WHAT THE MCCANNS REALLY WANT

Unfortunately for the McCanns, they don't just want to be declared innocent, they want it written into the statutes with the full force of civil and criminal law to be used against anyone with the audacity to suggest they might be telling fibs.

In a nutshell, here is what they really want:

No man, woman, child (the demands extend to the twins' school), newspaper or any other media outlet, shall caste doubt on the abduction story according to Kate and Gerry McCann and their friends and family who are also innocent.

Anyone questioning the McCann family on twitter or any other social network should go straight to jail without passing Go or collecting £200. 

Should any newspaper or broadcaster deviate in any way from official Team McCann press releases, or publish any item that has not had the explicit approval of Clarence Mitchell and The Fund's Board of Directors, a 6 figure sum must immediately be paid into the Madeleine Fund.

The public must accept and support Kate's role as Ambassador to Missing People and possible future parenting advisor without question, anyone can lose a child on holiday.

The elevation of Gerry McCann to VIP as he spearheads a campaign to gag the press and imprison and make examples of ordinary members of the public who criticise him, his wife, or members of his family.  Standing Ovations must be de rigueur for Mr. McCann a la Kim Jong-un and superstars like Elton John and David Beckham should get on board so they can arrange those annual Madeleine Pop and Sports world events so wickedly thwarted by Goncalo Amaral in September 2007.

The family home of the aforementioned Detective, together with all his past, present and future earnings be given over to the McCanns.  The same harsh rules must also apply to ANY detective employed by the Portuguese or British authorities in the event they too should step out of line.  Detectives must not be encouraged to investigate cases where they have already been given an adequate story by people who are their social and intellectual superiors and who have friends in high places. 

The abolition of the #McCann twitter hashtag and all forums and facebook pages that discuss the case of missing Madeleine unless approved by a Government appointed Witchfinder General Director of the Internet and dedicated team of vigilantes/morally righteous/sanctimonious volunteers who will watch the internet 24/7 for any signs of subversive activity.

The 2.00pm slot (before the Queen) on Christmas Day for their annual Madeleine Appeal for cash.  People need to be reminded that their children are at constant risk of stranger danger (even though STRANGER danger is the least of their worries) at this festive time when they are feeling especially generous.

Heck, the McCanns want a New World Order where we all live under surveillance and queue up to hand over our DNA with all our news approved by an agency run along the lines of the Soviet Stasi, with of course, roughy toughy ex policemen on 24 hour guard against the legions of perverts and paedophiles who apparently live among us - obviously ignoring the kids in their own homes in order to scour the internet, as P & Ps do.

They want us guided in our daily lives by mean spirited brain dead morons like Carole Malone and Lorraine Kelly whose protection of the little Englanders and the Middle Classes, has exposed their own innate racism and snobbery.  It was only the Portuguese police who declared the parents suspects, lets ignore that and have a friendly chat on the sofa with the parents anyway - they are such nice people, and we'll try to get in a few digs about Portuguese cops not being as good as our cops.  Shameful, how they cracked on with the search for the child without once stopping to offer the parents sympathy and light refreshments - the cads.  And that was the worst of the police brutality, as confirmed by Kate in her book. 

Will the insults to Portugal continue?  Will the outraged Ms. Malone suggest the Portuguese (female) Judge is a twisted, fecked up bitch?  How I wonder will she describe DCI Wall should she too ever dare to suggest the McCanns may have lied?  Will she go for the hair or nails?  Will Grace Dent continue to speak out against the 'lawless internet' - what laws would she like to see?  Only 'approved' people allowed to use it, and most definitely not the unemployed?

I bitch of course, but I beg you please, please, look beneath the surface of this missing child case, its big for a reason, and that reason is to keep you living in fear.  Fear for your children most of all. If pretty little kids like Madeleine can be taken from responsible parents (doctors for heavens sake!) like Kate and Gerry, it could happen to anyone.  Over 90% of kids abused, are abused in their homes and by people who know them, that is the reality and that is where we need to be constantly on our guard, protection needs to come from the frontline services and from within the family via education.

