UPDATE: THE MADELEINE STORY AND ME - BY CRISTOBELL

UPDATE:  01/10/20

As expected the poison pen hate mail has returned, and no, it won't be published.  The sheer vitriol suggests someone is mightily mad that I have decided to write and publish a book about this case.  Probably because the Madeleine case has largely been put to bed and stored in the history books as an unsolved mystery.  Of the Blair era, it is just another case that doesn't stand up to scrutiny, but on a scale of transgressions, it's at the bottom of the list, with an illegal war being at the top.  It will remain shelved for the next few centuries until an enthusiastic Sherlock Holmes automaton picks it up.

So why upset the equilibrium now?  Why bring more grief to a family who lost a child?  And it does sound awful when you put it like that, but that writes off all the harm to others to support the abduction story.  The abduction story only worked by blaming others. Beginning with PDL who lost most of their tourist industry.  The Portuguese police who were vilified, the hundreds of innocent posters on social media who were targeted and abused online if they dared say they did not believe the abduction story.

And yes, I was among them, I had my name and reputation torn to shreds along with nasty reviews on Amazon every time I tried to publish a book.  Well I'm knocking on a bit now and these are dodgy times, so yes, I am going to write my story with every eye opening revelation I discovered along the way.  It is legacy time, time to explain myself, time to justify why I wouldn't keep my trap shut, every time the McCanns, the press and every 'friend of the family' (Clarence) released a phony press release.  Should I have just kept that to myself?  

There are still many people out there who want to know what happened to little Madeleine McCann and there are a huge amount of crackpot theories and weirdos who claim to have solved the case.  Most of these weirdos claimed to have solved the case even before the police files were released.  That is, they had already established a motive, some sort of sexual deviancy, and were banging square pegs into round holes to make their freaky theories fit.   These were the ones the media portrayed as non believers of the McCanns, as if we all wore dirty rainmacs and carried binoculars.  Non believers quickly changed to 'haters' and war broke out on social media.

I had been dragged into a war not of my making, and any attempts I made to get away failed.  The McCanns and their trolls followed me relentlessly for years planting false stories and lies to demean and discredit me.  Walking away was never an option.  The pursuit continued, even when I wrote a diet book ffs.  The McCanns are vengeful, they never give up.  I did for a while there, but I'm back.  I supported Goncalo Amaral when he wrote his book, because I could understand his need to tell his side of the story.  I feel the same way too, I'm not the villain in this Greek (Portuguese) tragedy, merely an onlooker who got pulled in.  A bit like a curious cat.  

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In response to Bjorn, from the previous blog.  

Yes, this is what I am thinking Bjorn, and I have already begun.  Having been on this case from the start, I am familiar with all the different factions, and more importantly, the agendas and ulterior motives of all the different factions.  From the characters who headed out to PDL when Madeleine disappeared, to the lunatics who imbedded themselves into the investigation via their armchairs and the internet.

I have already written quite a few thousand words already, but I am currently working on the structure.  That is probably the hardest part of putting a book together, the bit that will keep me up at night, lol, But, I am a great storyteller, it is my gift, and I intend to write the book bringing in all the various aspects of Madeleine's case that turned what was probably a sad but pretty straight forward story into a global mystery. Knowing all that I know now, I have, for myself anyway, been able to find a 'satisfying end', a conclusion, a last page.  I am in the happy position of knowing enough about the subject, to explain it simply.  And of course, that was the beauty of Goncalo Amaral's book,  he told his story with honesty and integrity.  It is the definitive book in my opinion, and I would never take that away from him.  

With mine, I have the benefit of hindsight, I could see what was going on outside of his bubble, the bigger picture - the politics he referred to that prevented this case from being solved.  Clearly, it was not just a problem for the incumbent Labour government of the time, it carried on into the next 3 tory governments.  The tories don't have the resolve to fix it either.  

I have never been about vengeance.  I have never had any interest whatsoever in the punishment side of crime.  I did once toy with the idea of applying to be a Justice, but I would have let everyone off and probably sent them on holiday.  I don't hate Gerry and Kate McCann, I find them fascinating.  They bring out those parts of my brain that wants to solve puzzles.  I can't put a label on them.  I can't say Kate is/was a subjugated wife or that Gerry is a downtrodden husband.  Kate is much stronger than she portrays herself, the leaning on Gerry is for sympathy.  Gerry, the opposite, not as strong as he portrays, but quickly knows how to go into alpha male automaton mode.  Their interactions are fascinating, there will be a whole chapter on that.

