Wednesday 26 October 2016
THE McCANNS AND ME - UPDATE 28.10.16
UPDATE - 28.10.16
Now that the fog of my tantrum has subsided, my reasoning, such as it is, lol, has returned. In closing my Blog, I am effectively censoring myself! Doh! I want my work to be read, it would be daft to say I don't.
Anyway, this has indeed been a bit of a watershed, and there's nothing wrong with them! I'm delighted to say, I have (since 4.00am), been working on a book I have been planning in my head for over 30+ years. I have returned to my favourite genre, comedy, well comedy mixed with the kind of advice you can take, leave, or laugh at.
But as my critics have so eloquently pointed out, it's about time I got down to a bit of hard work! I'm still around, and I will still comment if and when I feel like it, but I've given myself a Christmas deadline!
Ps. To those who think I've hit the bottle (again, groan). I've turned into one of those little old ladies who giggle, sing and pass out after one small sherry, all under an hour, being fully compos mentis by teatime.
UPDATE - 27.10.16
I may have the hind of a rhino, but the sheer viciousness of the attacks on me have got through. I'm shutting my blog shortly, while I reconsider it's future. Typing this with burned fingers and a hugely dented ego, I feel I am providing (free) entertainment to an audience who clearly despise me personally.
It has actually triggered a rather sad childhood memory. When my brother and I, with our thick Irish accents started primary school in posh Virginia Water, our voices gave all the other kids, and indeed the teachers, much opportunity to mock us. I remember at the age of 5 being taken up onto the assembly stage with my 6 year old brother so the headmaster could get us to speak into the microphone and make everyone laugh. We didn't care - we were Irish kids, our granny had taught us put on a show and take a bow, from the moment we could toddle. We even fought as we got off stage, about who got the most laughs.
It took me a lifetime to understand that they weren't laughing with us, they were laughing at us. I still struggle to understand it now, but understand it, I must. At the moment, I have to face the reality that I am giving my all to a project that keeps me in the poverty to which I have become way too accustomed. For an audience, who on the whole, hate me. This may be the wake up call I need, perhaps it is time to write that book or put my energies into something more lucrative My dream, that one day, writing for a living, or at least trying to, will be acknowledged as a real job, rather than an excuse to sit on one's arse all day! Don't get me started on the life on a writer (or maybe I should, there will be many who empathise!). I think if I had a chance to start out again, I would opt for the Stepford route! And yes, I'm laughing.
And to those who think, she's up herself because she's got a blog, the penalty I have paid by not being aloof like other writers, was a risk I was happy to take. It may be I got it wrong, I often do, it's no big deal. Among my dear old dad's (frequent) tut tuts and rants were the words 'you never learn do ya?'. I expect he is sat on a cloud somewhere with my barmy mum, drinking and saying 'och, Jesus!'. (Bugsy, can ya check my grammar, ta).
And yes, pushing a broom or stacking shelves is beneath me! I haven't spent a lifetime studying to break rocks for the entertainment of those who work 9 to 5pm. It is a real job for me. I agree with my critics, I must be crap, but that only makes me try harder. I will never, ever, give up. My dream is to make a living writing, if that is the root of all evil, shoot me now.
For those fearing for my mental health (I have rediscovered alcohol), fear not, I am in a giggly mood, and have the company of SMS (Smart Arsed Son) and the mentality of those who believe I should get a 'real' job. We are presently squabbling about which one of us is the Mentalist, lol.
Ps. Bugsy, please can you edit, slightly tipsy and not giving a f*ck.
UPDATE - 26.10.16
As expected, my donation button has caused outrage! So many sharp intakes of breath, I though we were having a typhoon. I have therefore decided to respond to the main criticisms by category to save us all time.
To those who say, I am cashing in on a missing child, I am a writer, who by some cruel twist of fate has become shackled to this unfortunate case, for what seems to be an eternity. I will not lie, it has always been my intention to write about the Madeleine mystery (I still dream of that bestseller) but thus far, it is a story without an ending, and I'm not just going to make one up! At the moment my Madeleine text is a living narrative, still filled with twists, turns and machinations. My blog is a work in progress, I value my readers' input as much as my own, it is a journal if you like, which I hope is capturing the zeitgeist.
