Saturday 28 February 2015

CSA Inquiry - its the Economy Stupid

I am really not clear what the focus of the CSA Inquiry is.  If it is to track down and punish the perpetrators, then we will be here forever.  Obviously those still actively engaged in childcare should be dealt with as a matter of urgency, but the testimony of historic cases that have been proved over and over by other survivors should be accepted, and the survivors compensated without further delay.

The main purpose of the Inquiry, seems to be to disprove the stories of the victims.  And in this instance I will use the word victims., because they, and indeed I, were victims of the 'don't spare the lash' ideology that prevailed at the time.  There is not very much that can be done about that, 85% of us come from dysfunctional homes, and none of us knows what goes on behind the white nets.  Even the most 'respectable' families have many dark secrets.

What was unacceptable however, was the sexual, physical and emotional abuse that would NEVER be acceptable in any compassionate society.  Acts that would incur criminal charges outside of an institution. How can you justify raping kids and dragging 5 year olds  from their beds and locking them in a cupboard for the night?  How can you justify making a child eat its own vomit?  How can you justify forcing children to do hard physical work (often completely pointless tasks dreamed up out of spite) to the point where they can barely keep their eyes open?

Institutions were not too dissimilar to prisons, which is why the huge Mental Institutions of old were shut down and their inhabitants moved into the community.  Institutions are a breeding ground for 'Zimbardo' mentality. Those with power over others, especially the vulnerable, become tyrants*.  To deny its existence, in the face of the evidence, over and over again, is futile.  It happened in the past, and it is happening still, psychopaths hone in on the weak and vulnerable, look at what happened at Winterbourne. Its not just kids who suffer, anyone who is vulnerable is at risk. and of course the horrors of Deepcut.

The failure of the local authorities to check on HOW we were being cared for and who they were employing to take care of us was criminally negligent.  In my case, Peter Rand, a fanatical lunatic and ex Jesuit monk who envisaged himself as an Opus Dei martyr.  This man who should have been in a straight jacket and on very strong medication, had day to day care of us and he continued working with children until the late 1980's, despite in 1972 being found with 15 year old boy in his bed and crimes of serious financial fraud. But he was a good Catholic. 

Does anyone actually believe that creature treated us with responsible loving care and affection?  His favourite saying was 'Mortification of the Body is Good for the Soul', he believed pain would bring us closer to God.  Just how much evidence do they need?  Must we all be paraded as Victims, A, B, C, etc and reveal in excruciating detail the humiliation and physical beatings, and for some gruesome sexual ordeals, we endured for the delectation of the Media and those making a beeline for the juicy stuff. 

In the 1960's, some bright spark in high office thought it would be a good idea to employ good, catholic, single men, to be house fathers and mentors for children in care.  They opened up the sweetshop for every pervert, sadist, psychopath in the vicinity and of course many who were happy to travel any distance. Who advertised, interviewed, and encouraged these lunatics, the local authorities or the Catholic Church? 

At some point in the early 1970's the insanity ceased.  I remember my last year in Don Bosco as being happy, the nuns and lunatics had gone, replaced by a middle aged single lady, who was well educated, well travelled, and who understood us, from the little ones up to the sulky teens.  She was Aunty Mary, and we loved her dearly. For some of the kids, those who had been in care since they were babies, it was the first love and kindness they had ever experienced in their lives. 

In trying to understand what led to the freaky behaviour of Aunty Mary's predecessors.  St. Anne's Convent was an institution like many others that existed at the time.  Each run by their own Mr. Bumbles who saw 'abandoned' kids as a commodity.  And we were.  The local authorities were paying extraordinary amounts of money to the Catholic Childrens' Authorities to take care of us. My father a student nurse at the time had to contribute over half his wages, the Borough of Richmond paid the rest.  In many cases, the full amount was paid by the taxpayers.  Institutions are run on belief systems, and if that belief system preaches pain, suffering and hardship, that is what the inmates will endure.  There is no kindness in moulding a chid into a 'good Catholic'.

Being 'moulded' in your formative years by an institution based on the ideology of religious fanatics can be very damaging indeed, especially if you refuse to believe the same shit they do. And if your education is restricted to religious indoctrination that convinces you that your life is to be a journey of suffering, then you will be very fucked up indeed.

In my own lifelong quest to understand what it is that makes people evil, I tried to understand the nuns' stories, I tried to think of them as the young girls they once were, and I tried to understand what drove them, at a tender age, to give up all of life's pleasures to devote themselves to a man in the sky they couldn't see.  I hasten to add I didn't move into this mode of thought until past middle age, prior to that I just thought they were demons from hell sent to  wreak vengeance and retribution on the offspring of lowlives. 

All the nuns I knew were Irish, the Sisters of Mercy, but the mere mention of that particular Order's name sends shivers of fear worldwide, so its probably not confined to the Irish.   Fair dues to the Irish though, because their Government and indeed the Roman Catholic Church have admitted liability for the crimes committed by the Sisters of Mercy in Eire and anyone who was ever in their care (in Eire) is automatically compensated without the ordeal of a trial.

Those investigating historic child abuse should start with the religious indoctrination and practice of this Order of nuns, and indeed many of the other particularly vicious Orders, that these (mad)women received before they were unleashed onto the world.  What made them behave in the way they did? Those who believe Mother Theresa was a Saint, need to think again.  She wasn't and her form of 'faith, kept the poor, poor and inflicted more suffering and dying than is imaginable.  But don't take my word for it, watch the great man himself, Christopher Hitchens on the subject:

The CSA Enquiry needs to look at the overall picture,  rather than deal with each case individually on its own merits.  The Roman Catholic Church needs to accept that those nuns who were committing crimes in Eire, were committing exactly the same crimes in the UK  (and probably worldwide) - they were the same nuns, from the same backgrounds, with the same 'batter little children' training. 

Bizarrely, we accept without question that Priests, nuns, any clergy actually, are intrinsically good people because they have sacrificed their lives to God.  And a lot of them are good people.  Unfortunately, there are also many within their ranks who at some have point have thought, 'feck, I really didn't think this whole sacrificing thing through when I signed up, so I'll make everyone else suffer'.  There are also a few good eggs, who just think, 'well now I'm here, I'll make the most of it'. And then of course there are many who genuinely want to do good in the world, but need the security of being part of a group with a common goal in order to do it.

At the moment the focus of the CSA Inquiry is to track down and punish the perpetrators of these crimes.  Having battled and campaigned on this issue for way too many years, I can say to other survivors that bringing the abusers to justice doesn't heal the wounds and they are still hurting you if you believe it will.  In my case, Peter Rands and the nun were still alive, but very old and very ill - although there was certain irony that Peter Rands was dying from cancer of the anus.  I would like to say that they were remorseful and sorry for what they had done, but they weren't.  They lied to the bitter end.  If their faith is as strong they as they claim, they will take their lies with them when they meet their maker, that's fine by me.

We shouldn't be campaigning for more trials, we should be campaigning for compensation.  Not only were we being abused, our abusers were being paid for it, handsomely!  The Catholic Church should acknowledge the disparity between admitting the guilt of the Sisters of Mercy in Eire and the denial of it in the UK.  The wealth of the Vatican should be dipped into to improve the lives of those they wrecked and ways need to found to prevent institutional abuse ever happening again. 

From an economic perspective, it will cost much less to give each survivor a nominal sum, than to fight each case on its individual merits. I estimate that my case must have cost a minimum of 500K, that money could have settled the claims of 50 survivors at £10,000 each and prevented 50 further trials at a cost of £500k a time. Its economics Stupid, and the only way this never ending Jarndyce .v. Jarndyce saga to reach a conclusion, is for both sides to put their cards on the table and find an economic solution that will suit everyone.    

*  The Stanford Prison Experiment - Zimbardo

Friday 27 February 2015


So child abuse is a subject that should ONLY be addressed by professionals in the field of psychology.  So what about ex police?  Those notable child abuse experts Jim Gamble and Mark Williams-Thomas, are they trained psychologists?  Is the subject of 'child abuse' safe in their hands?

