NO, NO, NO LABOUR!

I thought I was all done with watersheds, but as I approach my 57th year, I suddenly find myself distanced from the Labour Party I have supported all my life.  

This proposed tax (and that is what it is) on alcohol will not stop binge drinking but it will stop ordinary families from having a bottle of wine with their Sunday dinner or a couple of pints in the pub after work.  Do Labour really think they can stop problem drinking by raising the price of alcohol? Should the complete sentence really say: stop problem drinking among those who can't really afford it?   

Have any of the advisory committee who came up with this ill thought out idea ever met an alcoholic? or indeed a drug addict?  Do they honestly think price will put them off?  Do they know how much drugs are and how much cash addicts hand over on a regular basis? Have they ever heard an addict, in any situation, say, well its gone up £10 a gram, so I won't bother anymore?

In their own world, MPs relax after work with a pint of beer or a fine claret, tickedy boo for them, but not good for the plebs. Is the plan to raise the price of alcohol across the board, the Dom Perignons and the Chablis, as well as the white ciders and the strong lagers.  Or can those with superior taste buds and bigger salaries be trusted to behave?

Similarly, the nation's obesity problems will not be resolved by stopping poor kids from having sweets - forcing them to watch their richer peers stocking up on mars bars and kitkats will really hammer the good health message home. Nothing makes you feel better than watching your mates buy stuff you can't afford, and any future urges to binge will of course be unrelated.  

The majority of working class parents, and indeed drinkers, are not stupid, and they use alcohol and treats in much the same way as the professional classes.  Contrary to popular belief, and the belief of condescending labour politicians, most working class mums do not stuff chips in their babies mouths as soon as they get them home from hospital.  

This generation of parents are far more enlightened than their predecessors, we all have 24/7 information via our tv screens, monitors and phones and most girls and young women know the exact calorie count of a Murray Mint and a medium sized grape.

The only way in which to combat growing obesity levels is through education. Find at least one hour a week in the curriculum to teach kids how to cook, how to prepare and how to enjoy healthy food.  They will continue eating for the rest of their lives, its not something they can give up like algebra, food is essential and basic cookery lessons with give them life skills most will keep with them forever more.  It really is that simple, kids love to cook, ask the class of 1970, who still know how to make a hearty stew and provide a nourishing meal for an invalid.

People cannot be forced to change their unhealthy eating habits or give up their nightly tipple by a shower of middle class busybodies telling them whats good for them.  People who eat cream cakes until they weigh 70 stone have rather more problems than the price of their weekly shop.  They will simply find another high calorific food source if bear claws are priced beyond their reach. The serious drinkers might of course try illegal potato vodka and end up irreparably maimed by their first sip thereby rendering their occasional use of NHS facilities permanent.  The problem Mr. Milliband, is that addiction is a mental health problem that can only be resolved through the addict understanding their illness and making a conscious decision to try and resolve it.  

The utilitarian approach of punishing the entire population, or should I say, the low paid and the unwaged, for the excesses of the few should be binned before a task force is set up to measure our waistlines and monitor our shopping lists.  I already have nightmare visions of government officials weighing us at the checkouts and forcibly removing the boxes of Ferrara Rocher from our trollies, and the box of smarties hidden in our pockets.  

Whilst the idea of getting the population hop, skipping and jumping towards the salad aisles might sound noble and philanthropic  with your chums over a a fine port, when one is going home to a freezing cold bedsit, a hot sausage roll from Greggs (with added tax) is more appealing than an iceberg lettuce. It should also be mentioned that given the very limited resources of your core voters these days, binging on warm pastries is unlikely to be an option.  

The problem drinkers, those clogging up the NHS will not stop drinking because the price of their tipple has gone up.  Alcoholics ALWAYS find money for booze, even if it means the family has to cut down on food and the kids have to go without shoes.  Alcoholism is an addiction that does not understand reason, logic and the need to budget sensibly.  If an alcoholic is prepared to risk his or her life by downing a bottle of vodka in one, making it a pound dearer won't stop him. That is the reality. Addiction is the problem, not the price of a unit.

