Saturday 31 January 2015


A few last words before I hop on top of the bonfire.

Martin Daubney is a really nice guy, and I gave the go ahead for the article he sent me.  However, the article published doesn't bear much resemblance to the one I was sent, which of course I still have!  

Such is the nature of news and I knew the risks I was taking, stories have to be 'sexed up' in order to sell - sales is sales whether it be double glazing or news papers, and it would be naive to think otherwise.

And, in fairness, it is THE SUN!  I expected the article to portray me in a bad light, I was told at the get go it was an article about trolls - I was merely trying to put the new addition to our lexicon in context.

I am not a troll because I use my own name and I am not abusive or threatening, it simply isn't my nature.  I behave online as I do offline and I am happy to say most people find me charming, even my enemies, all this was said in the interview too but it doesn't appear.

If I am to be the baddy, so be it.  I have no problem with that, I know the truth and am ready, willing and able to shout it from the rooftops.  I'm not running off to a lonely hotel room and whatever McCann and Bennett trolls bat at me, will be coming right back at 'em, and then some. 

It was a very long interview and I got in as many 'Madeleine' points as I could, the reasons I doubted etc, etc. However, as it was not a 'McCann' article per se, none of those points appeared, but they haven't gone away and they appear regularly on my blog.  

Martin was more interested in the AOL forums I used to post in and the kind of behaviour that went on there.  It is a generic article about trolling and the social impact on society, and they were looking for points that were relevant. For example I said during the spats it would get down and dirty, which it did, and that I once called one troll creature a sanctimonious bitch and another a CU next Tuesday having reached the point of exasperation with them.  This has somehow translated as 'I abused the McCanns' ?????????????????????

The important point of the article is, the vile behaviour of those supporting the McCanns is now out in the public domain and questions will be asked.  I've been involved in these wars for years, and discovered that no matter how many millions of words I, or indeed anyone else, types away in forums and discussion groups, things will never ever change.  This year my motto is Carpe Diem, in honour of the wonderful Robin Williams.  I intend to seize the day whenever the opportunity arises, because the injustice in this case and the farce that is the CSI Inquiry has got me hopping mad and I am bloody well going to do something about it!

Thursday 29 January 2015


Well Sonia has definitely upped the ante by several notches, in fact, another turn of the screw and several heads might explode.

I see the other place have once again responded with shock, horror and outrage at the proactive steps Sonia is taking to bring the truth about this case to the public's attention.  Chief Chinless Wonder and his entourage would prefer to spend another 7+ years discussing one theory within the moderated confines of a right wing forum that drives anyone away who doesn't agree with the lunacy of its leader.

Not only is it all going horribly wrong for the McCanns, it is also going horribly wrong for Mr. Bennett.  He wanted to be the Christian Soldier leading the search for (his) truth, he is the one who has suffered the most at the hands of the McCanns (even though he brought it all on himself) and he's the one who deserves the accolades.  That he is being overtaken by a strong, attractive, woman in make up and heels with, God forbid, painted nails, must be driving him insane, and the amount of new characters appearing on his forum to back him up, confirms it.

I'm completely baffled as to what CCW and his gang are hoping to achieve and how exactly they are hoping to achieve it. They have written off Sky News forever more on principle.  Err, OK, but does that include the entire Murdoch news empire?  In which case, Bennett or indeed any of them, can never speak to Sky, The Times, The Sun etc. Not really conducive to a group seeking to get the truth out there because if they choose to stand by their principles, there isn't a single news agency they can talk to, they can only talk to each other, if their consciences are to remain clear.

But the frenzy Bennett finds himself in, isn't just confined to the lovely Sonia, there is also an attractive strong woman now leading Operation Grange and it looks as though an ASW is about to deny the McCanns their next Million pound payout.  For Tony,  it all started to go wrong when they let women out of the kitchen. 

Can there be any doubts now as to which side Tony is on?  Lets look at the evidence:

1.   Bennett has completely written off the eye witness evidence of the Smith family for reasons listed in blue on 75% of the pages of Jill Havern's forum.

2.   Bennett MUST convince the world, the first arguido, Robert Murat is responsible for Madeleine's disappearance because he had some dodgy porn on his computer.  Ergo, RM is linked to an international paedophile ring that leads right to the heart of the British establishment, pop stars, writers, journos and indeed every other household as the world is full of sexual deviants.  His thinking in that runs pretty much along the same lines as chief McCann supporter Jim Gamble.

3.  His hijacking of the Richard T. Hall's videos, to purport his own theory of Robert Murat's involvement, and loony reasons why the Smith family made up their sighting on the night of 3rd May.

4.   His vigorous opposition to anyone attempting to get the truth out into the public domain.  His attacks on Sonia Poulton are no different to the attacks on Stop the Myths (the rabid McCann supporters site) and it is difficult to tell which pages are from CMoMM and which are from STM's - they sing in harmony and their goal is to destroy Sonia whatever the cost.  They won't succeed, the truth is coming out whether they like it or not.

5.  In the aftermath of the 'McCanns will lose Libel trial' headlines, Bennett opens up a discussion about Portugal's legal system and corruption.

6.   In view of the revelations of the past year or so (death in the apartment, digging for a body etc) why is Bennett still paying the McCanns £100+ per month and allowing their 'gagging' of him to stand?  His Freedom of Speech is at present severely curtailed - he is in a 'prison' that would send most writers and campaigners insane, yet he doesn't protest?

I am still saying to myself, no, its not possible, he couldn't have turned, but I met him once several years ago and came away with the memory of him saying he wasn't 100% sure the McCanns were involved.  I was alarmed by this because for myself, I couldn't and wouldn't criticise the parents of a missing child unless I was 100% convinced of their involvement.  In retrospect, he may have been with the McCanns from the start.  He has certainly helped to keep them in the news with his ill timed outrageous publicity stunts.

In the meanwhile, to Sonia, I would say 'You Go Girlfriend', finally this case is going from being discussed behind closed doors to causing media waves on twitter.  The MSM are not only taking notice of 'anti' groups, they are actually publishing stories that are unfavourable to the McCanns.  And there is good reason for this.  They are getting their information from a credible source!  Tony Bennett caused untold damage to the 'anti' cause, his extremist views and behaviour antagonised every media outlet he approached, and worse he was portrayed as representing all of us.  To all accounts he brought down the 3 Arguidoes, the 'first' and biggest anti McCann forum after Clarence had the Mirror discussions blocked.  Bennett was playing right into the hands of the McCann media monitors, or he was dancing to their tune?  Which was it?

