Tuesday 29 September 2020


UPDATE:  01/10/20

As expected the poison pen hate mail has returned, and no, it won't be published.  The sheer vitriol suggests someone is mightily mad that I have decided to write and publish a book about this case.  Probably because the Madeleine case has largely been put to bed and stored in the history books as an unsolved mystery.  Of the Blair era, it is just another case that doesn't stand up to scrutiny, but on a scale of transgressions, it's at the bottom of the list, with an illegal war being at the top.  It will remain shelved for the next few centuries until an enthusiastic Sherlock Holmes automaton picks it up.

So why upset the equilibrium now?  Why bring more grief to a family who lost a child?  And it does sound awful when you put it like that, but that writes off all the harm to others to support the abduction story.  The abduction story only worked by blaming others. Beginning with PDL who lost most of their tourist industry.  The Portuguese police who were vilified, the hundreds of innocent posters on social media who were targeted and abused online if they dared say they did not believe the abduction story.

And yes, I was among them, I had my name and reputation torn to shreds along with nasty reviews on Amazon every time I tried to publish a book.  Well I'm knocking on a bit now and these are dodgy times, so yes, I am going to write my story with every eye opening revelation I discovered along the way.  It is legacy time, time to explain myself, time to justify why I wouldn't keep my trap shut, every time the McCanns, the press and every 'friend of the family' (Clarence) released a phony press release.  Should I have just kept that to myself?  

There are still many people out there who want to know what happened to little Madeleine McCann and there are a huge amount of crackpot theories and weirdos who claim to have solved the case.  Most of these weirdos claimed to have solved the case even before the police files were released.  That is, they had already established a motive, some sort of sexual deviancy, and were banging square pegs into round holes to make their freaky theories fit.   These were the ones the media portrayed as non believers of the McCanns, as if we all wore dirty rainmacs and carried binoculars.  Non believers quickly changed to 'haters' and war broke out on social media.

I had been dragged into a war not of my making, and any attempts I made to get away failed.  The McCanns and their trolls followed me relentlessly for years planting false stories and lies to demean and discredit me.  Walking away was never an option.  The pursuit continued, even when I wrote a diet book ffs.  The McCanns are vengeful, they never give up.  I did for a while there, but I'm back.  I supported Goncalo Amaral when he wrote his book, because I could understand his need to tell his side of the story.  I feel the same way too, I'm not the villain in this Greek (Portuguese) tragedy, merely an onlooker who got pulled in.  A bit like a curious cat.  


In response to Bjorn, from the previous blog.  

Yes, this is what I am thinking Bjorn, and I have already begun.  Having been on this case from the start, I am familiar with all the different factions, and more importantly, the agendas and ulterior motives of all the different factions.  From the characters who headed out to PDL when Madeleine disappeared, to the lunatics who imbedded themselves into the investigation via their armchairs and the internet.

I have already written quite a few thousand words already, but I am currently working on the structure.  That is probably the hardest part of putting a book together, the bit that will keep me up at night, lol, But, I am a great storyteller, it is my gift, and I intend to write the book bringing in all the various aspects of Madeleine's case that turned what was probably a sad but pretty straight forward story into a global mystery. Knowing all that I know now, I have, for myself anyway, been able to find a 'satisfying end', a conclusion, a last page.  I am in the happy position of knowing enough about the subject, to explain it simply.  And of course, that was the beauty of Goncalo Amaral's book,  he told his story with honesty and integrity.  It is the definitive book in my opinion, and I would never take that away from him.  

With mine, I have the benefit of hindsight, I could see what was going on outside of his bubble, the bigger picture - the politics he referred to that prevented this case from being solved.  Clearly, it was not just a problem for the incumbent Labour government of the time, it carried on into the next 3 tory governments.  The tories don't have the resolve to fix it either.  

I have never been about vengeance.  I have never had any interest whatsoever in the punishment side of crime.  I did once toy with the idea of applying to be a Justice, but I would have let everyone off and probably sent them on holiday.  I don't hate Gerry and Kate McCann, I find them fascinating.  They bring out those parts of my brain that wants to solve puzzles.  I can't put a label on them.  I can't say Kate is/was a subjugated wife or that Gerry is a downtrodden husband.  Kate is much stronger than she portrays herself, the leaning on Gerry is for sympathy.  Gerry, the opposite, not as strong as he portrays, but quickly knows how to go into alpha male automaton mode.  Their interactions are fascinating, there will be a whole chapter on that.

I was intrigued by the mystery of Madeleine's disappearance, as we all were, we were drawn in by the tragedy of the story and the talented professionalism of those who were selling it.  And I have to give a nod to Clarence Mitchell here, he created a reality show as big as the Osbornes. Maybe it was a joint venture with Gerry, who discovered talents he didn't know he had, but again, Clarence and err, 'keeping up with the McCanns' is also worthy of a chapter.

