Friday, 6 July 2018


Apologies for my long absence, I am afraid I am again undergoing a dramatic metamorphosis I would say another watershed, but I’ve had too many of them already, and besides I am still in free fall and have no idea where I am going to land.  That’s the thing with manic depression, whilst the lows can be suicidely crippling, the highs can be terrifyingly dangerous.  These are the times when you think you can actually fly, or write a bestseller.
You would think the huge flurry of brain activity brought on by the mania would be productive, but sadly, that’s rarely the case. Mostly because we set unattainable goals, our dreams of what we would be doing if we weren’t mental. At the moment, my own plans are to a)write a bestseller b)revitalise my blog - opening up new areas of discussion, and c)build a museum. With b) I want to discuss topical issues, host a forum with a wide diversity of opinion.  I have enjoyed writing my blog over the years, and I have been fortunate in having so many readers who have contributed such interesting and informative posts. Readers’ views are the most interesting part of my blog I think, well they are for me, and I am sure my enemies will agree, lol.
The more unattainable the goals we set, the more guilt we have to beat ourselves up with. It’s like knobbling a horse before a race, except you are that horse.  Unlikely, I know, but if your list of things to torture yourself with at 4.00am runs low, you can always call on your failures, the things you didn’t do and the people (and properties) you lost. Then there are the memories of your inappropriate behaviour, those times when you really should have kept your opinion to yourself or checked when leaving the bathroom, that you hadn’t tucked the back of your skirt into your knickers.  
But hey, ho, this isn’t all about depression, though Lord knows, with the cruel turn this world has taken and Donald Trump, for me, the temptation to stick my head in the oven is never far away. The only thing that stops me is not wanting to be found with the yorkshire pudding debris on the bottom of the oven stuck to my cheek.  But I jest, when I go, I’m going like Elsie (fans of Cabaret will recognise), if only I could stop sitting alone in my room.  
I have now, I think, shaken the McCanns right out of my hair, deliberately so. For me it was an intricate puzzle to solve (to my own satisfaction), it was never about hate.  Mostly I think it was astonishment that such a heinous crime enriched so many (it’s always about the money) and astonished at the number of otherwise sane people, admiring the cloth on the Emperor’s new clothes.  And those ‘sane’ people include Chiefs of police, journalists, politicians (a given), ‘criminologists’ and several large Charities.
The Madeleine case is so much more than a child going missing, people who ‘were’ in high places may well have perverted the course of justice.  Looking beyond the headlines takes you to a quagmire of theories, wild accusations, and unintentionally funny, pious and sanctimonious headcases who’s vivid imaginations have conjured up all sorts of bizarre allegations that make no sense and are deliberately malicious and salacious.  I doubt even Debbie who ‘did’ Dallas, would indulge in the kind of sexual squalor they dream up.  
But I digress, with the Madeleine case, once you take the blue pill (or is it the red one?) there is no turning back. Before you know it, you are asking why?, who?, OMG and ‘is it possible the ‘Authorities’ could be so corrupt?  Every unanswered question will torment you, wake you in the wee small hours, and take you to a place where only the right answer will set you free. And when you get to the bottom of that little maze, you will begin to question everything around you, life as you knew it, will never be the same again.  It’s like binge watching the box set of Armand Ianucci’s ‘Thick of It’, in one hit.  More than a glimpse into the inner workings of Whitehall, the Media, and the casual use of lying and cheating to deceive the nation.  
Unfortunately for the powers that be and indeed for the McCanns, in this new age of enlightenment, the public didn’t swallow the lame ‘abduction’ story, most understood that this tragedy was of the parents’ own making - they left children of a tender age on their own. Period.  Time has ended the reign of all those trying to capitalise on the abduction myth, no other child has disappeared in similar circumstances, there is no epidemic, children are not regularly stolen from their beds at night. The availability of the internet has not produced active gangs of pedophiles. All the scaremongering was just that, scaremongering.  Karma, I think, is having the last word.  
 The McCanns are users.  That they have been used is arguably, their just desserts.  They are in a position that I would find stifling and intolerable. They are dependent on all those who assisted them, keeping to their original statements.  It appears they have thus far, which may account for the length of time the investigations are taking. But the police haven’t given up - all these years later, the case is still live. Those responsible for Madeleine’s disappearance are still on the hook.  No-one has been officially cleared, no evidence of an abductor has been produced.  
Meanwhile, the McCanns have paid, or still owe an enormous amount of money to several firms of Portuguese lawyers. They have nothing new to support a claim in the ECHR, no solid evidence of their innocence from the PJ or Operation Grange. I doubt very much they will go ahead with it. Given their illogical hatred of Goncalo Amaral, their losses to him in the Civil Courts must sting twice as much.  Perhaps that is their karma.   
I am indifferent to the fates of those involved in Madeleine’s disappearance, their fates are in the hands of the police, both English and Portuguese.  And of course themselves, should their nagging consciences or constant fear get the better of them.     
To be honest, I curse myself for allowing the Madeleine case to take over my life quite as much as it did. I don’t know what came over me, lol. I needed to know everything, as if I were a research scientist. I don’t know what made it quite so intriguing, but clearly I wasn’t the only one!  In retrospect, I tend to think, it was probably our inner outrage at being lied to, and frustration that others couldn’t see it.   
I still think it is a huge miscarriage of justice, but it has been swamped by the huge changes in the dominant ideology, the terrifying move further and further to the Right.  This doesn’t feel like ‘England’ anymore, there is a sinister cruel edge that has crept through our society, a move back to the 80’s ideology of ‘Greed is Good’, but with nastier, more sinister undertones.  
Theresa May will never challenge Donald Trump, she believes in the same things he does, and probably secretly admires the way in which he freely appeals to his supporters’ basest instincts. Headmistress May thinks it, but dare not say it. Hard to tell who is the more evil, Trump who puts kids in cages and calls human beings ‘illegals’ (wtf!) or May who steals from the poor to give to the super rich. Oh, and who also sells weapons of mass destruction to inhumane regimes to kill thousands of poor people.  
But onto a lighter note.  The football.  I surrender, it’s unavoidable.  Have to say though, as a female, I am baffled by the sheer ecstasy of grown men as the ball hits the back of the net.  And being able to discuss said ball hitting back of net for hours on end, and for decades thereafter, mystifies me.  However, that collective happiness is somehow endearing, and a good time for wives/partners to mention the dent in the car or the kitchen they always dreamed of.  Bear in mind this period of tranquillity is precariously balanced on the tip of a football boot and the referee not being a wanker.  Book television timeslots in advance, this gives you great leverage should England reaching the finals clash with Despicable Me.  In that event you can ask for diamonds! ;)


