TRAFALGAR SQUARE, PROTESTERS DEMAND RIGHT TO INFECT AND BE INFECTED

 

Oh my gawd, I cannot believe, otherwise sane, Sonia Poulton is protesting in Trafalgar Square alongside the moronic far Right who demand the right to be infected with Covid-19.  I honestly can't believe these morons have turned a proven form of preventing the spread of infection, into a political issue!  Sonia is protesting 'mandatory vaccinations' and the mandatory wearing of masks, etc.  Firstly there aren't any mandatory vaccinations in this country and secondly, non mask wearers are not being persecuted, they are, rightly imo, just being avoided.

I haven't got the heart to look deeply into the freedoms these eejits claim are being attacked, I just see that David Icke is involved, so I assume it involves lizards.   Are they protesting Boris Johnson and his cabinet of Bullingdon Boys?  Err, no I don't think so.  Why blame the Prime Minister and his coke fuelled advisors, when the odds are Covid-19 was created by Bill Gates, cell phone providers (with their masts) and all those lefties in Silicone Valley.

Boris Johnson doesn't have the brain of a super villain.  Whilst he might in theory agree with the idea of a super disease to somehow control the masses, his private life is too complex for him to see it through.  He looks like a man who is confronted on a daily basis by his former lovers.  But I digress, just stand the dishevelled oaf next to Vladimir Putin and you will see what I mean.

The Prime Minister and his incompetent cabinet have attempted to deal with the pandemic, albeit badly.  We are now down to between 10 to 20 deaths per day, but the rate of infection is still scarily high.  Make note Sonia Poulton and Martin Daubney, the wearing of masks has lowered the 'curve'.  It is one of the most effective weapons we have.  Now, I am not entirely sure if these Trafalgar Square protesters are claiming Covid-19 is a hoax, but I am picking that up as a gist.  To them I would say, why would a tory, capitalist, government shut down an economy?  Were they panicked?  Yes, clearly, but once they realised a long term shutdown would lead to a financial recession, they quickly backpedalled to their initial stance, herd immunity.  Get those kids back to school.  Yes, just like Trump, Boris et al want kids back at school.  Parents make up a substantial part of the nation's workforce, they need schools to look after the children while their parents work.   From a Marxist perspective, parents are chained by family obligations to support regimes that oppress them. 

Those protesters in Trafalgar Square today are, I suppose, demanding that we all return to 'normality', as if Covid-19 no longer exists.  Much like Trump's campaign rally at the White House, the pictures and videos of August 2020 in Trafalgar Square and Washington, will be captured as 'moments in time', maybe recorded as 'the beginning of the super spreaders' that wiped out the world.  No social distancing, no masks.  We are in the same lull as the people of 1918 after the first wave of Spanish Flu hit, many, especially all those who didn't get hit first time around, feel emboldened, they have done their bit, stayed home, worn as mask, washed their hands endlessly and this 'highly contagious disease hasn't affected me' attitude has kicked in.  I'm not imagining it, I am seeing it in people all around me, they are taking what I call 'chances' they would have eschewed 6 months ago.  Then, they would sterilise every product that came into their homes, now, not so much.  

Ordinarily, I am all for, laissez fair and what will be, will be, but in the case of Covid-19, we can actually make constructive choices to help ourselves.  We don't have to be drawn into this crazily false sense of security.  We have the option to say, I'm just not ready yet. We want to protect ourselves, but we are also protecting those we love.   Is it all fake?  I don't know, I don't care.  Even if those lunatics in Trafalgar Square prove to be right, in some sort of bizarro world, I won't regret taking precautions.  I will always sleep better at night knowing that I didn't do anything to harm another person. 

Those 'freedoms' demanded by those people in Trafalgar Square are literally pathetic.  How self centred and lacking of a real cause are you, that your right to infect takes precedence over all those you might harm?  If you have health problems that prevent you from wearing a mask, stay out of shops and public places.  Note that others have the right to safety from you.  Your right to infect is not a good thing to be fighting for.  You don't want to wear a mask, how do you feel about about a ventilator?  Will it affect the gout in your fourth toe, left foot?

Jeez, I truly did not know how much the Far Right has penetrated society, both English and American.  How people you considered normal, are in fact Batshit crazy.  I have, though I consider Sonia a friend, ignored most of her campaigning and activism, dismissing it as 'not my cup of tea'.  Naively, I brushed off her 'far right' leanings, as not typical of the person I knew.  I would have liked to have got into a debate with her but I suspect on most subjects we would have been on opposite sides.   

I don't know who these people are protesting against.  If it's the tories, nobody hates Boris Johnson and his charmless allies more than I,  but 'wear a mask', 'wash your hands', 'socially distance' comes directly from the scientists who know what they they talking about.  If I had school age children, I would not send them back into an environment that every honest scientist describes as lethal, and my heart goes out to every parent, because having been a working, single mum, I know all the nightmares of finding childcare. 

Those in Trafalgar Square protesting the findings and advice of scientists takes ignorance to a whole new level.  Future generations will say jeez, incredible that such stone age thinking still existed in the 21st century.   For whatever reason, the little aliens in the 'For mash get smash' image comes to mind, their laughter at humans peeling spuds and mashing them.  But they won't be laughing, because two of the world's leading powers are following the exact same trajectory as their predecessors in 1918.  Ok, we've done as much as we can, perhaps if we ignore it, it will go away?  The result, between 50m and 100m deaths globally.  

One thing I have learned as I get older and wiser, is that ignoring 'a huge threat' doesn't make it go away.  Ignoring it makes it a zillion times worse, and it's at that stage that you reflect on all the opportunities 'to fix' along the way that you ignored.  Not a happy place to be.  I'm a writer and a dreamer but I'm still here, because ultimately, I am ruled by logic.  I have an inner 'Mr. Spock' who steps in when I start to catastrophise.  I don't believe Covid-19 is a hoax, if it were the hoax, the hoax would be ignore it and cover it up.  A new reality we seem to be moving towards, btw.  I don't know many people who have caught it, but then again I don't mix with people who would be vulnerable, rally attendees, party goers, and social distancing space invaders.  My biggest fear is waking up one day to find that my own social circle are dropping like flies and who's next?  I have watched enough Zombie movies to know how quickly the dominant ideology can flip and it's 'every man (and woman) for himself  (herself)'.  

At the moment I find the protests against masks so trite, I can't believe I am writing about it.  That is I can't believe people are protesting their right not to wear a mask and protect themselves and their families.  Seriously, is that their biggest priority right now?  Their right to infect and be infected?  Those mash potato aliens will be rolling on the floor and laughing out loud when they read those Trafalgar Square 2020 'demands for freedom'.  