I will also delve into the paedophile aspect, that was created, possibly on the first night, when Gerry was discussing paedophiles gangs on the phone. I thought that was an horrific first thought to go to, but it planted that seed that there were dark, hooded, predators, climbing in bedroom windows in the resort of PDL.  Perverts using a network of computers to tip each other off, when a 'special' child was left alone, unguarded.  All bo**ox of course - bogeymen remain largely mythological,  though he is blamed of course in too many cases where young children disappear.  The sad reality is that in almost all those cases, is much closer to home.

Then there is the other paedophile aspect.  It differs from the above paedophile aspect, in that these particular paedophile hunters were/are,  accusing the parents and their friends of sexually abusing their kids.  I found those who focused on these kind of odious accusations particularly despicable.  They weren't 'thinking of the children' as is their customary battle cry, they were doing the opposite.  Hurting, in a most cruel and sadistic manner, those small children who were on that holiday, maybe for the rest of their lives, the sick, fecking bastards.  I especially hate those self proclaimed 'language' experts who can pick up perversity in a few short sentences, they bring a whole new meaning to 'shut that door'.   Sadly, I have fixated in my head a group of creepy old men in rainmacs looking for the same perverse thoughts they have in the heads of others.  TB, RH and the creepy guitar strumming bible basher.

But it wasn't just men, there are a lot of women out there too being brainwashed to believe their tiny tots are sexually attractive to perverts.  Maybe CEOP could come out with burkas for ages 1-3, to keep the nonses under control?  Yes, of course I am being sarcastic, but when, let's say, dubious people have control of the dominant ideology, we can be led to believe anything.  In 2007, we were being persuaded to set up a specialist police task force to respond to child abductions anywhere in the world as if they were happening on a weekly basis.  Truth is, they would have been sat twiddling their thumbs this past 13 years because there hasn't been another one.  

I disagree, with Jim Gamble, former head of CEOP, with every fibre of my body that paedophiles are everywhere.  I'll tell him what's everywhere - regular people who have never in their lives had such a creepy thought in their heads.    As but, as you see, although divided, the paedophile factions, eventually come together in agreement - they want us to believe perverts are all around us.   In the social media theatre of war, this put the establishment, the McCanns and every looney facebook page against me.  They all wanted to believe that some kind of sexual perversion lay at the heart of this case.  

On the outrage front, in my opinion, parents (in general) have enough fears without the government adding to them, especially where those fears were contrived and manipulated.  I hated the fear and suspicion that was spread among the public that their children were in constant danger.  It simply wasn't true.  Making paedophiles public enemy number 1 was a great distraction for a government who took us into an illegal war.  One minute terrorists, the next, paedophiles.  And dear little  Madeleine became the child we all wanted to bring home.  For a Labour government who wanted to create a national database of DNA and a legal enforcement to carry identify cards, telling the public their children were at risk was an easy sell.  'Only those with something to hide, will refuse to hand over the blood, medical records and bank details'.  See how easy it is to bring in martial law, when someone shouts 'think of the children!'.

I agree with you Bjorn, which of course I would, lol, that none of the documentaries, videos, books etc, have provided a definite account of everything that went on.  They are all so afraid of being sued by the litigious McCanns, that they daren't even point at conclusions without providing an opposite and opposing side.  I will do the same, obviously, but I'm not going to say, something's perfectly logical when it's clearly insane.  I may well have an entire chapter devoted to 'WTF?' moments, of which, there are many! 

The Madeleine case, more than any other, revealed just how much the mainstream media were deceiving us.  We had heard the words 'spin' and negative and positive propaganda, but we were seeing it in action, in plain sight.  We were not reliant on news from the British tabloids, the internet had swept in hundreds, thousands of new news sources from outside UK borders.  Most pertinently, in the Madeleine case, news was flooding in from Portugal and it was entirely different to the news that was flooding the UK tabloids.  A lot of people found that they were only one, maybe two, clicks away from discovering the truth.

I have not yet decided whether Gerry and Kate were genius publicists of themselves or whether they were victims of the media moguls, police chiefs and politicians who were using them.  I will devote an entire chapter to it.   I am hoping that the time is right, that the McCanns and the legal eagles will not be bothered by an opinion piece.  One of the great benefits I had as a published author, was my book being scrutinised by the legal team at Random House.  It was a huge learning curve, albeit it rushed, within a month, but I learned enough about libel law to steer clear of the McCann legal watchers.  I didn't even get a mention in the Summers and Swan book, for which I was quite miffed.  But truth is, I have never said anything illegal or libellous, Amazon will have no reason to ban me.  But, of course, lol, we shall see what happens.  My journey is no different to thousands of others who were gripped by this case.  That is, gripped by the puzzle solving, gripped by the gossip, gripped by the twists, turns and drama of reality TV on OMGs.

I'm not putting the blame for my obsession on the parents of Madeleine,  Since I have started accepting the blame (absolutely) for every dumbarse decision I have ever made, I have realised the absolute futility of  trying to shift that blame onto others.  I could easily have flipped that front page over onto page 3 and tits, (at that time, lol), but I wanted to know sooooo much more.  Even in May, 2007, the logical part of my brain could not make the facts I knew, as few as they were, into a story that made sense.  And I wanted to, because my dear old mum who I loved squabbling with, had taken the opposing side.  