If a child is abused, do they have to get a degree in psychology before they are allowed to discuss it?

For those screaming I am not 'qualified' to address the subject of child abuse, I have a degree in Humanities, and as a writer, I have spent a lifetime studying psychology and human behaviour.  I also spent several years of my childhood in the care of psychopaths. Ergo, I have a heightened sense of injustice, a will to pursue it, and the ability to spot bullshit in a nanosecond. If anything, I am over qualified. I want to know what it is that produces pure evil. I don't yet know the answer, but I am getting ever closer. 

Meanwhile, if my words of empowerment can resonate with even one struggling family, or single mum', or dad, then I know that I have done the right thing. My words are addressed to the 'young me', to the young mums and dads out there struggling to know what is right and what is wrong and they are putting their faith in people who are giving them advice that is terribly, horribly, wrong. 

If we raise our children to be victims, then that is what they will grow up to be.  If we tell them on a daily basis, that they are incredible, amazing and have the power to be whatever they want, their lives will be completely different.  Negative energy attracts negative energy, and positive, attracts positive. 

These child protection professionals are programmed to deal with the aftermath, I am tackling the prevention, and I make no apologies for it.  The best way to protect kids is to raise them in such a way, that they can protect themselves. Parental responsibility doesn't stop at care and control, it includes teaching their young how to survive. 

Having raised two children as a young, single, working mother, I have experienced exactly the same hazards and pitfalls of many of my readers. I was fortunate because I had an amazing, enlightened father, who was way ahead of his time in the field of raising children.  He taught my brother and I how to read and write BEFORE we started school and for my critics, no, he wasn't a 'teacher', he was a hospital cook at the time, how dare he eh!  Demarcation and all that.

I didn't always take his advice, preferring to listen to the raging hormones instead, and I fell the 'bad men' - I didn't move them in, but I saw the effects first hand, because a lot of my friends and work colleagues did.  Its one of the hardest things in the world to raise kids on your own and at times it can be heartbreakingly lonely.  Young single mothers are among the most vulnerable groups in society, particularly for predatory, controlling men with a penchant for disciplining kids.  And again, I stress, physical and mental abuse is far more prevalent and equally as damaging as sexual abuse. 

What I am preaching (and I do hate to preach) is self empowerment. If you fall to pieces because some Norman No-Mates has published one of his sick fantasties about you online, then you will have a very difficult (both real and cyber) life indeed and the internet is probably not for you.  The old adage 'sticks and stones' still applies.  Punishing your name callers and the critics, will not stop the name calling and the criticism. I used to tell the nuns 'I swear not to say 'whatever' again' with my fingers crossed behind my back, and a vow in my head to keep on thinking it.

Unfortunately, NNMs are everywhere, some of them acquire mates through dubious means and pacts, but they will attack and spit venom regardless. The only thing that matters is the way in which you handle it.  That I said I 'squish' those who snap at me on twitter, brought cries of shock, horror and outrage. These matters should be dealt with through the 'proper' authorities, not one line gags.  Ouch.  Next time, I'll report it to the police, get a crime number, and start a Petition for the next NNM to be de-bollocked.    

Why is it so dangerous to advise people to empower themselves?  Why should that power be reserved for a select few? The sheer snobbery of those who have responded to my opinions on child abuse post astounds me.  ANYONE can read about and discuss any subject, philosophy, psychology, politics, cooking, the Hadron Collider, etc, etc, etc.  There are no closed doors.  And if a subject interests me I don't need any form of authority or permission to research and discuss it, and my sympathy lies with those restricted by those boundaries that say they do. 

Anything I publish is based on years of research and life experience, and guided by honesty and integrity.  The advice I am giving is based on The Secret known by every successful person who has ever lived and bits I clearly practiced to survive thus far, and of course the words of my mother when I entered the convent, 'if those bastads come near ya, fecking give 'em what for'. 

Thursday 26 February 2015


Firstly lets define child abuse, it shouldn't be confined to sexual abuse, sexual abuse is often the least of these kids problems, the starvation and battering usually kills them first. 

1.   Neglect.  This can range anywhere between feeding them a poor diet,  cutting them off emotionally, ignoring their needs and failing to prepare them for the outside world.  Neglect leads to 2 and 3 below.

2.  Physical abuse.  Far more prevalent and harmful than its popular stablemate No. 3.  In this topsy turvy world, we can almost imagine a Judge addressing a latter day Oliver Twist; 'and whilst you were being forced to work inhuman hours, starved, beaten and locked in a cellar, were you at any time fondled?' 

3.  Sexual abuse.  The stuff of tabloid front pages and over zealous 'child protectors'.

The most important issue to tackle in my opinion, is number 1, Neglect. And neglect is a widespread and often ignored issue that inevitably leads on to numbers 2 and 3. - yet it is the easiest and most cost effective to tackle. 

Over 90% of child abuse happens within the home or at the hands of people who know the child.  Some would have us believe our children are in constant danger from paedophiles and perverts lurking on every corner and hiding away in every bedsit.  That simply isn't true.  The dangers are much closer to home.

The way in which society has evolved has led to many young parents, girls especially, being left alone to raise young children without the advice, support and wisdom of their mothers, aunts, and wider family. These support networks have existed since time began, in every society, but as we move away from our home turf, we lose the basic and moral guidelines of loving relatives as we get lost in a sea of new ideas and information. 

I have long advocated teaching parenting within schools, possibly led by an army of older 'Mums', who could pass on their own experiences and tips for how to deal with fractious toddlers and keep your sanity.  Sadly many young people have no-one to talk to, and fewer still have parents who will inspire them to want more from life than a baby, a Council flat and a boyfriend who doesn't hit them.  These dysfunctional families rarely move far from their 'estates' and bad parenting in one generation, leads to bad parenting in the next, and so the cycle goes on. 

Child abuse stems from ignorance.  Parents who do not know how to love and care for their children will quickly lose control.  And once they lose control, alienation and behavioural problems set in.  Most bad behaviour in children is born out of frustration and the child's need for attention - even negative attention is better than nothing.  And of course, it is hard to love a child who is screaming blue murder when your head is pounding and you are desperate for  some sleep. 

To a small child, or even a big one, you, their mum, their dad, are their world, they love you more than anything else and they want to please and impress you.  Listen to them, even if they are babbling and struggling to find the words to form a complete sentence, give them your full attention, praise their attempts and help them!  The sooner you and your child can communicate with each other, the more peaceful all your lives will be. 

Children who are abused are vulnerable because they are unable to communicate.  That vital part of parental teaching is missing from their make up. They are neglected, whether it was deliberate or not, because their parents failed to provide them with the 'shields' they need to protect themselves in this world.  And the fault lies with the parents, not the 'authorities', the NHS or the Education system (well partly), it lies with those who shape the child's outlook on the world in those early, vital years, 'give me the child until he's 5 etc'.

But it isn't entirely the parents' fault, because they have had the same crap indoctrination that they are passing on.  Don't aspire for too much and accept as gospel everything people with white collars tell you, and for good measure, it wouldn't hurt to doff your cap on occasion.  Learn only enough to remain content with your lot. 

But this isn't a Marxist rant.  Child abuse occurs because lives get out of control.  Women with very low aspirations accept into their lives angry, abusive men because it is better than being on their own with kids. They are vulnerable to predators of the worst kind.  And because they think so little of themselves, they are unable to protect their offspring.  Their victimhood is reinforced by people with good intentions, whilst their ability to do anything about it is sidestepped because their urgent and dramatic needs must come first. 

It is easier to find a villain to blame for the circumstances you find yourself in, rather than accept that you, yourself, have made those life choices.  As well as practical assistance, these women, and indeed evermore men, need to be taught that they don't have to live that way.  Unfortunately, child abuse and domestic violence is a pattern they will go on to repeat again and again until they realise that they and their children deserve to be treated with kindness and respect, and they shouldn't accept anything less.   