The kids knocking seven bells out of each other on the high streets, will not stop doing it because the drinks are crazy prices, they are already crazy prices, but it doesn't stop youngsters missing their Friday nights out, nor should it. The alcohol problem in Britain has naff all to do with the pricing and availability of alcohol, it is born out years of Nanny State rule, that doesn't have the courtesy to treat its citizens as independent, thinking, adults as other European countries do. We've always had to sup up quickly, before the last bell.  

Kids who understand the dangers to their health of excessive drinking and the shame of out of control behaviour, are more likely to drink sensibly - and those who don't, learn the lesson like every generation before them, the hard way.  Education is the only effective way to change attitudes and behaviour Mr. Milliband, not 50p on an alcopop.  

I sometimes wonder if the Labour Party have now bought into the 'bash a benefit cheat or a poor person' ideology of their opposite numbers?  Do they no longer have any desire to change the miserable lives of the downtrodden and the underprivileged through education and inspiration?  The only way to stop destructive behaviour is through enlightenment.  History has shown time and time again, that the lash does not change negative behaviour and good sound advice and law enforcement won't stop people drinking alcohol and partying like its 1999.  The good health advice might be coming from a right on cool guy, but he's still the baptist preacher ranting about hell and damnation if we don't change our ways. The oldies are not always goodies. For those with addictions, they are already in hell.

If the government wants to make an impact on the future health of the nation, then it needs to target the youngsters who are attending school every day and who will benefit from an education in food technology for the rest of their lives, its like learning to drive, its something you never forget.  If every child left school with even the most basic knowledge of nutrition and dietary needs, it would save billions in future NHS costs.

It is easier and of course, more profitable to opt for a solution to the nation's health problems with an idea that generates income rather than one that deals with the root cause and future prevention.  Here's a wacky idea, if Labour really care about our health, how about lowering the price of healthy food, rather than raising the price of the junk?

MY REPLY TO KATE'S MESSAGE

3rd May 2014 - Seventh Anniversary Since Madeleine’s Abduction
1 May 2014 at 16:21
Seven years without our daughter, seven years without a big sister for Sean and Amelie. [Translation: Seven years we have been suffering, do you hear that?']  Sometimes we feel totally stuck for words. A lot of the time there are no words. [Comment: there are plenty of words Kate, you wrote a book with 120,000 of them. Have you really nothing to say to your 11 year old daughter, if, as you believe, she is out there?] Our situation seems as unbelievable as it did that very first night without Madeleine.  [Unbelievable is the right word for it.]
                      
Whenever I find myself becoming paralysed with disbelief, unease, frustration or sadness, I have to refocus my mind on the positives, of which there are many. [Comment: always that simmering anger beneath the surface - why Kate? the investigation is beyond your control.  Anger towards the investigators isn't logical, given your mantra is 'no stone unturned'. Some might even say its a tad ungrateful.  I am sure Kerry Needham would give anything to have the resources of two countries' police forces looking for her son]
                       
The Metropolitan Police force continue to make encouraging progress in their investigation with new evidence being uncovered, fresh information coming in to the inquiry following appeals and subsequently, links being made between people and events. We are hugely grateful to the general public for continuing to support the investigation, especially those who have found the courage to come forward with information despite difficult circumstances. [Good of you to thank your public - difficult circumstances? whatever does that mean?]