It is now 29th August 2020, and I don't how the pandemic and the lunacy of the USA and the UK being held in the grip of Right Wing greed will turn out.  Those countries with leaders who have put the health of their people above their own political goals and the continued prosperity of their allies, have tackled the virus head on and won.  They are returning to 'normal' without fear.  Those who's primary interests are their own finances and those of their billionaire donors, have now discarded any pretence at fighting the virus and have invented a 'new normal', on par with Kellyanne Conway's 'alternative facts'.  They are pretending Covid-19 has gone away.  Step in Sonia Poulton and Martin Daubney, staunch supporters of this 'new alternate reality'.  Why Sonia why?  I really don't think history will treat you well.  

I hate Trump - Why? Unedited

 I have for the past few months been obsessed with Donald Trump and the coming Presidential election on 3rd November.   This is an obsession on the same level as the McCann case, the eyelashes and the baking, in that it has completely taken over my life.  I hate that man to the point of lunacy, more than I have ever hated anyone in my life (there is perhaps one other) and I don't just want him annihilated at the election but put on trial for all his crimes.  I often used to wonder what an English woman thought of Hitler during the 1930's, I guess now I am feeling it.

I don't blame the American people, well maybe a bit, because 49% of them didn't bother to vote at all in 2016, and as Hilary won the popular point, it was only around 25% of them that voted for Trump.  That's a shocking statistic, but sadly, in most countries non voters can drastically change an election.   If a non voter stood for non voters, he/she would win in a landslide.  In the UK a low turnout favours the Tory party, in the US, the Republicans.  Rich people always vote to ensure their interests are protected.  Poor people, not so much.

In the US this time around however, I think there will be a phenomenal turnout one way or another, despite the pandemic and Trump's efforts to cheat.  Most people in the UK and US, non voters especially, live pretty ordinary lives, unaffected by the political machinations in Downing Street or the White House.  With the Pandemic however, the failure of bad politicians is constantly in the spotlight, we can see by a quick glance at the coronavirus curves worldwide, exactly which countries leaders are succeeding and which leaders are failing miserably.   All those non voters are experiencing the fatal, devastating results of putting personal greed before the health of their nations.  

England's bad, and I will get to that at some point, but the biggest threat to the world right now is US President Donald Trump.  I go up and down on whether the b'stard will win or lose, 90% of me believes, of course he'll lose, everytime he opens his mouth or tweets he offends a demographic he desperately needs to win over.    He has alienated women basically because he still sees women in the kitchen, wearing an apron and blushing sweetly when he compliments their breasts.  His constant white old men meetings and white old men press conferences, is a better reflection of his attitude towards women and ethnic minorities than anything that comes out of his lying mouth.

So who is going to vote for this guy?  I have done all of the research, if being glued to US news 24/7 counts, and I have surmised the biggest demographic that supports that demon, is white, male, non college educated.  Hmm.  Basically, macho, macho man.  Yeah, I could tear into bikers, steel workers and coal miners, but give 'em a cowboy hat and a bit of ole country music and I would be jelly.  Happily tough men, like it to be known that they have a gentler side, and I wouldn't be surprised if a few good old boys didn't shed a tear when the kid with the stutter spoke up for Joe Biden.  A tough guy recognises true courage.  

I honestly don't think that Americans will vote Trump in for another four years.  Actually, I don't think Trump thinks they will either.  If he did, he would think twice about things like asking the American people to boycott an American product when his main boast is bringing manufacturing back to the USA.   I can't imagine any advisor, no matter how sycophantic, suggesting something so stupid. This confirms, as I have long suspected, that control freak Trump, has taken over everything himself.  He listens to no-one (clearly), he rushes in head first believing that he alone knows the way.  He is at that stage where Caligula made his horse an honoured Senator.

Which brings us to next week's Republican National Convention.  The RNC do not have such luminaries as President Obama, First Lady Michelle Obama, Bill and Hilary Clinton, Julie-Louise Dreyfuss or Kamala Harris, but they do have whiny, entitled kids, Don Jr, Ivanka, Eric and Tiffany who will complain about Joe Biden's alleged nepotism.  They also have have the awful couple who pointed guns at peaceful BLM protesters and the brat any parent should be ashamed of, the smirking kid with a MAGA hat trying to belittle an elderly Native American Indian.   

As a fully fledged Trump hater, I am delighted with the RNC line up. I couldn't think of a cast of more unlikeable, unattractive, zero charisma characters if I tried.  With depression era unemployment, a pandemic raging, and millions waiting for financial relief for rent and food, Don Jr, Ivanka and Eric will tell Americans that they and their father put the people's needs above their own.  Ivanka and the corpse she is married to, made around 80m dollars last year, how did that happen?  But what about Hunter eh?

I watched the Democratic Convention, ergo, for me just now day is night and night is day, lol.  And I loved it.  It reinforced everything I love about America and Americans.  I always think they are way more advanced than we (brits) are, in their confidence and ideology.  Ok, I think it is a bit nationalist the way they take so much pride in their flag and country, but it is tempered by the fact that so many citizens of colour, faith, and ethnicity fall underneath that umbrella. 

It is unbelievable that white supremacy is raising it's ugly head in the 21st century.  I'm sure my dear old dad must be spinning in his grave.  He lived through the Second World War, albeit he was only 10 when it began, it made him Antifa for life.  Donald Trump came to power without any real goals, his 'run' was mostly a publicity stunt to boost his flagging reality show and dwindling empire.  He won because of complacency, Hilary Clinton wasn't going to lose against a doofus like Donald Trump.  She was winning everywhere, it couldn't happen.  Enter James Comey at the 11th hour, with his supposed email expose.  Then the unimaginable happened. 

Even as an onlooker only, I cannot relax right now.  Joe Biden and Kamala Harris are on course to win, but I am terrified of an October surprise.  Not with Joe or Kamala, who I am sure have been examined under a microscope but some 'event' that might set the wheel in spin again.  A hurricane or mass shooting, except no, Trump's cavalier attitude to death and disaster condemns him every time.  Tragedy and statistics do not affect him.  He has no empathy, and today he said it out loud, who cares?  After nearly four years in office, he doesn't feel the need to show any sympathy to anyone, not to veterans or victims of natural disasters or pandemics, it is what it is.  

I don't think for one minute that our friends in America think in the same way as their temporary tinpot dictator.  I read today about the amazing comeback of George H. Bush in 1988.  He was as far back as Trump is now, but he managed to turn it all around.  How, it's along story, but basically racism, George H Bush found a scary black man to frighten white voters.  Trump et al are of course trying their hardest to find pictures and videos of black people behaving badly, sadly for them, their 'finds' are mostly new rap and video stars. 