I was intrigued by the mystery of Madeleine's disappearance, as we all were, we were drawn in by the tragedy of the story and the talented professionalism of those who were selling it.  And I have to give a nod to Clarence Mitchell here, he created a reality show as big as the Osbornes. Maybe it was a joint venture with Gerry, who discovered talents he didn't know he had, but again, Clarence and err, 'keeping up with the McCanns' is also worthy of a chapter.

I will also delve into the paedophile aspect, that was created, possibly on the first night, when Gerry was discussing paedophiles gangs on the phone. I thought that was an horrific first thought to go to, but it planted that seed that there were dark, hooded, predators, climbing in bedroom windows in the resort of PDL.  Perverts using a network of computers to tip each other off, when a 'special' child was left alone, unguarded.  All bo**ox of course - bogeymen remain largely mythological,  though he is blamed of course in too many cases where young children disappear.  The sad reality is that in almost all those cases, is much closer to home.

Then there is the other paedophile aspect.  It differs from the above paedophile aspect, in that these particular paedophile hunters were/are,  accusing the parents and their friends of sexually abusing their kids.  I found those who focused on these kind of odious accusations particularly despicable.  They weren't 'thinking of the children' as is their customary battle cry, they were doing the opposite.  Hurting, in a most cruel and sadistic manner, those small children who were on that holiday, maybe for the rest of their lives, the sick, fecking bastards.  I especially hate those self proclaimed 'language' experts who can pick up perversity in a few short sentences, they bring a whole new meaning to 'shut that door'.   Sadly, I have fixated in my head a group of creepy old men in rainmacs looking for the same perverse thoughts they have in the heads of others.  TB, RH and the creepy guitar strumming bible basher.

But it wasn't just men, there are a lot of women out there too being brainwashed to believe their tiny tots are sexually attractive to perverts.  Maybe CEOP could come out with burkas for ages 1-3, to keep the nonses under control?  Yes, of course I am being sarcastic, but when, let's say, dubious people have control of the dominant ideology, we can be led to believe anything.  In 2007, we were being persuaded to set up a specialist police task force to respond to child abductions anywhere in the world as if they were happening on a weekly basis.  Truth is, they would have been sat twiddling their thumbs this past 13 years because there hasn't been another one.  

I disagree, with Jim Gamble, former head of CEOP, with every fibre of my body that paedophiles are everywhere.  I'll tell him what's everywhere - regular people who have never in their lives had such a creepy thought in their heads.    As but, as you see, although divided, the paedophile factions, eventually come together in agreement - they want us to believe perverts are all around us.   In the social media theatre of war, this put the establishment, the McCanns and every looney facebook page against me.  They all wanted to believe that some kind of sexual perversion lay at the heart of this case.  

On the outrage front, in my opinion, parents (in general) have enough fears without the government adding to them, especially where those fears were contrived and manipulated.  I hated the fear and suspicion that was spread among the public that their children were in constant danger.  It simply wasn't true.  Making paedophiles public enemy number 1 was a great distraction for a government who took us into an illegal war.  One minute terrorists, the next, paedophiles.  And dear little  Madeleine became the child we all wanted to bring home.  For a Labour government who wanted to create a national database of DNA and a legal enforcement to carry identify cards, telling the public their children were at risk was an easy sell.  'Only those with something to hide, will refuse to hand over the blood, medical records and bank details'.  See how easy it is to bring in martial law, when someone shouts 'think of the children!'.

I agree with you Bjorn, which of course I would, lol, that none of the documentaries, videos, books etc, have provided a definite account of everything that went on.  They are all so afraid of being sued by the litigious McCanns, that they daren't even point at conclusions without providing an opposite and opposing side.  I will do the same, obviously, but I'm not going to say, something's perfectly logical when it's clearly insane.  I may well have an entire chapter devoted to 'WTF?' moments, of which, there are many! 