Whilst the MPS are cautiously optimistic of beginning enquiries on the ground in Portugal in the near future,[Comment: glad to hear the Met Police are cautiously optimistic about beginning enquiries on the ground, they'll show the PJ how its done eh!, A little lesson you should have learned in childhood Kate, it is never a good idea to tell people you think they are stupid - especially not the people who are investigating the disappearance of your daughter] we really hope that this will turn into a concerted effort from the Portuguese authorities as we know there is still a lot to do. Working together is key to the progress of the investigation and a Joint Investigation Team (JIT) could provide a more streamlined way of working with less bureaucracy.[im sure SY and the PJ value your suggestions and input, but as former arguidos, should you really be commenting on how the police forces of the UK and Portugal should run their investigations - it gives the impression you are in charge, or want to be.  This is not an occasion for Gerry and his whiteboard and we would hope the police are following the evidence and not the directions of the former suspects] 

It may be seven years since we last saw Madeleine but the passing of further weeks and months as a result of unnecessary delays and barriers are not only frustrating, they are incredibly distressing. [incredibly distressing for Madeleine?  No.  Incredibly distressing for yourself].  Each day without Madeleine and each day of not knowing is another day too many, regardless of how much time has already gone by.[Translation: Listen, you heartless bastards, think about my pain! Every day without Madeleine, I am suffering and it cannot be stressed enough.I don't know how Madeleine is, but its my pain we are discussing here. My life is very happy, but it could be happier, lets not forget that. Ps. I have put a lot of work into my whiney voice and look of despair,  Its only chavvy people who are jealous of my good looks, my macho husband and me being on Lorraine's sofa who think I am a phoney] 
                       
May is an important month for all missing children and their families worldwide with May 25th being International Missing Children’s Day. This May is particularly special in the UK as a new enhanced Child Rescue Alert (CRA) system (to help find abducted and missing children in serious danger) is to be launched by the charity Missing People and the National Crime Agency. This system (based on the highly effective ‘Amber Alert’ in the USA) I believe, will help to save the lives of abducted children and ease the suffering faced by their families. It’s a very exciting step forward. [Q:  Why are you and hubby always involved in schemes that want to tag every citizen, give governments the  power to spy on us and campaigns for restrictions on free speech?] 

Throughout the whole month, the charity Missing People are running a ‘Forget-Me-Not’ campaign with several different ways for the public to get involved to help find missing children. One really important and simple way you can get on board is by signing up to the Child Rescue Alert. By registering, you will receive an alert with relevant information, by text or email, when a child is abducted in your area. This way you can join the search immediately and play a vital role in helping to find a child in danger. Please take a minute to visit www.childrescuealert.org.uk and sign up today. There are several other ways to help too – Take a look on www.missingpeople.org.uk.
                     [In this age of the internet, mass communications and mobile phones, there is no need for further legislation or Amber Alert.  When a child goes missing it is flashed on the news, facebook, twitter and every relevant news outlet.within moments, and the police and public response is phenomenal, the like of which we have never seen before. The number of children who are genuinely abducted is so small, that it does not warrant scaring the entire population into having their children microchipped and handing over their DNA].   
It goes without saying, but needs to be said….We are grateful beyond words for the continued and unwavering commitment, help and love from all our faithful supporters. Thank you SO much for keeping Madeleine in your hearts.
                                         
                       SEVEN YEARS.

                       STILL MISSING.
                       STILL MISSED.
                       NEVER FORGOTTEN.
                       THANK YOU.
                        
                     
                     
Kate
                        I do feel sympathy for Kate, but not for the reasons she might think.  The idea of spending a further 7 years chasing an obscure variety of suspects in the Algarve must be hell.  So too the knowledge that at any time, someone [be it a member of parliament - yeh, that'll never happen] or a journalist, will have the guts to stand up and say 'the Emperor isn't wearing any clothes'.

For further information and indepth discussion, go to http://jillhavern.forumotion.net/portal

FILL YOUR BOOTS JAYELLES

Despite the risks involved (see last post), today is your day Jayelles, when I say your name out loud (though not 3 times, I've seen Candyman and Beetlejuice) and respond to your obsessional stalking.

I'll give you a minute, no doubt you will want to get your breath back after all that writhing on the floor.  Better now?  Hope that will give you a little insight into the twinkle you see in other women's eyes, that twinkle you have never had, and probably never will.  

Where do I begin.  First of all, please do not concern yourself a moment longer about my sanity.  I have reached an age where I don't give a fuck what other people think of me (its quite liberating), happily most people find my eccentricity charming, so I can live with that.  

