Thursday, 26 February 2015

HOW TO PREVENT CHILD ABUSE

Firstly lets define child abuse, it shouldn't be confined to sexual abuse, sexual abuse is often the least of these kids problems, the starvation and battering usually kills them first. 

1.   Neglect.  This can range anywhere between feeding them a poor diet,  cutting them off emotionally, ignoring their needs and failing to prepare them for the outside world.  Neglect leads to 2 and 3 below.

2.  Physical abuse.  Far more prevalent and harmful than its popular stablemate No. 3.  In this topsy turvy world, we can almost imagine a Judge addressing a latter day Oliver Twist; 'and whilst you were being forced to work inhuman hours, starved, beaten and locked in a cellar, were you at any time fondled?' 

3.  Sexual abuse.  The stuff of tabloid front pages and over zealous 'child protectors'.


The most important issue to tackle in my opinion, is number 1, Neglect. And neglect is a widespread and often ignored issue that inevitably leads on to numbers 2 and 3. - yet it is the easiest and most cost effective to tackle. 

Over 90% of child abuse happens within the home or at the hands of people who know the child.  Some would have us believe our children are in constant danger from paedophiles and perverts lurking on every corner and hiding away in every bedsit.  That simply isn't true.  The dangers are much closer to home.

The way in which society has evolved has led to many young parents, girls especially, being left alone to raise young children without the advice, support and wisdom of their mothers, aunts, and wider family. These support networks have existed since time began, in every society, but as we move away from our home turf, we lose the basic and moral guidelines of loving relatives as we get lost in a sea of new ideas and information. 

I have long advocated teaching parenting within schools, possibly led by an army of older 'Mums', who could pass on their own experiences and tips for how to deal with fractious toddlers and keep your sanity.  Sadly many young people have no-one to talk to, and fewer still have parents who will inspire them to want more from life than a baby, a Council flat and a boyfriend who doesn't hit them.  These dysfunctional families rarely move far from their 'estates' and bad parenting in one generation, leads to bad parenting in the next, and so the cycle goes on. 

Child abuse stems from ignorance.  Parents who do not know how to love and care for their children will quickly lose control.  And once they lose control, alienation and behavioural problems set in.  Most bad behaviour in children is born out of frustration and the child's need for attention - even negative attention is better than nothing.  And of course, it is hard to love a child who is screaming blue murder when your head is pounding and you are desperate for  some sleep. 

To a small child, or even a big one, you, their mum, their dad, are their world, they love you more than anything else and they want to please and impress you.  Listen to them, even if they are babbling and struggling to find the words to form a complete sentence, give them your full attention, praise their attempts and help them!  The sooner you and your child can communicate with each other, the more peaceful all your lives will be. 

Children who are abused are vulnerable because they are unable to communicate.  That vital part of parental teaching is missing from their make up. They are neglected, whether it was deliberate or not, because their parents failed to provide them with the 'shields' they need to protect themselves in this world.  And the fault lies with the parents, not the 'authorities', the NHS or the Education system (well partly), it lies with those who shape the child's outlook on the world in those early, vital years, 'give me the child until he's 5 etc'.

But it isn't entirely the parents' fault, because they have had the same crap indoctrination that they are passing on.  Don't aspire for too much and accept as gospel everything people with white collars tell you, and for good measure, it wouldn't hurt to doff your cap on occasion.  Learn only enough to remain content with your lot. 

But this isn't a Marxist rant.  Child abuse occurs because lives get out of control.  Women with very low aspirations accept into their lives angry, abusive men because it is better than being on their own with kids. They are vulnerable to predators of the worst kind.  And because they think so little of themselves, they are unable to protect their offspring.  Their victimhood is reinforced by people with good intentions, whilst their ability to do anything about it is sidestepped because their urgent and dramatic needs must come first. 

It is easier to find a villain to blame for the circumstances you find yourself in, rather than accept that you, yourself, have made those life choices.  As well as practical assistance, these women, and indeed evermore men, need to be taught that they don't have to live that way.  Unfortunately, child abuse and domestic violence is a pattern they will go on to repeat again and again until they realise that they and their children deserve to be treated with kindness and respect, and they shouldn't accept anything less.   

