Thursday, 13 February 2020


UPDATE 16/02/20

I suggest the writers of the poison pen missives sent to me today, go take a look at today's #RIPCarolineFlack hashtag on twitter and ask themselves if their spite towards me is really necessary?  Do they feel better for having made me, a complete stranger to them, feel bad?  Are they hoping to go full grim reaper and push me over the edge?  Does that kind of pain bring them joy?

Well sorry to disappoint you, I get knocked down, I get back up again, and when I get back up again, I'm stronger - and meaner.  I won't be publishing your unkind, malevolent posts ever again, no matter how long you have been reading (stalking) my blog.  And btw, if your life is so great, why do you spend days and nights trying to torment me?


I remember a time when the age of 60 was so far away I never gave it a thought.  Didn't even go so far as to wonder what I might look like or how I might act.  Probably because it was a given, within the family, that I would become one of those old glamour puss ladies from Hollywood's golden age, wearing silk turbans, knocking back martinis and chain smoking through a foot long cigarette holder. Nutty as a fruitcake, obviously.  And when I say Golden Age of Hollywood, I mean more 'I'm ready for my close up Mr. DeMille' Norma Desmond than 'I want to order 6 bottles of scotch and 3 bottles of gin' Baby Jane Hudson.  Where did I end up? Somewhere between the two.

I jest of course, I still aspire to the first one, but I'm not quite ready to spend my days dressed in silk pyjamas and 3 sheets to the wind -as much fun as it sounds.  For one thing the body objects, while the mind is saying another one wouldn't hurt, the body is saying wanna bet?  Happily, these two entities have reached a fair and not unreasonable compromise.  You will see I have omitted the third entity, free will, because that's gone with the first glass.  The body has agreed 2, 3 at a push, glasses of (low alcohol) wine, accompanied by a high speed experience of all the joys of being drunk. Chattering incessantly, having devastatingly brilliant ideas, laughing at my own jokes, crying that the first boy I loved, loved my best friend, singing along to Bridge Over Troubled Water (badly), eating copious amounts of peanut butter on toast and passing out while watching Ted II.  Bizarre I know, but a bite sized happy memory of the days when I could get high and party and talk all night.

Strangely, there was no actual transition between 50s to 60, or even much of one between 40s/50s.  It kind of creeps up on you and catches you unaware.  In your head you still think as you always did, you're wiser, more self assured, but your character is the same as it always was.  Stronger, because it is no longer driven by libido, thank you menopause.  If you are the kind of person who would always go that extra mile, or push yourself to be the best you can be, that stays, what grandma hasn't served up her best dish, what grandpa hasn't thrown a chess board up in the air?  Yeah, old people can be competitive.  If you were the kind of person who couldn't bothered, then you probably still are now, but more so.

The can't be bothered, have never really been my cup of tea.  They cast a dark, miserable shadow over all and every idea put before them, sadly they come in and out of my life, but now I just avoid them.  By contrast, one of my favourite replies ever, is 'yeah, I'll be up for that', especially if the one saying it has no idea what you are suggesting.  If you've got a mate who always says that, hang onto them.  

So what is 60? or should I say 60 something, lol.  What should I be now?  The lady who steps back and allows the young to step forward?  That was my philosophy, but along came Jeremy Corbyn, Bernie Sanders and Nancy Pelosi.  All in their late 70's and still going strong.  I had, it must be said, hung up my boots and bought a couple of kaftans and hairbands.  With Elaine Paige singing 'Memory' in the background, my own days in the sun too long ago to remember.  I had had my dreams crushed, too long and too painful to go into now, but I had forgotten my own philosophy - the only power I have is over myself, how I react.  Facts I cannot change, but I can change how I react to them.  No-one can crush my dreams, except myself, and I am ready now to pull them out of the bottom of that forgotten drawer, dust them down, and put them right back where they should be.  

For the moment, I am still Cristobell Undecided, in that I don't quite know which direction I want to go in.  Perhaps |I will do what one of my critics once threw at me 'just type', ha ha, write down every airhead thought I have.  To be fair, these days it is mostly airhead, because I am still grieving the terrible surge to the right the entire world seems to be taking.  I am glad the older generation, lol, the Jeremys, the Bernies et al are made of sterner stuff than I.  I am also mightily impressed by the young 'uns, who seem to have the hearts of warriors.  