  1. Hi Rosalinda,
    Very brave of you to continue your blog and the mention of perhaps diversifying into other fields.

    I think the Madeleine aspect which is why everyone tunes into your site will always be in people's minds and exposing the criminal conspiracy of the girl's parents for terrorizing the mainstream media (or anyone for that matter) - from speaking the truth about how their daughter died must go on.

    Whether this case is "solved" or not it will go down in history as the most astounding fooling of the public the world has ever known.
    This site and others understands what doublethink really is.

    I'd like to add a nice quote; actually from the man who wrote "1984".
    Orwell noted: "good writing is like a window pane"

    Likewise your writing lifts the curtain and we can see the truth.
    Keep up the good work.

  2. Hi JC, thank you. Your posts are always uplifting and much appreciated whilst I am skydiving.

    I am flattered that so many tuned into my blog for updates on the Madeleine case, and that I was able to host balanced and interesting debates on the subject, well most of the time, lol.

    When the truth does emerge, I suspect I will have a lot to say on it! I am more than curious as to close my own 'answers' were, in comparison to those reached by the police. I study, albeit in an amateur way, psychology and human behaviour. I am beginning to understand how fortune tellers, mystics and mentalists can sum up so much about a person's character at first sight. Gerry, Kate, Jim, Michael even the batshit shit crazy Tony Bennett have been such fascinating characters from the off.

    I have been blessed (or is it cursed?) with an inability to tell a lie. I am therefore personally affronted when I know someone is lying to me. As a writer and storyteller, I do course endeavour to make anecdotes and observations as interesting and entertaining as I can, but the facts are always true.

