Friday, 27 February 2015

THE SECRET

So child abuse is a subject that should ONLY be addressed by professionals in the field of psychology.  So what about ex police?  Those notable child abuse experts Jim Gamble and Mark Williams-Thomas, are they trained psychologists?  Is the subject of 'child abuse' safe in their hands?

If a child is abused, do they have to get a degree in psychology before they are allowed to discuss it?

For those screaming I am not 'qualified' to address the subject of child abuse, I have a degree in Humanities, and as a writer, I have spent a lifetime studying psychology and human behaviour.  I also spent several years of my childhood in the care of psychopaths. Ergo, I have a heightened sense of injustice, a will to pursue it, and the ability to spot bullshit in a nanosecond. If anything, I am over qualified. I want to know what it is that produces pure evil. I don't yet know the answer, but I am getting ever closer. 

Meanwhile, if my words of empowerment can resonate with even one struggling family, or single mum', or dad, then I know that I have done the right thing. My words are addressed to the 'young me', to the young mums and dads out there struggling to know what is right and what is wrong and they are putting their faith in people who are giving them advice that is terribly, horribly, wrong. 

If we raise our children to be victims, then that is what they will grow up to be.  If we tell them on a daily basis, that they are incredible, amazing and have the power to be whatever they want, their lives will be completely different.  Negative energy attracts negative energy, and positive, attracts positive. 

These child protection professionals are programmed to deal with the aftermath, I am tackling the prevention, and I make no apologies for it.  The best way to protect kids is to raise them in such a way, that they can protect themselves. Parental responsibility doesn't stop at care and control, it includes teaching their young how to survive. 

Having raised two children as a young, single, working mother, I have experienced exactly the same hazards and pitfalls of many of my readers. I was fortunate because I had an amazing, enlightened father, who was way ahead of his time in the field of raising children.  He taught my brother and I how to read and write BEFORE we started school and for my critics, no, he wasn't a 'teacher', he was a hospital cook at the time, how dare he eh!  Demarcation and all that.

I didn't always take his advice, preferring to listen to the raging hormones instead, and I fell the 'bad men' - I didn't move them in, but I saw the effects first hand, because a lot of my friends and work colleagues did.  Its one of the hardest things in the world to raise kids on your own and at times it can be heartbreakingly lonely.  Young single mothers are among the most vulnerable groups in society, particularly for predatory, controlling men with a penchant for disciplining kids.  And again, I stress, physical and mental abuse is far more prevalent and equally as damaging as sexual abuse. 

What I am preaching (and I do hate to preach) is self empowerment. If you fall to pieces because some Norman No-Mates has published one of his sick fantasties about you online, then you will have a very difficult (both real and cyber) life indeed and the internet is probably not for you.  The old adage 'sticks and stones' still applies.  Punishing your name callers and the critics, will not stop the name calling and the criticism. I used to tell the nuns 'I swear not to say 'whatever' again' with my fingers crossed behind my back, and a vow in my head to keep on thinking it.

Unfortunately, NNMs are everywhere, some of them acquire mates through dubious means and pacts, but they will attack and spit venom regardless. The only thing that matters is the way in which you handle it.  That I said I 'squish' those who snap at me on twitter, brought cries of shock, horror and outrage. These matters should be dealt with through the 'proper' authorities, not one line gags.  Ouch.  Next time, I'll report it to the police, get a crime number, and start a Petition for the next NNM to be de-bollocked.    

Why is it so dangerous to advise people to empower themselves?  Why should that power be reserved for a select few? The sheer snobbery of those who have responded to my opinions on child abuse post astounds me.  ANYONE can read about and discuss any subject, philosophy, psychology, politics, cooking, the Hadron Collider, etc, etc, etc.  There are no closed doors.  And if a subject interests me I don't need any form of authority or permission to research and discuss it, and my sympathy lies with those restricted by those boundaries that say they do. 