So, so much I should save for the book, lol.  I am a great believer in fate.  I started my blog because, basically everyone hated me, ha ha, I was banned from every Madeleine site.  But I started my blog, and built up my own discussion board, uncensored and unfiltered, which worked very well for a long while.  I think I reached occasions where I was the most read Madeleine blog on the net.  I was attacked by the head cases, not surprisingly, from both the anti McCann side and the pro McCann side.  Again, I cite that point where extremes collide and find themselves in the same lane.  

I should finish with I am not the enemy.  I am not the bad guy, or gal, a terrible impression the internet has taken of me, because I simply did not believe Gerry and Kate McCann.  I am proud to have grown up in a land where I am free to have my opinion, but for a long time, I had to fight a ridiculous media war where I was labelled a 'hater', bitter twisted, psychologically unstable and regularly told to 'hurry up and die'.  Simply because I had voiced out loud that I did not believe the abduction story given by the McCanns and the establishment who seemed to be in on it.

Opposing the McCann media machine was not a good choice (again I blame myself), but I was not going to be silenced.  Who tf did they think they were?  Famous last words, lol.  Sadly, David beating Goliath was a fluke, anyone taking on media darlings and the power of the establishment, generally gets squished.  Presently peeking out from under a large mushroom that's about to be sauteed. The big question now, is am I squishworthy?  

On the non squishworthy side (saving the McCanns a fortune in legal fees here), I have no fortune they can seize in reparation for their pain.  TB had a house and a few bob put aside, Goncalo Amaral wrote a best selling book (they allowed it to sell for 12 months before suing).  And I make no allegations, nor will I.  I simply want to sell a book based on the knowledge I have and the conclusions I have reached.  A story with a beginning, a middle and an end.  

And on the non squishworthy side, I am sympathetic to Gerry and Kate, I try to understand the predicament they were in.   I don't agree with their batshit crazy form of childminding, a listening method used by Butlins, circa 1960, I do understand their desperate need for a break from kids.  As a young single mum, I literally cried when I couldn't go out.  Whatever happened in that apartment that night was not premeditated, malicious, or, and I can't believe I am having to say this, sexually perverse.   If  you are among those people who think it was, or who think, an accident happened much earlier in the week, then this book is not for you.  The tapas group were regular, normal, if a bit geeky, party of middle class professionals enjoying an early summer break.  PDL was a regular Portuguese holiday village, not a regular meeting place for  VIP paedophiles and swingers.  Such was the rubbish being sold in the early days, and such was the rubbish that continued throughout.  Textusa, some crazy old spinster who believes everyone's swinging except her.  

I must go, I have the writing bug, and that has been missing for a long time..... 

Friday 25 September 2020


 Oh joy, bliss and every happy adjective you can think of, I finally have focus, for my troubled, stress driven mind.  I need to write, and I do, uncontrollably, but I can't concentrate, I can't focus and I hate myself for it.  All you poison pen writers, you can't even dream up all the things I find to torture myself.  I would never advise my descendants to take up any form of art, it is perpetual torture.  Even if you write or create something good, you are immediately plunged into the nightmare of producing something better.  

However, I have now decided to take a bit of break from flogging myself and writing a book about something I know.  And sadly, I do know the the case of missing Madeleine McCann through and through.  Not intentionally or premediated, my involvement was one of those flukes of life, I was drawn in, reluctantly, the lives of Gerry, Kate, et al, meant nothing to me.  I was plodding along with my life, doing a demanding job, looking after two kids, but I had just fought a battle with the Catholic Church, which I had lost.  So maybe it was fair to say, I was a tad anti establishment.

I didn't believe Gerry and Kate and had no fears of saying it out loud, even though I had just had a book released by Random House.  My stance killed the releaser of my book stone dead, but I don't actually blame the McCanns for that even though they were trashing me online.  I'm a realist.  If it had a been good enough, it would have made it.  Ergo, I blame myself, and must work harder.

My memoir, I have to admit, was not a book I set out to write, well not at that stage of my life anyway.  But I got a book deal, what you gonna do?  I wrote it hastily, within 4 months, and with drafts going back and forth between myself and editors and lawyers.  I look back on it as a crash course in what you can say in a book and what you can't.  It was a huge lesson learned.  Never put faith in a publisher and agent again.  My 'McCann Media Wars' (working title) will be entirely self published and edited by myself.

All the advice I have received over the ages, tell me to abandon my writing pseudonym 'Cristobell'.  I can't and probably won't.  Cristobell gave me a voice, a confident voice when I ventured into chatrooms, hostile chatrooms, where old hands tortured the newbies.  It was however,  especially hurtful when I joined book club chatrooms, where I was I sure I would meet soul mates. It was mightily depressing, especially as none of them had any idea as to the origins of Cristobell.  Matters not in the whole scheme of things, but I am fortunate that in my life I have met people on my own wave length, people who can convey, in one way or another, 'yeah, I hear you sister'.