If hundreds, or even thousands, of children are to be 'lifted out of child abuse', then we must educate the parents, the mothers especially.  Family dynamics are an ever shifting entity in the 21st century, it is a fact of life and one that won't change, despite all the cries for a return to Victorian values*.  Remember those teenage and twenty something heads haven't seen life as we oldies have, they don't know what to look out for and what to avoid.  They are almost as gullible and vulnerable as their kids. 

To prevent child abuse, the best gift we can give our children is confidence.  A child who is confident and self assured will be far better protected than a child who is nervous and paranoid.  The world isn't full of bogeymen lurking in the dark waiting for the lights to go out.  And looking at porn online doesn't lead on to serial killing.  Whilst we must teach our kids to be cautious online, turning them into pill popping neurotics will make them more vulnerable, not less. 

The world is full of abusers in every way, shape and form, from those in authority over us as children to those in authority over us as adults.  How much of this abuse we are prepared to tolerate depends on the way in which we view ourselves and the world around us.  If we feel worthless/powerless, we will accept it, if we feel strong and confident, we won't. We only have control over our own lives and if we choose victimhood, that's what we will get. 

As I write this, the UK remains in hysteria over the abuses of Jimmy Savile and other old 'celebrity' men, who are being dragged from their homes, publicly castigated and sent to the dungeon for the remainder of their lives.  Do they deserve it?  I dunno, but one look at the sad, hurt, dirty, snotty, little faces queuing up with their stressed out parents at this decade's food banks, reminds me of Dante 'Abandon Hope all ye who enter here'.   Dickens too, must be weeping.







*Perhaps not so 21st century, who can forget David Copperfield's first scary encounter with his 'new' stepfather. 




21 comments:

  1. Considering your general reluctance to publish any comments that criticise you, I said that I would give up posting comments but really, I can't leave this unanswered.

    What you have just written is the biggest load of misleading dangerous codswallop I have read in a very long time and that's saying something. Please leave such a subject to the professionals with training and working experience.

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    1. I used to have some admiration for you, Cristobell, but this is just another embarrassingly bad post from an embarrassingly bad blog. Your observations are skin deep, your knowledge of the McCann case glaringly superficial (see your toe-curling Sonia Poulton interview) and your attention-seeking is becoming tiresome.

      You may bill yourself as an 'author, playwright and journalist' but please leave the insight to Blacksmith.

      Winston Smith

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    2. Not really sure why such an embarrassingly bad blog should bother you so much Winston, and in fact it smacks of Big Brother that you desire to suppress it.

      I say things you don't like, and its attention seeking. Why don't explain what it is you don't like, what irks you Winston?

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    3. Would you care to explain how encouraging people to empower themselves and their children is dangerous?

      I actually know quite a lot about child abuse having spent some of my childhood in a religious institution that was riddled with abusers, and having studied the subject, its effects and causes, for most of my adult life.

      The 'professionals' were not much help to myself, or indeed any of my peers who were imprisoned alongside me. In fact, I would go so far as to say the ones we feared the most, were the professionals and the child protectors.

      From where I am viewing, nothing much seems to have changed. Creeps like Ray Wyre who destroyed thousands of lives with his 'satanic abuse' bollocks, are still able to rise through the ranks and act as advisors to public bodies. Ex policemen and ex social workers, people with an obsessive interest in weird sexual practices involving children. These you think are the only people qualified to discuss the subject of child abuse and come up with ideas for legislation on it? The survivors of course, are the last people who should be listened to, what do they know, huh?

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    4. I think you are deliberately evading the point. Your latest blog contains false information presented as factual, it is therefore dangerous. Naturally you can believe yourself to be whatever you want in your fantasy world but in the real world you, like the rest of us, have a responsiblity to behave in an acceptable manner when presenting yourself before an audience.

      Your blog can be read by billions of people across the world, it is your responsibility to at least appear to be part of the real world and stop broadcasting your false ideals as a reality.

      Apart from that, you contradict yourself yet again. On the one hand you declare that child abuse issues invariably occur within the home yet now you defend your position by transferring the blame on the authorities and system.