In any event, in all these years, unfortunately for the McCanns they have never been able to produce a 'villain' - that is a leader of the anti's in the same vein as nasty BNP leader Nick Griffin, an extremist they could name and shame and put on talk shows to stir the populace up into a frenzy.  They must refer to their enemies as obscure, faceless, nobody's hiding away in their bedrooms and pitchforking among themselves.  The best they could come up with was a harmless, middle aged lady with 353 followers on twitter, and once they took her out all that was left was the remnants of the Madeleine Foundation, that is Mr. Bennett, and he is the only one left on pro McCann dossier collecting site Exposing the Myths too.     

Of course, Bennett has never cut the mustard as the villain of piece, as he instantly comes across as one of those barmy prophets of doom who used to wear bowler hats and stand on orange boxes in Hyde Park.  He was never going to face Paxman, or attract an audience bigger than 100 pigeons and a bemused office worker eating his sarnies. 

Sonia Poulton on the other hand has a big audience, and quite rightly.  She is attractive, intelligent, erudite and has her finger on the pulse of current and popular culture - and she presents the news and information in a format that is instantly accessible to EVERY viewer.  And that is what gives her the edge.  She is able to read and digest the news then pick out the key points so the viewer and reader doesn't have to.  We are grateful for this, most of don't have the time or inclination to wade through reams of documents underlined in blue  and we don't want them dictated to us from a pulpit.
But most of all Mr. Bennett, and I know you will read this.  Sonia is real.  She has a past, she is human, that doesn't make her a worse person, it makes her a better one, because she can empathise with the people she is reporting the news to, and they can empathise with her.  Very few can empathise with those up there on the moral high ground Mr. Bennett, and whilst you may have secured your place on the right hand side of the Good Lord, the rest of us prefer to party on the living side of life's journey with as many sins of the flesh as we can before the arthritis kicks in.  I hasten to add, I have no idea what Bennett are accusing Sonia of, I stopped reading his nonsense a long time ago, but I know its sins of the flesh that worry him most of all. 

Monday 26 January 2015


Unfortunately for the McCanns, they don't just want to be declared innocent, they want it written into the statutes with the full force of civil and criminal law to be used against anyone with the audacity to suggest they might be telling fibs.

In a nutshell, here is what they really want:

No man, woman, child (the demands extend to the twins' school), newspaper or any other media outlet, shall caste doubt on the abduction story according to Kate and Gerry McCann and their friends and family who are also innocent.

Anyone questioning the McCann family on twitter or any other social network should go straight to jail without passing Go or collecting £200. 

Should any newspaper or broadcaster deviate in any way from official Team McCann press releases, or publish any item that has not had the explicit approval of Clarence Mitchell and The Fund's Board of Directors, a 6 figure sum must immediately be paid into the Madeleine Fund.

The public must accept and support Kate's role as Ambassador to Missing People and possible future parenting advisor without question, anyone can lose a child on holiday.

The elevation of Gerry McCann to VIP as he spearheads a campaign to gag the press and imprison and make examples of ordinary members of the public who criticise him, his wife, or members of his family.  Standing Ovations must be de rigueur for Mr. McCann a la Kim Jong-un and superstars like Elton John and David Beckham should get on board so they can arrange those annual Madeleine Pop and Sports world events so wickedly thwarted by Goncalo Amaral in September 2007.

The family home of the aforementioned Detective, together with all his past, present and future earnings be given over to the McCanns.  The same harsh rules must also apply to ANY detective employed by the Portuguese or British authorities in the event they too should step out of line.  Detectives must not be encouraged to investigate cases where they have already been given an adequate story by people who are their social and intellectual superiors and who have friends in high places. 

The abolition of the #McCann twitter hashtag and all forums and facebook pages that discuss the case of missing Madeleine unless approved by a Government appointed Witchfinder General Director of the Internet and dedicated team of vigilantes/morally righteous/sanctimonious volunteers who will watch the internet 24/7 for any signs of subversive activity.

The 2.00pm slot (before the Queen) on Christmas Day for their annual Madeleine Appeal for cash.  People need to be reminded that their children are at constant risk of stranger danger (even though STRANGER danger is the least of their worries) at this festive time when they are feeling especially generous.

Heck, the McCanns want a New World Order where we all live under surveillance and queue up to hand over our DNA with all our news approved by an agency run along the lines of the Soviet Stasi, with of course, roughy toughy ex policemen on 24 hour guard against the legions of perverts and paedophiles who apparently live among us - obviously ignoring the kids in their own homes in order to scour the internet, as P & Ps do.

They want us guided in our daily lives by mean spirited brain dead morons like Carole Malone and Lorraine Kelly whose protection of the little Englanders and the Middle Classes, has exposed their own innate racism and snobbery.  It was only the Portuguese police who declared the parents suspects, lets ignore that and have a friendly chat on the sofa with the parents anyway - they are such nice people, and we'll try to get in a few digs about Portuguese cops not being as good as our cops.  Shameful, how they cracked on with the search for the child without once stopping to offer the parents sympathy and light refreshments - the cads.  And that was the worst of the police brutality, as confirmed by Kate in her book. 

Will the insults to Portugal continue?  Will the outraged Ms. Malone suggest the Portuguese (female) Judge is a twisted, fecked up bitch?  How I wonder will she describe DCI Wall should she too ever dare to suggest the McCanns may have lied?  Will she go for the hair or nails?  Will Grace Dent continue to speak out against the 'lawless internet' - what laws would she like to see?  Only 'approved' people allowed to use it, and most definitely not the unemployed?

I bitch of course, but I beg you please, please, look beneath the surface of this missing child case, its big for a reason, and that reason is to keep you living in fear.  Fear for your children most of all. If pretty little kids like Madeleine can be taken from responsible parents (doctors for heavens sake!) like Kate and Gerry, it could happen to anyone.  Over 90% of kids abused, are abused in their homes and by people who know them, that is the reality and that is where we need to be constantly on our guard, protection needs to come from the frontline services and from within the family via education.