Now that I have discovered cauliflower perms and polyester trousers from BonMarche are not compulsory on hitting 60, my entire outlook has changed.  It seems I can pretty much carry on as I always have, who knew?  I can keep going to my trendy stylist, I can keep buying makeup alongside 15 year olds in Superdrug. Not only are the customers to these counters, all ages and ethnicities, some are boys!  What joyous times we live in.  I still remember when the wearing of make up was looked down on, now it is celebrated and even baked, makeup affectionados will know what I mean.  What brave new world is this that has not only the internet but a free pass to wear as much make up as you want.  False eyelashes would have looked totally out of place in the 80's and 90's, but now they come in every shape and size and everyone is wearing them.  I could write a whole book about the whole false eyelash experience, or just do a blog or vlog if I am brave enough. I may entitle it Philosophy, Politics and Eyelashes - see, undecided.


  1. I think you became Quentin somewhere along the way judging by all that : )

  2. How woke! A Heterosexual Female Has Become a Homosexual Male…

    Who would’ve thought? A giant step for wokekind. We are almost halfway there.
    We can talk about this for months.

    Perhaps a daring hashtag and submitting ‘Submitting to Nature’ to Nature???


    Lol I Ta

  3. "That was my philosophy, but along came Jeremy Corbyn, Bernie Sanders and Nancy Pelosi. All in their late 70's and still going strong."

    Jeremy Corbyn is 70.

  4. Do you not think that was a tad pedantic? Did the incorrect use of the word 'late' spoil the blog for you? I could have said 70 and upwards, or 70+, but it would have interrupted my stream of consciousness style of writing. That's not to say I don't go back sometimes and change words or phrases, but if it works first time and it it's very minor, I don't bother. I think very highly of my readers, and those who have stuck with me know that I am a compulsive story teller (there's no cure), ergo, I enhance my prose, be it factual, academic or fiction, with entertaining snippets. I can't help it, it's beyond my control. Maybe I'm sending secret messages, did you ever think of that?

    The last message, in case you missed it, is that 70 is not what it once was. Many are living longer than the allotted 3 score year and 10 and they stay have all their marbles. Well most do, ok some do, alright a few do, actually not that many. I jest. Obviously.

  5. My post at 14 February 2020 at 14:22 was not pedantic it was corrective. If you notice I did not add any sarcastic twat comment or anything else to it.

    You were wrong with what you wrote but I notice you didn't want to just admit it and thank me for pointing it out to you. You just gave some meaningless waffle to try and get round it. Your readers who have stuck with you will have noticed your error.

    Did you not read the subtext in my comment? i.e Nothing else in you blog is worthy of comment.

    1. @ 00:21

      Surely Elaine Paige’s singing 'Memory' is rather empowering and invigorating?

    2. Memory is sung by a mangy old cat recalling her 'days in the sun' and how it's all over now. The juxtaposition of the beautiful young cat and the bedraggled old cat, seems to have gone over your head.

    3. Princes dear

      I have to come clean: I had no idea Elaine Paige was a mangy old cat recalling her 'days in the sun' and how it's all over now. :) Now I know. :)

      I must wait for the sunrise
      I must think of a new life
      And I mustn't give in

      When the dawn comes, tonight will be a memory too
      And a new day will begin

      Touch me
      It's so easy to leave me
      All alone with my memory
      Of my days in the sun
      If you touch me,
      You'll understand what happiness is
      Look, a new day has begun

      I presume that, particularly in the context of the song, the beginning of a new day when one thinks of a new life and not giving in is empowering and invigorating. That’s my reading of the lyrics, be they sung by a cat, by you or me. Wouldn’t you agree?

  6. I love the USA, the country of the law-abiding free.

    The FBI tried to make Iceland a complicit ally in framing Julian Assange,13277

    I love Megan. Anyone can see she married Prince Harry for love. She had no idea who he was when she fell in love with him. He is just so kind and good looking, and he loves her, he’s no fool. And she reminds me so much of Harry’s ma. Theirs is a fairytale. And they are nice and approachable and are helping the world for free. And the rumour has it they are looking for a condo in LA and New York City - exactly where people like themselves seek seclusion. Good luck to them.