Anything I publish is based on years of research and life experience, and guided by honesty and integrity.  The advice I am giving is based on The Secret known by every successful person who has ever lived and bits I clearly practiced to survive thus far, and of course the words of my mother when I entered the convent, 'if those bastads come near ya, fecking give 'em what for'. 



16 comments:

  1. Nobody has suggested that you should not discuss the subject of child abuse, or any other subject that takes your fancy but because you boil an egg for breakfast, you can't put yourself on a level with Delia Smith. You are trying to pass off information as fact which is simply untrue, a result of your vivid imagination and a gross insult to the average intelligence. That is the reason I say you are not qualified to write on the subject.

    The point is, you are conveying false contradictory information that could be very misleading to readers who don't know any better and that is dangerous. If you know anything about human nature as you claim to, you will be aware of the fact that we are all different. Made up if you like of scores of different little components, as if we are the product of an international manufacturing process. Different bits from different outlets assembled into one final product.

    In your extensive research during your lifetimes dedication to the humanities, have you never come across a typical family, say of 2 parents and 3 children of similar age? All raised together in the same way with the same influences to guide them and each child turns out to be a totally different in character to it's siblings and parents? I have. Although parenting (or other guardianship) and external influences pays a big part in a childs upbringing and the way a child develops, it is not the overriding manufacture of the end product.

    Everyone uses life experiences to form their opinions and beliefs, you are not an exception despite how you like to come across to the reader.

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    1. Where is Cristobell passing off information as fact? she's telling her readers of her experience what's wrong with that? people aren't forced to take on board anything she says. They will decide for themselves, whether they take away anything of any value in what she's saying.

      I understand some children from the same family can turn out to be the black-sheep- and it's through no fault of the parents, like you say outside influences have a lot to do with it. If we're being honest there's also a lot of crap parents about who couldn't give a toss about what their kids are up to 'out of sight, out of mind' no wonder they go off the rails and end up on the wrong side of the law, or worse still, end up in care.

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  2. I don't give false and contradictory information, EVERYTHING I write is guided by honesty and integrity. I have my own 'first do no harm' rule, and believe me it is way stronger and more powerful than any codes and conventions enforced by society.

    In your penultimate paragraph you claim that parenting is not the 'overriding manufacture of the end product' (appalling English btw), yet you have omitted to say what is, or produce any evidence to support it. You are dismissing what I say on the grounds that you don't like me, something that would never be accepted in an academic essay. You can prove a zillion times over that I am a bitch, if that's what takes your fancy, and it has, lol, but the fact remains, vulnerable children will always be the target of abusers, and only the parents and those closest to them, have the power to change that.

    I am glaringly aware of the potential of my words, and that is why I am being so prolific at this time. Society is geared towards relying on the 'establishment' to care for us and protect us from cradle to grave. The sad fact is that the only person of 'authority' we are likely to see in our daily lives, is our GP, and he has only 10 minutes before shouting 'next'.

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  3. "The danger to children comes from within the home and from people known to the child. 'Stranger Danger' is far, far, away. "

    then

    " the fact remains, vulnerable children will always be the target of abusers, and only the parents and those closest to them, have the power to change that."

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  4. "If we raise our children to be victims, then that is what they will grow up to be. If we tell them on a daily basis, that they are incredible, amazing and have the power to be whatever they want, their lives will be completely different. Negative energy attracts negative energy, and positive, attracts positive. "
    ------------------------------------
    "I was fortunate because I had an amazing, enlightened father, who was way ahead of his time in the field of raising children."
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    " the words of my mother when I entered the convent, 'if those bastads come near ya, fecking give 'em what for'."
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    But you say you were abused as a child?

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  5. I was physically abused as a child, not sexually, because I had a big mouth and I feared no-one. The physical abuse was the result and it was beyond my control at that time, but it was never forgotten.