But it's I have drunk far too much Vanilla Vodka (what kind of brave new world is that that has such tempting delights in it?  Vodka that tastes just like Cream Soda, it's almost devilish, ha ha.  But not the right beverage to be writing real life crime novels.  Once I throw up and hit the coffee, then I'll begin.  The only thing I have eaten today is the ultimate coffee panna cotta, I can state categorically that the taste and texture were perfection and even during the projectile vomiting it wasn't entirely unpleasant.  Let me know if you want the recipe.

I have digressed obviously, and my mind is now set on toasted cheese with beans.  Much needed stodge after the stomach emptying.  Way too much information, but I am celebrating tonight.  The literal translation of depression is the inability to focus.  If you can focus, you're going to be alright.  I'm knocking on a bit, and had given up, I had done all I wanted to do, I assured myself, I had my chance and I blew it.  But my chance is still active, it still has breath and a heart beat within it.  Maybe I am not as alive and vivacious as I once was, but I'm not ready to hurry and die as has been wished upon me.  I don't know what the trigger was (I suspect Bjorn), but it's time I wrote that book.

Wednesday 16 September 2020


 I look on the years I spent writing about Madeleine McCann as a journey, a journey I shared with hundreds of others.  Now it may seem an odd journey to embark on, but I and indeed everyone else who followed this real life reality crime were hooked. Gerry, Kate et al, caste their rods far and wide to entice a global audience and they succeeded.  That they weren't able to keep control of the global audience they attracted, was inevitable. As Gerry said, perhaps they were naive to think they could control the monster they created.  

Of course it was inevitable that the narrative the parents were putting out would be questioned because there were so many questions left unanswered.  The story simply didn't ring true and didn't make any sense.  People could see that, and many, including myself, who refused to accept the 'official' story became the enemy.

The 'official' story caste the parents as victims and heroes, whilst demonising the Portuguese detective who originally led the investigation.  It forgave, unconditionally, the fact that the parents had deliberately left 3 very young children on their own in a holiday apartment while they went to dinner.  And worse.  It implied 'all' parents did this, especially English ones and it wasn't a big deal. How could they (the clueless parents) know a child predator was on the prowl that night? The hotel didn't warn them about child predators nor did the local police, ergo, they and the predator were guilty and the parents were victims.

Those of us who have looked into this know that is a load of rubbish. Holiday resorts rarely advertise that they are plagued by child abductors, especially when they aren't, and not unreasonably, they expect parents to look after their children. Gerry and Kate were offloading blame from the very beginning. This I found odd.  From my own experience, I have blamed myself absolutely for every accident and near miss my kids suffered.  And I have cried along with every parent who has lost a child and blames themselves, I hear them, I feel their pain.  I remember seeing an interview with Sarah Payne talking about her murdered daughter.  Her agony was tangible and she made her sweet little daughter real to us in the loving way she spoke about her.  It was a very emotional experience, not just for myself, but for all who watched it.  If you read this Sarah, a big old cyber hug.

Now I know many people say, particularly in defence of the McCanns, that no-one know how they would react to the horror of having a child stolen.  Some admired the McCanns', err, stoicism, others were appalled and cried 'wtf is wrong with them'.  I, self admittedly, am a complete wuss, ergo I try not to judge other people by myself.  But I've seen bravery, heck there have even been occasions when I have been brave myself.  For some reason I equate bereavement with bravery, that is when we have lost someone we truly love, we can pull ourselves together for short periods of time, the funeral for example, to maintain some sort of dignity.  A little break from being a sobbing, vodka infused, weeping heap of jelly.  When I lost my beloved dad, I didn't leave my bedroom for days.  I watched 'Seinfeld' and 'Father Ted' back to back, together with old depression curer 'The Odd Couple'.  One of the best friends I have ever had in my life was there with me on the first night as I drank and talked and cried.  That is a kindness I will never forget.  She knows who she is :), we went to Uni together and I still love her for it.   

I have no shame in admitting that I suffer from manic depression, so it may be that my reactions are more extreme than others, I really don't know because most people don't talk about this stuff out loud.  But I refuse to accept the judgment of those who supposedly love me, and those who outright hate me.  I'm not the crazy one.  Unfortunately the whole McCann debate raised for me, a battle I have been fighting my entire life.  That is, my non acceptance of obvious lies, my refusal to conform to majority opinion, was yet another sign of my insanity.  And of course, this was the Achilles heel that the McCann supporters picked up on.  Added to which, I had a truth telling memoir published by Random House, so they had plenty of ammunition.  'Go take your meds', 'your mother never loved you' was the fodder of the trolls who pursued me.  Along with websites, photoshops (which were hilarious) and nasties telling me to 'hurry up and die'.  Incidentally, all deleted after the death of Brenda Leyland.

