Wednesday 1 January 2020


As I write this farewell to 2019, and howdy doodee to 2020, a new decade, fires are raging in Australia and a maniac is raging in the White House.  On twitter oppressed white people (oxymoron?) are trending with #Itsoktobewhite as if ethnic minorities have been picking on them for years.  We have now entered Jerry Seinfeld's (and Superman's) Bizarro World, up is down, white is black, truth is a lie, turkeys vote for Christmas.

Cynical maybe, but I have had at least reached the 'acceptance' stage of last month's tragedy, that part where I accept there is nothing I can do about it.  The heartfelt plea of 'hope' from the bottom of Pandora's box has had the lid shut down on it.  We now need a Saviour, but may have to wait another 2000 plus years.

Meanwhile, I will revert to the scribblings of one of my favourite philosophers, Mr. John Lennon.  As a small child he was asked what he wanted to be when he grew up.  He replied 'Happy'.  His teacher told him he didn't understand the assignment, he told her, she didn't understand life.  If I were that way inclined, I would take myself off to meditate at a Buddhist retreat, but I lack discipline and would probably be thrown out within 10 minutes.  

In any event, I think I have done enough navel gazing over the course of a lifetime, to truly know what I want.  I mean I could kick myself for not knowing it 40 years ago, doh, but there is no reason why I shouldn't pursue it now.  More reason in fact, my peers are dropping off like flies - as my dear old Irish grandmother used to say, 'you never know when you might wake up and find yourself dead!'.  Indeed.

So this year, this decade, I will unashamedly pursue happiness, which I think will sit nicely alongside my quest for enlightenment. I'm not talking complete hedonism here, well maybe a bit, but I will devote my time to that which makes me happy.  Now I have never actively pursued happiness, well not that I have been aware of, so I'm not entirely sure how to go about it.  It will begin I think with discarding all that Catholic guilt I had pounded into me in my formative years.  The kind of guilt that makes you go scrub the doorstep or wash the nets, rather than settle down with a good movie and a mince pie.  That can go.  The time has come I think to update my tick list, my list of things to do before I die.  Get lost in the maze at Hampton Court is near the top and absolutely do-able, ride a horse across the Sahara (again), remains, drink coffee in the Seinfeld café ditto, but there is new addition - tour Versailles!  And of course, get my head down and write a book.  

So in this cheery mood, I wish you all a happy, healthy and prosperous New Year and my hopes that all your dreams come true.


  1. The clock struck 13. Happy New year this 1984...

    Doublespeak : '' Thus political language has to consist largely of euphemism, question-begging and sheer cloudy vagueness … the great enemy of clear language is insincerity.''

    Doublethink : '' origins within the citizenry is unclear; while it could be partly a product of Big Brother's formal brainwashing programs,[2] the novel explicitly shows people learning doublethink and Newspeak due to peer pressure and a desire to "fit in", or gain status within the Party''

    Social networks and their 'citizens' : Brainwashing programmes where peer pressure is the disembodied voice and rule / ideology / doctrine of Big Brother.

    Now, here's George with the weather... ;-)

    I suggest, before you embark on your quest for your personal Holy Grail, you identify and locate all that makes you unhappy first. Dismantle or, preferably, remove them.make room for the new and unload the weight that holds you back.Sometimes it isn't the weights that are the problem, it's the unawareness of their presence that is...

    I know. I was that soldier.

    Happy new Year Ros, and Happy New year to your regulars ( including the mad and / or odd ones). may you and your new blonde locks find all you need..

    Zig xX

  2. I think doublespeak has become even more sophisticated than Mr. George Orwell imagined Zig, with much more to come. As a lover of the English language, I am most saddened by the disappearance of the more colourful vernacular that has had men, women and children doubled up laughing for centuries, but now forbidden by political correctness. A shame that so many are so easily offended, and indeed, always on the lookout for offence.

    I do normally make some sort of New Year resolution list, which I kind of ended by accidentally using permanent marker on my white board, my list of resolutions hung there torturing me for months - it had to go. The pursuit of happiness is broad, I know, but 'do-able' as you say, beginning with the dismantling.

