Friday 5 February 2016


Many thanks to Jim (The Pope says....) , who kindly contacted me and is going to buy my book.  I wanted to reply to Jim, but not just to Jim, to all those caught up in the debacle of the CSA trials and investigations.  Or what will probably come to be known as New Labour's Witch Hunt. 

I wanted to call my book Cry and You Cry Alone, 'The Invulnerable Child' and I kind of wish now that I had stuck to my guns.  It wasn't a misery memoir and I wasn't a victim, I created an entirely different genre, one that a former lecturer of mine, used to teach on his HND course, bless him.  I broke the mould, not that it got me anywhere, lol. 

I always say I regret nothing, only because I like singing No Regrets Edith Piaf style when I get drunk.  It kind of breaks the moment if you say, 'well there was that one time.......'.   But I do deeply regret that I allowed the actions of those psychopaths in St. Anne's to have such a big influence over my life.  I wasted 40+ years plotting ways and means in which to get revenge.  I wanted to expose the evil that went on in that institution.  Ultimately, I achieved what I wanted, I got them into Court and I got a major publishing deal.  I got the opportunity to tell my story, but it didn't make me better.

I lost my legal case because of Limitation Laws (the time in which you can bring a case) and the fact that I did not present myself as a broken victim.  'And how does a person like you, know a word like 'malevolent, Miss Hutton', asked the barrister for the Defence.  Which pretty much summed up the whole tone of the trial.  When the Defence Lawyer and the barrister shared stories of their own jolly japes in the boarding school dorm, I knew I was doomed. 

Not that I am bitter - the Noddy car will be mine one day! I regret spending so much time blaming other people for everything that has gone wrong in my life. In my case these people were 40 year old ghosts that I summoned up when the man I loved didn't love me back, or I didn't get the job I wanted.  I blamed the nuns for spoiling my education by forcing me to scrub floors so I couldn't do my homework.  I blamed the rabid ex opus dei monk for trying to force his fucked up ideology into our young and vulnerable minds.  Who teaches kids 'mortification of the body is good for the soul' and gets promoted for it?

I still believe that those who survived the government funded gulags should be compensated for the horrors they endured but without being put on trial themselves.  It is now, I hope, widely accepted that institutions are prone to turning into dystopian nightmares.  They create the same environments as the 'Zimbado experiment'.  That is, the inmates will divide into prisoners and guards and unless someone intervenes, there is likely to be tragedy.

The number of survivors of these 'institutions' would run into hundreds of thousands.  The authorities are presently holding back the floodgates, which is  why they are fighting the individual cases so vigorously.  The institutional abuse  of the 1960's and 1970's, was part of the hegemony that existed at the time.  It was recommended that children (of all classes) be given a darn good thrashing. The bottoms of the boys in Eton were just as red as the bottoms of the undeserving poor.  The difference of course being, that the Eton boys were being taught to be leaders, the undeserving poor were being taught to be obedient (and grateful) servants. 

The victims of historic child abuse are not only up against Goliath, he has got several big brothers.  That the abuse went on, is a given.  How can vulnerable children placed in the care of criminally insane psychopaths come out unscathed?  That adverts were put out for single men to become live in 'Uncles' to unprotected kids who needed religious and moral guidance, might just attract the most evil child predators in society was never given a second thought. In fact, preference was probably given to those with their own whips.

Far be for me to tell survivors to give up their fight, I doubt I would have listened if anyone had tried to tell me, so I know how hard it is. Pursuing these individual claims is pointless, it has created a whole new industry of experts who are doing very well out of your pain.  They will listen to you, but they will never tell you 'get the feck over it', because if they did, their lucrative careers would come to an immediate end.

I'm afraid I have completely fallen out with the theories of Freud.  If you have a festering boil, you don't keep topping up the poison every time it starts to look a bit better.   Whilst I do believe that what happens to you in childhood moulds your character and personality, you have the choice to use it positively or negatively.  If you see yourself as a victim, you will use past trauma as an excuse.  If you are an 'invulnerable child' you will use it as a strength. Look at what Nelson Mandela achieved when he was released from prison. 