      Seriously, what is the point of your blog? If you believe yourself to be whatever suits the occasion, where does it lead? Back to Rosalinda Cristobell, Hutton? There doesn't seem to be room for anyone else.

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    5. You are focussing on me, not on what I said 00:45, that's your problem.

      Lets stick to the facts. Are you saying neglect doesn't lead to abuse? Are you saying that physical abuse is less harmful than sexual abuse? Can you rebut any word I said with facts and figures and an academic essay?

      And please do point out the danger, at the moment I'm feeling a little bit like John Lennon, when he was told 'Imagine' was subversive. All I am telling people, is that they have the power within themselves to prevent their children being abused. What is 'dangerous' about that?

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  2. "As I write this, the UK remains in hysteria over the abuses of Jimmy Savile and other old 'celebrity' men, who are being dragged from their homes, publicly castigated and sent to the dungeon for the remainder of their lives. Do they deserve it? I dunno"

    But the legal system and the courts do know - as do their victims.

    What you "dunno" doesn't matter.

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    1. What I do know is, that while the public are being stirred up into mass hysteria about historic crimes and stranger danger, the crimes that are going on all around us are being overlooked.

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    2. Do they deserve it?

      OF COURSE THEY BLOODY-WELL DESERVE IT.

      Ditto for the bunch of bastards who are currently abusing kids, too!

      I can't believe your flippant, 'I dunno' answer to your own question.

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  3. 19:45,
    Professionals? Please don't make me laugh,even they get it wrong, or have you forgotten about baby P, and the Victoria Climbie case. Two children who were let down by the system, and lots more besides. Some of these so-called professionals don't have a clue about caring for children, and their emotional needs, because they either haven't any, or put their career first.

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    1. With respect you also miss the point. I am not talking about who is responsible for cases of abuse. Rosalinda Cristoblell, Hutton's blog is factually incorrect and is a subject that should only be addressed by professionals in the field of psychology.

      The blogger is not, despite her claims to be anything she feels like being at any one time. For goodness sake see sense.

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    2. OK, so are you saying that "professionals in the field of psychology" don't get things wrong? because if you are you're living in cloud- cuckoo land.

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    3. 09:32. Sadly, the academics and the practicing psychologists have very little say on advisory boards and panels. Basically because their findings and advice rarely corresponds with government policy. A Cabinet will not employ an 'expert' who advises them to spend a lot of money, or upset the public. Ergo, 'experts' are found who sing the same tune.

      This was perfectly illustrated when Tony Blair sacked Professor David Knutt for stating that alcohol was far more harmful than any drug. They just can't handle the truth.

      Sadly, some of these recognised 'experts', such as the now deceased Ray Wyre, get hideously out of control and thousands of lives are destroyed. Could it ever happen again? Sometimes, it seems to.

      I agree wholeheartedly that the government should listen to the academics and the practicing psychologists, but until they have an agenda to push forward education and the elimination of poverty, it will never happen.

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  4. 1, "The world isn't full of bogeymen lurking in the dark waiting for the lights to go out"

    2. "The world is full of abusers in every way, shape and form"

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    1. I feel a bit like Father Ted explaining size and distance to Father Dougal. The danger to children comes from within the home and from people known to the child. 'Stranger Danger' is far, far, away.

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    2. So where does your post @ 26 February 2015 at 23:22 fit in?

      Delete
  5. Ha ha ha! Cristobell never fails,to make me laugh with her faux expertise.

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    1. Strange sense of humour considering the seriousness and complexity of the subject matter.

      Rosalinda, I don't agree with everything you say, but I know your intentions are good. Remain open and stay diligent.

      Sending positive vibes.

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  6. "but one look at the sad, hurt, dirty, snotty, little faces queuing up with their stressed out parents at this decade's food banks"

    Do you realise how insulting that is?

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    1. How insulting what is???

      Delete
  7. "As I write this, the UK remains in hysteria over the abuses of Jimmy Savile and other old 'celebrity' men, who are being dragged from their homes, publicly castigated and sent to the dungeon for the remainder of their lives. Do they deserve it?"

    Garry Glitter just sentenced to 16 years in jail

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