Meanwhile, let the kids OUT to play ffs!  They are missing out on so much!  They will learn everything they will ever need for their futures by mixing and playing with others the same age, friends they choose themselves, and if you raised them with love and compassion, they will choose the right ones.  They need to learn that the world is full of trickery, but it is also filled with virtue, at a level they can understand, that is from their peers and from other kids of different ages and backgrounds.  Kids don't care what colour their playmates are or how much money their parents have, they just see friends, sometimes enemies, but that will prepare them for the rest of their lives. 

The majority of people out there are inherently good and mean well, don't teach your kids to live in fear of something that is so remote the chances are it will never, ever, affect their lives.  We are turning in on ourselves, we are becoming a nation of solitary hermits, too scared to venture outside our front doors.  Children sitting alone in their rooms playing X-box and eating pizza will grow up to be adults sitting alone in their rooms playing X-box and eating pizza.

A journalist recently asked me why do I do this.  I do this because  I hate the injustice that is being done to a child who has all but been forgotten.  I hate that, that child has been used to place a generation of parents in a constant state of fear for their kids, to the extent that millions of kids are being imprisoned in their own homes by over anxious mums and dads who fear every adult who goes for a solitary stroll in the park is on the lookout for a child to steal or photograph for the pleasure of their grubby mates online.  Any man or indeed woman taking the time to stand and stare in a park will be cuffed and on the Sex Offenders Register before their barrister could say, but he was writing a poem about the beauty of nature.  Anymore stories about squirrels hiding their nuts and staring at trees and he will get life!  So too any other adult caught in a park without a legitimate reason, we must think of the children!

I hate the threat to Freedom of Speech that surrounds this case and the McCanns' wholly unreasonable demands and campaigns to curtail what is written and reported in the press.  I hate that journalists are being imprisoned for doing the same thing done by journalists throughout history - journalism needs mavericks and anti authoritarian characters, they are the ones who get the truth out to us!  I hate that the case of missing Madeleine is being used by a sinister movement that is tapping in on parents' natural fear for their children to bring in draconian internet surveillance laws that no-one asked for or foresaw.

And I do this because all around me I see a nation of fat people with fat kids whose bodies and lives are being destroyed by some imaginary fear created by malevolent greedy people whose desire for power and money overrides any moral or humane ideals they may once have had.  They want us to be suspicious of each other and they want to dissuade us from congregating.  The biggest threat to the establishment is the sharing and exchange of information.  The internet unites people with like minded views.  As single entities we are powerless, one or even a thousand letters from Mr. Angry of Tunbridge Wells can be binned and ignored, but letters from a thousand Mr. Angries cannot. 

Any government knows they must divide in order to rule, and the only thing that prevents them doing this entirely is humanities need to form family units and tribes, its primaeval, even Stalin couldn't stamp it out.  There are now more single households than ever before in our history, nowt wrong with that, I'm a confirmed singleton myself, but from the perspective of the human race, people who need people are the luckiest people in the world as the song goes.  The authorities would prefer to segregate us, as individuals we are harmless and governable, as a mass we are the formidable Tyger Tyger. 

Some like Grace Dent, may refer to the internet as lawless, they let just about anyone use it, and that can't be right!  It should be a privilege reserved to a chosen few, she should have gone on to say.  Well long may the internet be lawless.  In my opinion, this is a new Age of Enlightenment and the 'authorities' can no longer contain information within borders.  We may have bought the official missing story of Madeleine McCann had abduction occurred in the 1960's and accepted as fact everything the newspapers told us, but now the truth of anything we want to know is only a click away. 

The bat shit crazy McCanns want something that isn't available to anyone else in the world, not to the Queen, not to Kim Jong-un, not to Rupert Murdoch, not even to Simon Cowell.  They want control over everything that is written and said about them in the press, not sure if their demands apply to others in the media spotlight, it rarely does, but they are clearly off their heads.  That armies of lawyers, journalists, members of parliament and supporters go along with these insane demands is clearly a question for their own moral compasses, if they have any. 

Sunday 25 January 2015


So the McCanns put out a false press statement and Express article overturns it, great stuff.  Not only that, but its now common knowledge that the false 'victory' statement came from Team McCann, another own goal. 

The abduction story is simply no longer sustainable imo, even those wearing 'The McCanns are Saints' blinkers cannot avoid the sweeping downward turns in the parents' fortunes.  Donations have fallen dramatically, Scotland Yard were digging for a body and are openly talking about murder.  As the alibis and timescales given by the parents and the friends do not allow for murder by a stranger, I'd say they now find themselves in check mate.

I won't even pretend to understand the Portuguese Justice system, but here in the UK and indeed many other countries, if you lose a huge libel suit, you pretty much lose everything.  The costs of this case will be phenomenal, far more than the £750k they have in the Fund, and more indeed than their home is worth.  That is of course, before the Defendants begin any counter suits or those who have previously paid out demand their money back.  

Thanks to the interview given by Goncalo Amaral, and the refreshingly clear Blacksmith opinion, the end appears to be in sight.  The McCanns may of course receive a nominal award, but I doubt they will get costs, and 6 years litigation with the best lawyers money can buy, would wipe anyone out - its probably the reason the millionaire backers no longer appear to be on the scene.  As an ex legal secretary, I encountered several vexatious litigants, they always kept going until they lost absolutely everything.

There are a number of examples of rogues who have lost everything through the libel courts and malicious claims, and a few who have ended up in prison as a result.  Confucius was spot on when he said 'before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves'.  The revenge the McCanns wanted against the former detective who led the search for their daughter was maniacally over the top.  Kate wanted Goncalo to feel misery and fear, they wanted his family home and all his past, present and future earnings.  They have already legally frozen his assets for the past few years leaving him penniless. 

The repercussions from this loss are potentially devastating - without the buffer of millions in the Madeleine Fund, the McCanns are now as open to investigation as any other parents who make false claims about the disappearance of their child.

More importantly, the reputation of Goncalo Amaral can now be rightfully restored, he is not guilty of all those heinous crimes the McCanns' accused him of, he gave a clear and accurate account of the Portuguese investigation into the disappearance of the McCanns' daughter. 

Goncalo Amaral is a gentleman and a scholar, a policeman and a father, so touched by the plight of an innocent 4 year old child, the he refused to be bullied and cajoled into silence.  He is a remarkable man, who fought for justice against all the odds.  His story deserves to be told.  Lets hope that UK press and publishers have taken note of this trial and will now bring The Truth of the Lie' to the British public, who are still being invited to donate towards the continuation of this scam. 