It is only in recent years that I realised I had the 'ruby slippers' all along.  Everything that happened to me had been my own choice.  I wanted to be a martyr, so I chose a martyr's life.  I believed I  was damaged, therefore I was.  I thought 'justice' would make me feel better, but as it turned out, bringing those old and infirm men and women to Court brought me no satisfaction whatsoever.  At their advanced ages, they were rendered harmless.  That they were ever troubled by the their own inner conscience is a matter of debate.  Their miserable lives had made them what they were, or what they were, made their lives miserable.  Either way, I felt more pity than anger.

In the whole scheme of things, I was fighting for something that didn't really matter, I told myself to 'get the feck over it'.   All around us there are vulnerable children in dangers of epic proportions.  I think those concerned with child protection should be focussing on the immediate needs of children in peril NOW, perhaps the island of Lesbos with the tiny shoes and babygro's strewn across its beaches and the food banks in this country where kids are literally going to bed hungry. 

I still believe that those who suffered under the regimes of those sadists richly rewarded for the care of society's most vulnerable children, should be financially compensated along the same terms as those in Eire.  That is, individuals should not be subjected to the 'you are a dirty little liar' approach taken by those examining their claims.  I find the need for every single graphic and lurid detail bizarre.  How many times over do these things have to be proved?

Meanwhile, I think all those survivors who are trying to numb those bad memories with alcohol, drugs or bad psychology, to put a sticking plaster over that boil and stop picking at it.  Life is too short to worry about traumas from the past and the idea of reliving them over and over is just mental.  

Every single day we wake up with the free will to choose any path we want.  Worrying about the paths we have come down, won't make any difference to the one that is up ahead of us.  Try explaining to a hungry tiger that you had a difficult childhood and were a misunderstood teen, and see where that gets you?      


  1. I can't believe that you start a message to child sexual abuse survivors with this:

    "When you think everything is someone else's fault, you will suffer a lot. When you realize that everything springs only from yourself, you will learn both peace and joy."

    Child sexual abuse NEVER EVER springs only from inside the child.

    You are sick beyond description and you should delete this blog.

    1. 15:05 It's strange how those who shout 'think of the children', very rarely think of the children. And its not all about sexual abuse, the majority of the abuse in these institutions was physical and sadistic. Then as now, no-one is interested in the physical beatings, they just want to hear about sexual stuff.

      I am not blaming the children for what happened to them, I am telling them not to let it affect the rest of the lives. And I can say this because I lived it too and I know how damaging it can be.

      I am actually blocked by the most prominent 'survivors', the child protectors and the witch hunters, because my kind of honesty doesn't fit any of their agendas. They want to focus on the sexual abuse and the punishment of old men - they are offering nothing tangible to the survivors, in fact worse, they are prolonging the agony.

    2. @15:05
      I think it is mistaken to say "Child sexual abuse NEVER EVER springs only from inside the child."
      Most parents and professionals working with young children have observed spontaneous sexual behaviour in children and infants. In infants particularly, it is very hard (sometimes impossible) to find a plausible external trigger for these (usually mild) behaviours. These spontaneous behaviours seem to extend to full orgasm, especially in females (I think that orgasms infant males are rare in the absence of external stimulation [AKA abuse]) .
      Children have all the body parts and these are not entirely non-functional.
      Most children have a latent and developing sexuality. Like other adults I found this rather disturbing and hard to accept but these are important facts to be aware of, especially if you are genuinely concerned with protecting children from sexual abuse. It is one of the reasons why paedophiles and sexual adventurers find it relatively easy to target children.

      Ros @21:05
      RECOVERY may indeed "springs only [largely] from yourself", but CSA and other abuse is largely an external influence that happens to you or you get co-opted into.

      Ros, you have experiences (which I would describe as CSA), some of which you have bravely shared. Your Dali Lama quote may be useful to you but I see it as being poor advice on balance to CSA survivors.

      Everyone is entitled to an opinion, and indeed to share that opinion. However I am concerned that you present your advice with such apparent certainty and giving the impression that it is on the basis of sufficient knowledge and experience.