Trump spoke honestly last week.  'No one likes me' he said, which was like err, yeah, but also a bit sad.  Deep down, that is a very unhappy man.  Bizarrely, he is aware of just how despicable he is. 'Obama and Biden gave you me' he said, as if referring to the 'worst that could happen'.  Clearly he too is still astonished that he is where he is.  

I think he wants to lose.  He has had enough of the boring work he is expected to do.  He has signalled, a couple of times at least, how great his life was before.  I interpret that as 'don't care anyway' for when he loses and a fuck you to his critics, as in 'I've still got super models and gold toilets'.  It's probably a given that he is going to be a sore loser, demanding a recount and appeals to all those judges he appointed.  

History, at least the bits students of the future will click onto, is in the making now.  I wonder even if the USA will fall into Civil War if Trump won't accept the result of the election?  He is already getting the police and military to pledge allegiance to him.  He lost the popular vote in 2016, and there are no signs it is turning to him in 2020.  The midterms in 2018, showed a marked turnout and a massive win for House Democrats.  It brought in 'the Squad' and hammer of the Republicans, AOC.  

Flipping the House from Republican to Democrat and replacing Paul Ryan with Nancy Pelosi was a huge protest vote against Trump.  And that was the halfway stage, when feelings were maybe not as strong as they are now.  Biden will win and he should win.  As an Englander I can't vote, but if I could I would, he is the kind of American known as the good guy all over the world.

I'm actually looking forward to the RNC convention next week, because I am, aw shucks, basically a bitch.  All my studies have made me quite adept at reading beyond the words, especially with dysfunctional families, and especially after having read Mary Trump's book.  I think, for example, that Don Jr is an absolute arsehole for abandoning his wife and FIVE kids for an old bird as grotesque as his dad's latest wife Melania.  

Ivanka is married to a corpse - has anyone ever checked if the mannequin has a pulse?  He's pretty much in the same position as Lucretia Borgia's first husband, ie, no-one really cares, but they are probably all pretty happy to stick his pike on a pike if the situation demands it.   

Will the Children of the Corn stick together when all the law enforcement agencies come after them.  I'm guessing not, they are all the greedy, selfish, offspring of a narcissistic sociopath who have literally worshipped the devil for all their avaricious desires.  They are not endearing to anyone, so, in the cruellest possible way, I look forward to their speeches.

My kindest wishes to all those who look in.  I am happy to report that I am fine, deeply engrossed in my latest OCD (bleeding Trump), but happy all the while I am learning:)  Stay safe everyone.....  

 

WHAT'S LIFE IN RUSSIA LIKE? JUST MUSING

Hello to all the JBs out there, Julie especially who I have tried to email but failed, must go to specsavers!  I am fine, I was simply enjoying a short sojourn.  I have written blogs, but not published them, on the writing front I am all over the place.  Yes, more unfocused than usual, but not in a depressive way.  Due to the wonders of the internet, the best invention in my lifetime, I have been on YouTube mostly, following all sorts of wonderful and adventurous vloggers.  I have always wondered what life is like in Moscow and Beirut, now I know :)

Regarding 'binge watching', 'Ekatarina' led me onto 'The Red Queen', the story of the Russian supermodel Regina in the 50's/60's.  It was of course, a wonderful 'Cinderella' rags to riches story, except even when you get to the riches part, you still have to live in an apartment with your bed in the living room.  Also a dining table which I quite liked, it was great to see Russian hospitality, all the different foods, but especially the ever present bottle of vodka on the table!  Maybe that's why they have the bed handy.  

I feel the good Lord, if there is one, is making up to me all the travels I would have taken if I lived my life again.  Not only can I hone in on places I want to see, but I can, vicariously, with my new found friends, sit and dine with the people who live there!  I can almost smell and taste the food with their wonderful descriptions, less so when the main dish is a plate of raw meat or agile ants on a bed of rice.  I honestly don't think I could say 'hmmmm lovely' to a skewer of boiled fat.  I salute their bravery, and their pallets, but I guess if you are travelling gourmet, you can't say no to anything. And god forbid, you would tell a man standing in front of a furnace with a machete, that it could have done with a bit more salt.   

My love of Russian drama and the last meaningful discussions we had on here were about the 'Eastern Bloc' which set me off on a whole new journey of discovery, cyberly obviously.  No need to read Solzhenitsyn, though I did in the 70's, there are far easier ways to discover what life was like in the Soviet Union.  Solzhenitsyn's book was set in a Siberian Labour Camp, so not much to be gleaned there.

To be fair I have always liked and admired Russians, probably because capitalists didn't. I am a little in awe of them and wish I had a Russian friend, because they seem innately strong and because they are straight speaking.  But mostly I am in awe of them for the way they held out against Hitler in Stalingrad.  I think had there been a Russian 'Highlander', it would been game over for the others.  I also like their habit of randomly knocking back vodka shots without anyone batting an eye.  If my liver and I were younger and healthier I would be knocking on a Moscow door with my suitcase, ha ha.

I think I am now beginning to understand how differences in political ideology work in practice.  We have seen what life in the USA is like through millions of films and TV programmes, but there has never, to my knowledge been a Russian equivalent.  Or maybe there was, I only recently found out Russia had a Fashion House.  The Russian series about Regina was set in the 1950s/60s, when citizens had far less freedoms than they do today.  The women's wear proposed by the Fashion House, for example, had to be approved by elderly white KGB leaders.  Clothes had to be modest and suitable for the office and the field.  And for the citizens of Russia, leaving wasn't an option.

Through the series there is the menacing presence of the KGB in the background, for all citizens, even the most lowly.  That 'menacing presence' surprised me, because the drama is produced by the Russian Federation.  Excellently, I might add, it is comparable to any Hollywood blockbuster.  This is not a review, though it would be 5 star if it were, for me it gave a glimpse of life for ordinary people under a communist regime, a peep at how in an equal society, some are more equal than others.  The acceptance, by ordinary people, but simmering resentment of the government's rules.  Fast forward to now, I am watching 'SilverSpoon', a new Russian drama, where the hero is the spoiled son of an oligarch.  Yes, indeed, it would appear life in Russia has changed dramatically.   

As always happens when you set out on a journey of discovery, there are things you really ought to know before you go any further.  In this case, the entire origins and history of every European country - methinks this is going to take a while.  Happily, no need for piles of encyclopaedias, there are multiple charismatic and not so charismatic vloggers giving potted histories of everything you want to know.  

Along with everything about Russia, I am also (still) obsessed with the lunacy of Donald Trump especially in this run up to the presidential election in November.  But that I will put in another blog, as I am having difficulty prioritising what outrages me the most.   My kindest wishes to all who pop in, take care.....