If hundreds, or even thousands, of children are to be 'lifted out of child abuse', then we must educate the parents, the mothers especially.  Family dynamics are an ever shifting entity in the 21st century, it is a fact of life and one that won't change, despite all the cries for a return to Victorian values*.  Remember those teenage and twenty something heads haven't seen life as we oldies have, they don't know what to look out for and what to avoid.  They are almost as gullible and vulnerable as their kids. 

To prevent child abuse, the best gift we can give our children is confidence.  A child who is confident and self assured will be far better protected than a child who is nervous and paranoid.  The world isn't full of bogeymen lurking in the dark waiting for the lights to go out.  And looking at porn online doesn't lead on to serial killing.  Whilst we must teach our kids to be cautious online, turning them into pill popping neurotics will make them more vulnerable, not less. 

The world is full of abusers in every way, shape and form, from those in authority over us as children to those in authority over us as adults.  How much of this abuse we are prepared to tolerate depends on the way in which we view ourselves and the world around us.  If we feel worthless/powerless, we will accept it, if we feel strong and confident, we won't. We only have control over our own lives and if we choose victimhood, that's what we will get. 

As I write this, the UK remains in hysteria over the abuses of Jimmy Savile and other old 'celebrity' men, who are being dragged from their homes, publicly castigated and sent to the dungeon for the remainder of their lives.  Do they deserve it?  I dunno, but one look at the sad, hurt, dirty, snotty, little faces queuing up with their stressed out parents at this decade's food banks, reminds me of Dante 'Abandon Hope all ye who enter here'.   Dickens too, must be weeping.

*Perhaps not so 21st century, who can forget David Copperfield's first scary encounter with his 'new' stepfather. 

Wednesday 25 February 2015


Like Blacksmith, I believe this case is finally nearing an end.  I had thought it would all reach a conclusion prior to the General Election in May, because if a massive fraud and cover up are exposed under this tory government, they could make a meal of it. 

It may of course be that I am giving this case way too much importance from a political perspective,  but I don't think so.  As George Galloway said, if (when) this case is exposed it will the 'Mother of All Justices'.  It will be a scam on a scale never seen before.  From a financial perspective, more money has been raised/spent/misused in the name of Madeleine McCann than any missing child or person in history. 

However, much seems to depend on the proceedings in Lisbon.  Either by accident or design, news from Scotland Yard seems to coincide or at least run parallel to news from Portugal.  Both countries seemingly afraid to make the first move. 

As an outsider, it seems to me that the Portuguese have no appetite for the Scotland Yard investigation and the only reason I can think of for this, is that Operation Grange are determined to pin this on anyone other than the McCanns, preferably a Portuguese citizen.  The endless rogatory letters and requests to interview oddbods, misfits and anyone swarthy who ever had a manual job at Warners, must be time consuming and irritating for those who know darn well what happened on 3rd May 2007.  I hope I am wrong, but it looks to me as though the Portuguese have washed their hands of this. 

The Portuguese police don't appear to be building a case of any sort whatsoever, if they are, they are keeping it very tightly under wraps, but I sense that they don't want to be dragged up the garden path again.  In 2007 they were put to the time and expense of investigating every loony sighting from every corner of the earth, and I doubt they will be doing that again. 

I have always thought that all the delays and the faffing about by Scotland Yard, is some strict adherence to building a concrete, 100% solid case for the prosecution, one that left no wriggle room for the high flying barristers for the Defence. But almost 8 years on there doesn't seem to any sign of this.  If I were a pessimist I would say Scotland Yard appear to have no more evidence than the Portuguese did when they filed the case away 7 years ago.  What I find worrying however, is the way in which the investigation seems to be having its strings pulled by people intent on proving there was a stranger abduction. 

Actually it would be more than tragic if Scotland Yard too have hit a dead end, it would be a downright injustice, and one that will never, ever go away.  If the intention of Operation Grange was to bury the case and prove beyond reasonable doubt that the McCanns were not involved, then they have failed spectacularly.  The case of missing Madeleine still makes the front pages and more people are asking questions. 

DCI Redwood introduced the idea that Madeleine may have died in Apartment 5A.  Basically, the same thing that was said by Goncalo Amaral and for which the parents are demanding £1.2 million in compensation for their hurt feelings. The announcement didn't receive the fanfare that the 'McCanns (and their friends) are not suspects' did, but it won't go away.  Anyone who knows even the most basic facts about this case, will know that it is impossible for the child to have died (and for cadaver odour to have accumulated) in the apartment without the knowledge of its occupants.  

That Martin Brunt attempted to convince the Sky News audience that a 'burglar' took the dead child and buried her in the immediate vicinity of the crime after the alarm had been raised is an insult to anyone's intelligence.  It may of course be part of a strategy to keep the heat off the families involved, but the pouncing on Brenda Leyland most certainly wasn't.  I would hope that no-one 'official' was involved in that sickening PR stunt, and if they were, then they should be held to account for it.   

Now that all these cans are open and lids off, the case MUST reach a conclusion which leads onto a couple of very big questions.  Firstly, it must be pointed out that Scotland Yard do not have jurisdiction to prosecute someone for a crime committed in Portugal.  So why have millions been spent on a Scotland Yard investigation that can never reach a satisfactory conclusion? There are no signs that Scotland Yard and the PJ are working together nicely, in fact, the opposite appears to be the case.  I am hoping that it is a cunning plan, so cunning that it has outfoxed the lot of us. 

Musing and speculating, I can only imagine that the UK and Portugal have reached some sort of agreement whereby any prosecution will be led by the British, but I can only see that working if British citizens were involved and the trial were to take place in the UK.  The logistics of how, where and who will conduct a criminal prosecution are way above my head I'm afraid.  Will, or indeed, can, the Crown Prosecution Service deal with this case 'as if the abduction/murder had occurred in the UK'?

The chances of the McCanns being arrested in Portugal, seem to be slim to zero.  Both stood on the steps of the Lisbon Courts spouting the injustice of it all, without any sense of irony, or indeed fear.  But then again, as two of the most famous faces on the planet, there isn't really anywhere for them to hide and they desperately need that money from Goncalo. 

The big question for me at the moment is, what is Scotland Yard's agenda and what 'evidence' are they waiting for?  Are they, like the PJ before them, stuck with only circumstantial evidence?  Have all the witnesses, the inner circle especially, stuck to their original stories like glue?  Does Jane Tanner still insist that the Frankenstein like creature carrying a child off into the night was not a figment of her imagination?  Does Operation Grange have definitive 100% proof that the parents and their friends were not involved?  In which case, why not release it and end their agony?

Where is Operation Grange heading?  Will the investigation end in a trial? If so, where?  The crime was committed in Portugal, any prosecution must be given the go ahead by the Portuguese Attorney General.  Britain is not an empire, it can't cherry pick criminal cases involving UK citizens abroad and bring them back to the motherland to be tried and cleared.  And if the investigation has been set up without the intention of bringing anyone to justice, then will there be an Inquiry? 

Tuesday 24 February 2015


There you go Tone, your expose of my officially being an egotist is not getting much interest on your forum, so I will put it here :)

In a series of tweets last summer, I disagreed with Brenda Leyland about the Richard T. Hall, Buried by the Mainstream videos, her argument being that it was my ego that prevented me from backing and promoting this series of videos that claimed to expose the truth behind the Madeleine McCann mystery.

It wasn't.  It was Richard's use of Tony Bennett's appalling and biased research that pointed the finger at the first arguido Robert Murat via the Smith family who saw a man carrying a child on the night Madeleine disappeared.  The implication being that the Smith family were lying to protect their 'friend' Robert Murat.  It has of course since been proved that Tony Bennett was in fact investigating the WRONG Smith family, ergo, Video 3 (iirc) of the 4 piece is a load of bollocks.  Sorry Richard, but you should have checked.