      Where to begin?
      More useful things to say are that people should report immediately or as soon as they feel able.

      I have only read a scattering of your blogs over the past few years so perhaps I missed something. You seem to have considerable experience of physical/emotional abuse but relatively little of CSA. Can you defend your position or direct me to your blog postings which will adequately explain your knowledge base ref. CSA?

    3. I might change the Dalai Lama quote because it is being misunderstood - it is not a reference to sexual abuse, it is about letting go. The survivors cannot change or erase the past, but the future is up to them.

      I get the message that you do not think I am informed enough, or have enough experience to offer such advice. I'm not offended btw, I understand your concerns and it is only right that I explain myself.

      I began my own claim against the Church a few months after my beloved father died. I was still devastated and highly emotional, and I was determined to fulfil my childhood vow. I wanted revenge, I had nursed every 'hurt' for nearly 40 years, and I had kept quiet because I didn't want my beloved Dad to know what had gone on in that convent.

      It took 5 years to get to Court, and during those 5 years I researched everything I could, I met and spoke to other survivors. Apparently what I had personally experienced and witnessed at St. Anne's convent was just the tip of the iceberg. Several 'Uncles' and I believe, one nun, have since been imprisoned.

      From everything I have observed and studied, I saw that those who put their pasts behind them and got on with their lives thrived and prospered.

      Those 'hung up' about the abuse they suffered went through life as the walking wounded (myself included). Many turned to drugs, alcohol and in the most tragic cases, suicide.

      My evidence is empirical, it is based on research, observation and personal experience. During the years I was caught up in the whole grubby legal process I was focused on everything negative that had ever happened to me. And I was encouraged to think that way. I was put through two full days of psychological study by top experts in the field. I queued up for my banana at break time along with the other chimps. I jest, I was the ONLY subject, which intensified the experience a thousand fold. Completely traumatised, I then had to drive 50 miles to get home through a raging thunderstorm. It was surreal. On the plus side, the 'crazy' in me, got exactly what I wanted, I'd always known I was nuts, now I knew why.

      When the case finally did reach Court, the trial had nothing to do with the abuse that went on at the Convent, it was focussed on my life BEFORE I went into care. I was a rare claimant, I had no criminal record, or history of antisocial behaviour - and the two expert psychiatrists agreed that I was not a liar. They had nothing to attack me with, so they attacked my deceased parents. The psychological damage I had sustained had occurred BEFORE I was taken into care.


    4. I hasten to add, it was not the psychiatrists who attacked my parents, my own psychiatrist praised my father, the psychiatrist for the Defence couldn't even look at me.

      The Defence were attacking those I loved. I was presented with a row of files in the witness box. Turn to Volume XII paged 576 and read what it says demanded the 'prosecutor'. It says you were found in a rundown bedsit where you had to share a put up couch with mother and brother, he taunted. He was mocking the fact that we were poor, and he was making it seedy.

      I had no idea such detailed records of my past life existed. Having them presented to me in the witness box while the Judge, and the packed room of scribes stared on, their pens at the ready, had the shock value that was intended. I was reduced to a blubbering heap. That wasn't how I remembered it, the 8 year old appeared, we played 'sleepy trains', we all had to nod off facing the same way, if one turned we all had to turn. It was giggly, it was funny, but he was making it sound evil and sordid. I wept buckets, so did most of the court room, actually. The trauma had brought out one of my 'multiple personalities, apparently I physically transformed. That should be worrying, but I find it rather cool, eat your heart out Stephen Fry!

      What I am trying to explain, probably very badly, is that claimants have no idea what will be thrown at them in the witness box. It is not the abusers who are placed on trial, it is the claimants. It is legalised character assassination. The Defence must prove you are a liar, and a greedy one at that!

      I am not unintelligent, but it took me a long, long time to realise that I was a pawn in multiple legal proceedings that will go on longer than Jarndyce .v. Jarndyce. The authorities are holding back the floodgates, they will throw millions at defending the individual cases. They only way the CSA claimants can have any power whatsoever, is if they unite and take a class action.