I can see how my, shall we say brutal honesty, could be seen as a mental health issue, and indeed the number of times I have been asked not to return to places of work would support this.  Unfortunately the knock on effect is that I now seek out lies and stupidity in the wider world.  Lets just say, I have a heightened sense of injustice that goes right back to early childhood.  I cannot bear cruelty towards the vulnerable, it gets my heckles up.  A three year old little girl doesn't just vanish.  

But lets get back to you.  I have a theory that some women, when they reach a certain age, buy an inordinate amount of cats or they find someone to stalk on the internet.  I am guessing you are sitting at your computer with a variety of moggies on your head and a couple creeping out from under your armpits. Am I right?

You keep your own identity carefully hidden whilst ripping into and naming and shaming others.  Do you not see the hypocricy in that?  You claim to be defending a noble cause, yet you do not have enough faith in it to reveal your own name?  

You have been unmasked as a dental receptionist from somewhere, I don't know if you are, and I don't really care, the picture certainly matched your character, as to the passion for collecting and filing information on other people. All those irritating little A-Z cards day in and day out, it takes some kind of devotion to filing to pursue it in your spare time - err, kudos.  I look forward to the Filing Awards (is it like the Baftas?) and your final recognition.

Your passion for the McCanns (personally) Jayelles is (Oops, thats twice) is way over and above that of, shall we say normality for want of a better, or lets call it a baseline, and you fly off the scale.  You would be in the group known as 'superfans', and my advice to Kate and Gerry is 'Be Afraid'.  You were also obsessed with the Jonbenet Ramsey case, though I not sure who the object of your obsession was there, and frankly, I can't be arsed to look it up.

You are not my first stalker Jayllbait (gotcha!) - I once worked with a woman who became more me than me.  It was like Single White Female in the workplace.  Sadly she was a much better me than I was, and she nicked my job!  Ce la vie.  Your reasons for stalking, wow, that would go into several pages, and I have would have to charge you ;)

NOT SWINGERS IMO

I don't think there was swinging, I do however think there was a lot of jealousy. Some people in this world become fixated on what others have, that they do not.  It eats them alive and creates a personal hell within their minds, that can sometimes go out of control.  This is particularly true of narcissists.  I am not necessarily talking about material possessions, it also includes great personalities, a sharper wit, good relationships, good children, helpful relatives, more friends etc, etc, if a person is inclined towards jealousy, they will find something and some way in which to include the words 'not fair' in their thought processes.  

Bearing in mind that the McCanns' personalities have not changed since, or because of, Madeleine's disappearance.  The people we see now are the same people they were prior to 3rd May 2007.  

Rightly or wrongly, many of us reacted to them with intense dislike, probably because we could see straight through them, and the same must be true in their personal and social lives.  On the surface, they would appear to be valuable friends to have, attractive, financially comfortable with good connections, the epitome of the middle and professional classes and probably regulars on the guest lists of all their medical friends.  However, the way people appear in public can be entirely different to how they actually are within their own homes, or in the relaxed atmosphere of a holiday.  The holidays, Christmas especially, always show a marked increase in murder, abuse, break ups and break downs, they are intense times when we are with our loved ones 24/7 - real personalities show through.  

Returning to the swinging, it is unlikely.  When Kate made her anguished appeal that she couldn't make love to Gerry, a lot of women felt sympathy, no-one could.  I think Gerry might well have fancied studying the assets of the giggly quiz mistress further into the night, but a lot of that could have been macho bravado in front of his mates, or possibly an excuse to stay away longer from the whiney nagging of his uptight wife.  Even Hulk Hogan would have flinched at going home to an angry Kate.

I think the group holiday was for fun and relaxation, though I don't think the relaxation part was fairly distributed between the McCanns.  Fiona even brought her mother along, not something you would do if you if you were expecting a stream of a visitors through the night in various stages of undress or possibly bondage gear.  I don't entirely know what swinging involves, but I am guessing a lot of bed hopping or the hiring of a hall if there are a lot of participants.  I am trying to form a picture in mind, but all I can imagine is a Brian Rix Farce from the 1960's.  