Whilst there was a lot of good work within the videos, an error of that magnitude destroyed the rest. My sympathy lies with Richard, but I could not in all good conscience, promote the videos, because:

a)  They were giving out the wrong information.

b)  I consider individuals investigating (stalking) witnesses in a high profile criminal investigation to be fundamentally wrong on every level. 

c)  I consider publishing the findings of such stalking, ie, the personal, financial and confidential details of potential witnesses for the Crown, on a public message board, morally bankrupt, and if not criminal, then it should be.

d)  I do not feign affection.  That is, I will only praise that which genuinely impresses me and I'm afraid these videos didn't because I was niggled by the errors and they were far too long.  If I say something is brilliant, when it isn't, then that will reflect on my own reputation. 

It is appalling now to see Tony elevate Brenda Leyland to sainthood because she became a victim of this case.  She wasn't.  She was an ordinary woman, no different to most of us, but on occasion she went too far.  That sadly, is probably one of the reasons she was selected as the 'example'.  I was not a fan, but the only exchange I can recall with her, was our disagreement over the Mainstream videos.  And incidentally, why hasn't Tony put my tweets alongside Brenda's?  He is showing only half the conversation!

I am sure that if Brenda and I had got to know each other, we would have had much in common but such is the nature of social media, we are all but ships that pass in the night.  I was shocked and appalled when Sky News pounced on Brenda, and I tweeted my support for her, because no-one deserved that. 

I would be curious however to know Mr. Bennett's views in the aftermath of Sky News, that intervening period before Brenda was found dead.  In fact, I would be interested to see the 'views' and 'tweets' of a number of antis at that time, because I had more than a taste of it myself following the Sun article. 

For the critics, yes, tis boring having to rebut Mr. Bennett's allegations, and being called an egotist is one of the more amusing and less harmful among them.  But it is sickening that he is using Brenda Leyland in this way and that he caused so much damage to the work of Richard T. Hall.  If I were Richard, I would edit it to the bone and re-launch it as one video focussing on the truth and avoiding armchair theorists. 

Saturday 21 February 2015


For my claim against the Catholic Church I spent two full days being psychology analysed and for comprehension it seems I am up there with the geniuses - aw shucks, though sadly, not a mathematician.  And, for what it is worth, two eminent psychiatrists, one on my behalf, and one on behalf of the Defence, gave evidence, in the witness box, under oath, that I am not a liar, or indeed a bad person, they were both agreed in fact, that I am a good egg.  Very few people have such character references, but due to exceptional circumstances, I do and they are publicly available as I am sure the compilers of 'the dossier' are aware. 

What is intelligence?  And what is it that makes Tony far more intelligent than I?  I don't claim to be intelligent btw (my sons could give a 1000 reasons why I am as daft as a brush) nor do I document my research to bore others with online.   I simply never feel the need to prove and justify everything I say with links - I have been on social media long enough to know that everything will be challenged and cross-referenced by those who keep such detailed files on me. - they have archives going back to 2007, lol.  It keeps them busy I suppose, even if it is a bit creepy. 

Tony is like many people who 'work extremely hard', he gets off on the martyrdom of sacrificing his life for his work and he wants everyone to know about it.  If it brought him pleasure, he would just get on with it, but its the praise he seeks.  He is the kind of guy who is still at his desk, head down scrivening away while the rest of the office head off to the pub, and he is first back there in the morning while they are nursing their sore heads.  Does it make him more intelligent?  In my long career as a legal secretary, the most successful and dynamic boss I ever had, had nothing but contempt for the 'kiss arses' who stayed late every night and sacrificed their weekends.  His reasoning, if they can't get their job done between 9 to 5 with a lunch break, then they are crap it.

Tony's 'intelligence', I'm afraid, is painful to watch.  He reads every text as if it were Janet and John Book 1 - deconstructs it, analyses each word individually, then goes on to miss the point completely by choosing only parts that fit his already established conclusions. An intelligent reader, skim reads the volumes, picks out the salient points, then interprets the information in its simplest and most basic form with ALL the key points, not just a select few.  If they can do this for others, then their skills are much appreciated, because most people don't have the time or inclination to devote several years of their lives to a solitary piece of trivia. 

I always thought academics, politicians and wordsmiths were the most intelligent among us, but I've since had a rethink.  The cleverest I believe, are those who can sum up situations with the fewest words, those who are several steps ahead of the rest of us, the comedians who can say in one line, what everyone is thinking but dare not say out loud, they top the poll in my opinion, and are by far my favourites.

The politicians have gone way down my own list of intelligent people (bar Clinton) - because their lines are written by others and they can't handle the truth.  Truth is of course essential if one line is to hit to the spot.  Academics remain on their pedestal for reasons that would take several pages and another day to go into.  But for genius, and intelligence then I would look towards the Art world, towards the creatives who are able to able to interpret and transcribe public feeling, in one painting, one song, one drama, one film, one book or even one line. They are the carriers of history, culture and time.

Tony is trapped in a blinkered world by his own ideology.  He is physically and mentally unable to think outside the box - everything for him is clearly delineated and in many ways, that is very sad.  I don't mean to pick on Tony personally, he is a product of his environment and the thought processes he was indoctrinated with as a child.  He is however, for me, representative of all the stupid white men who preach racial prejudice, sexism, bigotry and hate based on shit written over 2000 years ago by other stupid white men.  And in those days, the revered and intelligent ones, were those who spent 23 hours a day reading the bible, rather than ones who were out partying and sowing their seed.  Even a non mathematician such as I, can see how mankind's progeny went slightly awry. 

Wednesday 18 February 2015


The McCanns ARE the victims of online, nasty, attention seeking bitches and a fair number of wannabe tyrants!  Open your eyes!  Far too many psychopaths, neurotics and obsessives jumped onto the McCann bandwagon to vent their own rage against the machine and many are still here!  Not to mention of course, all those who just like to be in a gang, or indeed, lead a gang. 

Unfortunately, there are a lot of people in this world who latch onto other people's failings in order to boost their own sense of worth, they can't go around saying how 'good' they are, but they can point out that they are not as bad as the McCanns (50-100 times a day) and encourage others to join in with them.  Sadly, they are often the malevolent element who dominate the discussions on the McCann case and of course the twitter hashtag.

In the early days I protested at the savagery that was inflicted on the McCanns, mostly because at the time nothing was clear, but also because they were human beings!  Fortunately, I was not a lone voice, and some of the forums and facebook groups are to be commended for keeping it at bay, but to deny its existence is ludicrous. 

The bad guys are not all on the pro McCann side. I have largely kept quiet, because a) cowardice and b) I can only be responsible for my own words, and to think otherwise is futile.  Many people do post and tweet without thinking about the impact of what they say.  And many fail to take into account that the McCanns are human beings with two young children. 

I am not defending the McCanns.  In many ways they are the authors of their own misfortune, in that, as long as they keep issuing press releases and asking for media attention, they will be subject to attack.  The same applies to anyone in the public eye. 

It is fair in my opinion, to rebut obvious lies, disinformation and planted false media stories, but it is wrong on every level to interfere with the investigation and target individuals for abuse.  I like to think everyone has a moral line that they will not cross, sadly in this case, I couldn't be more wrong. 

Kate and Gerry's weapon of choice when they embarked on their quest to establish the abduction as a fact and themselves as victims, was social media and they have used it strategically ever since.  However, they underestimated the intelligence of their audience and the power of the internet. News is no longer confined by borders and there are too many good people who will not stand idle in the face of such blatant injustice.  No matter how many resources Team McCann have to plant false information in the mainstream media, thousands of voices online will point out the truth. 

Monday 16 February 2015


The case of missing Madeleine McCann has been a media war from the moment the news broke.  In the right hand corner, we have those desperate to establish that Madeleine was abducted through no fault of her parents, and who are intent on policing the internet (supposedly to track down paedos and perverts) and introducing new laws to gag the press.  In the left hand corner, a baffled crowd saying 'hang on, its not right to leave kids on their own' and we want to know what has happened to that little girl'.