      My argument would be that the authorities should treat the claimants as innocent, until proved guilty. That is, once they have evidence that criminal abuse occurred, each victim should not have to prove their individual cases. In a nutshell, they should accept liability and work out a scale of compensation, to be agreed by both sides. From an economic perspective, this would be more cost effective than fighting the individual cases.

      I think therapy and assistance should be available to the claimants now. I know that cognitive therapy is life changing, and if people need help, they need help, why all the interrogation?

      Even if claimants win or prove their claims, there is nothing to be gained. The justice was needed 40 years ago, its all a bit pointless now. I allowed my hatred of Peter Rand and the nuns way too much presence in my life. I can see it now and I can see that I was wrong. I think that is something that differentiates me from certain other commentators, my opinions can and do, sway and evolve.

      My most powerful argument is my own experience WJ. Revenge isn't all it's cracked up to be, and the emotional cost is way too high. I am these days a great advocate of the Law of Attraction WJ, we get back, what we put out.

      I should perhaps have preceded my book title with the rest of the quote. Laugh and the world laughs with you, Cry and you cry alone. Laughter attracts laughter, misery attracts misery. Too many survivors have chosen misery and they don't have to!

    5. That is a reasonable explanation of your position, so thank you again.

      IMO your advice is reasonable in your particular context of abuse from 40 years ago. Even in "historic" cases of abuse, particularly sexual abuse, abusers can still be actively notching up more victims, damaging more lives.

      As you said yourself "The justice was needed 40 years ago" and you probably had fewer options to report or be believed then than do victims now.

      As we have seen with the disgusting recent BBC Panorama program, victims and complainants will still be attacked. Particularly so if their accusations endanger Establishment structures or powerful individuals.
      However abuse continues and escalates and spreads to other victims if it is not reported and perhaps you should have made crystal clear in your blog/advice that the benefits (personal and social) are higher in reporting more recent abuse or even current abuse!
      Often the reason that victims go through the near inevitable trauma of reporting or prosecuting is to protect future victims.

      If your advice is only applicable in certain circumstances it is worth saying so.

      Your experiences are valuable to share but as far as I can work out are centred on physical/emotional abuse but relatively little of (personal) sexual abuse. You don't even seem to class your own childhood experiences of sexual touching by adults as being abuse. There is sufficient lack or "equity of arms/experience/options etc" for any sexual activity between an adult and a child to be classed as abuse IMO.

      You appear to have come to terms with most of what happened to you, but (without "victimising yourself") let's call a spade a spade.

    6. Ros says "I am actually blocked by the most prominent 'survivors', the child protectors and the witch hunters"

      I fully understand why they would block you and have nothing to do with you.

  2. Excellent, Cristobell. One of your best pieces.

    1. Many thanks 18:20, I wish someone had said those words to me many years ago, it would have saved a lot of heartache.

  3. Trouble is, the Dalai Lama`s quote sounds as if he`s suggesting responsibility should fall on the child for being abused. Ok fair enough, he being a Buddhist and believing in reincarnation, may be right - that the present child has abused others in previous lives and now has to suffer in the same way. Could be right, we don`t know. It`s just a matter of beliefs.

    1. To me it sounds like a bit like the Cherokee proverb of two wolves.

  4. @ Ros - the number of times that you repeat your abuse issues is proof that you have NOT moved on from it.

    Why on earth you should offer others to follow your experience is beyond me.

    1. I try to use my experience to help others 17:31, hearing what has happened to others and how they have dealt with it, is all part of the healing process. I know for myself, I read everything I could find, it is sort of comforting to know that you are not alone.

      My motives are altruistic, the majority of CSA claimants have no idea what they will face if they report the abuse they experienced. The politicians, lawyers and child protectors won't tell them, for them it fits an agenda and it is a lucrative industry.

      I am advising the survivors to enjoy the lives they have now and stop dwelling on the miserable things that happened to them in the past. They can't undo them and they can't change them.

      They believe themselves to be damaged and they are being counselled by people who are reinforcing that belief. The greater the damage, the bigger the crime and the more villains for law enforcement to track down.