Friday 23 January 2015


In order to speed up the process, lets set out a few guidelines as to what it is we actually want, especially those like myself, who have been denied a voice in the Inquiry.

At the moment any survivor who comes forward to give evidence or to make a claim for compensation is treated with suspicion and processed as if they were the guilty ones, because nothing they say is believed unless it is proved beyond reasonable doubt in a Court of Law. 

The majority will fall at the first hurdle, the consultation with a solicitor, because it will be pointed out, albeit euphemistically, what an almighty battle they are going to face, something on par with David facing Goliath. 

Those who survive that stage, then go on to have their entire lives scrutinised underneath a microscope by a shower of penpushers on the lookout for something juicy to tear said claimant to shreds  with if they are insane enough to stand in the witness box.  In my case, they had little to work with, I hold my hand up to the drinking, the partying and the devastating life choices, I was a wounded animal ffs!  However, ultimately, as I have never done anything 'criminal', their psychologists had to agree I was a good egg and not liar.  The truth however, is not enough, they turned on my parents.  

And here is another important message to survivors.  Please, please, please, look again at the actions of your parents, and understand that they themselves were young and foolish at the time you went into care.  So many institutions indoctrinate young children to believe that their parents, their families, their bloodlines are BAD.  The idea that children who go into care are the product of bad families and bad people is appalling and its just as prevalent today as it ever was!  People fall on hard times, it can happen to anyone.  Our parents believed we were being fed, educated and cared for, lets not judge them too harshly. The result of this poisonous education was that kids were turned out of the door of these institutions at the age of 16 without a soul in the world!

So many survivors don't make it, hardly surprising given the odds, but some go go on to lead happy lives, because they have been able to shut out the pain of the past and they are desperate not to be reminded of it and it is imperative that we respect their privacy.  I don't blame them and don't think they should be hounded, but if they want to give evidence to support others their anonymity should be assured.

Turning to the question of anonymity, it appears to have shrunk (if it ever existed) from the CSA Agenda. I had no problem with standing in the witness box or speaking to the media, because I was not sexually abused, but I believe that physical abuse is just as bad - fortunately for me it doesn't come with the taboo that sexual abuse does.  I didn't have to face or relive lurid details of grubby, stomach churning acts, that would have tipped my already unstable mind over into despair.  These people do not want to re-live it and they sure as hell don't want their loved ones hearing about it!

Why must the abuse be proved case by case.  St. Anne's Convent, Orpington, Kent, has had at least two of their former 'Uncles' imprisoned, and possibly one nun!  In the event that more of the children abused by these creeps come forward, why should they be interrogated, stripped of any dignity they may have left, and forced to produce eye witnesses evidence to events that happened 40 years ago?  Once the abuse is established, and it will be if people are encouraged to come forward and guaranteed anonymity, then their word should be accepted.  At the moment we are being treated like peasants standing before M'lud and the repercussions today are far, far worse, than they were when we were kids.  It seems the fear that some poor sod might get five grand he is not entitled to seems to dominate the way in which this Inquiry is being conducted.

The Inquiry needs to guarantee anonymity and protection to anyone brave enough to come forward with evidence. At the moment the abusers have got away with it because the survivors know it will wreck their lives if they become involved.  Once abuse has been established within a home, those there at the time and affected by it should automatically be compensated without the need for individual trials, as it is in Ireland.

A realistic scale of compensation payments should be drawn up and a Fund made immediately available for those who need assistance now.  I would suggest that the CSA Inquiry get on with it before we all die of old age, or is that the plan?

Thursday 15 January 2015


I came away with no positive vibes from yesterday's CSA meeting, the feeling in the room was unrest and agitation, no-one left feeling satisfied or singing The Only Way is Up.

I still do not understand what the Inquiry is about, and what it hopes to achieve?  Are they going after the perpetrators in the hope of achieving justice, or are they seeking out survivors, so they can tell their stories and receive the compensation and support they so deserve?

As for seeking out the perpetrators, I have little taste for that.  Ok, I'm 'lucky' I was able to face my abusers, well their representatives at least, in a Court room and shame them with the disgusting, vile acts they carried out in the name of God and child protection, but most don't, and there is a very good reason for that.  As I stood in the witness box for one and half days, I was on trial, I was the jumped up low life from low life stock, that they rightly treated with great suspicion. The only thing missing was Charles Dickins in the corner making notes.  Having faced a 'Lordship' from the witness box, and I'm sure many others have too, the idea of Judge leading the Enquiry appals me, almost as much as the idea of a former Police Chief leading it!

The Inquiry lacks focus, are they out for revenge on the perpetrators, or are they out to get compensation for the victims? The former should be of less importance in my opinion, when you set out for revenge dig two graves as Confucius told us. 

The latter however is of much greater importance, what the authorities fear and are using Jarndyce v Jarndyce tactics to put off, is capitulation like the Irish Government.  That is, in Ireland, survivors simply have to prove they were in whatever institution in order to be financially compensated.  They did at least, in conjunction with the Catholic Church, admit the abuses had occurred and have made some efforts at least at amends.

In the UK however, it is entirely different, the 'victims' are put on trial and made to relive their worst nightmares.  I was faced with multiple files giving the most excruciating details of my childhood, then barraged with questions about them. The barrister questioning me was determined to prove the bad characters of my young parents, rather than admit the abuses that went on at St. Anne's. And when I left the Court room and lost my case, that was it.  There was no support, no ongoing help, I was totally alone.  Its at this point that many survivors have committed suicide.  I didn't, I wrote a book.

Unfortunately, the care profession will always attract psychopaths, nonces, and creeps.  Its the ideal job for those with a penchant for sadism, control and bullying.  And it is happening now, it didn't end in with the introduction of enlightenment, it just made the abusers more canny. 

I know from experience that a trial cannot fix you.  In fact, I went on a downward spiral.  Having spent a lifetime of making bad choices, I was at my lowest ebb, but I was still angry, and even more angry that if someone like myself who can string a sentence together coherently, what hope was there for thousands out there so damaged that years of litigation and a traumatic court appearance would probably kill them.  So who exactly is suggesting a former Chief of Police should do the questioning?