The baffled crowd have been  firing arrows into the seemingly impenetrable fortress of Team McCann for nearly 8 years, with varying degrees of success.  That the McCann case has never gone away for example, could be a reaction to those campaigns, the case can never be laid to rest whilst suspicion hangs over the parents.  The baffled crowd keep throwing those questions out there and through the use of social media they are spreading far and wide and they are urging the public to ask why this child's death has been covered up and who is responsible.  Unfortunately, due to the fruitloop actions of some of the extremists who wanted the parents placed on a rack until they confessed and Team McCann spin, the baffled crowd were lumped together as one and dismissed by the mainstream media as a frenzied gang of pitchforkers.  Such is life.

Equally, it could be said that the McCanns themselves chose to keep the case of missing Madeleine high profile, and indeed that is why they are lauded by sections of our society, they have never given up on their daughter, or indeed their Fund.  They are the stoic, long suffering, representatives of the British middle classes abroad, wronged by a nation of sardine munchers who have never forgiven us for the Armada.  Sadly among the little Englanders there is a notion that they are superior to the rest of Europe and that a droplet of Churchill lives on in their gene pool.  Unfortunately, that is not good old days sentimentality, that's just plain old racism.  As is the fact that we Brits do not accept the findings of the Portuguese police, so we have sent in the big guns, Scotland Yard, to show 'em how its done. 

The answer however, probably lies somewhere between the two and those of us still here continue to wait with baited breath for the grand finale when all will (hopefully) be revealed.  Meanwhile, anyone new to this case will find enough to spark their interest, simply by googling McCann.  Its a red pill/blue pill moment, and a case of how much do you want to know?  They will come across the facts and the intricacies of this case quickly enough and with a bit of luck they will soon be able to distinguish between the wheat and the chaff.  If they have made it as far as here, the facebook groups or the warring forums, they will be able to track down the nuggets of information they are seeking.  I have studied this case from a psychological perspective, because that is what interests me.  But it is loaded with media, marketing, politics, economics and accounting (thanks Enid), backstabbing and intrigue.  Take your pick. 

In my opinion, anyone new to the case can do no better than to read Goncalo Amaral's  The Truth of the Lie, the book the McCanns have so desperately tried to ban.  Its not available in the UK due to our medieval libel laws, but is free online via the links on my blog.  If there is any justice in this world, it will soon be available here and I and I hope everyone else, will be rushing out to buy it, the first edition will take pride of place on my bookshelves.

Goncalo Amaral was born to write, he has an easy going, reader friendly style that tells us without unnecessary detours or elaboration, exactly what was going on in the summer of 2007 from his perspective as co-ordinating detective leading the investigation.  Contrary to negative McCann propaganda, he is both a scholar and a gentleman.

I also point people in the direction of the McCann files, an amazing website filled with everything you ever wanted to know about the case of missing Madeleine.  The website of Joana Morais was also another invaluable source of credible information, but unfortunately Joana has closed it for now, Joana and others have worked incredibility hard to ensure the facts of this case reached the British public, who were only receiving the Clarence Mitchell spun version.  Unfortunately, the years of abuse and intimidation have understandably taken their toll, but I do hope Joana reconsiders. 

For more factual information and a darn good read, I also recommend Pamalam's website, which has preserved for posterity the incredible blogs of Gerry McCann detailing his life and times as a global superstar.  Essential reading methinks for anyone with an interest in psychology, human behaviour and wtf moments. 

Having had an unhealthy interest in this case for far too long, I have tiptoed through the minefields and found my own ways to remain sane(ish) and to keep things in perspective.  There is so much 'reading' out there, it is easy to waste hours reading material that appears to be credible only to discover at the end that the writer believes in clones/fairies and that every crime involving a child stems from sexual deviancy and illuminati conspiracies. 

I personally, follow the KISS (Keep it Simple Stupid) school of thought, cunning plans are rarely very cunning and the McCann Media Monitoring Team have been kept on the hop since they issued their first press statement.  They have been fighting a media 'war', that is their job has been to establish the abduction story as fact and the McCanns as the tragic victims of  online trolls and stalkers.  And it has worked splendidly, you only have to look at the soppy faces of Lorraine Kelly and Carole Malone, to see that they have bought it hook, line and sinker.  I sometimes wonder if the spin industry have some kind of secret annual awards ceremony where Oscars are handed out to those who make the lie become the truth. 

But back to that social media minefield.  If a commentator or blogger has their own theory set in stone I stop reading.  Life is too short for closed minds and know it alls.  I like learning new things every single day and I enjoy nothing more than reading or listening to others who are far more insightful and intelligent than myself.  Sadly, those who insist they alone know the answers, rarely are. 

I personally enjoyed the forums and the facebook groups and the exchange of ideas, but they can be hostile places littered with people who have set ideas on the way in which the case of missing Madeleine is discussed and reported, and as a grumpy old bird, I find that off putting.  So too the mini despots intent on having the biggest gangs.  There are however, some great writers on the forums and the facebook pages and some I will always take the time to stop and read, Kath on Facebook - my old mate from the AOL days, the HideHo videos and even Petermac on CMoMM for example.

As for opinion, Blacksmith is hard to beat.  I have read and followed him from the beginning, he throws in those curved balls that make you stop and think, and perhaps look at things slightly differently.  Teddy on twitter is a star.  A satirist from the je suis Charlie school of journalism, hard hitting and factual and a doorway to the murky world that lies behind the cover up, even if he is a little bit scary. 

And finally twitter - the McCann hashtag.  If you are thinking of venturing on there, I would recommend you prepare yourself as if you were a Spartan - that is one of the 300.  There are people on there who will cut you down and decapitate you before you can say, I'm here in error, I was looking for Miley Cyrus.  The McCann twitter hashtag is a battlefield with some tweeters (I'm tempted to call them twits) spamming the arena with thousands of tweets daily - their job, to persuade the public they are not obsessive or loony.  Miow, lol. 

They have and are however, doing a great job in getting the truth out to the general public.  They are countering every 'official lie' with the facts, and showing up the mainstream fairy stories for what they are.  Whenever pro McCann stories are planted in the media or written by compliant journalists, they are immediately rebutted on twitter, they are actively preventing the cover up, and for that they should be applauded. 

As for getting down in the mud and the blood and beer, some like it!  Shock, horror, stop the press.  For many of us it is a great way to show off our sparkling wit and Truman Capote style put downs, and it would be a lie to say we don't enjoy it.  I do not understand the need to say we are there for moral, upstanding reasons, and if we weren't on twitter we would be working towards world peace. The truth is, for many of us, its that or Eastenders,   

I have the official word of a qualified psychiatrist that the use of social media is the 21st century equivalent of chatting to your neighbours over the garden fence - I feared I had an incurable addiction at the time.  We are social creatures, most of us anyway, and we are drawn towards interacting with others.  It isn't anything to be ashamed of.  I don't troll or stalk anybody, I never have, but if they attempt to squish me, I'll squish them right back.  The media hysteria gives trolls the power they do not deserve, it makes them threatening and important, whereas in reality, they are probably socially inept and terrified of their own shadows.  I prefer to squish them with their own ignorance rather than instruct lawyers or get a crime number from the police. 

The internet and social media are an alternate reality and situations we encounter on the web, are no different to situations we encounter in the real world.  So too is the way in which we deal with them. People, be they real or cyber, can only hurt us if we allow them to.  If you are vulnerable or sensitive you will go into a state of paranoia if you answer the phone to a caller who is having an asthma attack.  You will have locked yourself in your Panic Room. dialled 999 to report a heavy breather and unleashed the pack of rottweillers who accompany you to the local shop when you dare to go out for another pack of fags and bottle of gin to calm your nerves. 

The sorrow lies in those who believe the 'scare' stories and who are put off from getting the company they need and enjoy, by those spreading the complete and utter lie that the 'lawless internet' is a dark and sinister place that will lead us all to our doom unless the Government intervene.   It isn't.  Its anything you want it to be with sources of information and entertainment that can only enrich our lives.  As for the scaremongers, we all need to make our own minds up about them.

Thursday 12 February 2015


Yesterday I went on a feminist rant having misread Blacksmith's blog and I unfairly lumped him in with the white, middle aged, middle class white men who run the way in which the missing Madeleine McCann case is reported and commented on in the media and on social networks. 