      In any area of life, a constant diet of negativity sucks the life out of you. There are no magic wands or happy endings, seeing paedophiles executed one by one, won't make anyone feel any better.

      'The Secret' to a happy life, lies in focusing on the positive and focusing on your dreams, the good ones, not the plots for revenge. Bring back the correct meaning to the word 'survivor', that they are still alive and fighting shows they have strength. That they are allowing the actions of some sadistic creep from decades away in their past, to affect them now, is ludicrous. Said sadistic creep will get his jollies all over again, because his victims, are still victims and he will become a martyr to his perverted cause.

    2. I am saying something that needs to be said 17:31, and I am in the unique position of being able to say it without being accused of having ulterior motives.

      I suffered religious and institutional abuse for 5 years and I brought a civil claim against the Catholic Church and the Local Authorities. I lost on the grey area of Limitation. My case however was proven, when the Judge ordered the release of the main abuser's personnel file mid trial. I was also an unsympathetic witness, I wasn't 'damaged' enough.

      In any event, it was a very destructive period of my life, the only good thing that came out of it, was the realisation of just how wonderful and enlightened and what great fun my parents were. Having been put in the position of defending them in the witness box, I began to understand them on a whole new level. I saw their strengths and I understood their weaknesses, and I was old enough to know just how hard life can be at times and I was much less judgemental. I actively looked for 'happy memories', I had taken a photo album along to the trial, and it brought back all the laughter and the fun, and the hours of chatter just for the hell of it. Those pictures and the presence of my dearest friend saved my sanity in that Leeds hotel room.

      My book 'Cry and You Cry Alone' broke the misery memoire genre, because it wasn't a condemnation of my 'reprobate' parents, it was the condemnation of an ideology.

      In the convent we were indoctrinated to believe that our parents and families were 'bad people'. I actually find this the most heartbreaking aspect of leaving care. We were fed the idea that the catholic way, was the only way, it was elitist attitude that led to so many kids being turned out of the convent at the age of 16 with literally nowhere to go. Sadder still, records of all their relatives were lost in time.

      In 'Cry and You Cry Alone', my message to survivors is to look for the good memories, and we all have them. Those fleeting moments that come to mind and make us laugh out loud, like the time you discovered the hotplate placed in the middle of the table by the nice Chinese man, was indeed very hot. Ouch.

      Happy memories should be relived over and over, they give us positive energy. I always urge anyone with dreams of writing their memoirs, to begin with everything they love, and why they love it. Especially the manic depressives. Beauty is all around us, why waste time on ugliness?

      I can say quite clearly and as loud as I can, that I was wrong. I was wrong to allow those creatures to inhabit my head for such a long, long time and they didn't have to be.

    3. I suggest you read this Ros - and then delete every comment you have ever made about child sex abuse:

    4. How convenient that it is a gang of Asian men, as these cases so often are. I read the story in its entirety, it made tragic reading, but lets not lose sight of the fact that young, emotionally damaged girls are 'passed around' by groups of emotionally damaged white men too.

      My opinions are based on years of observation and study, I'm not going to delete all my comments on the basis of one racist article.

    5. Reporting the truth is not racist.

  5. Cristobell, law is not about justice , it is all about ...............LAW. In this country, our law is the the Law of Precedence . JUSTICE? Forget it. Sharia Law is more merciful............... at times.

  6. The trouble with child abuse is that it reaches out far and wide. My father was in a Catholic orphanage because his father died when he was young and his mother had to go out to work. The nuns were vile to him .My father was never capable of showing any of his children any affection whatsoever . It wasn't his fault but was a result of the trauma he suffered . We, his children, were the victims. My point is, this 'stuff' filters down the generations and we are ALL become victims. You might argue that you should get beyond that but the truth is that when your emotions are stunted like this you don't even know it.

  7. I agree with what you say about how abuse affects the children of abused parents! they don't know how to show affection or take care of their own children's emotional needs, apart from that it also affects their own children's relationships when they reach adulthood and can be the cause of many marital breakdowns, because the partner/husband doesn't understand fully the trauma, their wife/partner has gone through so the relationship falls apart.

