AND I'M STILL BAKING, the ups and downs of an amateur baker

The baking continues and it has given me a new lease of life!

Its very reassuring and quite liberating to have kilo of strong flour, and several sachets of instant yeast in the cupboard, I know that in the event of nuclear war (one of my manic depressive worries), fire, flood or free falling asteroid, I have the ingredients to knock up a sandwich for the kids.  

Not all of my efforts thus far have been successful.  My crusty bread rolls looked like Farleys rusks and had the kind of texture that would be of interest to the concrete industry.  My round loaves thus far, have come out looking like flying saucers, though they are far to heavy to fly.  I don't know if it is my kneading technique (or lack of), but my dough never seems to look like Paul Hollywood's dough - it rises outwards rather than upwards.  Where am I going wrong?

I have had more success using a loaf tin, though getting the tin size and shape right is a skill all by itself.  It really is trial and error.  It took a long time to master placing an oiled piece of clingfilm over rising dough, not as easy as it sounds, especially if you are using one of those rolls where a little bit tears off and you end up with a mile of plastic string and a fat wad of clingfilm that is unusable. Remedy. Remind yourself, ten mile of clingfilm for 50p is not a bargain if you cannot use it.

The most reliable loaf I have found so far, is this simple wholemeal recipe. It only needs to be proved once, for an hour, and it is ready to bake and the kneading time is 5 mins rather than 10, so handy if you are feeling less energetic!

http://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/10121/bread-in-four-easy-steps

I had intended to put up a picture of yesterday's loaf.  My best friend (and guinea pig, lol) thought it was a 'real' loaf from the shops!  A compliment indeed.  I substitute the olive oil, for walnut oil, when I use wholemeal flour, but I use olive oil, when I make the white version.  I will see if I can get a picture of the remains if it survives the day!

My resolution to give up processed food is not confined to bread.  On Thursday evening following a trip to the market, my kitchen was filled with copious amounts of fruit that was hovering dangerously close to its use by date.  I had a good go at the grapes, but I am only one person.  Plan A was to make a strawberry roulade, but due to the hour, I abandoned the idea in favour of strawberries dipped in chocolate ganache. However, once dipped, the strawberries didn't make it to the display plate, as I got rather carried away with the tasting.  Heck, who am I kidding, I abandoned the strawberries and dived into the saucepan of ganache head first accompanied by some crushed nuts.  Now thats the picture I should have gone with.  Perhaps with a health warning such as: 'This is what happens when a woman is deprived of chocolate'.

Strangely, I continue to lose weight, my crazy diet is working!  As I mentioned before, nothing is forbidden, as long as I make it from scratch.  It is indeed also possible to make your own sweets.  If one leaves the ganache in the fridge for at least 10 hours, it can be rolled into delightful little truffles and placed in cutesy gift boxes.  Suffice to say, I have yet to achieve the waiting time required.  

I put some of the plums on top of shop bought puff pastry (yes I know, but in the case of puff pastry, shop bought is allowed), together with some crushed almonds and a little sugar.  I kid you not, a wonderful (and imo healthy) pudding in minutes.     

In retrospect buying all that fruit was not one of my better ideas, as I hadn't put much thought into how I was going use/preserve it, and its quite depressing watching your beautiful grapes turn into raisins.  I daren't look at the remains of the strawberries that are probably now stuck to the back wall of the fridge. Oh well, its been a good week, I have had over and above my '5 a day' and some of the strawberries did end up in sugar free jelly for which I will give myself a 1000 weightwatcher points.  

HAVE THE PUBLIC HAD ENOUGH?

I think the public are now groaning when they see a McCann story.  Seven years of spin - quite literally, the same old stories are going around and around, and all are intended to take suspicion away from the McCanns.  From the responses in the comments of the National papers, it seems as though the public have had enough.  The McCanns have received the kind of help other devastated families can only dream of, a massive Fund to support the family and an entire department of Scotland Yard detectives investigating their daughter's disappearance as if the 'abduction' had occurred in the UK.

