Friday, 9 January 2015


In his condemnation of Sonia Poulton, Tony reiterates his belief in the existence of 'utterly depraved paedophile rings'.  In that belief he is singing from the exact same hymn sheet as former head of CEOP and internet warrior Jim Gamble.

Well for their information, I know all about child abuse, having spent several years of my childhood surrounded by freaks drawn to childcare and child protection because of the unlimited access it gave them to vulnerable kids. 

Children are indeed being abused, but ffs, pleeeease, stop prioritising sexual abuse, it is only a tiny, tiny, part of what all these kids are suffering.  The suffering lies in the punches, the pinches, the food depravation, the punishments, the lack of affection, the negligence, I could go on.  Yes, they are also being sexually abused, but they are being abused by people WHO KNOW THEM.  That is family members, friends and in too many cases, the 'trusted' adult. 

When a depraved paedophile ring are actively stealing and abusing children the public know all about it, kids disappear and bodies are found.  Historically, the only children available for abuse have been those in care.  That is kids without parents to defend them for whatever reason, and kids who would not be believed if they made accusations.  The kids have to be vulnerable in some way or the parents have to be complicit.  If the internet had been available when I and my peers were locked up in that convent, we would have got the message out there somehow!  I simply do not see how children, unless they are very, very young, are being abused without anyone around them knowing about it, and those 'in the know' are the people we should be begging to come forward. 

Happily, the world has advanced since the days when Esther Ranzen set up Childline.  Most children have access to the internet and young people especially are saturated with information and help and advice should they need it, even if their parents and teachers are not forthcoming.  Lets also give them some credit!  They have grown up with the internet and are far more 'netwise' than most of the adults who are preaching to them! 

People who are obsessed with pornography of any description online, generally shun any form of human contact, their pleasures are solitary and don't involve physical contact with anyone else. These lonely social misfits pose very little threat in comparison to those who live with and have everyday contact with vulnerable children. 

The answer lies in education, education, education (the best thing T. Blair ever said) - teach the parents how to look after their children.  Its sad that society has come to this, there are all sorts of socio/economic reasons behind it, but unless parenting and nutrition becomes part of the National Curriculum, we can look forward to the collapse of the NHS and gated communities protecting the rich from the poor.  Of course by then the poor will be so debilitated by obesity and bad life choices that they won't pose a threat. 

The only way we can protect children is from within the heart of the family. Surely it is better to invest in restoring harmony within these dysfunctional families, than it is to pick up the pieces when the abused kids go on to produce dysfunctional families of their own?  If help and guidance were available in the form of psychologists and family therapists, so much that has gone wrong could be turned around, including the futures of those children who are being abused.

The truth is absolutely anyone, even the sanest among us, can find ourselves in situations that spiral out of our control. And we are human and our judgement can often be impaired by that thing called 'love' and it makes us take horrible risks with people, even where our children are concerned.  As a single mother I thank every God there may be that I managed to avoid the weirdos who hone in vulnerable women with kids, but it was probably as much luck as judgment, I remember what it was like to be young and in love, its so easy for the heart to overrule the head. 

Young mums, and it is mostly young mums, have nowhere to turn for advice. Their lust hormones are ruling the roost and they suspect their families and friends of having ulterior motives if they point out that the latest boyfriend is a creep. Lets give them somewhere to turn for confidential, unbiased advice, from professionals who can steer them away from destructive, abusive relationships and towards a better future for themselves and their kids.

Most young parents have themselves been raised, not with Great Expectations, but with very low ones. That is grow up, have kids, then sacrifice your entire lives to them from then on.  They don't teach them to want more, because they don't want them to be disappointed.  Its better not to try, because then you won't fail.  And if you do have a child who breaks the mould, disown them and talk behind their backs, especially when they fail, which will be a regular occurrence.   

Unfortunately this is the ideology society embraces, it has to, or industry and manual work would come to a standstill.  Someone's got to drive the buses and sweep up the streets.  It is honourable work for an honourable day's pay and its the best that most of us can hope for.  Where public schools succeed and the real public schools fail, is the dominant ideology that teaches our kids to accept their place in the world without question.  The 'posh public' schools on the other hand, teach their pupils to strive to become the best they can be and leaders on the world stage.  Until ordinary kids are fed the same aspirations as their well heeled counterparts, the status quo will remain. 

Child abuse opens up a much wider debate, but we are presently focusing on the wrong issues.  And I'm saying that as a victim, if you like, of historic abuse.  I find it incredible that society appears to be placing all its resources on tracking down elderly men to punish and men who might one day abuse kids because of their taste in dodgy porn. I have to ask why Tony Bennett and Jim Gamble are so intent on tracking down the invisible threat to children online, while genuine abuse is going on all around us!


  1. I'm surprised no-one has replied to this post! I would really like to discuss this subject as it would help me unload my own horrific childhood, with someone I think would understand how all the kinds of abuse can affect a child and their relationships with the opposite sex when they become an adult.It has ruined not only my childhood but was the reason my marriage collapsed, as my husband couldn't handle my lack of confidence, tearful outbursts of anger, obsessive cleaning, and a continual need to bathe myself. I also suffered with depression for many years were I wouldn't leave the house without I had someone to accompany me to the shops etc, I would sweat profusely at the thought of socializing down at the local pub until my friends persuaded me to get some help or live the rest of my life as a prisoner, thanks to them I am now happy with a lovely man who has been a great support to me but it's taken a long time to get where I am today.

    1. I am very sorry to hear of your tragic past, whoever you are, nobody should be made to suffer as a result of abuse. If I'm not being too intrusive, may I ask what help you had to turn your life around.

      I'm sure it would be a great help to others who are locked in a life of fear to know there is a way out.

  2. It is a miracle you have come through what must have been quite horrendous and sustained abuse. Many others go under completely and never recover. I am not one of those who has suffered abuse but I have worked with those who have. I do not know who abused you but chances are it was someone in your extended family or their circle of friends. The typical consequences of abuse are: loneliness, fear of all kinds, almost complete lack of trust in others, inability to commit to relationshsips, very poor self-esteem. I do not know if this applies to you, but in many cases the only way out is by sheer determination and will to turn one's life around and make a go of things. A mindset of looking forward, not back; a mindset of appreciating the few good things one has, and not dwelling on all the bad things that have happened. Even so, that is much easier said than done. Maybe you will share here how you 'recovered'...maybe it is mostly down to having found someone who REALLY cares for you?

    1. As you rightly say, so much easier said than done. Such consequences as you describe are largely a form of mental illness which unfortunately for so many victims, they are caught up in a vicious circle of torment which naturally leads to further problems that they are unable to overcome.

      Takes you back to the days when people with emotional and mental problems were told to 'pull yourself together'. If only it was that simple.

  3. It may seem a dreadful thing to suggest but it would appear that a certain sector of society consider child abuse (sexual, emotional, physical) as an acceptable condition of life. It's something that's been going on since the dawn of humankind and even in this modern enlightened period of existance, still nothing really positive is being done by the people in power. It's so wonderful to think so many dedicated people are out there trying to remedy the atrocity and help victims but there is a limit to what can be achieved without total committment by the so called leaders of society.

    This I fear is one reason why victims are reluctant to speak out about their personal experiences which, quite frankly, is nothing short of outrageous. To think, on top of their suffering as a result of abuse, they have the added fear of telling someone they can trust to a) listen and b) do something positive to help and c) release them from being locked in hell.

    People do care but unfortunately so frequently not the people that can really make a difference to this (and many other) massive global problem i.e. those in power and with the resources to make effective changes.