JESS PHILLIPS - WRONG CALL, AGAIN

Remember when Jess Phillips said she would happily stab Jeremy Corbyn in the front?  Imagine if JC had said that about her and the hysteria induced grand mal that would kick off?  I'm not sure any amount of smelling salts would bring her around.  I'd keep her out by playing her own ill informed speeches on a loop. It would be fair to say, few MPs irritate me as much as Jess Phillips, not just her loud geezer bird voice and behaviour, but her narcissistic belief that only her opinions matter.  And worse, she portrays herself as an expert on subjects she clearly knows very little about.

Now she has written an opinion piece on Johnny Depp's libel case against the Sun, where she has, not surprisingly, taken the side of Amber Heard (the woman involved) and err Rupert Murdoch and The Sun. Of course pretendy feminist and pretendy defender of abused women, Jess Phillips felt the need to throw in her two penny worth by portraying the stunningly beautiful and successful actress Amber Heard as a victim of domestic abuse.  Portraying Amber Heard as the victim, demonstrates just how little Jess Phillips knows about domestic abuse.  Most victims of domestic abuse are trapped - they have nowhere to go, no money and usually babies and children they must protect.  They don't have access to multiple mansions or private planes at their disposal.

Jess Phillips has with her opinion piece, made two huge 'Trumpian' errors.  Firstly, with her high profile in the Labour Party as a spokesperson for women and domestic abuse, it is appalling that she wrote about a domestic violence case without reading or knowing the basic facts that led to Johnny Depp's libel case.  Victims of domestic abuse for example, don't usually stub out cigarettes on their partners, chop off their fingers or shit in their beds.  Phillips either doesn't know about all these incidents or it's part of her coverall generic 'it doesn't matter what a women does'.  Phillips complains that Amber (the victim) is having her name dragged through the mud by a libel case in which she is not personally involved.

Well ahem, ahem Jess, why do you think Johnny Depp is bringing this libel case?  Take a minute.  Yeah, you got it, Amber Heard with her false accusations dragged his name through the mud with lies.  Arguably, she destroyed his 'A' list career.  Should we all just ignore that bit, say it's OK to destroy a man with heinous accusations of physical abuse, even if the man is completely innocent?  Is the man not allowed to defend himself even if his career and livelihood are at stake?  Fucking good job you're not on a jury you single minded bigot. 

And here is her second great Trumpian error.  Men can be abused too.  Horrifically so, as we have seen in this case.  Johnny Depp should be lauded for speaking out about female abuse against men.  It happens.  Probably far more than is spoken about because men cannot bear the shame of other men, well anyone, knowing that they are being battered by their wives.  No one doubts Johnny Depp's masculinity or thinks him less of a man for tolerating that crazy woman's behaviour.  His strength lies in his not retaliating and I am sure many men can relate to that.

She also commented on the women from Johnny Depp's past such as Winona Ryder coming forward to defend JD's character, dismissing their evidence as irrelevant.  Another sweeping, no room for argument, judgment on her part, displaying her sheer ignorance of human nature and behaviour.  People, predominantly, do not change their basic personality or kind, or unkind natures.  A non violent person doesn't suddenly become violent in middle age.  The evidence of Ms Ryder et al is integral, they knew Johnny Depp intimately, away from the cameras and media.   

Jess Phillips should hang her head in shame for publishing that article without doing any research whatsoever.  She seized on this very public libel trial to defend The Sun (ffs) and to defend a violent woman who's abuse towards Johnny Depp is proven beyond doubt.  At the very least, she should have listened to the tapes before diving in with an opinion based on nothing other than her own prejudice.  Ms Phillips clearly doesn't do her homework and that shouldn't be good enough for an article published in a major newspaper.  

DEPRESSION, BIPOLAR AND MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER - JUST MUSING

Many thanks JB, you may not know this, but the initials JB mean a lot to me. Whoever you are, many thanks for giving me permission (encouragement) to write freely.  To be fair, the only blocks I had were my own, that fear all writers have, am I giving away too much?  I am worried that some bored student in the future will read my scribblings and wonder wtf was she on?  Today, what I am actually on is a large slice of the Victoria sponge I made at midnight.  And no, whipping cream doesn't whip any faster than double cream.  

Perhaps I am getting bored with this lockdown or, dare I say it, braver.  Braver, because I am becoming more and more aware of my own mortality.  My age, my lifestyle, my misspent youth, my pre-conditions and my sorrow, make me a 'stat' waiting to happen in this pandemic.  How quickly can you go from watching the 'stats' to becoming one of them.  I have resigned myself to being chucked in a mass grave and forgotten forever, which is OK, my last thoughts on leaving this life will be re-uniting with those I love who have gone before and who I know I will meet again. I'm going to ask to be buried, burned, dumped whatever with a bottle opener in my pocket and a tray of vol-au-vents (my fav party food) for the big bash.  I will also ensure I am word perfect on 'Flower of Scotland' and 'Oh Danny Boy'.  

Now, what does it matter if my present day readers think I'm nuts, in fact it is more crazy for me to think any of them consider me sane. My multiple personalities are all over this blog which is irksome because I consider the multiple personality diagnosis nonsense. I think we all have multiple personalities we call on to cope with different situations.  Mine are perhaps more pronounced, and some are completely spooked by them. I remember meeting the first love of my life in the early 70's whilst wearing a very feminine,vintage 'Biba' dress with a sweetheart neckline and puffy sleeves. As I walked into a pub to meet him on our first date, he almost fell off his barstool.  I had opted to go full 'punk rocker' and looked nothing like the sweet, girly girl in a flowery frock he had met two nights before! Happily, once he got over the shock, he took it all in good humour, or more accurately, he spent the entire evening taking the pee. He was still talking about it when I bumped into him again 20+ years later!

I remember receiving my diagnosis of disassociation, via two independent top psychologists.  They also agreed I was brutally honest (it's beyond my control) and overall a good egg.  It was something I, friends and family had joked about for years and even with a clinical diagnosis, I could not take it seriously.  I have always had an interest in psychology myself, my dad was a psychiatric nurse and we had a lot of text books in the home that I read with great interest from an early age and my dad was a fountain of knowledge.