    I have to say, as a child of the sixties, I grew up with respect for the authorities, the police, the government. We were the fair and just society that had won the war, I took pride in that. My view of the world has been shattered I'm afraid, mostly through the 'Maddie' case. Everything I had once believed in is gone. There were a whole new set of bad guys, I wasn't even aware of. And I was ashamed, that I had ever been so naïve.

    Yes, I believe most who have visited here can see through the phoney abduction story, the phoney campaigns and the phoney searching. Most of us I think, have found a new level of contempt for all the sycophants who rushed to sell this story as something it wasn't. Their behaviour has been narrow minded and despicable, and one poor woman died as a result.

    I love the comparison to Orwell, and 'lifting the curtain'. I am sure Mr. O would be horrified to know how close to reality his nightmarish dystopia has become. How easy it has been to indoctrinate the plebs with porn and Victory gin.

    I think we are presently experiencing every dystopian nightmare far sooner and more devastating that those scifi writers predicted. I remember on the day Trump won the presidency, someone tweeted 'let the Hunger Games' begin. Quite.

    But thank you for posting JC, always nice to see you and I hope old friends will also pop in. Bjorn especially, as England play Sweden this afternoon! Yes, I'm bleddy hooked, and not sure my nerves can take it!

    1. I'm 'bleddy' hooked too.
      And have been for 60 years.
      In all that time I have seen everything with England except one thing and I think that might be a bad omen for them (and us).

      During that time I have seen England not qualify for the finals, qualify for the finals,go through the group stage, not go through the group stage, win the round of last 16, get knocked out in that round, win the quarter final, get knocked out in the quarters,win a semi final, lose a semi final and of course win a final.
      The only scenario I haven't seen is come second or runners up and that is what I think is going to happen.

      Sorry to put a downer on their chances folks, but that's (my) life.

    2. Ah, bless 21:40, I can feel your agony! lol.

      Even as a non football fan, it's impossible to avoid, the sense of victory (or is impending doom?) in the air!

      Now, you really need to calm down on the soothsaying, everything that has happened thus far is unprecedented, so you can't rule anything out. Enjoy the moment! Have another pint, practice your group hugs, and sing a couple of renditions of 'It's Coming 'Ome', and you will feel a lot better! ;)

      I'm not sure which pundit it was, but one of them said, 'it's not about life and death' it's more important than that! I am much bemused. I have watched the World Cup matches down the years, with two lads I no choice! The 1996 penalty kick out was cut wrenching, poor Gareth Southgate, I wanted to both throttle and comfort him! SAS (smart arsed son) was astonished that I knew who GS was, given the only footballer I could name is David Beckham.

      Nevertheless, I am much enjoying it, and it is great to see people grinning from ear to ear for no particular reason! Let's make the most of it.

    3. It was the Liverpool legend Bill Shankley who made the football is more important than life and death comment.
      And as for singing Footballs coming home,I much prefer World in Motion by New Order.
      Now that was a proper football song by a proper band and it always brings back memories of Italia 90 everytime I hear it or see it mentioned. (John Barnes rap part is just brilliant)

      Gazza's tears and semi final penalties that year. Just like it was yesterday.
      The second best World Cup after the present one for me.

  3. Hi Rosalinda, I’ve been so busy lately trying to modernize one of my small houses up here in the north, still I’ve had time reading what you’ve posted.

    One slight dilemma here; we have had almost daylight in the middle of the night many days till very recently, and that has made me stay up late and it has disturbed my natural biological rhythm. I’ve wished to comment on your blog, but a kind of psychological blockage has for some time prevented me from doing so, even if I’ve had a few things to say.

    I’m sad to hear about your periods of manic depression, but, if it’s any comfort to you, I can imagine how you may feel, because I’ve been struggling with my ups and downs all my life, though they aren’t really any real lows of depression or hilarious highs of mania, as it apparently is in your case. Yet my ”downs” are low enough, as they’ve been for some time now, making it so difficult for me to express myself in English. Therefore, I’ve chosen not to try, until today. On the other hand, there are times when I overestimate my abilities, get carried away and believe that I can speak several languages ​​at the same time, which of course, I can’t.