The Honourable Gentleman in his summing up, also pointed out that a win for me would open floodgates.  Indeed.  And this I think is the crux of the matter.  These Institutions by their very nature were filled with abusers.  In the late 1960's, some bright spark thought it would be a good idea to place single men in children's homes to live and work with them as father figures.  The call for live-in house fathers attracted every weirdo within radius. 

The Catholic Church have admitted the abuses occurred, what choices did they have?  So many have come forward, it has been proved beyond doubt, but their coffers are already stinging following the success of survivor groups in Eire.  Well we know there are millions, if not billions, left, and the payment they received to 'take care' of us, should at the very least, be returned. 

Looking at the past won't repair broken lives, but looking at a positive future certainly will.  Yes it is going to cost the insurers of many local authorities and the Vatican, millions, but they were quite happy to pay hundreds of thousands of pounds to defend the action I brought against them.  A vast sum of money that could have compensated thousands, and in the UK they are doing this with anyone who dares to challenge them. 

Lets talk about the cash, because that is what everyone seems to be avoiding.  'We are sorry we allowed it to happen you' and 'here is something to help you rebuild your life' would be the greatest resolution.  Cases should not have to proved on an individual basis and perpetrators brought to trial in order to prove abuse occurred.  Any trained psychiatrist or psychologist will confirm that Institutions are breeding grounds for abuse.  If just one 'Uncle' or 'Aunty' are abusing, sure as eggs is eggs others will be too, because that is the culture that prevails.

I am not going to go into a long diatribe about religion, but women who sacrifice every worldy pleasure have issues - issues that lead them to lashing out at those in their care, some to the point of insanity.  Lets not forget the abuses carried out by these women, already admitted by the Catholic Church in Ireland, were happening in every catholic institution in the land. And I stress again, the physical and psychological abuse was just as damaging as the sexual abuse and tens, if not hundreds, of thousands were affected.  The Sisters of Mercy have acknowledged the abuse in Eire, but denied it in the UK, how absurd is that?

So, I ask again, what exactly are the Panel hoping to achieve?  Who are they, and how can we contact them? 

Wednesday 14 January 2015


Well the meeting room was packed to bursting point, many people had travelled many miles to be there, my new best friend J and I pushed our way in, we weren't going to be shut out!  As it happened, we managed to get a get a good view by standing along the side wall.

Speaker after speaker gave heartbreaking accounts of banging their heads against a brick wall, including representatives from the legal profession, social services and most poignantly of all, survivor after survivor.  One MP asked who can we trust among the police, as a survivor I would ask, who can we trust among the politicians?

The always compelling Mr. Bill Maloney was loud and passionate, he was determined to be heard, and who could blame him!  He disrupted the meeting, but there was no tutting, or strong arm tactics, the air of understanding among the audience and indeed the panellists, was one of sympathy.  Was privileged to shake his hand and receive a hug after the meeting. He's mad, bad and dangerous to know, but what a guy!

In my opinion, they had too many speakers, this may have been deliberate, because there wasn't time for any questions either, and lots of people had lots to say. 

I personally suffered at the hands of abusers in a Catholic Children's home in the late 1960's/early 70's and took the Church and Public Authority to Court in 2010.  I proved my case beyond doubt - Peter Rands' personnel file was made available during the trial, the Church had fought to keep back for 5+ years, the abuser was caught with a 15 year old boy in his bed, but I lost on the Limitation point.

The Children's Home I was in, St. Anne's Convent, Orpington, Kent (30 mins from central London) was a hotbed of paedophilia and sadism, at least 2 of the former 'Uncles' were imprisoned, and the worst of all of them Peter Rands, carried on working with children until the late 1980's!  He was also a cub and scout leader and a pillar of the community. If and when they ever dig into this particular creep's past, they will uncover far more than they ever did with Peter Righton!  Don't just take my word for it, my friend Rita Iagoe, who lives in Australia, lost a brother to that beast.  She wanted to speak to the Enquiry via Skype, but did not even receive the courtesy of a reply.

The damage from the past must be dealt with!  It won't just go away, the UK is full of walking wounded, people who's lives were totally destroyed by the treatment they received in their formative years. A time when 'the authorities' had care of them.  Sadly too many care leavers leave the system with both their heads and bodies screwed up.  When I regained contact with my old friends from the convent, it was surprising how our lives had run almost parallel.  Problems with authority, problems with keeping employment/friends, problems with trust/relationship, problems with commitment.  In our psyches, we've 'done time', we were imprisoned - at the mercy of every creep who fancied working with kids.  And the Care System is where they get them folks, just in case there is any doubt out there.  Lets not forget, that had these children been raised with courtesy and respect their lives could have been entirely different. 

No-one can give back those 'lost' lives, but they sure as hell can help to make their present lives better by compensating them for the damage done and supporting them now with picking up the pieces. 

I don't really care so much about punishing those men and women who abused so many kids who went through their hands, but I do care about the kids going into care and being arrested now.  As soon as they 'go into the system' they are vulnerable.  Sadly, people inclined towards 'abuse' and sadism are drawn into professions where they have access to vulnerable people, its not just kids who are abused, and the government needs to find some sort of psychological screening system to make sure these abuses never happen again.  

I wasn't sexually abused, but I was punched, kicked, stripped, humiliated and verbally abused on a daily basis, as were the other girls cared for by vindictive nuns. The girls didn't get to go on the days out or trips away, but the physical abuse was just as hurtful and left just as many scars as the sexual abuse, but everyone seems to forget that.  So too is the psychological abuse.  Ok, its not only convent Kids who are told they are going to burn in hell for all eternity, but others don't generally get dragged out of their beds at 3.00am for it.  Anyway, I wanted to ask a couple of questions today, but questions were not encouraged, nor was any time allowed. 

Question 1:  Who makes the decision as to the next Head of the Enquiry? 

Question 2:  As many survivors sadly, go on to become offenders, and indeed alcohol and substance abusers, is it really a good idea to put forward an ex Police Chief to conduct it? In my opinion, that would discourage people from coming forward, and surely that is the last thing, the Enquiry wants to do? 

Question 3: Why are some 'homes' excluded?

Question 4: Many survivors, myself included, felt afraid to come along today.  Who can we trust?

