Yesterday I went on a feminist rant having misread Blacksmith's blog and I unfairly lumped him in with the white, middle aged, middle class white men who run the way in which the missing Madeleine McCann case is reported and commented on in the media and on social networks.
Men who insist we all focus on the minute details of this mysterious case, the discrepancies in the McCanns and their friends statements, the shutters, Smithman, the last photograph, the finger prints or lack of them, etc, etc, as if the research and in depth discussion of the minutiae on blogs and forums will directly affect the outcome of this case. That we have discussed the discrepancies for 8 years matters not, there's still a lot of mileage and opportunity for peacocks to show off their analytical minds and research skills.
But while I am in feminist rant mode, herewith Tony's next Petition:
Its all going wrong because of those interfering women! We could have carried on for another 8 years discussing Tannerman, the shutters and the last photograph, but the girls have gone and spoiled it! They just don't think! They had to rock the boat, they had to make waves, they can't just accept things and leave them as they are.
For all our sakes I call on the government to take emergency measures as follows:
1. The immediate blacklisting and ostracisation of the journalist/writer/presenter Sonia Poulton and writer Rosalinda Hutton, (Cristobell) and the removal of all their work from the internet. Examples must be made, they are inciting others (especially obedient women) to speak out also.
2. Censorship of the Internet. All blogs, posts, opinions, must be scrutinised by morally sound, middle class white men of faith (not compulsory, any form of extremism will do) who are personally affronted by the sight of naked flesh, swear words and libertarians and work themselves up into a frenzy worrying about what other people are getting up to in their bedrooms. Clearly the rabble can't be trusted to form the right opinions if the information fed to them isn't vetted by the right people - upstanding pillars of the community who have foregone life's pleasures of partying and sins of the flesh and have earned the right to sit in judgement of the rest of us. That they must be male, is a given.
3. Women who speak out of line to be portrayed as menopausal, hormonal, hysterical, irrational, stupid in love, and off their heads. On no account must we listen to what they say, they must be judged firstly on their oestrogen levels.
4. Compulsory teaching of creationism and the bible in ALL schools from the age of 5. The sooner girls are made to understand how inferior they are, the better. After all, it was Eve who brought everything bad into the world and righteous men know this. It's ingrained in them.
5. The immediate cessation of women saying anything subversive in the public arena on any case of national or international importance, other than discussion about the fashion, hair and make up of the major players. It has been proven time and time again, that when women interfere they get things done, which is of course, the opposite of our aims.
6. Full public trials for any woman found to have a) opinions of their own and b) the nerve to say them out loud without the express permission of their father/husband/owner or responsible male adult. Baskets of rocks and stones, ducking stools etc, to be supplied for when guilty verdict is announced.
Anon. Witchfinder General: Bettenn
Anon. Pmaceter (hesitantly)
Subjugated women everywhere
Ps. To misogynists and misguided bad lads, if all else fails, chain woman to ironing board with a pile of your shirts, tell her its a new spin on 50 Shades of Grey, and nip down the pub ;)