I didn't set out to go to war with the McCanns on social media, I responded after much provocation.  In my writing I have a golden rule, one that I have stuck to my entire life, even when I only scribbled into A4 notebooks in the middle of the night.  Honesty and Integrity.  I know how much words matter, ergo I sleep soundly because I know what my words mean to others, I know the effect they can have on other people.  Not because I personally am a wordsmith, but because I have seen the effects of words being used trivially and malevolently by ignorant people and believed.  

The McCanns and all those people pushing the abduction story were presenting a false narrative and that hurt my innate sense of justice, above all else.  I really, really, hate being lied to.  The disappearance of poor little Madeleine McCann, became 90% propaganda for a government seeking a national database of DNA, finger printing and micro chipping and a zealous cop who wanted a slice of Silicone Valley pie and the power to police the internet.  Included in that was the agenda of people who wanted to convince us that pedophiles were everywhere.  Lurking on street corners and of course, on the internet.  Convincing people the internet was a bad thing was always going to be an uphill battle, but suggest the internet was being used to enable child abusers, and they are halfway there.  Why wouldn't you hand over all your private and confidential information to the likes of Jim Gamble, what do you have to hide?

Jim Gamble and CEOP wanted, desperately, to link little Madeleine McCann (not yet 4) to internet grooming.  Their agenda, to prove that the internet, freedom of information and the ability to connect to others, was somehow dark and seditious.  Something that needed a specialist police force.  In a James Bond world, those seeking to seize power over the internet, as policemen, would be seen as the Drs Evil, but before 2010, everything regarding the world wide internet was up for grabs.  

It never ceases to amaze me how those, in the very short time they have of holding all the cards, are so swiftly brought back down to earth.  I would be a liar if I said I didn't enjoy it.  Where is your power now, Gerry, Clarence?  Can you go back to international fund raising?  How about 'Go Fund Me?'  Are you Clarence, held up to media students as the goal to aspire to?  Where is the support, the enthusiasm that you had in the early days?  Gerry, if he had had his way, would have built a world wide corporation on the back of his missing daughter.  It never came to fruition, nor his annual 'Maddie Day', when the public would be reminded to donate.  The unseemly focus on asking for donations offended my sensibilities at once, wtf?  Little Madeleine was lost the first night, when all the vultures got on the planes to PDL, but the Tapas group, stranded and alone in PDL, were already thinking that very same way.

I think I offered a couple of times, to cease the war with the McCanns, but they escalated it.  They went onto Amazon and trashed my book and followed me, literally everywhere, on social media.  Within moment of my typing something, it would appear on McCann supporters sites.  They were using my comments and blogs to get hits, lol.  Such is life, ha ha.  I can laugh, because I am the one in possession of the talent, the pro and anti sites might try to steal it, but it's still mine.  

I make no apologies for the media wars that ensued.  In fact, their hostility emboldened me, the more they attacked my mental health, my crazy childhood, the more they made me eternally grateful that I wasn't them.  Everything I have written, readers will note, is tinged with pity.  

Whilst it is true to say, that in the early summer of 2007, Gerry and Kate McCann held the world in their hands.  They were sympathetic victims (it could have been any of us), they were camera ready and erudite.  But that happy paradigm was never going to be sustainable. Most of the people Gerry and Kate were meeting were buying absolutely their carefully rehearsed, simplistic, story of how their daughter disappeared.  On paper, especially A4 sized and verified by every character in the drama, it was an open and shut case.  Especially, as every character was a doctor or a professional and beyond questioning or reproach.  It's not as if the Tapas 6, or is it 8, were in any way reckless chavs who left their kids to go out on the piss.  Let's get that distinction firmly in place, carved in stone, and beyond question as we go forward.

Now I am a single mum who spent many nights crying into my gin and listening to Diana Ross singing about no-one living her, while all my mates were out partying.  And there were times when I took my sleepy toddlers along with me to pub or restaurant and covered them in a blanket while they snoozed in a buggy.  Maybe I should, but I don't feel bad about that.  What I do feel bad about is the one time, I left my sleeping tot and drove to the shop that was literally at the bottom of the road and back.  I was less than 10 minutes but I have never been able to shake the guilt.

The Doctors McCann and their close knit group of friends made it OK and forgivable to leave small children on their own.  The callousness of their statements, especially one of the mothers of a baby, outraged me, especially the way she spoke about her small child's sickness and diorrhea, it chilled me to the bone.  

I was also appalled that the disappearance of Madeleine McCann was used to distort the general ideology of the masses.  Child abductions are extremely rare.  There is a Wiki page that lists child kidnappings going back decades, and kids who go missing globally, make headlines, due to the rarity!  Those pushing the story that Madeleine was abducted by a predator, was based more on fantasy than reality.  But they succeeded, they persuaded parents worldwide, that their babies were at risk of being abducted from their beds. 