Its not going well for the McCanns.  In my opinion the publicity machine has gone into meltdown.  The stories are becoming ever more ridiculous and those of us who have watched this case in amazement this past 7 years have heard them many times before. They are repeating the same tactics they used in 2007, media saturation.  In 2007 it worked, as Clarence bragged at that spin doctor conference, they successfully turned public opinion  on the McCanns from hostility to sympathy and support.  Further they were able to stir up anger against anyone who doubted the McCanns, by accusing them (us) of being internet voyeurs of tragedy who attack victims of crime.  We had the strange phenomenon where normally rational people would become incensed at any criticism of the parents, and the subject became as taboo at the dinner table as politics and religion.

However, the abduction story has not stood the test of time.  It becomes more and more outlandish as the years go by.  In the grief of the moment we are prepared to believe exactly what we are told, seven years on, it is a big ask.  Those who took an interest in the case of missing Madeleine McCann have, since she disappeared, seen too many tragic abducted child cases where the parents have been responsible - right before their eyes the facts have confirmed the statistics.

Public opinion matters.  If you are popular you can get away with murder - look at Hitler.  There is no point our moaning about it, it just is - though on the plus side our leaders are becoming more attractive as beauty wins the battle over brains.  But I digress, to this day, I believe the initial hours after Madeleine disappeared are crucial to the way in which this case was handled, and I believe there was a huge Oops moment in the corridors of Westminster when it became obvious all was not quite as it seemed.

Herein lies the shame of the politicians, it was more advantageous to them to defend this hard working, clean living, British family, than it was to look too closely at their very odd behaviour.  It became almost jingoistic  as mainstream journalists joined in the attacks on the Portuguese investigation, spurred on by the lack of results that could not be obtained because the main protagonists refused to co-operate.  The blame was placed firmly in the lap of Goncalo Amaral and the McCanns's popularity soared.  That people who should have known better were blinded by their innate class prejudice and xenophobia will be a further stain on the reputation of the British abroad, alongside the myth that we all leave our kids alone in hotel rooms.

But lets stay logical.  Just as we who follow this case watch the comments columns of national newspapers to gauge public opinion, so too do Government departments.  In 2007 Kate may well have been right, there could have been riots in the streets, the McCann media machine had literally stirred the public up into a frenzy.  What with Gerry's epiphany and Kate's suffering, we were observing 21st century internet martyrs.  Wracking up the Catholic support was a stroke of genius.

I don't think the McCanns can make a successful comeback now, people are no longer coming together to raise funds for them or pray en masse.  There certainly won't be any more audiences with the Pope.  David Cameron granted the McCanns the Review they wanted but he didn't meet them and he wasn't photographed shaking their hands.  Everyone knows that when this story breaks (which it will), it will be even more sensational than it was the first time around.  The Press keep the McCanns in the headlines because they shift newspapers, probably no more no less, and they have the convenience of readily prepared press releases to fill those column inches.

I believe we will see justice for Madeleine this year because DCI Redwood is focused on the child, not the parents, and if that determined look on his face is fake, then he deserves a table at the Oscars.

BAKE OFF FEVER IS GOOD FOR YOUR HEALTH!

I've not bought bread since early December and I seem to be losing weight!

I've not been well.  Not quite Jeffrey Bernard unwell, but all my sins have caught up with me, and I have Type 2 Diabetes, Cholesterol and High Blood Pressure.  I'm sure there is a name for this common mid life condition, but I haven't got the heart to look it up. Chuck in the depression, the arthritis and the inability to drink alcohol (more of which later), and I was close to heading off to the knackers yard.  

Was discussing treatment of my poor old arthritic joints with a nice female friend of my Smart Ass Son (hereinafter known as SAS) - his friend, a graduate in something equine, recommended keeping my joints warm and avoiding damp weather when SAS piped up and asked said horse expert if the advice came with a tent and a shotgun? He had a point, my days of jumping high fences are well and truly over, but are they? Before my sons get me incarcerated for my own good (they only need one more signature) or call in an armed vet, I have decided to re-enter the arena with Chumba Wumba singing 'I get knocked down, but I get up again' as my theme tune. 