    Do you really need to revitalise your blog, Rosalinda? Haven’t you so many times opened up new areas for discussion? As far as I see things, the Madeleine case, if it’s just properly discussed, can highlight many dubious phenomena in the British society, even such that are not directly linked to the actual crime case. Similarly, there are, of course, general human behaviours, that can be understood from the McCann's actions and attitudes, which can be discussed in the context of a debate about psychology or whatever.

    Your common sense perspective on the Madeleine case cannot be considered hateful as a few commentators have suggested, nor is it obsessive, but naturally rather controversial from the perspective of British MSM and that of the political establishment and therefore so much needed in a vital democracy. So, raise any topic for discussion Rosalinda, including the McCann case, your readers will appreciate that. I’m convinced about that.

    I’m about to recover from the defeat against the English team, but I admit that the English team deserved a win and most Swedes are after all pleased that we made it to the quarter final. Let’s see if I can become a fan of Kane and his boys. I’ll try. Anyway, Good Luck to all English readers here. Bobby Charlton did it in 1966, so why not Kane in a few days.

    It’s now 00:55, and I can still walk my dog in the forest without a torch. There’re some clouds up above, but the sky is blue. No wonder why I cannot sleep Rosalinda.

    1. Hi Bjorn, I am never sure whether I give too much away when I discuss my mental health problems. I continue because I know how much I have benefited from reading the experiences of others - it has made me feel not quite so alone.

      I still refer to my condition as manic depression, though it is more popularly referred to now as bipolar. Bipolar is probably a more accurate description. The swings between high and low are quite dramatic. Whilst the manic times are the most productive and the most fun (some of the time), balancing on an emotional precipice is exhausting. Every feeling is far more intense, tears and laughter are always close to the surface, and sadly both are beyond my control.

      I am inordinately affected by stories in the news, Man's inhumanity to man cripples me. And I curse myself for not using my talent to write, to draw attention to all the bad stuff that is going on in the world. I compare myself to others (something Desiderata tells us we shouldn't do), and find myself seriously lacking. I don't, and can't, write like anyone else, and I never know if that's a good thing.

      That's why I laugh of those accuse me of being jealous of Gerry and Kate. I hate to disillusion them, but their chosen life is one I rejected decades ago, and many times thereafter. I've never wanted to be someone's other half, I am first and foremost, a 'whole' person, even if I am as mad as a box of frogs.

      I don't think I have ever been jealous of anyone in my entire life. I admire wisdom in a person more than anything else, rags, riches, it matters not. I like people who spend their lives opening up new doors, people with open minds who are always willing to learn.

      My own need to learn is among my more crippling OCD's. If a subject interests me, I cannot stop until I know everything about it. Eg. The Maddie case! When I 'discovered' Christopher Hitchen, I spent the next 24 hours reading, watching, learning, about him. I was still watching videos when the sun came up and the birds were tweeting. Unfortunately, with the search for knowledge, comes the awareness of how little we actually know.

      The Madeleine case has of course awakened many of us as to how far we have been deceived, not only by the McCanns, but our governments, the police the British mainstream media. It has taken us into politics, psychology, media manipulation, the arts, and even downright skulduggery. Who knows where it will take us next?


    2. I have always been fascinated by the Northern phenomenon of 'day being night'. I have seen all the films, '30 Days of Night', 'Insomnia' etc, lol. More eerie than an eclipse, and as you say, very disorientating. I suspect our body day/night genes go back to our caveman days, and are beyond our control. We will never get used to it! I have to say, seeing the Northern Lights is on my wish list, as too is experiencing daylight when it should be dark!

      I think we all experience bipolar to a certain extent Bjorn, the sheer grief of losing a loved one or a dream, can hit us like a steam roller, but we can usually pull ourselves out of it. Any thinking person will suffer depression, how can they not?

      The longlasting and debilitating episodes have the added ingredients of self loathing and guilt. The drama queens among us, carry signs saying 'Don't look at me, I'm hideous'. On bad days, shopping after dark is the only option, which would be very difficult in your climate, lol.