So who was this frightening myth good for?  Police agencies based on protecting kids, charities for the missing, governments pushing for a national database, newspapers who love stories about bogeymen.  A win win all around.  Who was it ultimately not good for?  Hmm, the parents, strangely.  13 years on, they still do not have an answer as to what happened to their daughter.  That is, not an official answer that clears them absolutely.  The appearance of suspects from different parts of Europe these days, means absolutely nothing to old hands like me.  Seen it so many times before and know, beyond reasonable doubt, that there is no abductor.  See all my blogs.  So I guess the answer is no, I don't need to look any further.

Friday 11 September 2020


A continuation of my reply to a post on previous blog on Trafalgar Square , part II.

You are being a little bit too polemic when you say 'powerful' and 'serfs', as if we are two distinct groups and that the 'powerful' are all members of the same club.  Clearly, they are not, we live in a democracy, power is transitory, it is not permanent.  Those powerful in 2007 for example are not powerful now. Blair and Brown are in the history books, though their ideology is resurfacing with Kier Starmer, but that's another debate for another day.  The problem you have 18:10 (please, even an initial will do!) is that you are lumping 'the powerful' together as one distinct group.  A common enemy for we serfs.  But it's not that simple.

Let me give you an example, a bad one actually, because it proves your point rather than mine, ha ha, but here we go.  If the Madeleine story was one big almighty scam, as I believe it was, why has there been no result from Scotland Yard, who have been investigating the case under Labour and Tory governments? A tory government could have torn into Blair et al for the terrible way they handled this case.  But they didn't.  They continued with virtually the same sound bites.  My opinion is, that too many VIPs, both labour and conservative, backed up the McCanns story.  More importantly, so did quite a few top police inspectors.  Added to that you must take into consideration how unpopular it was to question the word of Gerry and Kate McCann. The perfect couple who lost the perfect child on the perfect holiday.  That was the narrative.  Put out not just by the family, but also the government and mainstream media at the time.  Sky News even gave the McCann family their own news channel.  I know because I was watching it 24/7 whilst caring for my sick mother.  We were both captivated by the story and talked about it endlessly, she was 'anti McCann' and I, believe it or not, was 'pro McCann'.  That is, my initial reaction, like that of most people, was compassion for the parents.  To my mind, my mother was a 'terrible woman' (it sounds endearing with an Irish accent), that is, she was always going out of her to 'shock' and squabbling with her was hilarious, for both of us.  When we meet again, I can't wait to catch her up on the antics of 'that trollop' Kate Price :)

But I digress.  I don't think Gerry and Kate were criminal masterminds.  They were ordinary people caught up in an extraordinary series of events, most of them, beyond their control.  I think they experienced a tragedy and were thrown a lifeline from 'dark shadows'?.   Thereafter they, as a couple, did everything they could to preserve their family and living kids, they made a pact, not matter how distasteful things go, we stick to the story.  I can understand the first bit, who hasn't had to make a pact with the devil? But in my opinion they went way way beyond that need for survival and all too quickly into greed and retribution.  Punishing the cop who searched for your daughter for example,  is immoral on every level.

Right now, I am completely indifferent as to what happens to anybody in this case.  I have no idea what the state of play is now, and I don't really care.  I think Gerry and Kate McCann have suffered more than most of us in our lifetimes, mostly from their own reaction to what was going on around them.  Punishment of any kind, is always distasteful to me.  People with a conscience punish themselves above and beyond, and I think those consciences are there because they have tried so hard to absolve themselves.  I believe they loved their daughter Madeleine, of that I have no doubt and they will miss her until their end of days.  I don't think there was anything malicious or perverted involved in Madeleine's disappearance.  Gregarious, ambitious 30 somethings are only interested in other gregarious, ambitious, 30 somethings, not kids ffs.

Sadly, those who 'see paedophiles everywhere' became too deeply embedded in this case.  From both sides.  Both the 'pros' and the 'antis' (not my dear old mum I hasten to add) went out of their way to link Madeleine's disappearance to paedophile gangs, especially on the internet.  Madeleine was not yet 4 at the time.  Computers were seized, freaky allegations were made, especially via anonymous phone calls to PDL's police.  Robert Murat was criminally profiled by experts from Jim Gamble's CEOP.   Single middle aged man, tick.  Likes internet porn, tick. Too helpful to police like Ian Huntley (thanks Sun newspaper), tick, chopped up critters (thanks anonymous phone calls), in his youth, tick.  Enough to make him first Arguido.  

Of course, that didn't pan out, and Robert Murat (rightly in my opinion) was awarded hundreds of thousands of pounds for having his name dragged to hell and back.  Unfortunately, as Jim Gamble pointed out, this is a case that will probably never be resolved in our lifetimes.  Takes a lot of confidence to say that.  By resolved of course, he means 'officially' and I believe him.  Bizarrely, I now feel a twinge of sympathy for Gerry and Kate, when I said they have suffered, I truly mean it.  And no, I don't feel good about that, jeez, I don't ever want to see anyone suffer.  I suspect that since 2007 the couple have lived the best lives they can to ease their pain and to compensate for their, shall we say, sins.  