  8. What the previous commenters (18:23 & 06:39) say is true. However many childhood abuse victims make a good recovery and find a place to store and/or come to terms with their experiences. Often these survivors are extra determined to give their own children the care, love,safety and opportunity which they did not have themselves.
    It is also an *arguable* but cruel fact that proportionally abuse/CSA victims have these behaviours more normalised (or at least on their radar) and are statistically more likely to become abusers themselves. A troubling twist to this is that complainants of historic Establishment CSA have apparently been threatened with invasive investigation of their own children if they persist in pressing their own allegations against Establishment abuse!!!

    The above statistical 'fact' is troubling but IF it is to be used as a tool to 'target' investigation then there may be other groups demonstrating a similarly heightened "risk factor" who would equally warrant special investigation:

    -social workers?
    -care workers?
    -media personalities?
    -the "aristocracy"? (maybe even the royal family??)

    The statistical risk factors will be a correlation of
    -access to power and influence
    -sense of entitlement
    & .......

    Mandatory reporting is one change in the law which will make a real and immediate difference:
    "Children cannot stop child abuse.
    Adults can"

    Mandatory reporting is being strongly resisted by the establishment.
    I wonder why?

  9. Very interesting 10:25 I understand where you're coming from but if a child is being abused in their own home, and at a tender age they aren't in a position to seek help/counselling! Therefore they grow up thinking the way they've been treated is normal behaviour.Often they grow up have children of their own and if they decide to keep the abuse secret because of the stigma attached to it,the husband/partner is unaware of what his wife has been through sooner or later the cracks will begin to appear. What was thought to be minor problems lack of confidence, 'he thought she was just shy' turn out to be far more serious once they marry! It's too late.If only she'd got help earlier in the relationship she could have saved herself, and him the heartache of divorce, and any children being brought up in a one parent household.

    I suppose what I'm trying to get across is.. If you've never known how a normal family functions what chance have you got? you can't recover from something you grew up thinking was normal, especially if you were too traumatised/ashamed to seek help earlier, because you didn't think it would help to relive the abuse all over again by talking about it with a councillor how could they know what you'd been through when they didn't know you from Adam.

    Thank you Cristobell for another interesting blog!

    1. Totally agree @13:40

      Whilst it is rarely [never?] in the headlines the majority of CSA occurs "in [or in association with] their own home"
      I forget the precise data but the main perpetrators are older brothers, with fathers and visitors also being high on the list.
      How damaging this "within the family" abuse is would probably be highly variable depending on the circumstances AND on how the victim/participant deals with the aftermath

      One would usually "label" the younger child as the victim, especially if there is any element of trickery/advantage or coercion involved.
      Obviously I do not advocate(/condone) incest or "bonobo sexuality" but I try to take a practical rather than a moralistic viewpoint. I guess it is possible for siblings to both be "participants" rather than "victims" and it is possible for such activity to be relatively harmless (at least prior to the participants reaching reproductive age?)

      Coercion is obviously damaging. However to some people being a willing or even slightly willing can potentially be more damaging as the victim/participant can dwell on internalising the experience, feeling they have willingly defiled themselves. It is potentially the (unnecessary?) stigma and social taboo which is more damaging to their self esteem than the acts themselves. Liberal society has it's taboos and is perhaps as damagingly judgemental as any other society"

      I imagine that nearly all sexual abuse *can* involve an element of pleasure for the victim. Apparently many rape victims find at least part of the experience pleasurable. This does not mean that they consented or were not raped. It just means that their intimate organs and nervous systems are working correctly. Pressing button "A" causes physiological response "B", so to speak.
      This potential element of pleasure introduces an element of doubt and unfortunately enables the victim to take the experience more to heart and to (probably incorrectly) blame themselves.

      Reporting abuse within the family probably has the capacity to blow many families apart with yet more undesirable consequences. It would never be an easy call to make
      The victim would usually have some love for the perpetrator.

      The above are my main thoughts on the issue. Beyond that I don't feel qualified/able to comment on the minefield of "within the family abuse".