Plan A is stop eating processed food and Plan B is go running.  As my fear of Plan B is so great, Plan A is thus far staying on track.  

I know that being overweight is probably one of the worst things for arthritic joints, BP and cholesterol and I have a fairly in depth knowledge of nutrition and healthy eating, so I've no excuse. Like most of the women I worked with in years gone by, I could name the calorie count and fat content of a strawberry at the drop of a hat (4 and 0) and I carried pocket book guides to calories and fibre content in my handbag.  Unfortunately, the knowledge I had, never prevented me from having undignified skuffles with the lettuce eating tupperware queens, when birthday cakes were brought into the office. On those occasions it was every man/woman for themselves.

The problem that I have, and I believe this may be universal, is that I don't actually want to give anything up.  This is a conundrum that has troubled me often over the years.  I'm always looking for a short cut, or an easy option so I've only myself to blame.  However, after much navel gazing and contemplation, I've finally found a way to eat whatever I want, and hopefully lose weight, the only proviso being that whatever I have, I must make myself. Doing it this way, I have been able to eat my favourite things - profiteroles, bear claws and chocolate cake.  At first reading this sounds like a completely insane idea, but bizarrely it seems to be working. There is something frankly ludicrous about making whipped cream and ganache in the wee small hours (yes I have done it, and no I don't advise it). In my case its mostly because my OCD dictates that I must wash up and put away everything before I go to bed. The thought of washing up all those bowls, spoons and saucepans is often enough to put off those little bites of choux deliciousness until the next day.

The biggest change I have made is the abandonment of shop bought bread. I have not yet achieved what I would call a perfect loaf, but my failures are enjoyed as much as my successes, and the next day they are toast.  Its been many years since I last attempted bread making, and I had forgotten how easy it is.  There is no mystery at all, quite literally anyone can do it.  I don't have a bread machine as kneading is good exercise for my my misshappen 'Shrek hands' (again, SmartAssSon) - 10 minutes bashing the daylights out of a ball of dough is a great stress reliever and saves clipping SAS around the ear.  In my experimenting, I have a cupboard of assorted flours and yeasts and in the event of a nuclear war (one of my OCD fears), I have enough ingredients to carry on making fresh bread daily for the foreseeable future.  

Giving up processed food has not been difficult, I was never fond of it anyway and I hated myself for buying transfat laden cheap treats from our fastest growing chain stores.  I ate them because they looked so appealing on the shelves, and they were a quick sugar fix but they are nowhere near as satisfying as the fresh fruit based deserts I am making now.  My theory is that anything fruit based must be good, but thats just pure optimism, the scales and the blood sugar levels will tell. Thus far, my sugar test strips, remain glucose free and I have lost one and half stone since I last weighed myself.  However I am not claiming this is down to my recent lifestyle change just yet, as I have avoided weighing scales for quite some time!

As for ready meals, take aways and the like, I'm a bit of a food snob, to be honest.  I won't eat factory raised chicken, or buy mass produced eggs, on humane grounds. Ditto, intensively reared beef and other meat products, which keeps my meat consumption low. Fresh vegetables are something I have always enjoyed, so increasing them is no hardship and I have been able to use them up in interesting and creative ways.  

Cakes and sweets however are usually my downfall, but strangely I am not missing them either.  I am finding homemade treats far superior and I am convinced the work involved in creating such delights and the washing up that goes with it, cancels out the calories involved in eating them. Pathetic I know, but I am not above lying to myself if it gets at least one of my feet back onto the healthy eating straight and narrow.   

I am toying with the idea of putting up pictures of my cooking triumphs and disasters - partly for their comic value, and to give a true idea of what these masterpiece recipes look like when made by an inept amateur.  One particular cake had the consistency of a breeze block and SMS had several suggestions for its use in the building industry, though I am delighted to say that my sponges are now divine.

