Replies
Reply to Greg,
Hello Greg and apologies for the delay in replying. I have been ignoring my blog of late, not for any sinister reasons, my interests have shifted is all.
I did wonder how other kids saw we inmates lol. But it wasn't all hell, it was much like having lots of siblings, we were on the same side. Against the nuns ha ha. It was in the convent I learned the golden rule of 'you never grass (on each other)' and I have kept it as a moral code haha.
The nuns you named were indeed monsters, but as I age, I try to look on them a bit more kindly. They were products of their time and environments, indoctrinated rather than educated. Their chosen life was abnormal. I remember as a young teenager my hormones were going nuts, I was either passionately in love and deliriously happy or dying of unrequited love a la Cathy in Wuthering Heights. My social worker's notes had great expectations for my future, until aged 14, she noted 'sadly, Linda has discovered boys'. The idea of devoting my life to God and never flirting with the boy in the butchers again would have been unbearable. Does she have a point you are wondering? Yes, haha, those angry, bitter nuns, at a young (very hormonal age) rejected and supressed all those desires to live a life of poverty and, the big one, celibacy. Have you ever seen a nun flirt, we inmates did, often, and it was as cringey as it sounds.
I have realised over the years that the problem with St. Anne's children's home and indeed all children's homes was more to do with the moral code of the times and the existing old (prison like) institutions that had existed for decades, even centuries. The 'church' took care of society's orphans and abandoned children, the local authorities paid them. Even a cursory glance would suggest financial margins were much discussed (See Oliver Twist, Dickens). Imagine too, an unwritten acceptance that these children were the offspring of the undeserving poor, who, unless handled correctly, could grow up to be as wanton and feckless as their parents. Correction played a big part in the agenda. Kids placed in such care at a very early age can become institutionalised. Which sadly, accounts for many who go from children's homes to prisons.
What happened at St. Anne's probably happened all over the country, all over the world. The abuse meted out at St. Anne's was systematic of what happens when you put a bunch of religious fanatics in charge of vulnerable children. Or indeed any environment where any vulnerable child or adult is left in the care of a psychopath. In prisons, and indeed institutions, those in charge can and do display psychopathic behaviour. It's a fascinating and indeed troubling subject, especially if you accept that 10% of the population are psychopaths.
I am so sorry Greg, I wandered, even more these days than before, lol. Be assured Greg I have found happiness, do take care and thank you for your kindness.
Reply to Bjorn
Hi Bjorn, I am afraid I have rather abandoned my blog of late and have only just seen your comments. I am afraid I got completely carried away with the pomp and pageantry. Bizarre, because I have never been a monarchist or royalist in my life. In fact, I once proudly declared myself as a marxist/feminist around the time I graduated, as you do, haha. I am still a Jeremy Corbyn Leftie, but old age and my love of history made the coronation quite an event for me. I now understand how people become more royalist as they age. I think it is because we equate royal lives with our own. That is we know who we were married to and where we were with each royal wedding and baby. I know a pathetic excuse to support a multibillion pound firm.
I think we should definitely have a debate of free speech Bjorn. I think it was a bit off to arrest those yellow shirted placard carriers before they even got out of their van! I don't think there was much protest, or if there was, it wasn't covered.
As for Harry and Meghan. I feel an awful cringing embarrassment for Harry. Everything he has foolishly said he will have to standby. A lifetime of 'I gave up everything for you', from her. As for her winning a feminist award, now I have seen everything. She married a Prince. So apparently that is what little girls aspire to, I m sure Gloria Steinem was much impressed. Virginia Woolf and Shakespeare's Sister, not so much. Actually, to be fair most of today's feminists make me want to scream and scream until I'm sick. I forgive GS, she is almost 90 and being love bombed.
I hadn't checked in here (or anywhere really) in a while. Thanks for the thoughtful response, and sharing your views. Just to ask a follow on question, (apologies if this is a point I may have made in my previous response) , do you think it's possible that nuns like Sister C, were themselves residents who were mentally abused, and convinced that joining the convent was the only life for them? I ask this because I think (if I recall from your book) there was a pattern of trying to destroy self esteem that could have helped to re-populate the order with young women who believed that noone would want them. I guess either way it was unnatural and a very flawed system all round. I was shocked when I first came across discussion groups regarding this particular order to see that abuse from that order had been going on for generations, but as you say, this has been going on all over the world for the reasons you have mentioned. I'll go one step further to say that the percentage of psychopaths (and pedophiles) is likely higher than the average because these institutions likely attracted them. I think that any institution that provides a position of power and credibility with access to vulnerable people (children or adults), inevitably it attracts people who want and need that access.
ReplyDeleteGreg
Hello Greg, thank you for your post. I think the nuns were preparing us for a life of servitude, apparently St. Anne's was formerly a home for wayward girls so drumming morals and cleaning into us was par for the course. I remember being dragged from my bed to strip wax from a dining room at midnight - what did I learn? I fecking hate brillo pads.
ReplyDeleteI have learned to look at the bigger picture. Just as it was in the days of Dickens, orphans and unwanted children are a problem for society. Local Authorities will farm such kids out to the cheapest, most efficient, morally sound, institutions that will indoctrinate these children of the feckless poor to be obedient, compliant citizens who know their place. I expect with a few backhanders here and there, the Catholic Church won the tenders and we were handed into their care.
Every institution is riddled with shades of the Zimbardo experiment. Briefly, a group of students at Stamford University were separated into roles as prisoners and prison guards. Within hours, the prison guards, regular, normal students, had turned into monsters, they had become unbelievably cruel to their fellow students who were prisoners. The experiment had to be brought to a swift end. Human nature it seems is fecking horrible. Unfortunately for some people, being 'put in charge' brings out their inner psychopath.
You may remember during the 1970s/80s, large institutions were being shut down all over the country, children were sent to live in 'normal' homes, the mentally ill released back into the community. And I think this was because society was beginning to wake up to the terrible abuses that can do exist in such conditions. Religious institutions are the worst. The nuns, the notorious 'Sisters of Mercy', better known as Sisters of No Mercy, were a strange breed like the Jesuit monks, they get their kicks from sadism and cruelty. I actually think it is sexual, in a really, perverted way. The nun would assault a child, then look at the Uncle as if to say 'look what I did' all smug and proud of it. I have gone to great lengths to discover what made them the monsters they were, or indeed to discover the true meaning of evil. What made them what they were? Were they treated cruelly as children? Unlikely, all the kids I know from there grew up to be the exact opposite, loving their own kids twice as much to make up for their own pasts. I think a lot of them spent their days thinking 'feck what have I done' and they hated the children because we were going to have lives that they never would.
I am sorry, I have waffled, do take care Greg and thank you again for replying.