Men who insist we all focus on the minute details of this mysterious case, the discrepancies in the McCanns and their friends statements, the shutters, Smithman, the last photograph, the finger prints or lack of them, etc, etc, as if the research and in depth discussion of the minutiae on blogs and forums will directly affect the outcome of this case.  That we have discussed the discrepancies for 8 years matters not, there's still a lot of mileage and opportunity for peacocks to show off their analytical minds and research skills. 

But while I am in feminist rant mode, herewith Tony's next Petition:

Its all going wrong because of those interfering women!  We could have carried on for another 8 years discussing Tannerman, the shutters and the last photograph, but the girls have gone and spoiled it!  They just don't think!  They had to rock the boat, they had to make waves, they can't just accept things and leave them as they are.

For all our sakes I call on the government to take emergency measures as follows:

1.  The immediate blacklisting and ostracisation of the journalist/writer/presenter Sonia Poulton and writer Rosalinda Hutton, (Cristobell) and the removal of all their work from the internet.  Examples must be made, they are inciting others (especially obedient women) to speak out also. 

2.  Censorship of the Internet.  All blogs, posts, opinions, must be scrutinised by morally sound, middle class white men of faith (not compulsory, any form of extremism will do) who are personally affronted by the sight of naked flesh, swear words and libertarians and work themselves up into a frenzy worrying  about what other people are getting up to in their bedrooms.  Clearly the rabble can't be trusted to form the right opinions if the information fed to them isn't vetted by the right people - upstanding pillars of the community who have foregone life's pleasures of partying and sins of the flesh and have earned the right to sit in judgement of the rest of us.  That they must be male, is a given. 

3.  Women who speak out of line to be portrayed as menopausal, hormonal, hysterical, irrational, stupid in love, and off their heads.  On no account must we listen to what they say, they must be judged firstly on their oestrogen levels. 

4.  Compulsory teaching of creationism and the bible  in ALL schools from the age of 5.  The sooner girls are made to understand how inferior they are, the better.  After all, it was Eve who brought everything bad into the world and righteous men know this. It's ingrained in them.

5.  The immediate cessation of women saying anything subversive in the public arena on any case of national or international importance, other than discussion about the fashion, hair and make up of the major players.    It has been proven time and time again, that when women interfere they get things done, which is of course, the opposite of our aims. 

6.  Full public trials for any woman found to have a) opinions of their own and b) the nerve to say them out loud without the express permission of their father/husband/owner or responsible male adult.  Baskets of rocks and stones, ducking stools etc, to be supplied for when guilty verdict is announced.


Anon. Witchfinder General: Bettenn
Anon. Gmable
Anon. Mitellch
Anon. G.Cmcnan
Anon. Pmaceter (hesitantly)
Subjugated women everywhere
Bennett Babes

Ps.  To misogynists and misguided bad lads, if all else fails, chain woman to ironing board with a pile of your shirts, tell her its a new spin on 50 Shades of Grey, and nip down the pub ;) 


Wednesday 11 February 2015


I am stating what I believe and always will.  I think it is appalling that the McCanns use the UK's ridiculous libel laws to FORCE people to believe their cock and bull abduction story.  I am not going to be FORCED to believe anything via libel laws, thumbscrews or whatever other device these delightful people come up with.  I am a thinking adult and will not have my 'beliefs' altered by threats.

When the proverbial hits the fan, and it will, questions must also be asked as to how the libel laws of this land have been used to protect the guilty and persecute the innocent.  What we have seen is an appalling misuse of power, and that power was handed to the McCanns on a plate via the millions that poured into their 'Find Madeleine' Fund. 

The McCanns' Fund is NOT a Charity, it never has been, it is only for one child and one family.  Far from the transparency promised, the filed accounts hide much and reveal very little, other than not much was spent on 'searching'.* 

The million kerching hits a day Fund made the McCanns very popular indeed, the paparazzi could hardly get any good shots for all the well wishers pressing cash into their hands  Feted by the great, the good and the upmarket spivs, the McCanns have been riding the crest of the power wave on a river of filthy lucre. And that power has enabled them to silence those questioning them and carry on with the fundraising. 

I have stated what I believe on this blog, and so the libel threats begin.  It seems under McCann Law, I am not allowed to hold these beliefs and if I don't change them they will forcibly take away everything I own including the small sirloin steak I'm having for my dinner tonight.  Those not believing the McCanns must be made to live in misery and fear because the McCanns can afford to keep several teams of top of the range libel lawyers on 24/7 internet watch. 

The Power (the Fund) and UK libel laws have enabled this debacle to continue for nearly 8 years, because no one, not even newspaper magnates or loud mouth politicians like George Galloway, dared to challenge them. They all backed off rather than face legal giants Carter Ruck or the wrath of the McCann Media Monitoring Team.  That is the gang of online thugs who compiled the dossier that resulted in Brenda Leyland's death. 

Well sod 'em.  I kind of know how Joan of Arc felt whilst on the rack, doesn't matter how many times you turn the ratchet, I will not believe Kate and Gerry. 

Ps.  the delicious aromas wafting from my home later today, will be the steak, not burning martyr .

Pps.  they ain't having me chips! :)  - Enid O'Dowd.


Tuesday 10 February 2015


I loved CMoMM for the same reasons as yourself Lucy, and learned much from the great posters they once had.  People who had obviously taken a lot of time and trouble to research and ponder the intricacies of this puzzling case.  My own theories changed continually as I 'followed' those who were several steps ahead of myself and better equipped for analytical thinking.  Petermac was great, but I am saddened to see he has joined in with the 'analysing Cristobell's mental health' shite, which is a shame.

As for trying to get the release of those statements, I fear its going to have to be one of those 'wait and see' irritants'.  We were v.fortunate indeed to see the police files released at all, it was a unique situation that caught everyone (especially the McCanns and those involved in the cover up) by surprise.

Literally everything will depend on the outcome of the investigation.  Scotland Yard will have to wrap it up one day, one way or another.  It will be at that time that we will discover how thorough and transparent the investigation has been.  And that will be the time to say, 'hang on, we know there were other statements', if we have to. 

I very much stick to the findings of Goncalo Amaral and his book - he was there on the scene, he was the co-ordinator of the investigation and HE was the one who brought The Truth of the Lie' to the public's attention.  They were out to destroy him for very good reason.  Unfortunately, Goncalo was removed from the case when he began to investigate the Smithman sighting.  That is significant on every level, it tells us what the McCanns and those involved in the cover up, feared the most.  Once arrangements were made to fly the Smiths back to Portugal, there was an immediate shut down.  And it was at the time, the PJ were closing in. 

The only way a cover up could be effective imo, is if they find a reason to file it away under the Official Secrets Act, but having wracked my brains, I cannot think of anything that would warrant this.  A lot of public money has been spent on Operation Grange and public bodies such as the police are accountable to the voters. 

Those withheld statements may form part of the case for the prosecution (if there is one) already and it is understandable if the police do not want to reveal what, if anything, they have.  The McCanns have been busting a gut to get hold of the FULL police files for 7 years, they even took Leicester Police to Court over the issue.  Interesting, Bennett has been doing the same by bombarding the whole world and its dog with Freedom of Information requests. 

I am not altogether sure the time is right for Petitions etc.  At the moment we do not know what the police have or what they are up to.  The very public activities, the dig etc, lead me to believe its real, if it isn't the entire production is going to cost more than Elizabeth Taylor's Cleopatra, and end with the world's most pathetic cop out and a lot of explaining to do. 

I have never doubted the Smith family, and my heart goes out to them. Once this does reach a conclusion, questions should be asked about the harassment of witnesses in high profile cases.  The press have respected their wishes to be left alone, but they have been left vulnerable to lone vigilantes, with God know's what agenda.  It was fortunate for the Smiths, that the self appointed Witchfinder General was so inept with his research that he was persecuting the wrong family - but perhaps not quite so fortunate for them. 