I have also now successfully managed to make a crusty white loaf using a combination of advice from Delia and Paul Hollywood.  Putting a splash of water in a tin tray at the bottom, does indeed make for a hard crust, and Delia's wonderful tip about warming the flour first, gave me my 'first', truly warm pliable dough that actually looked like the one she had on the video and took less than half the kneading time of the previous recipes!  Top tip: warm flour before you begin. The result unfortunately would not have won any Bake Off contests, it was a beast that outgrew its tin with a crust was that was virtually impenetrable.  However, once in, it was delicious.

My next challenge will be crusty white rolls, but I may postpone them to make a wholemeal walnut loaf to have with the fresh lemon curd I made last night. I am not entirely certain this new lifestyle will result in health benefits and weight loss, but it will certainly be interesting and not entirely unpleasant finding out.    





  

Lee Ryan is a knobhead - but give him a break

Jasmine and Casey will realise soon enough.  My sympathy lies with with the one who wins the prize.  As Cher once famously said 'Some women get all worked up about absolutely nothing, then they marry him'.  Its not exactly going to be a relationship based on trust and the poor wimp will forever be looking back to the one 'who really loved him' with a sigh.

But hey, give the guy a break.  If you place a horny young man into a hotbed of beauty and tease, he will react!  Its the Big Brother house and its a game.  I wouldn't mind betting that at least 50% (if not more) of the men out there would have done exactly the same as he did. What guy wouldn't want Jasmine and Casey fighting over him? And what heterosexual guy could refuse the luscious Casey a 'friendly' cuddle?  Go on, ask the man there with you if he would tell the stunningly beautiful Casey to go back to her own bed and see if he can reply with a straight face.  

Sadly, or happily, some might say, while our hormones are arranging a mating session with the nearest unsuitable mate, our brains have no say in the matter. Throw in liquor and its a done deal.  And its not just men.  If an average looking woman had the undying attention of George Clooney and Brad Pitt, she would be sprinting between the two boudoirs with the speed of Usain Bolt - and most of us would cheer her on and say 'you go girlfriend'.  

I'm not knocking Lee, he's only human, bless, it was the foot stamping, the lying and the whining that lost him votes.  I actually found it hilarious, he was torn between two lovers, his libido and several million viewers   He should have just shrugged his shoulders, winked at the camera and admitted it was beyond his control.

LUISA IS GIRL POWER

The best Celebrity Big Brother yet, but only one clear winner in my eyes, the bold, brash, cheeky, but big hearted Luisa.  Lee's mum had it spot on when asked who she would choose between Jasmine and Casey and she said without a moment's hesitation, neither, she would choose Luisa.  As the mother of two sons, I would have said exactly the same!  What a gal, I would be proud to be her Mum, apart from some of the sauciness that is, as it makes my toes curl.

Luisa is one of those people for whom asking for the moon is a mere formality, her optimism and enthusiasm for everything has been a joy to watch.  While the boring, self obsessed Lee moaned as they entered the Polar task, dog kennel, Luisa's little face lit up at the prospect of whatever it was, good or bad, behind that door. 

I didn't like her when she torpedoed the lovely little posh fella on The Apprentice, and I couldn't understand why he had nothing but good to say about her.  Now I get it.  She works her socks off for what she wants - good luck to her, if she were a man she would be admired and encouraged.  As a woman she is berated, the public seemingly preferring a right wing dinosaur who thinks a woman's place is behind an ironing board!   

Luisa has fun, and she has shown that its OK for women to have fun, maybe not quite as much fun as she has, for those of us who are knocking on a bit, but fun nevertheless.  No man will ever lead her a dog's life over her past.  Luisa is Girl Power in action, and the mums out there should be cheering her on! I would like to see a post modern feminist telling Luisa she can't have it all, her reply would be, 'yes I can, you just watch me!'  I don't think it matters to her whether she wins or not, she will succeed at whatever she does.  