The Enquiry did not end on a positive note in my opinion.  No 5 or 10 point plans were put forward as to how the Enquiry was going to go forward, nor contact numbers or website addresses given out to the hundreds who attended. Would it have killed them to write something on a board, or hand out a few cards?  Fortunately a few of us were at least able to speak to journalists from the Express, the Mail, and the BBC, they at least had time to hear our stories and the ways in which some paedophiles are seemingly being ignored.

Monday 12 January 2015


I don't know if you have yet been whooshed from Jill Havern's but I have taken the liberty of copying your post here for those who are following the Charlie Hebdo debate:

'Just decided to stop on Jill havern as I felt this forum has some incredible discriminating post on a specific community and I feel that I did not want to be identified with it anymore. I hope I will be welcome here!'


Hi Sofa and a big welcome from me too :)

I'm just catching up reading the thread in the other place, and astonished is my first reaction!  Well done you in putting forward your opinion so eloquently and rationally in the face of such ignorance and prejudice.  The little englanders are out in force and once more giving the impression that we are indeed a nation of small minded shopkeepers.

I find it so difficult to comprehend the reasoning behind the pure hatred that these people have for anything alien to themselves, they don't understand it, therefore it must be hated and shooed away from the rest of the tribe.  Their God (who no-one can see) is bigger and more powerful than the aliens' God (who no-one can see), so someone among the righteous (the larger group) rallies the troops and we have war!

I used to be anti-theist, because the idea of worshipping someone unseen is absurd, and because all the atrocities committed in the name of 'my God is bigger than your God' are some form of manmade evil that goes beyond my comprehension.  In my opinion every society needs a religion to keep the population in check and threatening them with an eternity burning in hell usually does the trick. 

I do however respect the right of people to hold beliefs, its a tough old life and who and what can we turn to in our darkest hours if we have no God?  Religion also provides a community and social interaction for those who might otherwise be isolated, it gives a sense of belonging - its the excluding bit that I find distasteful. Some people turn to booze and drugs, some take their woes to a higher power, whatever gets you through the night, say I.  However, its when 'a few' start to insist that everyone share their beliefs that sticks in my craw, or indeed when they demand that the rest of us respect these manmade deities to the point of insanity. They are asking, nay demanding, that we give the cuddly toy a kiss goodnight and treat it as part of the family as if we were trying to get a 4 year old off to sleep.  The objects and images are no more 'real' than the teddy bear and we don't beat up other people for saying it's not, even if it does upset Precious. 

Those demanding that 'The State' protect their deities from ridicule have been around since the first group of wannabe alpha males got together and made a plan to take control.  Its a tribal thing.  The majority of Muslims are peace loving, family loving, community loving, citizens, just like their Christian and Jewish neighbours.

What people take offence at, is a very personal thing, it comes from the heart.  The only way in which I can explain it, is to compare it to the way we respond if anyone (outside of the family) criticizes or attacks our children.  We are overtaken by ferocious desire to kill, well I am lol, that is beyond our control. It is a primevil response that bypasses logic and rational.  Some people are able to take the ferocity aroused and apply it to a cause and a God, but its usually for self aggrandisement.  Mr. Bennett is a typical example, in having a 'cause' Mr. Bennett is not seen as promoting himself, it is something for him to hide behind.  His xenophobia stems not from a need to protect his family and his community, but rather from his need to be seen as doing so. 

Imo, the fury he is using, is driving him insane, he has enemies approaching on every front.  He has jumped on the Charlie Hebdo bandwagon, but once again, he has jumped on the wrong bandwagon.  He misreads public opinion, and has taken the actions of a few to a condemn the many, and in doing so he has drawn others out of the woodwork.  I have to smile at the irony of Tony fighting for Free Speech, try speaking freely on Haverns and see where it gets you!  Like the McCanns, its the very last thing he wants!  :) 

As you rightly pointed out Sofa, these lunatics represent no-one, other than similarly minded lunatics.  Birds of a feather and all that, and perfectly illustrated on forums such as Stop the Myths and now Jill Haverns.  Surprised at how few spoke up for you, and once more disappointed that the otherwise intelligent poster Petermac is so deeply entrenched in such prejudiced thinking.  Sadly, I think he is greatly influenced by his background and ideas that once dominated police thinking. 

But I digress, it seems the Christian soldiers are out in force over there Sofa, and you never really stood a chance.  Common sense, reason and logic is usually followed by a ban.  I hope they haven't banned you, because at the moment you are way ahead in the polls, and defeating their arguments hands down  :) '

My deepest, heartfelt sympathy meanwhile goes out to those murdered by those criminals, I imagine their families and loved ones must still be in a terrible state of shock.  Those incredible, creative people simply carried on the tradition of their forebears, those brave men and women in revolutionary France who used cartoon, satire and wit to overturn the barbaric, inhumane regime that kept the majority of the population crippled by poverty and injustice.  Albeit, they replaced it with a similar regime of barbarity and inhumanity, but tis the thesis, antithesis etc.  I'm always a tad disappointed that the 18th century Brits lacked the rebellious spirit of their sexy voiced neighbours, and secretly wished I had a bit of Parisian in my gene pool, hearing La Marseilles always brings a lump to my throat. 

Meanwhile, I pray to whatever God there may be to bless the victims and their families at this time and let sanity prevail.  This was an attack on Freedom of Speech, it had nothing to do with religion.  I suspect Charlie Hebdo had many enemies, the sorrow lies in those who are using this atrocity to stir up racial hatred against the majority of Muslims who are just as appalled as the rest of us. 

Friday 9 January 2015


Should we judge journalists on the cases they report?

Once again Tony Bennett has gone off into cuckoo land in his attempts to smear the only journalist actively trying to uncover the truth behind the Madeleine McCann story. 

Tony has now produced a long diatribe attempting to link Sonia Poulton to the Holly Greig hoax. What he is failing to grasp is that journalists REPORT these news stories to the public, they are not the creators of them.  The Holly Greig story was of public interest, and many were taken in by the lies of Anne Greig and Robert Green, Tony Bennett included, and Sonia reported on it.  If she had not reported on it, Tony would have been among the first to accuse her of being part of the cover up. 

To put things into perspective, Tony might like to use some of his research time to look at ALL the stories reported by the Mainstream Media and cross reference them with the journalists who reported on them, and of course the truth behind the stories when it eventually emerged.  Using his criteria of judgment this would mean that every journalist is actively involved in every rape, murder and despot regime they have ever commented on. 