Meanwhile, let the kids OUT to play ffs!  They are missing out on so much!  They will learn everything they will ever need for their futures by mixing and playing with others the same age, friends they choose themselves, and if you raised them with love and compassion, they will choose the right ones.  They need to learn that the world is full of trickery, but it is also filled with virtue, at a level they can understand, that is from their peers and from other kids of different ages and backgrounds.  Kids don't care what colour their playmates are or how much money their parents have, they just see friends, sometimes enemies, but that will prepare them for the rest of their lives. 

The majority of people out there are inherently good and mean well, don't teach your kids to live in fear of something that is so remote the chances are it will never, ever, affect their lives.  We are turning in on ourselves, we are becoming a nation of solitary hermits, too scared to venture outside our front doors.  Children sitting alone in their rooms playing X-box and eating pizza will grow up to be adults sitting alone in their rooms playing X-box and eating pizza.

A journalist recently asked me why do I do this.  I do this because  I hate the injustice that is being done to a child who has all but been forgotten.  I hate that, that child has been used to place a generation of parents in a constant state of fear for their kids, to the extent that millions of kids are being imprisoned in their own homes by over anxious mums and dads who fear every adult who goes for a solitary stroll in the park is on the lookout for a child to steal or photograph for the pleasure of their grubby mates online.  Any man or indeed woman taking the time to stand and stare in a park will be cuffed and on the Sex Offenders Register before their barrister could say, but he was writing a poem about the beauty of nature.  Anymore stories about squirrels hiding their nuts and staring at trees and he will get life!  So too any other adult caught in a park without a legitimate reason, we must think of the children!

I hate the threat to Freedom of Speech that surrounds this case and the McCanns' wholly unreasonable demands and campaigns to curtail what is written and reported in the press.  I hate that journalists are being imprisoned for doing the same thing done by journalists throughout history - journalism needs mavericks and anti authoritarian characters, they are the ones who get the truth out to us!  I hate that the case of missing Madeleine is being used by a sinister movement that is tapping in on parents' natural fear for their children to bring in draconian internet surveillance laws that no-one asked for or foresaw.

And I do this because all around me I see a nation of fat people with fat kids whose bodies and lives are being destroyed by some imaginary fear created by malevolent greedy people whose desire for power and money overrides any moral or humane ideals they may once have had.  They want us to be suspicious of each other and they want to dissuade us from congregating.  The biggest threat to the establishment is the sharing and exchange of information.  The internet unites people with like minded views.  As single entities we are powerless, one or even a thousand letters from Mr. Angry of Tunbridge Wells can be binned and ignored, but letters from a thousand Mr. Angries cannot. 

Any government knows they must divide in order to rule, and the only thing that prevents them doing this entirely is humanities need to form family units and tribes, its primaeval, even Stalin couldn't stamp it out.  There are now more single households than ever before in our history, nowt wrong with that, I'm a confirmed singleton myself, but from the perspective of the human race, people who need people are the luckiest people in the world as the song goes.  The authorities would prefer to segregate us, as individuals we are harmless and governable, as a mass we are the formidable Tyger Tyger. 

Some like Grace Dent, may refer to the internet as lawless, they let just about anyone use it, and that can't be right!  It should be a privilege reserved to a chosen few, she should have gone on to say.  Well long may the internet be lawless.  In my opinion, this is a new Age of Enlightenment and the 'authorities' can no longer contain information within borders.  We may have bought the official missing story of Madeleine McCann had abduction occurred in the 1960's and accepted as fact everything the newspapers told us, but now the truth of anything we want to know is only a click away. 

The bat shit crazy McCanns want something that isn't available to anyone else in the world, not to the Queen, not to Kim Jong-un, not to Rupert Murdoch, not even to Simon Cowell.  They want control over everything that is written and said about them in the press, not sure if their demands apply to others in the media spotlight, it rarely does, but they are clearly off their heads.  That armies of lawyers, journalists, members of parliament and supporters go along with these insane demands is clearly a question for their own moral compasses, if they have any.