As for the rest of the survivors, I am presently cringing as the boys play peek a boo with their towels and Casey trying to delude herself (and several million viewers) that she is happy to remain just friends with the embarrassingly horny Lee.  If you read this Casey, you will look back on this one day and laugh with your pals, because we've all been there.  I once assisted my best mate in going through her ex's dustbin at the dead of night, I have no idea what we were looking for btw, it was in the days before FB and the internet, when stalking ex boyfriends involved wearing dark clothing and sitting in cars. I knew she would do the same for me.  Not accusing you of stalking by the way, just pointing out what unrequited love can lead to.

I don't mind if Dappy wins, he needs the luuuve, or Sam, because she is one of life's real ladies and another one, whose mother should be really proud. Olly is wonderful, and his Valentino like face should be on the front cover and in the centrespread of Vogue for we old birds to look at and sigh.  Is he an airhead? Who cares.

My biggest nightmare would be seeing Jim Davidson declared winner of this year's Celebrity Big Brother.  He is not a pantomime villain, he's the real thing.  A manipulating, narcissistic, misogynist, and I bet there are thousands of women out there who have met and married 'Jims' and spent the rest of their lives plotting their escape.    

I shudder at the thought of him winning, and I shudder at those women (Casey's mother included) who are not seeing what is really going on.  I'm actually getting the creeps from Jim's relationship with Casey.  She is looking to him as a father figure, and he has taken on the role, but what's with his sneaky lewd remarks? After giving her a paternal cuddle was it really necessary for him to mention his fly zip? 

Please, whoever is voting him, think again, the man is awful, he was horrible in his heyday and he's an even worse now. I wonder what his four ex wives think of his performance? 

It is easier to fool people, than to convince them they have been fooled. [Mark Twain]

Ain't that the truth in the case of missing Madeleine McCann.  There are going to be a lot of very red faces when the Truth Of The Lie becomes known, and all signs point towards January 7th 2014, the final day of the McCanns v. Amaral libel trial.

It will not be the day of judgment unfortunately, that we will have to wait for, but it may well see Gerry and Kate on the witness stand giving evidence. They have asked for permission to speak, and for the for the moment are awaiting the Judge's decision.  So too is Goncalo Amaral, who has put in a similar request.  If the requests are granted, the trial will end with barristers for each of the parties summing up.

If this were the Wild West, the forthcoming trial would be the equivalent of the Gunfight at the OK Corral, the protagonists are finally coming face to face and they ain't messing about this time.  Unfortunately for them, the Lawman Goncalo Amaral is waiting for them, this time, he has back up, and they are big guns, whose testimony carries weight.  Lawman Amaral will not back down.

If I were a gambler, I would say the investigation was not going well for the McCanns.  The Smith family sighting has had the public airing they hoped to avoid, and everything has gone quiet, including the kerching of the online shop. 

Time has not been kind to the abduction story, or the incredible Team McCann Campaign, some might say, in retrospect, it all looks like staging, phoney even. The need to raise money for only one child went into the realms of ridiculous. The Fund stacked up to millions, the amount unknown, the 'transparent' Fund accounts give no details.  Yet, by November 2010, the McCanns were appealing for more money, £10 for a 24hr hotline, £20 for tat and £30 for more tat etc. We know previous phone calls were not followed up, not by the PI's, nor by the family, which makes it appear that the appeals had little to do with the 'Search'. 

At least two firms of private detectives employed by the McCanns have since faced criminal charges. It would seem, the only genuine report obtained by the McCanns was suppressed and the PI who wrote it was threatened with legal action should he ever make it public. 

Those still demanding we should believe the McCanns, because it would unkind not to, need to step out of Lilliput, take the blinkers off, and re-program their thinking - the child, Madeleine, was the victim, not the parents.  I really cannot see any way for all those red faces to be avoided, other than heavy panstick stage makeup, because some day soon they are going to have to say those words we all stumble over and hate to say, 'Sorry, I was wrong'.  

SOMETHING'S GOT TO GIVE

Almost seven years on, is this case finally reaching a conclusion?