    I can't say I am the kind of person who allows anyone else to occupy my head, way too narcissistic for that, lol. But those thoughts that give me the blues, and over which I have no control, I will put in storage or discard entirely. I think I will also have a re-watch of 'The Secret', because it definitely works. It's a more structured version of Uncle Dynamite, ha ha.

    Bless you for mentioning my new blonde locks, though I was hoping for a compliment, doh! It's almost a year since I 'ditched the dye', and feel I am entering this new decade as a new person! One of the pluses of having multiple personalities, I always have the option to reinvent, ha ha. A bit like Madonna, but without the biceps. I have almost got my hair to the shade I wanted, platinum eek, and it feels wonderfully glamorous. I know I do go on, but I could honestly count my life out in hairstyles (rather than Mr. Prufrock's coffee spoons). It seems as though when my hair has gone great, so too has my life. Whenever I was down, my dear old dad would put his hand in his pocket, and say, here, go get your hair done. Shallow on my part, but enlightened on my dad's. It always did the trick. When he passed away, I didn't go to the hairdressers for over 2 years, I just couldn't, he wasn't there to see my new 'do'.

    I feel so good now (probably a manic high), that I feel he is watching on and saying 'there you go', as if he were putting me back on a bike. I have, more times than I can to remember, been knocked down and got back up again. Sadly, for way too long, I haven't had the energy or inclination to even try. Like I was saying, it's ok, I'm fine where I am, I have done as much as I wanted to do, I haven't got the heart to do anymore.

    The new 'do' seems to have completely changed the direction of whatever vehicle I am driving (in my dreams it is a red, double decker bus), with a very sharp, spinny, screeching, U-turn. Who tells you it is all over, I ask myself, then reply, quite honestly (I have inner dialogue going all the time, it drives me nuts), 'it's yourself, you feckin eejit'. Yep, I wrote myself off. Probably because, I have also listened far too much to those who profess to love me, or would, if I could only change and act 'normal'. Whatever normal is. I'm not sure, but I know it is something I have never, ever, wanted to be. Happily, most people find my eccentricity quite charming, and indeed, endearing. I treat everyone I meet with utmost respect, my manners are especially polished, in my opinion, respect and good manners elevate those who put them into practice. It is not my bad behaviour they fear, it's my brutal honesty, coated in sugar and wrapped up with a ribbon, but stinging nonetheless.


    1. 'Don't destroy someone just because you can' are words my dear old dad drummed into me. From a very young age, I was a smart arsed little wordsmith, once I had learned how to read, I couldn't stop, and I had the vocabulary and intelligence to verbally destroy anyone who took me on. I could make people, adults especially, look stupid. Especially not good when you are living under the care and control of said stupid adults. But it was the 'unkind' aspect of hurtful words that stuck with me. He gave me a kind of Maya Angelou lecture, pointing out the power that certain words can have, how they stay with people, how there are a zillion small weapons you can use, before you get to the big guns! It is possible he would say, to win an argument, and have your opponent walk away with respect for you, and not feeling too bad about themselves.

      Life is too short, to be fair, to ever use the 'big guns'. Most people, when they are grumpy or unkind, are usually grumpy or unkind because of something that is going on in their own lives. It is rarely, if ever, personal. That's how I see the internet stuff, the trolls etc. I laugh because they do not know me and because it is totally bizarre to focus all your hate/love, weirdo interests, on a stranger on the internet, it cannot be anything other than projection. And I have to say, in all these years, I have never once worried about an internet troll/stalker hanging from the tree outside my bedroom window dressed like the Milk Tray man.

      I am flattered, to be sure, that I occupied so many weirdo heads for so long. I half wish that I had kept copies of all the photoshopped images, they were convinced for a while that I wore a wig. Among the best were 'Hilda Ogden' and 'Elvis' lol, I found them hilarious, as too did my sons, who both wanted to join the site, ha ha. 'Hate Rosalinda Hutton' or 'The Lies of Rosalinda Hutton' I believe it was called. For a while they even had me in a nun's habit.

      To be fair, I did find all the psychological profiling of myself interesting, and, hmm, curious. By the time they all added their bits and pieces, I was Medusa, in league with Beelzebub and a bitter, twisted old hag casting hideous spells over Christian soldier Bennett and his barmy army. Lucky me, I was also despised by the McCann supporters.