    I don't consider myself to be a victim, I never have, that's coming from you. If I were a victim, I would not be here tearing your pathetic vitriol and accusations to pieces and I would not have the courage to state the truth in the face of so much opposition. I am no victim my friend, and you underestimate me if you think I am.

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  6. How would you advise a 7 year old vulnerable boy to empower himself –

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2958729/Authorities-slammed-18-missed-chances-save-boy-seven-died-horrific-head-injury-repeated-attempts-report-abuse-ignored.html

    Blake Fowler, from Shirley, Southampton, allegedly suffered a catalogue of abuse before his death in December 2011, often arriving at school with bruises and once being admitted to hospital with a swollen penis. The young boy was even forced to watch pornography, given vodka to drink and once told social workers: 'My daddy gives me bruises', a case review has found. Despite three arrests being made, no-one has ever been prosecuted for the young boy's death. Now a damning report has found that teachers, health workers, police and social workers failed to protect the little boy during his lifetime and missed 18 chances to intervene. On eight of those occasions, the event was so serious it warranted immediate action - but none was taken. Instead, authorities made 'unacceptable errors in tackling the 'physical, emotional and sexual abuse' to which Blake was subjected.

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    1. Sadly the tragic case of this poor little boy, perfectly illustrates what I have been saying.

      The mother, who must have incredibly low self esteem, invited this brutish killer and his brother, to share her home. She should have protected her son, but she too was victim, a victim of domestic violence. People who are self confident and have goals in life, will not allow themselves or their children to be abused.

      In the case of young children, it is the mothers who need to be empowered and educated because they are the child's first, and best, form of protection.

      I am not saying the mother in this case was good, she was clearly a woman who had lost control of her life and placed her son at risk. If she had been educated to be a little bit more discerning and to want more from life than a thuggish partner, the little lad might have stood a chance.

      This was a tragic case, and one where the 'professionals' should have taken action, the child was clearly at risk, the teachers, the GP, the social workers should not have ignored the obvious signs and lessons must be learned.

      Unfortunately, it is not just the NHS that is collapsing, so too are the support systems that are supposed to protect children at risk. Social workers have seen their caseloads multiplied to such an extent that vulnerable children are slipping through the net far too often.

      They are picking up the pieces after the tragedies have occurred, yet there is so much society could do to prevent them.

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    2. Cristobell 16.45 you state that -

      "In the case of young children, it is the mothers who need to be empowered and educated because they are the child's first, and best, form of protection.

      I am not saying the mother in this case was good, she was clearly a woman who had lost control of her life and placed her son at risk. If she had been educated to be a little bit more discerning and to want more from life than a thuggish partner, the little lad might have stood a chance.

      This was a tragic case, and one where the 'professionals' should have taken action, the child was clearly at risk, the teachers, the GP, the social workers should not have ignored the obvious signs and lessons must be learned."

      Does that include the McCanns, two doctors, who should have known better or are they exempt for some reason.

      I thought Kate McCann was empowered and educated.



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    3. Good point 17:27, but I think we can all agree Kate McCann is quite unique!

      Bad parenting crosses every social class, even the middle classes. Look at the fuss Chloe Madeley made over offensive words said to her over the internet. As a journalist, she had better toughen up, or she will spend the rest of her life prosecuting people.

      The McCanns are a great example of wilting wallflowers, though not quite for the same reason. They are offended, distressed, mortified, stricken, by what is written about them online on a daily basis and they are regulars at the libel courts. Fair dues, they probably do have good reason, but they are asking, neh demanding, the unattainable.

      They don't want their children to read bad things about them on the net and to prevent this, they want to prosecute everyone who criticises them, or at least a few made examples of.

      In order to accommodate the McCanns' demands a Law would have to be introduced into British legislation, tailored specifically for them, or a coverall Law that says no parents must be criticised in the press ever again. You see, they haven't really thought it through.

      As for Kate's education. Imo, neither Kate, nor Gerry appear very widely read. Not uncommon in the medical profession, their areas of study are pretty specific. Just as I have a profile in my head of 'the leader', I have a profile in my head of Kate too. For the moment, let's just say she's the wild card that fecks up all the statistics!