I suppose there are occasions where a group of people might loll around, sharing spliffs and cuddling each other, they may even throw their kaftans and otherwise cautious natures to the wind by sharing the love, but it doesn't sound like the doctors.  Besides, they all had early starts because they had very young children with them.  I just don't think its physically possible to get up close and personal with all your holiday chums through the night when you have to get up at 6.00am to make the baby's bottle.  Nor do I think it physically possible to play tennis all day if you have been 'at it' all night, which, going off on another track, might explain a few things. 

This lot were not getting their jollies through sex, they were getting them through sport.  It seems exercise produces natural endorphins that can take you to highs, we couch potatoes can only dream of.  Who knew.




Ps.  To Blacksmith. I did giggle at your reference to my stalker Jaillbate, I have thus far avoided soiling my blog with her name, I fear if I say it out loud she may suffer the same fate as the poor woman who was admitted to hospital with multiple orgasms.

STOP THIS TORY CULL

I am huge fan of Russell Brand, I love his humour (maybe not some of the naughty bits, but thats my age) and his passion and willingness to stand up and be counted.  I will be marching behind him come November, corns permitting. [not that close, I am not a stalker :)]

However, it saddens me to see him advocating that we shouldn't vote.  All his arguments for not voting are valid, politicians have indeed become indistinguishable from each other, grey men and women, many of them with sinister agendas.  They no longer 'work' before going into politics, they are groomed from the cradle to be leaders.  Old Labour consisted of men who worked in the pits, men who had come up through the Unions, men who knew all too well, the taste of poverty.  When Tony Blair suggested marching hoodies to the nearest cash point for an on the spot £100 fine, it was obvious he didn't have a clue, we were doomed.

Unfortunately, New Labour is all we've got right now to put a stop to the Tories ongoing cull of the weakest in our society.  If people don't vote it will continue. The Labour Party should be fighting the next election on the grounds of humanity, a promise to put an end to ATOS and the Bedroom Tax and give a guarantee to the people, that the NHS will never be sold off.  

What is happening NOW should be the priority, and a non vote will guarantee another Right wing government who will continue hammering the poor.  That is the reality.

Whilst on my soap box and suggesting policy, New Labour could be the first government to actually acknowledge the internet and the sociological changes it has made to our society.  Traditional working class jobs no longer exist, and no-one should be pandering to the hang and flog 'em brigade who would rather see the poor break stones, than doss on the sofa watching Jeremy Kyle.

Taking all forms of extremism out of the equation, how about accepting that new jobs must be created that take account of our huge increase in leisure time.  There, I said it, pass around the smelling salts.  We no longer get up at 6.00am to scrub our doorstep and get the washing out in order to feel good, and sneering at people with their curtains closed past dawn, is just childish. Ever heard of night work Gideon?

Eventually, a Government, one of them at least, will accept that we have an ageing population, and generations arriving at the age where their parents, grandparents etc went out to work, but for them, there are no jobs.  

When their job train gets there, it has hit the end of the line, and there are more trains coming in behind them, each filled with young and talented people who are about to face the scrapyard.

The nature of work has to change.  The Care Industry must get larger, there is no option, people are living longer. No only do these people have to be cared for, they have to be financed. From an economic perspective, if not from a humanitarian one, why not invest in the children who will be the taxpayers of tomorrow?

Create an industry.  Give ALL children free meals. Invest in science, technology and education.  Clear those dole queues by offering hope and inspiration. People are no longer factory fodder, and besides the factories have long since moved out East. Short of someone starting a war, the only way in which to create new jobs (no, not more call centres) is to change thinking and look at what the 21st century offers.  Heck, I wish someone would be brave enough to try a New New Deal.

THE ALTERNATE ADVICE COLUMN - or what your Mother and Majory Proops never told you.