Mr. Bennett has a very strange understanding of journalism, for some reason he believes that those who bring us the rolling news should investigate each story as if they were Scotland Yard detectives with all the time in the world and an open cheque book. That simply isn't the nature of news reporting and if it were, every breaking news story would take weeks/months/years to appear before the public.

Successful, proactive journalists have hundreds, if not thousands of stories to report on, they are not restricted to one Holly Greig or one Madeleine McCann, and thank God for that, tragedies occur daily sadly, and each one is just as valid.  If they focused all their efforts on single cold case files as Tony does, then all the children who are currently being abused and murdered would never get a mention. 

Attack and smear are Tony's weapons in this battle of words, just as they are and always have been the weapons of choice for Team McCann.  There are good reasons for this, one Tony has made a complete tit of himself by pursuing the WRONG witnesses in the McCann case for nearly two years, a huge Ooops on the research there (see Tigger's excellent blog) and of course his hopes of appearing on Newsnight as Maddie's/Parents' Christian avenger, are fading fast. 

Instead of trying to produce something new and informative on the case of missing Madeleine McCann, he is trying to produce something new and informative on those who are investigating it.  He would do better to go back to baseline, and ask himself exactly what it is he is trying to achieve.



In his condemnation of Sonia Poulton, Tony reiterates his belief in the existence of 'utterly depraved paedophile rings'.  In that belief he is singing from the exact same hymn sheet as former head of CEOP and internet warrior Jim Gamble.

Well for their information, I know all about child abuse, having spent several years of my childhood surrounded by freaks drawn to childcare and child protection because of the unlimited access it gave them to vulnerable kids. 

Children are indeed being abused, but ffs, pleeeease, stop prioritising sexual abuse, it is only a tiny, tiny, part of what all these kids are suffering.  The suffering lies in the punches, the pinches, the food depravation, the punishments, the lack of affection, the negligence, I could go on.  Yes, they are also being sexually abused, but they are being abused by people WHO KNOW THEM.  That is family members, friends and in too many cases, the 'trusted' adult. 

When a depraved paedophile ring are actively stealing and abusing children the public know all about it, kids disappear and bodies are found.  Historically, the only children available for abuse have been those in care.  That is kids without parents to defend them for whatever reason, and kids who would not be believed if they made accusations.  The kids have to be vulnerable in some way or the parents have to be complicit.  If the internet had been available when I and my peers were locked up in that convent, we would have got the message out there somehow!  I simply do not see how children, unless they are very, very young, are being abused without anyone around them knowing about it, and those 'in the know' are the people we should be begging to come forward. 

Happily, the world has advanced since the days when Esther Ranzen set up Childline.  Most children have access to the internet and young people especially are saturated with information and help and advice should they need it, even if their parents and teachers are not forthcoming.  Lets also give them some credit!  They have grown up with the internet and are far more 'netwise' than most of the adults who are preaching to them! 

People who are obsessed with pornography of any description online, generally shun any form of human contact, their pleasures are solitary and don't involve physical contact with anyone else. These lonely social misfits pose very little threat in comparison to those who live with and have everyday contact with vulnerable children. 

The answer lies in education, education, education (the best thing T. Blair ever said) - teach the parents how to look after their children.  Its sad that society has come to this, there are all sorts of socio/economic reasons behind it, but unless parenting and nutrition becomes part of the National Curriculum, we can look forward to the collapse of the NHS and gated communities protecting the rich from the poor.  Of course by then the poor will be so debilitated by obesity and bad life choices that they won't pose a threat. 

The only way we can protect children is from within the heart of the family. Surely it is better to invest in restoring harmony within these dysfunctional families, than it is to pick up the pieces when the abused kids go on to produce dysfunctional families of their own?  If help and guidance were available in the form of psychologists and family therapists, so much that has gone wrong could be turned around, including the futures of those children who are being abused.

The truth is absolutely anyone, even the sanest among us, can find ourselves in situations that spiral out of our control. And we are human and our judgement can often be impaired by that thing called 'love' and it makes us take horrible risks with people, even where our children are concerned.  As a single mother I thank every God there may be that I managed to avoid the weirdos who hone in vulnerable women with kids, but it was probably as much luck as judgment, I remember what it was like to be young and in love, its so easy for the heart to overrule the head. 

Young mums, and it is mostly young mums, have nowhere to turn for advice. Their lust hormones are ruling the roost and they suspect their families and friends of having ulterior motives if they point out that the latest boyfriend is a creep. Lets give them somewhere to turn for confidential, unbiased advice, from professionals who can steer them away from destructive, abusive relationships and towards a better future for themselves and their kids.

Most young parents have themselves been raised, not with Great Expectations, but with very low ones. That is grow up, have kids, then sacrifice your entire lives to them from then on.  They don't teach them to want more, because they don't want them to be disappointed.  Its better not to try, because then you won't fail.  And if you do have a child who breaks the mould, disown them and talk behind their backs, especially when they fail, which will be a regular occurrence.   

Unfortunately this is the ideology society embraces, it has to, or industry and manual work would come to a standstill.  Someone's got to drive the buses and sweep up the streets.  It is honourable work for an honourable day's pay and its the best that most of us can hope for.  Where public schools succeed and the real public schools fail, is the dominant ideology that teaches our kids to accept their place in the world without question.  The 'posh public' schools on the other hand, teach their pupils to strive to become the best they can be and leaders on the world stage.  Until ordinary kids are fed the same aspirations as their well heeled counterparts, the status quo will remain. 

Child abuse opens up a much wider debate, but we are presently focusing on the wrong issues.  And I'm saying that as a victim, if you like, of historic abuse.  I find it incredible that society appears to be placing all its resources on tracking down elderly men to punish and men who might one day abuse kids because of their taste in dodgy porn. I have to ask why Tony Bennett and Jim Gamble are so intent on tracking down the invisible threat to children online, while genuine abuse is going on all around us!

Monday 5 January 2015


Hi Everyone,

I'm not a celebrity or a large corporation just an ordinary woman of 57 who, after many failed diets, has stumbled upon an 'easy' way in which to lose the weight and keep it off. 