As for the morality of writing about a tragic child, my critics should bear in mind, there are hundreds, if not thousands, of journalists writing about tragic children every day of the week. Should child stories be withdrawn from their paypackets? The Madeleine case is still of interest to thousands, their doing, not mine, and my blog has become a niche corner of the internet where this human interest story can be discussed civilly, rationally as reasonable adults.
I have always given my honest and educated opinion on this case, I am one of the (very) few writers to have stood up to the McCann takeover of the media, and for that I am blacklisted. I have never given in to their demands and I never will, even if it means carving the truth of the lie on a prison wall. I am as outraged at the injustice in this case as I ever was. Rightly, or wrongly, I now have a large audience, to whom, I hope, I am providing a service that they cannot get from the mainstream media, an analysis of the true story behind this cover up.
Many writers are now self publishing online and asking for donations, we have a skill we are happy to share for free, but we also have to eat. Much as I hate to be a diva (a lie, I love it!), all we have declare is our talent! As newpapers and magazines are losing thousands of sales, they too are adding donation buttons. Writing is a profession like any other, if my articles were appearing in the mainstream media, I would be paid.
Those who say there is far more work involved in filing, indexing and collecting data than there is in creative writing could Not insult me more! I live, breathe and sleep my work, it fills every moment of my life and I am often at my (worn out) keyboard for up to 14 hours a day. I'm a perfectionist, and I'm not bragging, because in my mind, I am never good enough, I have the same philosophy as Animal Farm's Boxer, I must work harder.
My blogs may appear to be simplistic, easy reading that just comes off the top of my head, but that is a skill that has taken decades to perfect. I take the entire McCann canon, all the heavy reading, facts, data and opinion, and I condense it down into bite size easy reading for those who follow this case, those who are new to it and those who would like an explanation as to what is going on. Some may not consider that to be worth the price of a cup of coffee, but I'm hoping that there are many decent people out there who will think it is!
After much tossing, turning and questioning of conscience, I have decided to add a donate button to my blog. Unfortunately, writing about the case of missing Madeleine McCann can be seriously detrimental to a writer's career!
For me, writing about the Madeleine case is not an option. I know too much about this case to keep silent in the face of such obvious and manipulative lies.
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing said Edmund Burke. And a lot of good men and good women have challenged the establishment lies in the case of missing Madeleine from the start. The assumption of politicians, their spin doctors and newspaper editors that the public are headline skimming morons they can bend and twist at will offends me. This generation have grown up in an age of technology and information. we are no longer reliant on censored news. We can and do, seek out alternate opinions that have never been available in our mainstream press (and never will be).
There are of course, hundreds if not thousands, of decent people out there, who are appalled that a child lost her life, and appalled that our government, our media, and even our police, became complicit in covering up the truth. People who are appalled that the innocent, Goncalo Amaral, Brenda Leyland and every poor sod who's face is splashed across the tabloids as Madeleine's abductor are having their lives destroyed to protect this mother of all crimes.
I don't claim to know what happened to Madeleine, like many of my readers, this case for me has been a journey of discovery. A bit like The Matrix, do you take the blue pill, or the red pill? Take the blue pill and accept Madeleine was abducted, and the story ends. Take the red pill, and you are hurled into a nightmare reality - there is no turning back. I imagine explaining to my trusting old Dad, that the Labour government and the newspapers lied to us and I can see the sickening disappointment on his face.
Unfortunately, writing about this case has not been without personal loss. Having featured in the McCann Supporters' Blacklist (Death Dossier) for several years and having several troll sites devoted to me, my work will never been accepted by the mainstream. Ce la vie.
I have therefore decided to put up a 'donate' button (right hand column), things break down and parts wear out, and I am determined to last this case out until the end! If you enjoy my blogs and would like to contribute a small amount to its' upkeep, the price of a magazine or a large G&T, it would be much appreciated!