True when I left the convent, I had an almighty chip on my shoulder, not in any antisocial sense, but a desire, or more accurately an unquenchable need to know and understand what had happened to me.  What drove those nuns and uncles to become the monsters they were?  How did it all affect me?  The latter part I should have discarded entirely, I wasted way too many years navel gazing and tormenting myself. I wasn't weak, I was strong, my spirit wasn't broken, my head was bloody but unbowed.  The answer to the former, I found in the Stamford University (Zimbardo) experiment.  Give one group of people absolute power over another group of people and abuse is inevitable.  The 'guards' were normal, stable students but they became monsters.  In the convent, and I am sure in a lot of religious institutions, the 'guards', the nuns and uncles (the aunties not so much) were religious zealots and fanatics, so the turning into a monster rate was significantly higher.

To be fair I have never, ever, thought of myself as a victim, more a spokesperson, I always feel obliged to stand up for those without a voice, I like to use my gift of the gab for the underdog which, incidentally, is not good strategy in a work situation.  And which reminds me, I must write a blog or chapter about all the times I got sacked or escorted from the building.  All these years later, I can see the funny side.    

Which brings me nicely back to multiple personalities (did you see how I done that? ha ha), getting the sack situations, are in their own way highly comedic.  Not at the time obviously, unless you are as drunk as a skunk as I was on one occasion (I was expecting the call), good for you that is, but not so good if you were a bald headed gropey old bastard with an overhanging beer gut, and a ridiculously inflated sense of self worth etc.  Especially if you take a bow in front of your giggling work mates (ex :( ).  There is something about getting to that 'fuck you' stage, it brings a sense of freedom, a letting go of bonds.  That rush of power the hero gets when he walks away from the building he has just blown up, with flames and fireworks behind him.  'Never seen a sight that didn't look better than looking back', as Lee Marvin scratchingly sang in 'Wandering Star'.  Sadly I have taken those sentiments too literally, and probably too often.  My problem, and yes it is singular, is fear of commitment, and everything considered, even if I had lived in a functional as opposed to a dysfunctional home as a child, my problem (fear of commitment) would still exist, along with all the barmy characters.  I live with it, I feel in recent years I have brought back to life that 'bold little bitch' who wasn't afraid of anything (apart from the virus).  

I don't blame anyone, because blaming other people is probably about the most self destructive thing you can do.  There is no inner peace to be found there.  I don't live like that anymore, and I'm ashamed for the brief times I did.   For some time now, my philosophy has been to  accept full blame for every predicament I have ever found myself in.  Accepting blame for every dumb decision you have ever made is amazingly freeing, it's like putting all your troubles in a balloon and watching them float away.  It's one of those seminal moments, like when Dorothy clicks her ruby slippers and discovers she had the power to go home all along.  Here I will blame  the Catholic Church, lol, only joking, but their policy is to tell small children they are sinners who must pay for the original sin of Adam who accepted a (wink, wink) bite of that hussy Eve's apple, for, err, the rest of their lives.   Just saying.  Enter the devil, in female, or serpent form, tempting you away from your Godly straight and narrow path.  It wasn't me Gov, it was that rather alluring young lady over there who's divine legs distracted me whilst driving.  She's the one who should be charged.  

Most people blame their parents for a lot longer than they should, for the mistakes that they themselves had made.  Even though there is something a tad ridiculous in blaming your parents (or nuns) for your hangups in your sixties, actually after 40 is pushing it.  Multiple personalities are not a hindrance, they are an advantage.  Don't we all want someone stronger than us to fight our battles?  Are we aware that the hero and heroine have been within us all along?  We see acts of bravery all the time, often from people we least expect it from.  I once went through a phase of reading every story of heroism I could find.  It helped that my dear old dad used to buy me a monthly subscription to Readers Digest.  I hoarded them and read them over and over.

But back to those multiple personalities.  Whilst I mostly poo poo a clinical diagnosis. I have experienced, in times of extreme stress, feelings of transformation.  I can hear my words speaking, but they are detached from myself, it is quite disorientating.  It is the 'coper' within me who steps forward to take charge.  I haven't met her myself, but she is described as 'formidable', which I quite like but also a bit of bitch, which I like not so much.  A Judge, two psychiatrists and a court room full of people actually witnessed a 'transformation', before their eyes.  Not only did my character change, but so too my stance, my attitude and even my skin colour.  The prosecutor had asked 'how someone like me' knew a word like 'malevolent'.  Provocative or what huh?  He may have directly wounded my inner 'Mrs Bucket', but my dignity was in fighting mode.  Again, it was one of those 'wish I had been there' moments, all I could recall was the clear, articulate voice I had practiced over and over aged 13, to do a bible reading in church.  It also won me a 'Speakers Badge' in Guides.

Despite all the above, I would still dispute the evidence and my own experiences.  I think we all have the power to transform in a 'deer in the headlights' moment and we don't know beforehand how we would do it. In addition, if those psychiatrists had taken into account all those psychology books I had read since childhood.  I am not saying I did, but I may have registered the symptoms, subconsciously and adapted them to myself.  I see that is possible. There is also my penchant for taking on the characters of the books I was reading at the time, what impact did that have?.  I was an emotional volcano while reading the Brontes, and an absolute she-wolf when I read Gone with the Wind.  For posterity, I was the downtrodden Jane Eyre alternating with Joan of Arc while in the convent, that could be read as when the disassociating began, but more likely it was because there were very few female role models in those days.  A shame I didn't discover Boadicea and Buffy the Vampire Slayer didn't come along until decades later.  

To be honest I think having multiple personalities is a good thing, I'm looking forward to the day I can waive my 'Nuts' certificate in front of a Judge and claim 'see it wasn't me'.  I jest of course, even the fiery selves aren't lawbreakers.  But if you could change your personality along with your outfit, wouldn't that be a good thing?  And don't we do that anyway?  Is the you, wearing a scruffy old dressing gown, with two days of popcorn and Maltesers caught up in your unbrushed hair a fag hanging out your gob, and odd socks, the same person as when you are wearing a power suit, a well groomed updo and Jimmi Choos?  The two can co-exist within one person.  I laughed my head off when I read of a cyber Court trial recently, in the US, where the Judge ordered Counsel for the Prosecution to get out of bed and dress appropriately for a Court room.  Do we see ourselves in the same way that others see us.  I think the answer is probably no, like when you hear your voice recorded and wonder, do I really sound like that?  I think I am absolutely charming, but even in the real world, there are some who don't see me that way.    

I have waffled, but I hope that I have struck a chord with those who suffer from depression, bipolar and disassociative disorder, in fact anything coming under mental health problems.  Sometimes problems are not quite as awful as we think they are.  And labels shouldn't be, because that's all they are.  We are all much too complex to be summed in two word descriptors.  Those of us who's moods go from dancing among the clouds to wanting to tie a noose around our necks in some rain filled gutter know joy and sorrow too acutely. We know a steady stream of calm water, devoid of turbulence and ecstatic highs is more conducive to good mental health, but does it produce the same artistic heights as those of the most tormented writers, painters, musicians, comedians?  Besides, it is beyond our control.  What happened after Kubla Khan built his 'caves of ice', who knows? Mr. S.T. Coleridge conked out on opium.  I actually think I was a stroke of genius, write your own ending.