The Madeleine case, more than any other, revealed just how much the mainstream media were deceiving us.  We had heard the words 'spin' and negative and positive propaganda, but we were seeing it in action, in plain sight.  We were not reliant on news from the British tabloids, the internet had swept in hundreds, thousands of new news sources from outside UK borders.  Most pertinently, in the Madeleine case, news was flooding in from Portugal and it was entirely different to the news that was flooding the UK tabloids.  A lot of people found that they were only one, maybe two, clicks away from discovering the truth.

I have not yet decided whether Gerry and Kate were genius publicists of themselves or whether they were victims of the media moguls, police chiefs and politicians who were using them.  I will devote an entire chapter to it.   I am hoping that the time is right, that the McCanns and the legal eagles will not be bothered by an opinion piece.  One of the great benefits I had as a published author, was my book being scrutinised by the legal team at Random House.  It was a huge learning curve, albeit it rushed, within a month, but I learned enough about libel law to steer clear of the McCann legal watchers.  I didn't even get a mention in the Summers and Swan book, for which I was quite miffed.  But truth is, I have never said anything illegal or libellous, Amazon will have no reason to ban me.  But, of course, lol, we shall see what happens.  My journey is no different to thousands of others who were gripped by this case.  That is, gripped by the puzzle solving, gripped by the gossip, gripped by the twists, turns and drama of reality TV on OMGs.

I'm not putting the blame for my obsession on the parents of Madeleine,  Since I have started accepting the blame (absolutely) for every dumbarse decision I have ever made, I have realised the absolute futility of  trying to shift that blame onto others.  I could easily have flipped that front page over onto page 3 and tits, (at that time, lol), but I wanted to know sooooo much more.  Even in May, 2007, the logical part of my brain could not make the facts I knew, as few as they were, into a story that made sense.  And I wanted to, because my dear old mum who I loved squabbling with, had taken the opposing side.  

So, so much I should save for the book, lol.  I am a great believer in fate.  I started my blog because, basically everyone hated me, ha ha, I was banned from every Madeleine site.  But I started my blog, and built up my own discussion board, uncensored and unfiltered, which worked very well for a long while.  I think I reached occasions where I was the most read Madeleine blog on the net.  I was attacked by the head cases, not surprisingly, from both the anti McCann side and the pro McCann side.  Again, I cite that point where extremes collide and find themselves in the same lane.  

I should finish with I am not the enemy.  I am not the bad guy, or gal, a terrible impression the internet has taken of me, because I simply did not believe Gerry and Kate McCann.  I am proud to have grown up in a land where I am free to have my opinion, but for a long time, I had to fight a ridiculous media war where I was labelled a 'hater', bitter twisted, psychologically unstable and regularly told to 'hurry up and die'.  Simply because I had voiced out loud that I did not believe the abduction story given by the McCanns and the establishment who seemed to be in on it.

Opposing the McCann media machine was not a good choice (again I blame myself), but I was not going to be silenced.  Who tf did they think they were?  Famous last words, lol.  Sadly, David beating Goliath was a fluke, anyone taking on media darlings and the power of the establishment, generally gets squished.  Presently peeking out from under a large mushroom that's about to be sauteed. The big question now, is am I squishworthy?  

On the non squishworthy side (saving the McCanns a fortune in legal fees here), I have no fortune they can seize in reparation for their pain.  TB had a house and a few bob put aside, Goncalo Amaral wrote a best selling book (they allowed it to sell for 12 months before suing).  And I make no allegations, nor will I.  I simply want to sell a book based on the knowledge I have and the conclusions I have reached.  A story with a beginning, a middle and an end.  

And on the non squishworthy side, I am sympathetic to Gerry and Kate, I try to understand the predicament they were in.   I don't agree with their batshit crazy form of childminding, a listening method used by Butlins, circa 1960, I do understand their desperate need for a break from kids.  As a young single mum, I literally cried when I couldn't go out.  Whatever happened in that apartment that night was not premeditated, malicious, or, and I can't believe I am having to say this, sexually perverse.   If  you are among those people who think it was, or who think, an accident happened much earlier in the week, then this book is not for you.  The tapas group were regular, normal, if a bit geeky, party of middle class professionals enjoying an early summer break.  PDL was a regular Portuguese holiday village, not a regular meeting place for  VIP paedophiles and swingers.  Such was the rubbish being sold in the early days, and such was the rubbish that continued throughout.  Textusa, some crazy old spinster who believes everyone's swinging except her.  

I must go, I have the writing bug, and that has been missing for a long time.....