I feel I should follow up from previous blogs, and say right now, its far from easy to get away and start over, for a thousand reasons, all of which are valid. For most, leaving means starting a home again and the thought of that is terrifying. At this point I would say, be sure to grab your books, your cd's, your carefully acquired, individually chosen kitchen knives (I have mild OCD lol) and ancient beloved furniture. I speak from knowledge. There is nothing more pathetic than a woman wailing drunkenly down the phone about her lost (fake) Georgian chest of drawers. I know. I have been that woman.
Should add bed to the above list, I have managed to hold onto this one for 12 years. I know that sounds old for a bed, but it doesn't get much action. The great advice of my Scottish forbears, was ringing in my ears when I went on my search. You have got to have a good bed and good shoes! It was chosen with such precision as to be a masterpiece in comfort and I put all mattresses through the same severe testing as the princess and the pea. Mad fiery demons sent from Beelzebulb himself wouldn't make me part with it.
I will not lie and say it is easy, it is the road less travelled. You don't want to go, and you continually validate your reasons for staying. I actually reached the point of a nervous breakdown (as Charlie Windsor would say 'whatever that might be') before I made the change. And remember the change comes from you, not them. I actually went along to my GP and told him I thought I had galloping consumption. I was reading a lot of Dickens at the time. I came over most peculiar during my night job and even considered calling an ambulance. My GP was one of those amazing doctors who took me seriously, and sent me along for every test going, he even sent a psychiatrist for a home visit. Though I don't think they bother now, especially if you are over 50. It turned out those pesky hormones were not content with making me nuts in my adolescence they were now going to spoil any hopes I might have had of joining the WI.
But back to starting over. Yeh, its fecking tough, but its exciting, and it is a challenge. It can be funny too, and bonding, and it can release those kids from the trauma of living in such a hostile environment. It is horrendous for a kid, they love both of you, they are torn. It is not fair to put so much stress on young minds. I always had an inbuilt unbreakable law, never row in front of the kids. Looking back, I have to admit I was kidding myself, they were far from stupid.
There are lots of down sides to starting over, but there are lots of ups too. Not least you have absolute say over the decor and Charlie Chaplin can stand proudly at your front door and over your fireplace, a fellow traveller, who showed the way. One of my first acts of rebellion was to hang the words of the Red Flag on the loo door so I would know them off by heart at my next Labour Party Meeting. I was working for solicitors at the time and I never missed a drunken opportunity to sing it at inopportune moments. I could get away with murder in them days, I was gorgeous.
As an addendum to the 'things to keep hold of' list, cooker. You can get over a man, but you cannot get over the loss of an oven that you have grown to know and love over the years. And of course one which produces world beating yorkshire puddings............
Ps. please add oven gloves to above 'things to keep' list, oh, and casserole dishes.