      As chaotic as life has been with bipolar, I don't think I would have changed anything, given the option. My OCD drove me to get a Degree, become a lecturer and have a book published and a play broadcast on the radio. I'm not bragging here, lol, I am trying to reassure myself.

      I still have a dream that one day my humble blog will become 'mainstream'. As you have confirmed, and thank you, it is not about hate. Potentially the Madeleine story is the 'crime of the century', thus far, naturally people are intrigued and probably will be for years to come.

    3. I am always hovering on the question of how much I should reveal about depression, bipolar. If my dear old mum were alive, she would give me a clip around the ear and remind me that you don't tell anyone (outside the family) what you are really thinking. She would have been a great 'Mob wife'.

      For myself, I am forever grateful to the soothing words of great writers, who didn't give a damn what the world thought of them. Jeffery Bernard, for example, who's weekly column about his life (as an alcoholic) was both hilariously funny and touchingly sad.

      I think with mental health, a line has now been crossed, that is, it is seen as OK, and perhaps even OK, to talk about. Celebrities like Stephen Fry and Ruby Wax have done much to bring it out into the open. I hope that readers, with or without, depression, will be able to relate to my crazy side, with sympathy or empathy.

    4. Bjorn, I had meant to say commiserations on the football. I did watch the match, but haven't got a clue what is good play and what is bad. I found the England game against the Colombians the most entertaining, for all the punch ups that were going on, on the side, lol. I know the fans were cursing the Colombian players, but all I could think about was the little boys back in Colombia willing them on, not matter what they have to do, ha ha.

      It would be great to see England win of course, but I do have a soft spot for Croatia, as I was once lucky enough, to have a wonderful au pair from there who stayed with us for a year. She was 'simply the best' and is a family friend still. She came to call me her 'English' mother, bless her, so I will be thinking of her and her boys watching it too!

  4. 28 June 2018

    "The report of the Commons Intelligence and Security Committee (ISC), for all its lawyerly hedging and cautious caveats, could really not be clearer. The British government, through its security agencies, acquiesced in the use of torture during the war on terror after 9/11. It was “inexcusable”. During the subsequent invasion and occupation of Afghanistan, of Iraq and a variety of other military and covert operations, MI5 and MI6 were complicit in what was euphemistically described as “extraordinary rendition” – official extrajudicial kidnappings and illegal detention. The British helped to fund such operations, supplied intelligence to facilitate them, knew more widely about cases of maltreatment, directly witnessed some 13 identifiable examples, and usually did nothing about it, and went along with the American way of war for many years."

  5. 17 December 2010

    Cables show Portugal’s role in secret CIA prisoner flights

    'The series of cables sent by the US ambassador in Lisbon in 2006 and 2007 gives a glimpse into how Washington manages its relations with a client state whose government is completely subservient to US foreign policy, but whose population is hostile, particularly to the US wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.'


    'The cable reports that the Portuguese minister enthusiastically supported giving the CIA permission to use Lajes to repatriate prisoners from Guantanamo: “Amado said that the return of Guantanamo detainees would be an excellent opportunity for the USG to ‘turn the page’ and to begin working on a new human rights image.”'


    'Amado’s actual statement to parliament, that there was no evidence that laws had been broken “on Portuguese soil,” had an obvious and glaring loophole. It merely meant that the CIA torture had taken place in some other country.

    As the cable explains: “Amado admitted that the alleged CIA flights might have come through Portugal, but added that Portugal ‘has nothing to be ashamed of.’ According to the Minister, there is no evidence that the CIA committed illegal acts in Portuguese territory ...”'


    'The Portuguese people were thus kept in the dark about their own government’s collaboration in the US “war on terror.”'

    1. I assume you are implying that if the Portuguese Government were involved in a cover up with the US, then they could also be involved in a cover up with the UK over the Mccann case?
      If so, then I doubt we will get to hear about it.
      At least not for a very long time. (100 year secrets rule?)
      I wonder if Strange/ Grange will take the golden opportunity this weekend. (If there is one lol)

    2. Margaret Beckett / Luis Amado


      Someone else said: “Much talk of finding 'a solution to the situation'. No mention of finding the child.”