    It didn’t take long for Harry and Meghan to prove they are hypocrites


    2. 10 Feb, 2020

      'This afternoon the Independent Member for the Australian federal electorate of Clark, Andrew Wilkie MP, tabled a petition in the Australian Parliament calling on the US extradition of Julian Assange to be dropped and for Mr Assange to return to Australia.

      The petition has more than 270,000 signatures and is one of the largest ever tabled in the Australian Parliament. It sends a powerful message to Australian parliamentarians that a great many people from right around the world are appalled at the injustice being experienced by Mr Assange.

      “A lot has been said and written about Julian Assange and there’s a broad range of views about the man. But the fact is, he is being politically persecuted for publishing information that was in the public interest, including US war crimes,” Mr Wilkie said.

      “That the perpetrator of those war crimes, America, is now seeking to extradite Mr Assange to face 17 counts of espionage and one of hacking is unjust in the extreme and arguably illegal under British law.

      “If it goes ahead, not only would Mr Assange face 175 years in prison, but the precedent would be set for all Australians, and particularly journalists, that they are at risk of being extradited to any country they offend.”'

  7. Election Fraud GE2019

    PysOp GE2019
    “Meanwhile, the establishment, namely newsmedia, civil service, public schools, intelligence and armed services (although not the legal profession, so much) were not too pleased with Corbyn. The armed forces were using a photo of Corbyn for target practice. The establishment would plan to ensure that Corbyn with his anti-Trump, anti-Israel, anti-nuclear-weapon, anti-war, anti-Royalty policies could never be enabled.”

    General election 2019: Met Police confirms it's assessing peerage claims for electoral fraud

  8. Rosalinda dear

    I had to look up Caroline Flack. Can say only that her face looks familiar.

    My condolences go to her family and to everyone saddened by her departure.

    Rest in peace, Caroline.



  9. Bless you T. To be fair, I knew little about Caroline Flack other than she was a popular TV personality. I liked what I saw, in that she was a beautiful sassy lady who was hugely attractive to young men. I don't want to read the details of the fight she had with her boyfriend that led to assault charges. Passionate people have volatile relationships. I once had an ex with whom police and ambulances had to be called following a supposedly relaxing game of Trivial Pursuit.

    I had been reading about Caroline Flack on twitter just prior to opening my post box. And to be honest, opening my post box is now a chore. I know for sure there will always be at least one post composed with the sole intention of making me feel bad about myself. 99 times out of a 100, I just laugh at them, and indeed pity them, because they must be seriously screwed up if they have nothing better to do than dream up ways in which to hurt me.

    They tell me about their amazing travels and deride me because I have nothing. They mock me for my inability to complete a project and tell me I have an alcohol problem. They aim for my achilles heels, of which I have many, but they are just the same as the mean girls I have encountered in the playground, offices and every chat room I have ever joined. I don't actually consider it bullying because I could tear each and every one of them limb from limb in any debate they choose, figuratively speaking of course.

    What do they think they are achieving by telling me each day how many ways they hate me? I'm not going to change in any way on their account. And why are they trying so hard to change me? In reply to one, yes I know you are not my friend and never will be, so what are you trying to achieve here? Have you ever thought about reading a blog you like? It could improve your temperament considerably and I'll get along fine without you.

    Sorry to use my reply to you to respond to some of the hate T, but it does on occasion get to me. I simply cannot fathom the mentality behind someone settling down at their computer to compose a post that is designed to cause pain to another human being.

    It may be a form of vengeance, the McCanns were mentioned, one or more wanting payback for the doubts I raised. Perhaps they would say 'Pah, you deserve it for all the pain you caused Kate and Gerry, you need to feel misery and fear, forever more'. Every time you write something, I will be right behind you to tear it down.

    But the problem is theirs, I'm in their heads, they are not in mine. They caught me in a melancholy moment, I had thought Caroline Flack invulnerable, but I saw that when the hate is relentless, it eventually breaks you down. I admitted to myself that I am avoiding my blog, my postbox especially, because opening it fills me with morbid dread. Where have all the nice people gone? Those who could have a laugh, and could see that 'alcohol' is one of my main comic themes. I use it because it is a terrific resource for anecdotes and lightening the mood. Adding the word 'hic' at the end of sentence, can change it's meaning entirely, and I often use it for comedic effect. It doesn't mean I am a hopeless alcoholic.