The truth is, none of us know what is going on.  We may have access to masses of McCann material online, but we know naff all about Operation Grange, and they ain't gonna tell us!  An armchair detective is not going to 'solve' this mystery, there will be no knighthoods,  accolades or trips on the Orient Express.

The reason I do not present facts or theories and final solutions, is because I don't know!  I find it somewhat ridiculous that people get all het up about' their theories' and fall out over last photos and shutters as if it the outcome of the case depended on it. 

I am here several years later because of the endless twists, turns and revelations.  I won't lie, I find it gripping, but the only thing I can say with any certainty, is the parents of Madeleine are involved in her disappearance and there has been a cover up.  I believe I now know why, and that is discussed on other pages of this blog. 

However, for me there is a line I will not cross. I don't want to meddle or interfere in what the investigation is doing.  Although I am a rebel, lol, I lean towards law and order and believe there are a lot of good guys, like Goncalo Amaral, in the police who will be looking for justice for the victim.  My own quest, as it were, was to understand the REASONS for the cover up and to study two of this centuries' most fascinating and infamous characters display behavioural patterns that will no doubt form the basis of psychological textbooks for years to come.  For those who study human nature, Gerry and Kate are the gift that keeps on giving.

The tragedy of course lies in the loss of a child's life, but the investigation, judgement and retribution are, thankfully, out of my hands, for that I must put my faith in the professionals in the hope that the monstrosities we have seen of late, are the exception rather than the rule. 

Ps.  Quote from Plebgate (mouthpiece for TB on CMoMM) on Katie Hopkins:

'Twitter is not the platform for uncensored private opinions'. 

Yes it is!!!!!!     Gawd 'elp us all with people like defending our Freedom of Speech!

Sunday 8 February 2015


I think many of the antis (the gruesome name given to us on social media)believe that I am calling them haters, or indeed dismissing them, as haters and trolls.  I'm not.  The majority of people calling for justice for Madeleine, Goncalo and sadly, now Brenda, are absolutely right to do so.  If it weren't for their voices, there is every likelihood that this case would have been filed under 'Parents Innocent' and Gerry and Kate would have been lording it over us with their peerages and spending power.

Most of the people involved in this case feel personally affronted at the injustice that has been done to this little girl.  And quite rightly.  Children cannot just disappear without questions being asked.  If the strong did not speak up for the weak, this would be a very cruel world indeed. The voice of that small child was lost somewhere in the industry and circus that sprung up around her name, and that was the point at which most of us stepped in and why we are still here today.

Unfortunately, high profile cases attract the nutters and the attention seekers and perhaps I am one of them, but I should point out that having undergone an intensive psychological evaluation, the overall consensus was that I am a good egg (not a liar), and those currently checking out my posting history will find that I kept a low profile for many years.

But that aside, the fact is those shouting the loudest were the ones who were being heard, and not in a good way.  They were deliberately stirring up hatred, and it was easy for them to do, emotions were heightened, and angry people can easily be manipulated, as any wannabe despot or tyrant will tell you. 

The anti side did attract bad people.  Most have now moved on to other 'victims', but a few remain, and if their malevolent influence is not pointed out, they will take over and any hope for justice in this case will be lost.  There will be a lot of questions asked and answered when the 'revelation moment' arrives, and it will, and many will wonder how they were so easily taken in.

Turning to the word 'anti' - I agree it is a horrible word, and there really isn't any such thing.  We may speak to each other in forums and FB pages, but we are not now, and never have been, an organised group of any sort.  We are  all individuals and we tackle this injustice in our own individual ways.  I haven't elected anyone to speak on my behalf in this case or indeed on anything else, and I certainly wouldn't presume to speak on behalf of others.  That would be appalling bad manners. If someone asks me how I am, I don't reply 'fine, but I'll have to check with majority'. 

I am not condemning the antis as a 'whole', there is no such thing. The majority of people who speak out on behalf of Madeleine want no truck with mob mentality, it is unfortunate that they are the voices we rarely hear.  

Anyway, I have butternut squash soup to make, and a hill to climb (literally, I am going on a ramble) :)

Saturday 7 February 2015

'O, wad some Power the giftie gie us' - UNDERSTANDING HATE

Some will be delighted to know that I spent yesterday chilled out with friends and my carrot, parsnip and ginger soup took comfort food to a whole new level - the recipe will be on my Reluctant Dieter's Facebook page shortly. 

Yes, I am shamelessly promoting my latest book, it was written with the philanthropic intention of helping others to reverse the chronic health conditions associated with obesity and to regain control of their lives.  I have lost nearly 5 stone and kept it off, and I want others to know that they can too.  So shoot me.

But lets get back to the subject of Hate.  It is one of the scarier and less attractive of human traits methinks and one that I struggle to comprehend. Clearly I am a highly emotional person as recent events have shown, but as a manic depressive, anger, hate, etc, are usually turned inwards towards myself.  I have felt hatred for others in the past of course, but it has usually been temporary, and I have got over it with time.  Hatred is so negative, and it usually means the object of your hatred has taken over your head. 

I have always taken umbrage at the use of the word hater in the case of missing Madeleine McCann.  Add an 's' on the end and you have baying mob thrusting pitchforks in the air.  It implies that the 'mob' are an ignorant rabble with no understanding of the cause they have taken up.  They are simply unified in their hatred of something that is different to themselves - as poor old Quasimodo (and his accomplice the goat) found to their cost. 

It is of course much easier and a darn sight safer, to be part of a mob, part of the 'In' crowd, there is safety in numbers, and the shy and more reticent can simply egg the ringleaders on with the comfort of 'back up', should their own malevolency be revealed. 

There are of course a lot of 'good' people among the 'anti's', people appalled that a child has simply vanished and that there is clearly a massive cover up going on. They are the online equivalent of the old fashioned pressure groups - people prepared to add their voice for justice and change, and those are the ones I admire and respect. The bonfire builders, I have no time for.   

I have always defended the 'anti's' as a group and I blamed the mainstream media for portraying us as an angry, self righteous mob harassing the parents of a missing child.  It didn't matter how many facts, contradictions, and downright lies, the anti's presented to them, they were never going to be taken seriously because they represented the worst aspects of human nature.  

When news of this case first broke, it attracted every ranting, raving lunatic from every corner of the earth.  And they were the most vocal, they were ones calling for hanging, flogging and examples to be made of the parents at a time when nobody knew what was going on.  The publicity stunts of one man in particular, in taking a civil action against the distressed parents for neglect and posting 'hate' leaflets into the doors of their friends and neighbours in their home town, shocked and appalled most people. It also killed stone dead any chance of any justice for Madeleine group ever being taken seriously by the mainstream media and the public.

And in the early days, we didn't know the details that we know now.  It was the reason I was reticent, when I first began commenting on this case, not because I was a 'pro' as some are implying, but because I could not have lived with myself if I were adding to the pain of genuinely distressed parents [honesty and integrity]. I became more vocal once I passed the 'beyond reasonable doubt' stage. 

And for what it is worth, I have nothing against anyone who was a 'formerly a pro', I suspect they form a large majority of those who don't believe the McCanns now.  Many came to this case for genuine, altruistic reasons, they  simply couldn't bear to see what they thought were bereft parents being pilloried by a mob, they did what most of us would do, that is they stepped up to defend other human beings in distress.  The chances are their views have changed as more details about the case have been revealed and they too want the truth, but not through medieval and barbaric means.  For whatever the McCanns might be, they are still human beings and the parents of young children.   

Information, or should I say the truth was coming through in dribs and drabs courtesy of Joana Morais and our other good friends who took so much time and trouble to translate the news from Portugal, the PJ files and Goncalo Amaral's forbidden book The Truth of the Lie

Unfortunately because of the antics of a few lunatics and extremists, anyone who voiced doubts about the abduction was tarred with the same 'hater' brush.  The media did not pick up the facts contained within that leaflet, they picked up on a spiteful, tub thumping, religious fanatic leading a baying mob who wanted retribution. 