I may be wrong, but they, even with CEOP's dodgy profiling, do not fit the criteria for habitual criminals.  They don't now, and never have (if you discount their advisors) presented any threat to anyone, certainly not their children.  No police officer has ever thought that, not even Goncalo Amaral.  Those creepy websites should never have received the attention they did.  As I found, getting banned everywhere, they just weren't interested in logic.  They had made up their minds!  The case involved perverts, swingers and whatever sick sexual perverse shit they could imagine.  So fecking dense they didn't realise all the filth was actually coming from their own minds! 

Do I think Gerry and Kate McCann should be brought to justice?  Actually time I think, has a big influence.  Gerry and Kate have had to live with this nightmare since 2007 and I don't see any way you can be at peace with all that shit going on.   Some might say they have been political pawns all his time, beholden to all those powerful people who gave them succour?  Imagine living a life where 'powerful' have control over you?  Gerry and Kate were never arrested but they were never cleared either.  They have been hanging in purgatory for the last 13 years.  The 'powerful' they trusted, have never had the power to give them a clean slate.  Those they trusted, Rupert Murdoch, the Sun et al, were putting them on the front pages whilst simultaneously stabbing them in the back.  See Kate and Gerry posing like Charles and Diana.  With all The Sun have gathered on Kate and Gerry and the extended family they could have had a field day if tabloids ever became popular again.  Now, news moves too fast, who cares?  And Gerry and Kate have probably realised by now, that the Sun only wants them if they can create salacious headlines that will again put them on trial.  I truly hope they see through this now.  

Which brings us nicely back to serfs.  Am I a serf?  Probably, though as a class warrior I have always had an arrogant, over grandiose opinion of myself, I don't bow to anyone, so I've never really been serf material.   I am however, overly aware of what a tiny, tiny, speck I am on the universe.  Now, whilst I am not religious, I change religion every day, and also knocking on a bit, I feel it ever more important to leave my stamp before I go.  I'm making marmalade tomorrow, so fingers crossed.  They are not Seville oranges, so sad face smiley.

I feel a bit sad for Gerry and Kate McCann because losing a child is a sorrow I cannot imagine.  I think they were badly, badly, misguided by all the vultures who rushed to their aid.  I understand their need to survive (I'm a huge fan of Walking Dead), but trying to survive should not in any way, hurt other people. That's the big I cannot grasp.  And they did hurt other people, as a 'tapas' group they pointed the finger  at the innocent Robert Murat.  I can only imagine what being accused of being a child abductor can do to a man, especially in prison.  Where are their consciences in putting an innocent man through such horror?

The hurting others part is the bit I just don't get in the whole Madeleine saga.  I can see that suing Goncalo Amaral, the lead Portuguese detective on the case should  have reinforced the couple's victimhood and innocence, it actually had the opposite effect.  Who tf sues the detective investigating them?  What court, English or European would create such a precedent?  Who tf advises them to use what remains of their once abundant Madeleine Fund to chase worthless law suits?   No Gerry and Kate are not criminal masterminds, they might just as well have had 'dumb' and 'gullible' tattooed on their foreheads, that they kept their heads just above water, is err, admirable? 

Anyone who questioned it was a monster.  But, as I alluded to above, the 'missing child scenario' fitted nicely into the 'powerful's' plan to harvest a national database. Nothing arouses the public's anger more than paedophilia, it is a subject that can make turn a normal, ok person, into a raging lunatic. That is, it is almost impossible to have any sort of rational discussion.  Ergo, if the powerful, the government, the media, the establishment, 'imply' your beloved baby is at constant risk of being stolen by gangs of paedophiles, your response is emotional not logical.  

Thursday 10 September 2020


I was traumatized by the last General Election in the UK and the last remnants of faith I had in human nature, simply wandered off, and I'm not in a hurry to retrieve them.  A Labour Government led by Jeremy Corbyn would have been a giant evolutionary leap for the British people, instead we elected a backward thinking British government negotiating with the progressive countries of the EU?  What could possibly go wrong?  Well as it turns out, everything, we are now a rogue nation who will be sanctioned by every country that signed the Good Friday Agreement and others who are simply appalled.

At the moment, I am typing this while Donald Trump drones on about his amazing achievements in another open window.  I can't bear to look at his face just now, the voice enough, and I have to say, as a 'speaker', he's terrible.  He has a dull monotone voice, no inflections, no highs, no lows, nothing inspirational or entertaining, he might as well be reading a laundry list.  And to add to the boredom, he repeats the same lines, over and over again at every press conference and meeting.  He has no anecdotes to endear him to his audience, because he has zilch in common with anyone, except maybe Kim Jong Un.  The few stories I have heard Trump tell, usually involved someone being humiliated and treated like a dog.  Apparently he and Kim Jong Un bonded over Kim's graphic retelling of how he executed his Uncle - fed to 22 rabid dogs, shot with anti tank missiles or put in front of a firing squad, who knows, but they clicked and fell in love.