  10. Oops, sorry T, carried on moaning regardless! I am actually in very good spirits, still much enjoying my platinum locks and eyelashes (I am now an expert!), so Barbara Cartland eat your heart out, ha ha. On the blog front, I need to be more focused, but I still don't know which way I am going. Not in a sad way, I hasten to add, as one of my critics assumed, but more in a wow, the whole world's my oyster.

    I don't feel inclined to take up a cause and Lord knows, my head is full of causes I would love to highlight eg, is political correctness destroying our innate humour? Should #metoo be renamed #oohtoofaryoutookallthefunoutofflirting? And a personal favourite 'why can't the English teach their children how to speak?'.

    But then I have to ask myself? Aren't I hated enough? My name is already trash, do I really want to give them more ammunition? Then I have to give myself a proverbial slap around the mush and tell myself to stop being such a wuss. I don't write to be liked, though it's nice when it happens, I write because it's the only thing I know how to do. Well. I once read a quote 'if you aren't hated by at least 50% of your readers, you aren't doing it right'. That is the quote, loosely, or the gist of it, sadly I do not remember the author or the quote verbatim, doh. Basically, the hate is good, the hate works, the hate is provocative.

    1. UPDATE 16/02/20

      '' .. ask themselves if their spite towards me is really necessary?''

      ''Do they feel better for having made me, a complete stranger to them, feel bad? ''

      ''I won't be publishing your unkind, malevolent posts ever again, ''


      ''Well. I once read a quote 'if you aren't hated by at least 50% of your readers, you aren't doing it right'. ''

      ''Basically, the hate is good, the hate works, the hate is provocative.''

      Which mood was the real you.Which was the fake one.Just so we know.

  11. Jeremy Hardy:
    “Some comedy fans just want the stuff about how hard it is to find the end of the cling film. I’d rather be doing that, to be honest. But sadly I’ve been cast a bum steer in life because I’m a political comedian. And it’s a miserable time to be a political comedian… People say: “Oh it must be good for you. Trump must be good for you comics.” But you know what, I think an untrammelled, expanding Israeli state is a high price to pay for some fake tan gags really.”
    Jeremy Hardy, MAP Comedy Night, Feb 2017

  12. The Assange Hearing: A Reticent Request

    “Julian Assange will stand next week in the armoured dock, accused of the “crime” of publishing. It is worth recalling that Wikileaks has a 100% record of accuracy. Nothing it has published has ever been shown to be inauthentic. Julian stands accused of the crime of telling the truth – more than that, of telling freely to the ordinary people of the world about the crimes which the powerful seek to conceal.

    It is a sad and damning fact that nobody in the United States has ever been jailed for the war crimes Wikileaks has revealed, for the massacre of journalists and of children, for the torture or for the corruption. Instead, the publisher who helped whistleblowers to get the truth out to the people has suffered enormously, and is threatened with incarceration for the rest of his life.

    “With great reluctance, I am obliged to ask for donations to help this blog cover the Assange court case. We have rented a house close to the court and I will be trying to queue in the early hours of the morning to get one of the tiny number of seats available to the public at the hearing. The last year has seen constant travels down to London to support Julian in one way and another, and funds for the blog are running very low at the moment – very substantially less than 1% of readers subscribe (I am grateful to and humbled by those who do subscribe). I generally do not seek one off donations, as long term income is required to keep things on the road, but for the Assange – and Salmond – cases to be covered properly an exception is needed. With humility and reticence, I therefore ask if a few people could put some small donations forward using the standard payment details below.

    Account number 3 2 1 5 0 9 6 2
    Sort code 6 0 – 4 0 – 0 5
    IBAN GB98NWBK60400532150962
    Bank address Natwest, PO Box 414, 38 Strand, London, WC2H 5JB

  13. "I suggest the writers of the poison pen missives sent to me today,"

    From your comments I recognised one of them - was their anything offensive - or just factual?

  14. I recognise another one – myself: 23 of my posts have not appeared on the blog, starting with 17.02,20 12:27, ending with 20.02.20 12:54.

    My aversion to ‘poisoned pen missives’ is legendary. It’s now 18:45. So far 7 out of the 17 posts on this blog are mine, 23 are still missing.

    What’s happening?


  15. Please read.

    Your Man in the Public Gallery – Assange Hearing Day 1