      But I'm not bitter. I think the day I stand alongside the majority, I will have re-evaluate everything.

      Happy New Year my friend :)

    2. Hi T

      Happy New Year!

      Could you please have a look at my 31 October 2019 at 19:22 post
      I would be grateful.

      Thank you.

    3. '' A shame that so many are so easily offended, and indeed, always on the lookout for offence.''

      Dead right it's a shame.But, fuck 'em :)

      ''Bless you for mentioning my new blonde locks, though I was hoping for a compliment, doh!''

      I wouldn't kick you out of bed.In fact, I'd kick you back into one.That's sophisticated seduction in Liverpool by the way.Get yer coat...

      ''It seems as though when my hair has gone great, so too has my life. Whenever I was down, my dear old dad would put his hand in his pocket, and say, here, go get your hair done. Shallow on my part, but enlightened on my dad's. ''

      There's much wisdom there.Show me a picture taken in the last 60 years of Bob Dylan looking happy.And he has a head like a two bob cabbage :)

      ''The new 'do' seems to have completely changed the direction of whatever vehicle I am driving (in my dreams it is a red, double decker bus)''

      If Cliff Richard sneaks up, put your hair net back on...

      '' I have never once worried about an internet troll/stalker hanging from the tree outside my bedroom window dressed like the Milk Tray man.''

      They tend to make nests between the wheelies...take a shovel with you when you take the bin bags out...

      The thing with the lunatics is they're like mental waiters trying to serve you a plate of crap.Ignore it.Then they'll go to other tables until a mug will accept it just because it's a waiter..that's the simple psychological mechanics of such exchanges...they may watch a couple of documentaries or episodes of CSI but that doesn't make them psychologists or detectives.It means they're impressionable as well as excitable..and they have the internet to role play themselves into virtual orgasms..

      Take the years one step at a races any more. Listen to yourself and obey your body's command to walk- not run.You'll miss so much shite....


      Zig xX

  3. "I was also despised by the McCann supporters."

    Believe me Ros - you are using the wrong tense there.

    1. Simply wicked and totally unnecessary!

  4. "The time has come I think to update my tick list, my list of things to do before I die. Get lost in the maze at Hampton Court is near the top and absolutely do-able, ride a horse across the Sahara (again), remains, drink coffee in the Seinfeld café ditto, but there is new addition - tour Versailles! And of course, get my head down and write a book."

    Why on earth do you not make lists that you can achieve rather than random fantasies in your head - that you probably don't even remember the day after when you wake up?

    On all the years that you have posted on here when have you ever said I did what I wanted to do, I achieved xyz etc? - Never. In fact I have never once read that you said excitedly that you had just come back from anywhere abroad and described your experiences.

    Get out of fantasy Ros and make reality better.

  5. Aaah, but it's the big dreams that inspire 00:03, they were what kept me going during the toughest times. As a young, struggling, single mother often working two jobs to keep my little family together, I dreamed of getting a Degree, I dreamed of being a lecturer, getting a play performed, getting a book published. All impossible dreams at the time, but all of which I achieved.

    Now if you have followed my blog for some time, and it would seem you have, you would know that I have been struggling with manic depression. The modern term is bipolar, and it is debilitating on many levels. Those familiar with manic/ clinical depression, will know that the most debilitating factor of depression is the inability to focus. One of the most debilitating factors for me is fear of commitment, as in the more people I meet, the more likely I will find myself committed to things I don't want to do. It is not an especially rational fear, I know, but as formidable as I may appear to be, I become extremely vulnerable when being persuaded. None of that I am sure, makes very much sense, but fear of being trapped in a situation I can't get of, scares the bejesus out of me. A good reason to never go on a cruise.

    To you 00:03, I would say, don't be a killer of dreams. Reach for the moon, if you fall, you will land among the stars. 'Now Voyager' and the divine Bette Davis I believe. Your personality is so diametrically opposed to my own 003, I do wonder why you are even bothered my fantasies. I have, even before 'the Secret', always believed in the power of dreams, fantasies as you call them. Once you have a dream in place, you then take the necessary steps to achieve it, sometimes unknowingly, sometimes you spot opportunities that formerly would have passed you by. Of course to achieve your dreams, you have to work hard, and you have to be focussed. That word 'focus' is the key.