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  7. "I know you don't like me" ? For goodness sake you sound like a petulant child.

    In the interest of clarity, we'll pick up on a few of your more recent words. Fortunately for you I only came across you recently, I have no knowledge of your past online performance so you are safe in that respect.

    To start you said that as a child you were dumped into the care of an orphanage by your parents because they had fallen on hard times and were not able to care for you but according to your book you were found at the age of ten, living alone in a "one bedroom bedsit" and taken into care by social services and afterwards moved to the care of the Catholic Church orphanage. You also said you were physically abused, although you escaped more serious abuse because your parents were regular visitors. The traumatic experience resulted in life long mental illness, including manic depression. That's a brief account of your words so far without going into too much detail. Good grief it's starting to sound like Kates book.

    At another stage you said that you didn't tell your dad about the abuse because you didn't want to cause him concern. You were old enough to know the difference between right and wrong, you claim that the other children in the orphanage were subjected to brutal assault by the carers and yet you did nothing until years later, even then only for your own benefit. You were therefore not helpless, at the time you could have done something about what you claim was happening but you chose not to because you didn't want to distress your dad, the one who put you in the orphanage? You talk of your parents as though they are blameless yet they are responsible for your time in care, don't you resent what they did to you? It's a shame no one is around to back up your story because it all seems rather incredulous to an outsider.

    Sorry but there is so much that just doesn't add up.

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  8. Where did you get the idea that there is no-one around to back up my story? I am now in contact with dozens of kids who were in Tara and Don Bosco, and many from the other 'houses' at St. Anne's, at the same time as myself, and their memories are the same as mine, and in some cases, the orphans especially, much, much worse.

    Age and wisdom has taught me what amazing people my parents were. They genuinely believed that we were being well cared for, and my Dad worked his socks off to make a psychiatric nursing career for himself and a home for us. Bad things do happen to good people, but they never stopped loving us, and we never stopped loving them. Besides which, I have never been a fan of brimstone and fire.

    I don't judge my parents for what happened, my mother just wasn't cut out to be a mum, some women aren't. She did go on to become a very good one btw. And I know how difficult it was at that time for a man on his own with two young children. Sadly, your 'Jeremy Kyle' attitude dominated the ideology of the time (the 1960's), and as a result most of the kids, who were kicked out of the convent at the age of 16, had nowhere to go to, and no-one to turn to, and many remained estranged from the families for the rest of their lives. I find the idea that I should have hated my parents and never spoken to them again rather repugnant. I find it rather strange too, that you would blame my parents, and not the beasts who were raping and abusing the kids in their care. Very strange indeed.

    As for this 'its your fault, because you didn't tell' accusation, let me tell you why I didn't tell. I could take the punishments, I spent almost my entire time in the convent 'in punishment' anyway. And just to clarify, being 'in punishment' warned all the nuns, staff, other kids etc, that you were allowed NO privileges, you were to do extra work, and other kids that came near you would find themselves 'in punishment' too.

    'Telling' brought shame and punishment on every child within the house, even the toddlers who were left to cry themselves to sleep. Therefore, we kids had a 'pact', a 'bond', we looked out for each other, and we would take punishments ourselves rather than grass another child up. And as adults, and as we each meet, it is as if 40+ years are whooshed away, and that bond, that made us siblings in all but blood, is just as fierce and just as strong. You see we all remember exactly what happened at that place.

    Continue counting your fingers and toes and obsessing over the minutia of my life - Its quite flattering in a weird, stalking, sort of way. The truth always adds up, as you will find as you plod through your research. Enjoy.

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    1. I admire you for the way you've come through all this, no doubt a stronger person because of it! The fact that you can forgive those responsible for the way you were treated, without bitterness, says a lot about you.