      On the positive side, now that the WWW is available there is opportunity for people to seek advice anonymously online and find support groups and charitable organisations. Whatever your experience they have seen it all before, and this in itself probably helps.

      Not exactly related but on the recent panel debate published at

      one of the panelists was abused by his father who was a respected Tory MP. The panelist seemed strongly on the side of reporting. I guess he should know better than I do.

      I have a handle on my own limitations and largely restrict my campaigning to non-family abuse and the apparent close relationship between between paedophilia and corruption which likely endangers our democracy and judicial system.

    2. Thanks for your reply. I can assure you no five year old child being abused by her own father finds the experience pleasurable, or IS a willing participant! fear is the only reason they get away with it because the victim is too scared to speak out. In other words they are at the mercy of the abuser until they reach an age where they can confront the control freak that they have had in their lives since being born, and make him answer some very difficult questions indeed.It's important to the victims to make their abusers understand just how their abuse has affected their live's and only then can they begin to find some inner peace.

    3. Hi @20:05
      Again I find myself agreeing with everything you said. No offence intended.

      Can I ask if you are the victim or what your relationship to them is?
      (would be helpful to know which comments on the thread are yours. list or sign comments with a 'nametag'?)
      Did the abuser have many known victims or just the one?

      I'm sorry, several parts of my comment were poorly phrased.
      I certainly would not wish to deny the unpleasantness of anyone's experience and there are 101 reasons why the sexual brutality of an adult would be entirely unpleasant for a five year old child.

      One of the points I was trying to make is the sheer diversity of experience -with sibling abuse being numerical the largest. There is diversity even within "parent on young child abuse". Some abusers rely on strength, fear and power. Others rely on gentleness, persuasion and 'seduction'
      A victim testimony I particularly remember was from someone who was abused by both parents when she was a little girl. She found the abuse by her mother the more damaging because it was less unpleasant and had some focus on giving her pleasant stimulation.
      This seems counter intuitive but I think it is easier for victims to compartmentalise things which are done "to" them rather than things that they a are enticed/tricked into, where they wrongly blame themselves because things seemed like "choices", when in fact they were probably not.

      I have posted the link elsewhere but a Channel 4 documentary film I found very useful in appreciating some of these issues is:

  10. This is not a subject which thankfully I personally have encountered.

    A well known comedian has spoken of his experiences. As a child he was subjected to physical abuse from relatives and teachers. Later his father abused him sexually as well. He did not know that this was wrong and, compared with the other abuse he continually suffered, it did not seem as bad.

    This caused him a lot of anguish when he was old enough to realise that what happened was very wrong but he came to accept that the blame lay with his father, not him.

    As far as I recall, he was never able to talk to his father about it as an adult.

    1. When an abuser is your own parent it must add level upon level of confusion and complexity to the situation.

      Even when the abuse is by a non-parent it seems tragically common for the victims to be unable to talk about their experience until their parents are dead
      They fear that it will break their parent's heart or rack them with guilt over their failure to protect (against an unknown or unseen danger)

      This was largely the case in the documentary film I posted above

      The blog author seems to also confirm this in her case of physical psychological abuse.

  11. Totally off topic but is anyone following the trolly dolly?
    He needs help. Writing reams of rubbish suggests to me he needs someone close to him to get him off the internet. Folks are laughing at him. From both sides. Old age is no excuse.

  12. Oh dear Jersey cover up. Oh dear, oh dear:

    I think it is mistaken to say "Child sexual abuse NEVER EVER springs only from inside the child."
    Most parents and professionals working with young children have observed spontaneous sexual behaviour in children and infants. In infants particularly, it is very hard (sometimes impossible) to find a plausible external trigger for these (usually mild) behaviours. These spontaneous behaviours seem to extend to full orgasm, especially in females (I think that orgasms infant males are rare in the absence of external stimulation [AKA abuse]) .
    Children have all the body parts and these are not entirely non-functional.
    Most children have a latent and developing sexuality. Like other adults I found this rather disturbing and hard to accept but these are important facts to be aware of, especially if you are genuinely concerned with protecting children from sexual abuse. It is one of the reasons why paedophiles and sexual adventurers find it relatively easy to target children.