    I tell everyone I meet that it is good to have dreams and that their dreams are (almost) always achievable (bunji jumping over the age of 90, not recommended, but a degree definitely is). It breaks my heart to see so many young people talked out of their dreams by cynical elders who claim to know better. Don't listen to them say I, listen to the successful people who are telling them the exact opposite.

    I would be touched by your concern 003, if it were indeed concern, but I suspect your missive was intended to burst my happy bubble. But it failed. My goal this year is to get back into the land of the living, though I may wear a parachute for the first few try outs, lol. I am toying with the idea of dating, I am toying with the idea of just meeting up with people I find interesting, regardless of gender. But I will say ttfn, and hopefully, this new year, I will get to retrace the footsteps of Agatha Christie on the Orient Express, and another tick box, you would call fantasy, but with my unique sense of a humour, a good investment for a publisher!

    Anyway, happy new year to you 003, fingers crossed this year will be better huh?

    1. Ros: "I am toying with the idea of dating"

      Zig: "I wouldn't kick you out of bed"

      There you are Ros - solved - a match made in heaven.

    2. Ha ha, having watched a 'Ted' talk for twentysomethings, I too have decided to have a tick list to avoid time wasters. Top of the list to be sure, is the ability to say 'yes dear' and a stately home with two wings would be a definite plus. I am not so keen on the old how's yer father these days, but a quick wit and an indepth knowledge of the rise and fall of the Roman Empire would be an advantage.

      But I jest. mostly. I don't see any reason why we cannot be as specific about the friends we choose, as we are about products we purchase from Amazon. I have known women who have spent less time choosing a new partner, than they have a new sofa. They will spend weeks comparing swatches and getting friends opinions (on the sofa) but one night knocking back flaming zambuccas before handing over a key and access to all bank accounts to a fella who looks like George Michael. Sure you can just put your balaclava, gaffa tape and black sacks under the bed, along with that big old machete, but the concrete will have to go in the garden. Can I get you a cocoa? I despair of the female of the species at times, I really do!

    3. Concrete and garden? That's your higher self talking to you Ros, listen to it, it's trying to tell you something. More succinctly put, there are no such thing as secrets, they don't exist. And truth is like water. Not the freezing cold Portuguese swimming pool type which was completely irrelevant to an experience Madeleine McCann couldn't possibly have had. 2007 was a year for colourfully elaborate fairy tales filmed on location, not reality. Think about it ..


    4. Hiya Ros
      Good to see you, as always.
      There are some things one always wishes to be there. Like a rock, a milestone, someone or somewhere that is immutable.
      That would be you. Who muses out loud.
      Don't ever change. One of your greatest fans,

      SixYearsInaComaMan xxxxxxxxx

    5. I meant things, didn't notice I'd missed the S off. It makes a difference!

  6. Ok OK I'll lose the gaffa tape


  7. Zig xX: “I suggest you all start watching and reading Adam Curtis online.Just a thought.”

    The venerable BBC’s darling Adam Curtis?

    1. Hello anon 14:19

      That's that chap...

      I'm not saying his views are law or should be taken as such.But the issues he tackles and the way in which he discusses them is refreshing and at times quite brave.I'm not sure I agree with the notion of the wisdom of crowds now or at any point in history.Or the power of large numbers effecting positive change anymore.I believe there should be more of a look at the the danger of crowds now with the advent of the internet and the lunacy that catches light throughout social media.

      I thought The Power Of Nightmares (2004) is still fresh as id Oh Dearism ( 2009-14).

      Worth a look..some still on youtube and possibly dailymotion or alternative doc channels on the old telebox..


  8. January 10, 2020

    'Wikileaks founder Julian Assange awarded Dignity Prize from Catalans'

    'Assange’s mother Christine said “This deeply meaningful Dignity Award from the Catalan Dignity Commission in gratitude for Julian’s courageous journalism, recognises the essence of his belief and practice, that a fierce free, truthful and independent media holding Governments and other powerful entities accountable to the people, is the most important protection we have to defend freedom and democracy.”'