My kindest wishes to all those who look in, whether you are new to my blog or a regular.  I do appreciate knowing that my voice is being heard somewhere.  My biggest transformation came when I went into higher education as I was pushing 40! That was life changing and a blog for another day.  I would love to say that I am now enlightened, but I am still on the rocky road, albeit today it is lined with a very fluffy sponge cake oozing whipped cream and blackberry jelly (homemade).  I texted my neighbour to see if she wanted a slice and she replied 'do you know what fucking time it is?'.  It was 1.40am, Oops.  Anyway, take care everyone, wear masks and keep your distance.  If you have avoided Covid-19 this far, carry on doing what you are doing.  The survivors at the end of all this, will be the strong, the immune and those who kept the virus at a distance.  It will be that stage of 'Walking Dead' where Rick et al, are still finding survivors in hotels and food warehouses.  I jest, enjoy your weekends :)

CATHOLIC, ATHIEST, BELEIVER, FOOL

Through no choice of my own, I was raised as a Roman Catholic in a convent, with all the brainwashing and ritual that involved.   My beloved (mad as a hatter) mother told me, don't ever given in to the nuns and don't ever let them see you cry.  It was terrible advice, I got battered for the entire 4 years I was there!   I just couldn't get the 'faith' bit, try as hard as I might, I couldn't get into the whole praising of statues, icons etc, and this weird love for a 'God' no-one could see.  I would often gaze around the Church during services to see how many had that crazed maniacal look in their eye.  Quite a few actually, it was scary.

Naturally, I denounced Catholicism the moment I walked out of it's dark satanic doors to the middle ages.  I clung onto 'unless someone can show me tangible evidence, a Roman God (I quite liked Bacchus) was just as credible as a Christian God.  How can you believe in something you cannot see?  Sure, there are all sorts of theological arguments, but that's what it boils down to.  

Having no faith can be quite tough actually.  Those times are when the words of Neitzche bring reality home.  God is dead.  There is no God.  You are all by yourself.  When that realisation hits you, you have to take a deep gulp, we need someone stronger than us, we need a higher power, shit, I don't want that responsibility.  I want someone else to take care of me.  That's the easy way, there's safety in numbers, follow the crowd, don't be the misfit thrown out and ostricised.  

I hate organised religion, not for how many they include, but for how many they shout out.  We are good people, with good values as preached by JC, but if you are not exactly like us you are not welcome.  That's always a mistake on society's part, because those thrown out into the cold, are usually the most creative, most entertaining and most innovative.  If I have lived before, I hope it was among the artists in Monmartre in the late 1800s or next door to Virginia Woolf in the 1930s.  That is, people on the outside who don't want to be part of the madness.

But I want to return to religion, faith and, hmmm, yes, believe it or not the Paranormal.  I change my religion on a regular basis, so nothing is ever caste in stone.  As I approach 63, I now describe myself as Agnostic.  That is, I believe there is something beyond..... drum roll.  Not one, all powerful God in the religious sense, no Saviour either, but an inner power that we rarely, if ever, call upon - our own.   At the first college lecture I ever went to as a mature student, we were told we only used 4% of our brains.  That blew me away.  We discussed, among many things, our ability to know, even when we have our backs turned and no mirror, that we were being watched.  We 'felt' it.  It went on to become a very lively and discussion, much deeper than I will go into here.

As I said at the start, I do not believe anything I cannot see.  I have out of curiousity, gone along to spiritualist and indeed, spiritual artist meetings,  that is, I have been among audience waiting, hoping, for a message from beyond.  I had a bit of hope myself when we went in, but it soon became obvious that the spiritualists were using information they had gathered at the tea and biscuits before the meeting.  Also how hard is it to google a town and pick up the names of the main industries.  Did anyone work at Tesco?  Actually seeing these people live made me more sceptical and  I pitied those they were exploiting.  

But things have happened in my life that are beyond reasonable and logical explanation.  Those who have watched 'The Secret' and understand the laws of attraction, will be familiar with the concept that you can wish for something, and have it happen.  Which is why 'be careful what you wish for' is loaded with foreboding.  If you follow your wish, your dream, you do things you are not even aware of, that make it happen.  Now I have several examples of this, in my own life, occasions when 'divine intervention' came to my aid.  I remember, as a single parent with two kids and no food, coming out of work one Friday night going to the cashpoint and praying that my wages would be in the bank.  They weren't.  As I walked away from the cashpoint, I found £40 in cash on the pavement.  Naturally I looked around for whoever had dropped it, but they were long gone. I took it, bought a big trolley of food and thanked every God there was.  

There have been times in my life where I have literally prayed, mostly to the Gods of Smirnoff and Gordons to make miracles happen.  And they have.  Not Smirnoff and Gordons obviously, which left me completely incapacitated, but I went to the higher powers above them.  The actual voice of my mum saying 'go on Lind, you can do it' and the voice of my dad saying 'are you telling me your stories', lol.  He rarely believed a word I said, ha ha.

I'm not going to impart all my paranormal experiences just now, of which there are many, but for the first time ever, drum roll........ I am going to recount the experience of looking after my terminally ill (mad) Mum.   We had been estranged for many years, I too had painted her 'bad' along with society and just about everyone.  Not my Dad though, he loved her no matter, even all the crazy.  It wasn't until a very wise work colleague told me 'she is as she is'. Those words had more impact than anything I had read or studied, I woke up.  I suddenly became aware that I should appreciate her just as she was.  I stopped scolding her, I stopped trying to tell her how she should behave (not that she ever took any notice) and I began to appreciate just how much fun she was!  When we were out and about, she in her wheelchair and brandishing a walking stick, having so much fun strangers would come up and ask to join in.  I always used to believe that her outrageous behaviour was embarrassing and offensive, but it wasn't.  I was delighted to discover she was loved by her neighbours and the local gay community, who loved and cared for her in her dotage and roared with laughter at her scandalous opinions!

Now, to the bit where it gets weird, and something I have never, ever revealed - mostly because it is so weird, and I don't want history to remember me as an OK writer til I crossed the Rubicon.  I have studied, maybe not to PhD level, but more than most, geneology.  I think, and study, for example, the faces all around me in my town, a town founded hundreds of years of ago.  How many of those faces that I see are exact replicas of their ancestors?  I am not a mathematian, but I'd say, a fair few.  That is, human beings still look pretty much the same as they did 500+ plus years ago, only taller and fatter.  But bloodlines can be traced as far back as we want them to be, isn't that mindblowing?  This is the good bit where racists discover their ancestors were black.  