    Really, I don't know what to you seem to be suggesting that because of certain behaviours in young children then THEY themselves - the young children - might have to have some responsibility for the (totally perverted) adult response..

    God - I just hope you are not working with vulnerable children.....

    1. So, just to reinforce all my previous comments:
      It is not unknown (is common even) for infants and children to exhibit sexual behaviours (erections, lubrication whatever) of their own accord. It is not wrong or "dirty" of them to do so -it is just how nature works for that child.
      What is totally wrong is if that infantile sexual behaviour TRIGGERS sexual involvement by an adult. I did not suggest (or intend to suggest) that any of it was the child's fault. It would totally be the fault of the (yes, totally perverted) adult

      A sexual behaviour in an infant is just their body starting to work. it is not an indication that they want or are ready for sexual activity with anyone else.

      Honestly, there is no need to get hysterical.

  13. Ros - may I suggest that you and "The Wheels come off the Jersey cover up" go to a private part of the internet to discuss your interests.

    1. 01:54. Err, no you may not! If you don't like the content of my blog, don't read it. Simple.

  14. I see Roz is again censoring that which exposés her cod psychology rot.

  15. You really need to go back to basics with your understanding of the English language 08:33. The previous poster asked me to censor this discussion - I refused.

  16. Many people have suffered dreadful abuse of one kind of another in their lives. My best friend was repeatedly molested by a male 'babysitter' as a very young child but never spoke to her (now dead) parents about it because she couldn't face telling them and didn't want to burden them with the guilt.
    She has gone on to build a successful career and is in a happy relationship. She's never chosen to have kids and I suspect her past may have influenced that choice, but maybe not. Nobody is handing her wads of cash to 'compensate' for her suffering. No amount of money could.
    If you can get some cash out of the Catholic church as compensation for cruelty inflicted on you in the past, good luck to you, but I don't see why today's taxpayers should have to fork out for something that cannot be altered or remedied. It may make you and other people feel a bit more satisfied but it's money that's being taken away from public spending that is already slashed to the bone (especially given how these days it's only the "little people" who seem to pay any tax).
    I do actually sympathise with your suffering, Ros, but frankly I think there are more important things to spend taxpayers' money on than compo cash handouts.

    1. As with just about everything 22:12, the answer is usually money. These institutions and religious care homes were paid inordinate amounts of money to look after the children in their care. We did not receive the care they were paid for.

      No one knows the true worth of the Catholic Church, but they are sitting on riches they have misappropriated. As for the Local Authorities, they too had a duty of care. They were putting children at risk by handing vulnerable children over to these psychopaths and then washing their hands of them. The local authorities should be covered against these claims by Public Liability Insurance. However, if it is the case they are using what is in the pot now, then consideration should be given to the millions they are paying out in defending these cases. For example: They can spend £200k on defending one claim, or give 50 claimants £4k each.

      At the moment, no-one is saying anything about money, because it is all about witch hunting. It is an opportunity for conniving politicians to go after their enemies and accuse them of the unholiest of crimes. In the 1960'it was homosexuals.

      Unfortunately it is almost impossible to have a debate on paedophilia because up to 90% of the audience become so hysterical that discussion breaks down. Because of this, the general public know very little about it.

      As with most things 22:12, I think the answer lies with education. We can't rid the world of these monsters, but we can protect our children by teaching them how to deal with the dangers that are all around them.

      I hear what you are saying about your friend. And good for her btw, I have a lot of respect for people who have the strength to get back up again. As I said in an earlier post, 85% of us come from dysfunctional homes. One of my best friends had a father who was a complete tyrant, her childhood had been no picnic either. During my adult years, I have met women from every walk of life who have endured horrific relationships and who's children have been abused by men they have brought into their lives.

      I would like to see the survivors compensated on an agreed sum. The Catholic Church are hoarding cash they earned immorally, through the suffering of children. It is only right that the cash should be returned and used to rebuild those damaged lives.