As someone who used to describe myself as a 'Marxist/Feminist', gee was I ever that young?  It's probably not surprising that I loath Trump with every fibre in my body, so my next statement, 'I just don't get it', could be put down to bias.  But seriously, I just don't get it.   What is it about the flashy. trashy, faux billionaire that appeals not just to his base, but anyone.   Trump believes he is the embodiment of every blue collar worker who aspires to be rich, like him.  Follow his lead and you too can have a trophy wife and media moguls bowing down to you.  You also get to say 'your fired'.  A lot.  That alone appeals to all the sadists.  

And that brings us to nub of what I am trying to say.   Trump is a bitter, angry man, and he is appealing to the bitterness and anger in everyone who listens to him.  This greedy capitalist doesn't have a shred of philanthropy in him.   At the moment he is appealing to the middle classes in the Suburbs, pointing out to the mean spirited that low income housing and projects will destroy their neighbourhoods.  Everyone knows he means 'blacks', it was the foundation of the Trump housing empire and the subject of many law suits.  As is becoming more apparent every day, he repeats over and over, the limited amount of information his brain can store.

Watching, or more accurately listening, to Donald Trump's press conference this evening (afternoon in Washington), it was obvious that Trump is not well.  Aging Uncles can get away with telling the same old stories over and over at every family gathering, but in the President of the USA, it's just cringeworthy!   I mean, I won't lie, I have been watching US politics like a hawk, waiting for a sign, any sign, that the most evil man alive will be crushed and hell yeah, humiliated.  I hate him that much it will cost 1000 Hail Marys.  But now it's happening, and it is, I'm having to watch through my fingers.

For sure, Trump has pissed off all the Gods, how can you not think there was a bit of divine intervention at the Trump Boat Rally?  It wouldn't have surprised me if a Kracken had popped up because the Gods, all them, seem to be united.  It was a great metaphor for the sinking Trump Campaign.  The polls are in Biden's favour, by around 10 points, but we all remember what happened in 2016, and we here in England know what happened in December 2019.  

But American politics are different, in Oh so many way, but for the purposes of this blog, let's bring it all down to money.  Money, being the answer to every question.  In August, Joe Biden raised $364m, Trump raised $220m.  And Trump is running out of money.  Joe Biden and all his allies (of which there are many) are out-advertising Trump in all the swing states.  Trump, being the odious creature that he is, has pissed off all those genuine 'billionaires' who propped him up in 2016.  Now he is depending on the small donors, those blue colour workers who have lost their jobs and are no longer being furloughed.  Good luck with that.

Meanwhile, this week, hot on the trail of Mary Trump, 3 new 'tell all' books have come out.  Michael Cohen his personal lawyer, presently on sojourn from jail, Melania's former best friend and, drum roll.... Bob Woodward,  just titbits thus far, but promises to be a zinger.  Each book, each revelation, chips away at even the hardest of Trump supporters.  Just how much evil can they defend?  At what point does their conscious and humanity kick in?

Trump is not just a narcissist, he is a full blown psychopath.  Most of us are thankful for what we have, religious people especially.  Trump isn't, he feels he deserves more, ergo whenever he speaks, he talks about how hard done by he is.  He doesn't understand injustice outside of his own personal sphere, it's always 'but what about me?' His campaign, if you can call it that, is nothing more than incessant whinging, poor me, poor me, poor me.  I'm pretty sure Wellington, Nelson and Napoleon didn't prepare their troops for battle by complaining about the bad press they were getting.  He truly is clueless if he thinks that is how leaders act.  

Apologies for my Trump fixation.  I have managed to broaden my horizons a tad by making jam.  It started off as small amounts for personal use, but now it is turned into a small money losing industry, as I am now putting it in jars and giving it away.  It is divine, of course, that is one of the benefits of OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder), I keep trying until I get it right, lol.  I am aiming for, and have achieved a couple of times, a cross between a jam a jelly and a compote. I want to have it on my Greek yoghurt, my ice cream and my toast.  Should I stumble on the right formula I'll be in touch with Dragons Den!  

Quarantine, corona virus, wise, it would appear that we are heading into that deadly 'second wave'.  We have a new law, no more gatherings of 6 people and over.  The numbers are still very low at the moment, but maybe, just maybe, this time, the Government are listening to the scientists and experts.  Schools all over the UK have opened, but they seem to be closing just as quickly.  As we all knew, and I mean we all, schools are superspreaders.  But Boris Johnson, like Trump, wants the workers, the producers of wealth, back clocking in every day and they can't without childcare.

But enough of me on my soapbox.  My kindest wishes to those who still look in.  Take care.  

The Republican Convention was just bizarre, it will be remembered mostly for the coked off their heads, appearances of Don Jr and his mad as a box of frogs girlfriend, Kimberly.  Trump rolled off his usual shopping/laundry/to do lists in his mega boring, hard done by old man voice, and his 'oh so vain' daughter Ivanka, gave her speech like a female superhero.  The wind gently blowing through her blonde locks, was a nice touch. Take note, for when the Oscars come around.    e.