Along the way, I have reversed my Type II Diabetes, High Blood pressure, High Cholesterol and restored my mojo!  I particularly hope than anyone who has ever fallen into the life threatening cycle of depression and overeating will join my Reluctant Dieter's facebook page, even those just hovering on the edge of it.  I hope we can offer support to each other, but more importantly, a few laughs.  

I am keeping the group public, but anyone can join under a different name or pseudonym, in fact it might be fun, you can say what you want!  Actually, I would encourage it, because then we can start with the weigh ins!  I won't be checking up on ISPs (even if I could) or passing names to anyone as it goes contrary to everything I believe in, as my 'bad' history will reveal. I'm a bit of a anti authoritarian, which some disprove of. 

Anyway, back to the group.  I have a lot of friends online who have whacky and hilarious screen names and personas who I hope will use their imaginations for this open invitation to let their writing skills flow whilst losing weight.  For at least 5 years I belonged to an AOL forum (Europe Board and Ya Gotta Laugh, that became unmissable,  it was completely unmonitored, a bit wild sometimes, but the first place we all turned to when we were up and indeed when we are down.  I think the anonymity allowed this.

Please do therefore, rejoin in another name, and let loose with your creative writing skills, especially my old pals and even my old enemies (you know who you are, lol), you drove me nuts, but I miss ya all the same!  But this is an open invitation, an opportunity to be the person you always wanted to be, with an avatar to fit the occasion! I am hoping to recreate the 24 hour support network we all had underneath all the bickering - though some of the bitching was hilarious, Mandy where are you? Literally anytime night or day, we could go online and someone would be there to talk to.  We had many insomniacs in the group. 

Vindictive and personal stuff will be whooshed from the page of course, but it is my experience, that when a group sets a tone, most members abide by it. Having been the target of malicious trolls for many years, trust me there's nothing to fear - on the whole they are a few misguided misfits afraid of their own shadows.  They are best ignored, its attention they seek.  They won't however get a free for all on Reluctant Dieter. I now have the ability to be formidable! 

Having said that I am offering an olive branch to my old (and indeed 'new') enemies. Put on your dicky bows and ball gowns, or your jammies (or SS uniforms in some cases), and shift those pounds and grumpy hormones!

Saturday 3 January 2015

THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE - hopefully not Tony

Does anyone remember the Highlander series from years ago? The Highlander was an immortal being who travelled through time seeking out and destroying others like him because 'there can be only one' - it was the strapline when he polished off his enemies by cutting off their heads - the only way you can kill a Highlander.  With two little lads it was compulsory viewing in our house and I would often hear the little one begging his older brother to release him from a headlock or whatever, pleading he was not a highlander and therefore not immortal.

Tony I think, has Highlander mentality.  In his mind 'there can be only one' and it has to be him. However, this has the effect that he is fighting against the very same 'enemies' as the McCanns, and of course he is doing it far more aggressively than the genteel parents, their official spokesmen or even the 'establishment' figures who support them.  Jim Gamble etc, do not have to condemn Sonia Poulton, 2&2TV or anyone else who are working towards the truth in this case, as Tony Bennett is doing it all for them. 

Historically, the McCanns have paid a fortune to keep their reputations clean and to scare away their enemies, it has made up a large part of the Fund's outgoings, PR people, press agencies, reputation managers etc, etc, it has been integral to their campaign.  They are of course fighting on several fronts now, and their disastrous PR stunt that left a member of the public dead, has led them to withdraw most of their troops on the social networks.  Exposing the Myths and Stop the Myths, those dossier compiling pro McCann websites have gone into shutdown and all the information they have on their critics (many of us included) has been shredded or filed away. 

The 'Myths' websites were the 'attack' arm of the McCann campaign.  They existed purely to attack anyone who questioned the McCanns by gathering information about them and in some cases naming, 'shaming' and contacting their employers and in my case, my publishers.  Tony is now doing this on Jill Havern's forum.

Tony now appears to be the only one left using negative, reputation destroying and sexist claims to silence the McCanns critics.  Whatever his motives may be, he is effectively aiding the parents by condemning their critics for them. And lets not forget the enormous amount of work that he has done to disprove the only sighting that counts, the one by the Smith family on the night of May 3rd 2007. I wouldn't be in the least surprised if one day we see a barrister for the Defence waiving documents filled with blue ink in front of a Judge.

Tony now appears to have exclusive rights on digging the dirt and naming and shaming McCann enemies.  His aggressive, proactive approach to this case, leaves Mr. Clarence (£70kpa) Mitchell twiddling his thumbs.  When Sonia's documentary is released, Team McCann have complete dossier of 'facts' with which to attack her.  The fact that Tony's research is woeful and biased won't matter a jot to them and he may even be named 'employee of the month'.

I kind of understand Tony's 'there can be only one' approach, he sees himself as a Martyr to the cause, right up there alongside Goncalo Amaral.  However, he is the antithesis of the dignified and stoic Dr. Amaral, who had no choice in becoming part of this nightmare.  Tony 'proacted' himself right into a law suit and onto the front pages of our more sensational tabloids with his horribly ill timed negligence case against the parents, and leafleting of their home town. Actions that appalled the majority of us, but had the unfortunate effect of tarring us all with the same 'hater/pitchforker' brush. 

Nobody elected Tony Bennett as spokesman, and he doesn't represent the majority of us.  We are here 7+ years on because we want truth and justice for the child who disappeared and we should support anyone who is trying to get the truth out there.  Tony Bennett's version of the truth is no different to Kate's, its one that suits an agenda.  And whatever that agenda is, is between Tony and his God, and hopefully the rest of us, when Mesdames Wall and Poulton take over from the dinosaurs.   

Ps.  Strange how all those fellow antis who post anonymously were perfectly happy for my writing career to be destroyed by my association with the McCann case, but are now screeching that I am using the Madeleine case to sell my book.  It seems they would prefer I spend the rest of my days in sackcloth and ashes rather than use the talents I have spent a lifetime crafting and fine tuning to earn my living. 

How am I cashing in on Maddie Aiyoyo?  My book, The Reluctant Dieter makes no mention of McCanns, Maddie or any other M word.  Is my writing to be blacklisted right across the board, even when it is focused on an entirely different subject?  Well Aiyoyo and rest of gang, away with you and all your nonsense, go sort your own lives out, I'm moving on.