Dear Cristobell,

Q.   I think my husband is having an affair, what should I do?

A.   Contrary to popular belief, an extramarital affair on the part of the husband, can be one of the most fulfilling times in a woman's life, a time in which to set future parameters and get the kitchen she always wanted.  She can have wild passionate sex with a partner who is currently basking in the belief that he is God's gift to women, should she choose, or she can send him to the sofa and have the bed all to herself.  I think a mixture of the two carries an extra sting.

It is a time in which to catch up with all her mates, especially the best friend who will drop everything to share an evening of dissing men, getting drunk, and singing I will Survive.  It is also a good time to have a few girls nights out, while the Perp stays home minding the kids.  The guilt that is tearing him apart will spur him into handing over cash, and saying (through gritted teeth) have a great time.  

The amount of punishment is really a question of individual taste. Some may consider it churlish to say I would have preferred Belgian chocolates when handed an elaborate bouquet, but remember we are setting future parameters. An offer to return to the garage should be gratefully accepted as it allows time to grab the remote and the best spot.  I am sure many grown men have cried watching Gone With The Wind as their mates watched the World Cup, but probably not because Rhett left Scarlet.

It is unlikely your husband will leave permanently, but sadly, it has little to do with love.  Like any male of the species, they have marked their territory. Roaring lions settle once they have found their slippers, their cardi, and their food providing lioness.  What the lioness does with her straying mate is up to her.  While the old beast might have enjoyed a spot of temporary preening, he will forever wonder why his other half never stops grinning.  



Should you require alternate advice I am happy to assist, just address your queries, Dear Cristobell. :)

YA GOTTA LAUGH

Dear Lord, I'm concerned about this 'No Suspect' Sunday.  Some poor sap may be locked up in a Portuguese prison cell on trumped up charges of child abduction and burglary.  I am guessing it will be someone with a substance abuse problem and a very poor memory, because he can't remember doing it.  Nor can he remember if he told his mates (if he had any).  Nonetheless, he will be charged with The Crime of the Century and burglary and never eat a meal that hasn't been spat on again.  

The McCanns will not only be exonerated, Rome will once more prepare itself, this time for their canonisation and we doubters will be confined to purpose built prison ships while the McCann Fund seizes our assets.  They meanwhile, will probably be knighted for services to Charity Fund Directors, and Kate's next book will be entitled 'The Perfect Parent - How To Be Like Me'.  Gerry will be appointed Witchfinder General Head of UK Press Control, and all future news will come from the McCann Broadcasting Channel.  Only stories that urge donations to The Fund and tales of fluffy wuffy bunny wabbits will be considered.  Madeleine's image (toddler) must serve as a constant reminder to donate.  The best form of justice for the child is to ensure her parents live well. 


Of course, the only place all of this can occur (we hope) is in McCann Cuckoo Land.  Its inhabited by loopy people walking around with candles and the self righteous.  On the plus side, it has a dedicated section for the criminally insane and a hands on Vicar with a special liking for spirits.  All are welcome, the deranged especially, if you can't donate cash, donate hours, use your free time to spit venom and abuse at random strangers on the internet.  You will get your rewards in heaven.  

Don't be put off by the air of lunacy that pervades the atmosphere, in time you too will carry a banner of hope and a suitcase full of Madeleine posters wherever you go.  Happy holiday resorts and private hoteliers particularly welcome pictures of a tragic toddler stolen from her bed while the family were enjoying a carefree sojourn.  We do not however recommend these for UK holiday destinations as we do not wish to damage their tourist industry.  Besides, the idea that Madeleine may be in the UK is as preposterous as it is ludicrous.  She is much more likely to have been taken to a location inhabited by swarthy types where she would stand out like a sore thumb, especially with her unique eye.  Lets keep it real.

The truly deluded are frantically praying (that their identities are never discovered) and may even claim they shared in Gerry's epiphany.  They too, were sent on a mission to raise as much money as they could search for Madeleine, and raise awareness of the vital need to continue searching for attractive missing kids worldwide and the constant need for funds.