      My own mum was brought up in an orphanage and me and my sister suffered because of it, she wasn't one for showing affection to us kids which affected us both later in life, I just think she didn't know how to. I really would like to tell my story but I'm afraid after reading some of the responses towards yourself on here I prefer not to. There are some very cruel people on forums that seem to take great delight in persecuting people they don't even know. knit-picking, and analyzing your every word hoping to catch you out, I'd like to know why they do it?

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    2. That's why some people hold the agony in their entire lives.

      Also, there are vast amounts of people from many different places who have lots of memories of violent nuns and their pathological equals.

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    3. 23:45, Bless you! Don't even think of abandoning your dream to write your story, and if there is any way I help you to get started, please email me at Rosalindhutton@aol.com. :)

      Ignore the ejits. I publish their comments to illustrate the ignorance that is out there. Their angry fixation on me stems from their own issues, I don't take their insults and accusations personally, because they aren't personal - they don't know me.

      I urge everyone to write! Its one of the most cathartic hobbies we can have and anyone can do it. For your own mental health and well being however, I would advise you to start by looking for everything that was good in your life. Dig deep and find those happy memories. Think of everything that was positive about your mother 23:45, and write with honesty and integrity. If it is not read by millions, then think of your children, your grandchildren and generations to come, they will read it. Ordinary people can now pass on their history they can tell their future bloodline, what they are doing at the time, what is happening in the news, what their hopes and dreams are, for themselves, and for those reading their words. Take a leaf out of the Royals' books, preserve your family history in correspondence and journals - this is your opportunity to answer the eternal question 'what were you thinking?' lol.

      Writing your own life story can often be painful, there will be giggles and tears, but it can also bring you rewards and insights that you never could have imagined. I know too many people who's lives have been blighted by that 'I'm never speaking to you again' mentality, but if that is their way of thinking, it will happen anyway, you don't have the power to prevent it. You are only responsible for your own life and your own words, everything else is beyond your control.

      I had many years estranged from my mother, because I judged her by other people's moral and restrictive standards, the kind of attitude we see each day from Jeremy Kyle. It wasn't until a very wise woman told me the 5 most important words that made me appreciate and enjoy her company and to stop getting so cross with her. 'She is as she is'. I stopped tut tutting and even began to enjoy her outrageous behaviour and bitingly funny wit. My tut tutting never changed her, and was never likely to, and I'm actually delighted about that, because I have shamelessly nicked a lot of her gags, and most of her attitude!

      Your post actually led to a rather long blog on 'nuns' 12:45, its a subject of huge interest to me, and as you say, that your mother shares the same memories shows how such a malevolent system spread right across the board.

      Do go ahead with your writing. Let your spirit free! Don't ever be shy of putting pen to paper 23:45, absolutely everything is valid and there will always be people who want to read what you have to say.

      Write a journal, write an angry letter (don't post it ;) ), write an essay about where you want to be 5 years time, write a poem, write a song, it really doesn't matter, its about your own pleasure, and an art that you want to learn and excel at. Practice, practice, practice, a writer writes always.

      You have a good beginning, a place at which to start, a subject to research. But I urge to start with the good stuff, the happy memories, and linger on them, and try to understand the character and the perspective of those you are writing about and the situations that formed their personalities. If you can, write with kindness, the pen is mightier than the sword, and words can be mortally wounding.

      Don't worry about the critics, they will always be there, take that bold step, it will set you on a journey, you will never regret. :)


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  9. Learning I have taken away from today's strident exchange:

    a) If one makes absolute observations on emotive subjects in public - the knives will come out. Right or wrong - that's just human nature.

    b) Affirmation of the words of the great Tommy Cooper: 'Never tell people your troubles. Half of them are not interested and the other half are glad you're getting what's coming to you.'

    But kudos to the blog owner for not getting the banning stick out and for allowing
    the very critical posts to appear.

    - Lesser mortals would have closed the show down and gone for temporary travels with their mama to, say the Dolomites.

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