The reason for my remaining a lone wolf(ess) or for those who prefer straight talking, independent, is because I did not want to be associated with the 'haters' who had latched onto this case, and sadly there were quite a few. I don't personally hate Gerry and Kate McCann, I don't know them, the idea is absurd.  I hate what they have done and what they have continued to do, and I hate that the message missed was 'Never, ever, leave small children on their own'.

As a writer, I study human nature, I have spent a lifetime trying to understand what 'evil' is, what it is born of, what creates it and how it is able to take hold.  Its an ongoing project and one I may use as a thesis for a Master's one day, if I can ever control myself and write 'academically' that is. But I digress, fortunately this case provides me with endless research, everytime I reach an 'ah, that's it' moment, I have to stop and have a rethink, its quite vexing, yet gripping, all at the same time. 

Fortunately, most of the extremists and nutcases have long since moved on to 'new pickings' but a few remain, the more prominent among them repeating their usual tactics by unifying their troops to create a common enemy and demonstrating what happens when someone steps out of line.  I have given Gerry and the McCann Media Monitoring team way too much credit, they really haven't had to do much at all to stifle their enemies, they do it so well themselves.

Sometimes it is good to take a step back and look at the bigger picture.  In the words of my dear old dad's favourite poet Rabbie Burns  'O, wad some Power the giftie gie us, to see oursels as others see us.

Apologies, I know many despise the term 'anti's' because of its negative connotations, but unfortunately, no other collective noun has ever taken hold, probably because of the 140 character limit on twitter.  If anyone can think of something I would be obliged :)

Friday 6 February 2015


I apologise for behaving like a Drama Queen yesterday, I am afraid my emotions were very raw, reading thousands and thousands of words about what a loser you are can have that effect unfortunately. 

I wonder how these people have the time, or indeed the inclination, to psychoanalyse and profile complete strangers online and feel so passionately about the destruction of said stranger, that they are determined to get the rest of the population to join in with them. 

First we have the call for 'Jihad' by Tony Bennett against me.  He demands that the anti's unite to cast out the evil that is Cristobell.  In another life he would probably have been an Ayatollah, perhaps he doesn't hate Islam, so much as envy it?

Then we have Lazzeri, possibly a 'sock' of Tony Bennett, who has abandoned her pursuit of justice for Madeleine, to take up her new pursuit of Justice for Bennett and the universal condemnation of Cristobell.  Followed up by tigger who gives an indepth analysis/forensic linguistic interpretation of what a bitch I am, why, and sound reasons for everyone to buy a bag of rocks. 

I shouldn't have read it all, for that I blame myself, but its almost impossible not to.  And yes, it hurts like hell, because no matter how kind and compassionate the 'sane' people are, what you are left with is 'Go Away, Everyone Hates You'.  It reduces you to the lost angry, little girl or boy that you once were, the one the world doesn't understand and you don't know why, all you are left with is tears of frustration.

Tis no secret that I suffer from manic depression, perhaps I should never have spoken about it publicly because it attracts 'trolls' and those who get enjoyment out of making others suffer.  But I speak about my own depression so graphically and honestly, because I hope that it will strike a chord with others who have felt the same, and then I use humour to diffuse it, because that's what works for me.

I did the Sun interview, because I have worked damned hard this year to regain my physical and mental health, and I felt strong enough to face the fall out, which of course, I knew was inevitable.  The fact that the trolls could get to me at the peak of fitness is worrying, God help anyone they turn on who is feeling low. 

I also did the Sun interview, because everything I write and say, is based on honesty and integrity.  It enables me to sleep at night and face myself in the mirror.  I know for a fact that the 'enemy' (whoever that might these days) would not be able to find a single tweet, blog or statement made by me that would fit the description of 'troll'.

Yes I am a Drama Queen, as a child I was a 'Little Madam', and always the first one to challenge anything I saw as an injustice.  And yes, it has got me into trouble all my life, but I am not going to change now and I don't really see why I should.  I am what I am, and finally at peace with myself, the struggle to be something I'm not (Stepford Wife) wrecked my physical and mental health, so no, I won't be taking up knitting despite the 'kind' suggestions. 

My apology is to the kind, decent people out there, who were astute enough to recognise another person 'in trouble' and who swiftly came to my aid, I am sorry that I scared them, and I can't thank them enough, the world may be full of trickery, but it is filled with virtue too.  In the words of Michelle from CBB, Good Can Win.

For today, I am going to avoid twitter and everything malevolent so I can get things back into perspective.  I'm going to make some good wholesome soup (carrot, parsnip and ginger), followed by my latest 'alternate cream cake' creation, a meringue stack.  Actually, not so much a stack as tower, meringue, squirty cream fruit, meringue squirty cream fruit etc, which I intend to dive into face first. :)

Sunday 1 February 2015


The speed with which some of you have bought into the McCanns and Tony Bennett's malevolent publicity has left me shaken if not stirred.  In order to cling onto and indeed promote the negativity of what is being said, you have grasped onto the negative aspects of the article and disregarded the positive in its entirety.  I was concerned the Sun readers may not have been able to read between the lines, I didn't expect it from people I thought were on the same side.

The article was about TROLLS, I was an interviewee, I had no control whatsoever over what was published, yet some have assumed that I ALONE wrote it, edited it and placed it under a sensational headline.  The article was by Martin Daubney, NOT Sonia Poulton.  He approached Sonia because he knew she was working on a McCann documentary and knew several people who, as campaigners, could be classed as trolls and he wanted someone who was willing to be identified.  I was asked to do it and I accepted because imo, ANYTHING that gets the message out there is worth a try, and lets face it, having used my own name and face this past 8 years, my reputation has already been torn to shreds.  All you honourable and anonymous people have been spared the threats and abuse that myself and a handful of others have had to put up with, yet when I get an opportunity to defend myself you are first in the queue with the knives. Live and learn.

I do hope that when the dust settles, people will begin to see the bigger picture.  Whether I or indeed any of us are trolls matters not one iota to the case of missing Madeleine.  The public are now beginning to see the light as far as the McCanns' chosen form of campaigning is concerned, the death of Brenda Leyland hit hard.  How many Sun readers do you think will agree with McCann trolls phoning a distressed woman in the middle of the night saying (dead) 'Mummy here' and 'why don't you kill yourself'?

To all those protesting or who may have wanted to do the interview themselves, would they have come across any better than I did?  Would Sun readers for example empathise with Tony Bennett, Rothley Pillow, Ben Thompson, Zora or indeed any of the more extreme activists who campaign for Maddie?  Would they have portrayed 'you all' in a good light? 

And then there are those who have taken the moral highground. 'How could you?' they shriek, The Sun, of all tabloids?  Couldn't you have found a small clean living publication where the proprietors and journalists are pillars of the society and their readership hold clean CRB's?  The only way to get the news out there is honourably, even if it only reaches 10 people and a couple of goats. Failing that, just go back to discussing the ins and outs of the case for next 8 years and tear viciously into anyone who dares to step out of line putting your (anonymous) reputations at risk.

The McCanns are desperate to stop Sonia Poulton's documentary whatever the cost and the knives are well and truly out.  Of course, they don't have to worry too much about the cost at the moment, what with so many anti's jumping onboard to fight their corner.  In the case of the McCanns, they prove again and again how easy it is to manipulate public opinion.  Create an enemy and all join in for the kill, it brings people together in a way that nothing else can.

So many anti's now using lines directly from the death dossier compilers site JATYK2, it is almost impossible to tell them apart, I'm getting a real taste of how Brenda must have felt when she went off to that hotel room on her own.  I have a good idea behind the reasoning for this call for blood, but I won't be phased by it.  I will continue to do the same as I have for last 8 years, I will keep asking those questions, and I will keep trying to get the truth out to a wider audience.

As for the Sun article, we should be discussing trolling, what is a troll?  Who are they? Should there be 'trolling laws'?  Should people like myself be allowed to post on the internet?  Look at the bigger picture.  The article raises questions that need to be asked, or before we know it, we will have legislation that will swiftly bring an end to any future discussions like these. 

The article in the Sun was yesterday's news, lets hope it leads to the very thing the McCanns do not want.  More questions.