that it keeps millions law abiding and focused. That they need a mythical God to tell them to honour thy fathers and mothers and not murder people, is questionable. Would they otherwise be arseholes to their parents and murdering willy nilly? Aside from that, whatever gets you through the night say I. Be it sex, drugs and rock an' roll (probably in short supply just now) or down on bended knee in prayer. With all this private time, the self flagellators are probably whipping themselves silly. The real question to ask here is, where would the lunatics go if they weren't going to church? Oops, too harsh, I was envisaging myself doing stand up there.
10. Is this the end of the world?