Sadly, I have not paid too much attention to my roots.  I should have.  I always wanted to write a drama about Dundee during WWI.  My own Scottish great grandmother had six sons on the front line, the Western Front, there was a newspaper article about it. Four of those sons didn't come home, she got commenarative plagues in their memory.  Dundee is deserving of a 'Private Ryan' film all of their own, my own great grandmother, with 6 sons on the frontline, sadly, was not that unique, thousands of sons of Dundee were sent to their deaths. Happly, my own grandfather, my dad's dad, survived the Western Front, but was a terrible scallywag who had two wives, two families and multiple offspring.  It was quite disconcerting, at a family wedding, to bump into an exact clone of my Dad!  

But I digress, let's get straight to lunacy.That is the cowardly me there Bjorn, as I am sure you guessed, but then I think Covid-19 .v. Truth to power, and think, wtf I might die soon, and then I will never get a chance to say it. I'm not planning on dying soon btw, just covering all bases, might even google 'online confessions' to cleanse my soul and set up a subscription for an eternity in Paradise. Do Popes still sell them btw?  I toy with religion Bjorn, I describe myself willy nilly, as atheist, at one time anti-theist, Catholic when only a prayer and lighting of a candle will do, but mostly these days as agnostic. That is, I do believe there is something beyond.  I remember in one of my very first lectures as a mature student, being told we only use about 4% of our brains.  That blew me away.  It is surely inevitable therefore, that future generation will be able to tap into very, very, much more.  Mind blowing huh?  I have had signs, signs that cannot be explained in any logical, scientific way, that prove we have powers way beyond those we know.

Gosh, Bjorn you have given me an abundance of ideas for new blogs, plus, permission to write freely.  I know I sound like a bit of a diva when I describe myself as a tortured artiste, but honest to God, when it's your own self doing the tormenting, the next stop is off your head!

Since I have taken on the philosophy of accepting blame for everything that has happened to me and will happen to me, I have felt an enormous sense of relief. Akin, I would say, to Dorothy clicking her ruby slippers and realising her beloved 'home' was all around her. If I am honest, I have never been powerless, I chose every path I took, even those littered with men, liquor, drugs and parties.  Especially those, they were the most fun!

I have, on occasion, tried to hold back my inclination to wander off into stream of consciousness, but as readers of my blog will know, it gets through anyhow.  I guess it is all part of a bigger question that hangs over my head; 'just how much of the craziness, should I reveal?'.  At which point do I scare people away?

But I want to get back to the batshit crazy part, the part you all have been waiting for!  At the moment, my beloved mother passed away, I believe her personality transferred from her to me.  Nuts huh?  I suddenly felt free to use her exact words, her exact voice (we were virtually indistinguishable) and the exact way she would have behaved.  Before I would have been mimicking her, now I was free to take all her stuff, plus her big auld laugh and make it my own.  Did she take it all over from her own mother?  Was she passing it on to me.  It wasn't a great legacy, everyone who knew her, described her as a lunatic 

How do you deal with massive bereavement, major loss?  I truly thought I would die when I lost my beloved Dad, life had ended, there was nothing worth living for.  I survived, the first couple of weeks, by watching back to back episodes of Jerry Seinfeld and Father Ted.  

With my mother, who suffered terminal illness, it was completely different.  Physically, she was terribly ill, she had multiple infections and cancer affecting her mind as well as her body.  I felt grateful to God, if there is one, for sparing her the awareness of what was going on.  For once, being barmy was a good thing.  When I visited her, she told me stories of running wild with her siblings around the fields of Laurencetown.  They were as real as if they were standing right in front of her.  And she bickered with my dad.  Exactly the same pointless argumens they had years before.  If, like me, you are hoping in the afterlife that people move on, forget it.  

I am sure studies have been done, but if they haven't they should be, do those leaving this world, have a direct line to the next?

Ahhhh, freedom to write is so liberating!  As Jim Carey might say, somebody stop me!

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SUMMER 2020 - WHEN THE WORLD CHANGED

USA, Brazil and UK.  What do these three countries have in common?  Apart from allowing the Pandemic to spiral out of control?  They each of course have populist right wing leaders who are happy and more than willing to sacrifice the lives of their citizens in their haphazard attempts to save their economies over the lives of their people.  Trump bragged yesterday that 99% of the population will be unharmed by the virus.  Sounds good, until you do the maths, 1% of 330million is 3.3million.  3.3 million sacrificial lambs, what do you think of that Evangelicals?

I can't claim to know what's going on in Brazil, but the two spoilt brats that are Trump and Johnson are bored with the pandemic and their rich mates are no longer having their coffers refilled by the plebs who work for them.  The idea of the working classes idling in their homes like rich people and receiving cheques for doing nothing is an abomination to the tory elite.  Only they have the breeding to lounge around on chaise longue thinking intellectual thoughts.  The plebs should be given doorsteps to scrub and stones to break, the lazy fuckers.

They say the Great War 1914-1917, was the biggest class leveller the world had ever seen.  The officers, the gentry, fought and died side by side with the men from the pits and the factories.  The women, who stayed home, took over the mens' jobs, proving they were just as capable as men, and they deserved the vote.  It was a pivotal time in history, a time of huge sweeping changes.

This year, 2020, will be pivotal too, I believe.  Covid-19, has been an equaliser on an even bigger scale than WWI.  Probably, for the first time in history, we are all literally in the same boat.  That is, we are all confined to our homes and, be they bedsits or mansions and if we are wise, wearing masks when we venture out for supplies.  There is some joy to be had, thinking about all those billionaires confined to their castles, unable to jetset or procure young maidens from overseas.  And it is downright weird to see the rich and famous speaking to the camera from their own homes (usually with loads of books behind them) and as much in need of a haircut as the rest of us.  We are in a weird era where having loads of money really doesn't mean too much.  Where can you go, what can you spend it on?

These are weird and surreal times, certainly nothing I have ever seen in my now, quite long, lifetime.  I am usually a glass half full kind of person, but these days, I am filled with an unnerving sense of doom and gloom.  I have spent a lifetime trying to imagine the thoughts of normal people on the brink of destruction. In 1930's Germany for example, Hitler had a similar base to Trump, around 30%, one third.  The majority of Germans did not support him, so how did he obtain absolute power?  The obvious answer to that, in this 21st century, is watch what Trump is doing now.  He is following Hitler's playbook almost to the letter.  Fake press, fake enemies of the people and now a reshuffle of history.  His current fixation on statues and culture, is probably all part of his masterplan to replace all statues with statues of himself.  You can bet your life it is not based on anything sane.

Meanwhile, I watched in horror, as the people of the USA and the UK, not only voted in the biggest eejits they could find, but they are prepared to go along with obvious lies that put their lives in danger.  Covid-19 infections in the USA have spiralled out of control.  At a time when the country needs expert pandemic help they have turned their backs on the World Health Organisation, the Centre for Disease Control and their own expert health officials.  Trump is preventing Dr. Fauci from speaking!  Trump's response to Covid-19 has been worst case scenario x100.  It is horrible to watch as an outsider, slow motion slaughter, I almost wish you had Marshall Law where you could march that homicidal maniac out of the Oval Office.

Here in the UK, the curve has come down, but the decision to re-open pubs will probably change all that in the next couple of weeks.  People are fed up with the lockdown, I get that, but the dangers now are far greater than they were back in March.  Personally, I do not believe a word that comes out of Boris Johnson's lying mouth.  I will continue to follow my own instincts and will treat steering clear of the virus like the bubonic plague.  Which incidentally, could now also be on the way.  Perhaps if a few limbs start dropping off, the Boris lovers may see the madness.

But I want to return to June 2020 as a pivotal time in history.  One on which we should all drop a line to our descendants.  Most people I speak to agree, the world will never be the same again.  For example, many who commute to the office every day, may have found they can do their job just as effectively from home. Or, on the capitalist side, their employers will discover they just don't need them anymore.  This government, I feel we have had a tory government forever, have failed to address how dramatically employment would change with 21st century technology.  If the 19th century saw the Industrial Revolution, the 21st century has seen the replacement of humans with robotics.  Ok, the rudimentary mechanics of the 19th century laid off many workers some might argue, others would say it led to a boom in employment.  Another argument for another day, but try speaking to a human being when you phone your bank or any public company.

A forward thinking government would lower working hours, creating more jobs, and invest more in education, science, technology, public health, and the leisure industry.  Very few now live by the philosophy of Presbyterianism and Opus Dei, we don't consider 'time we enjoy' as a straight to hell sin.  Perhaps we should burn in the fires of hell of all eternity for enjoying a nip of gin and a sing song, but we don't care.  We don't fear an eternity of suffering, maybe this existence was an eternity of suffering and the next one will be pure bliss?  No baby has come into this world happy, they are usually screaming their lungs out, as in Oy, I was all nice and warm and snugly where I was thank you.  Maybe when we leave this world, we go into a better one?

My regular readers will notice that I am starting to write even more crazily and haphazardly than I have before.  Now I am thinking fuck it, why do I keep holding back, who or what am I trying to protect.  I have already sold my soul - spoken all my secret thoughts out loud, I have given it all away, revealed everything when I first put pen to paper, so many years ago.  I have shame, like everyone, but I have found freedom with every inner thought I reveal, I don't feel alone and I don't feel weird, because I feel a connection with those reading, I'm the 'bold' one saying out loud what they feel. 

I think the biggest fear for writers is the knowledge that they are exposing all their vulnerability.  It's probably the biggest hurdle writers fear - do they dare let other people know what is going on inside their heads?  But this is not a writing tutorial, nor I hope, is it a sermon - God forbid.  It is a record, I hope, for anyone in the future, wanting to see what life was like with Covid-19, who's full devastation we in the here and now have yet to see.  It won't be difficult for those looking back to figure out where it all went so drastically wrong.  That moment may be, where the East (China) seized power over the West. Not with weapons of mass destruction but with their ability and efficiency to conquer the world's deadliest virus since 1918.  The West have proven they couldn't organise a proverbial piss up in a brewery.  But that is only one example of how the world could dramatically change, there are hundreds. Black Mirror is a good start. 

Sadly, as I have grown older, I have lost much of my faith in the goodness of humanity.  I wish I could wave a magic wand and go back to the innocent child I once was, who believed everyone was good.  Sadly life has taught me that they are not.  I get that we need the psychopaths - they keep the wheels of industry turning and to prevent illegal parking.  But those who are mean for their own self gratification are right up there with puppy and kitten torturers and serial killers.   Demons do indeed exist among us, not in the hell fire and brimstone mythology of the possessed far right, but also in the most unlikely people, who we had otherwise assumed, to be just like us.  That is, we thought, they like us, felt empathy.  It is a shock to the system to discover they don't.  It is a shock to discover, that a living human being, with a working brain, a lifetime of memories, can just switch off the pain they inflict on others.  I don't know if it haunts them daily, or if they, like clinically diagnosed psychopaths, can just switch off?  Those of us with consciences simply wouldn't be able to sleep at night, knowing that our actions were hurting someone.  That is what separates us.  

I am going to call it a fascist mentality.  Because that is what it is.  Trump et al, are entirely wrong in their attempts to label the Far Left and Antifa fascists.  With Antifa, it's right there in the name Anti-Fascist, just like all those soldiers who fought the Nazis in WWII.  Fascist does not apply to the Left, how dumb are they?  It's the dumb and dumber equivalent of calling Trump a Marxist!  So here we are, two certifiable lunatics with access to nuclear weapons.

To be fair, ever since reading 'On the Beach' in my late teens, I have always felt the world hovered on the brink of annihilation, but never more so than now.  It's not just that the orange man and the rocket man would love nothing more than to get into a nuclear standoff, it is their total disregard for human life.  Chairman Kim probably spent his childhood playing Grand Theft Auto, while Trump played stitch up the immigrant workers who built his towers.  In a game of 'chicken' which homicidal maniac would push the annihilate world button first?  Hard to pick huh?

So please forgive the doom and gloom - at this point I wish I had faith, but I fear I have seen too many episodes of Walking Dead.  We are not far off that stage where law and order has broken down and the vigilantes have taken over the pharmacies, the gun shops and the supermarkets.  Now would be a good time to learn martial arts and a thousand ways to cook lentils.  

But I jest.  I have had a great week because I finally got a  delivery from Asdas!  I had to wait two weeks+ but totally worth it. No yeast, gelatin or coffee extract, but Birds Custard powder - yes, the old fashioned round tub, yippee, which brought on a jig!  Simply can't get on with beating egg yolks and using a fiver's worth of vanilla extra to make custard!  Not quite on par with trying to make a cake out of a beetroot in WWII, but vexing nonetheless.

Anyway, my kindest wishes, as always to those who stick with me through thick and thin, it is much appreciated and I pray that you stay safe, listen to the scientists and the doctors, not the politicians. If this were a disaster movie, we are at the 'every man for himself' stage, now would be a good time to throw a deckchair overboard and hope it floats.