So many times we have been brought to the brink, only for the case to continue dragging along much the same as always.  This time however, I feel there is real change.  The original Crimewatch gave the impression that SY were working FOR the McCanns - ie. checking in for the approval of Gerry, Kate, Clarence and Carter Ruck.  I did not get a sense of that last night - there were no friendly references to Gerry and Kate, or indeed to Mr and Mrs McCann.  The tragic couple were not perched on stools telling us that they were not as happy as they could be, and there was no reference to their innocence.

Frankly if the best evidence Crimewatch could come up with after all that publicity, to support the McCanns' abduction story, was Kate doing her very animated impression of the curtains going whoosh (again), what were those very helpful 3,500 calls about? 

As for the unprecedented help the McCanns received, I think this was the result of a cascade effect.  On the night Madeleine disappeared the McCanns and their friends had address books full of influential people, and as we know they hit the phones with a vengeance. No time for actually searching.  The influential friends stepped in immediately, it was a tragic story and everyone wanted to look like the good guy, the hero running to the rescue of a beautiful child and her photogenic, erudite parents. Within a day they were in contact with No. 10 and soon had access to string pulling in every direction, including media moguls and A-List celebrities.  

Added to which Gerry and Kate could give lessons in assertiveness, they knew what they wanted, and they knew how to get it.  From not even knowing they needed a Fund, their fundraising reached heights never seen before or since in a missing child case.  £1m, £2m, 3m - they couldn't get enough. Each time the Fund dropped below 500k, they were back on our screens begging for more.  Their spending was as prolific as their Fundraising, one can imagine a gambler in Las Vegas, as long as he's got his gold watch he can carry on.  As long as we all believed Madeleine was alive, the McCanns had their gold watch, with the closure of the online shop and lack of age progression pictures in this latest update, the watch may well be pawned.   

It was the fundraising that won Kate the grand title of Ambassador for Missing People. The McCanns own Fund had raised millions.  Perhaps they even hope the philanthropic pair might gift anything remaining to their own coffers, once Madeleine (and her abductors) are found of course. As my oft quoted ex double glazing boss used to say, the answer to EVERY question is money. Although in my opinion Kate doesn't seem half so enthusiastic about raising funds for them as she was when raising funds for herself and hubby.  

I don't believe the McCanns have government assistance per se, they are merely astute at knowing who to contact and how to pressure them into giving assistance.  I would imagine once such 'assistance' has been given and received, the relationship would end in antagonism. For the McCanns backscratching is a one way street as demonstrated by McCanns speaking out against the press at the Leveson Enquiry.  That was one gigantic knife in many backs and pitiful to see grown men and women tying themselves in knots to sound humble and rebuked over their 'gross' mistreatment of the saintly pair.   

They don't have the power they claim to have, nor do they have public support, despite their practice of manipulating figures on their social network sites.  As for high level assistance. It should be noted that diplomatic assistance was quietly dropped very early on. Clarence gave up his government job to become the McCanns' full time spokesman.  A curious thing to do as the child could have turned up at any time, but regardless, he was no longer representing the government, but the McCanns in a £75k pa. private capacity. He gives the impression that he is speaking as an 'official' of sorts and I think this has led many to believe that the McCanns have the full support of the authorities, and indeed powerful friends. Perhaps, at one time they did, Team McCann was a popular bandwagon to jump on.  

The figures used by the McCanns to fool the powers that be into believing they have majority support are manipulated.  Are the public also being manipulated to believe that the 'authorities' support the McCanns? 

If they are, I don't think that is the case anymore.  As far back as 2008 (I believe), Clarence famously said 'The McCanns asked for a meeting with the Prime Minister but were only offered a medium level consul, which they declined.  Their access to David Cameron was via Rebekah Brooks - anything McCann related sees a massive rise in the sale of tabloids, and it suited him to grant the Review. The people the McCanns were dealing with, are among the most ruthless in our society, its how they got to the top. It looks to me as though people are distancing themselves from the couple, no one of note has spoken up for them at their Libel trial in Lisbon.  The McCanns were not able to produce a qualified psychologist to give evidence on their behalf.  Their witnesses came across as ill informed and ill prepared, as the learned Judge said to one lady 'go back to your life', it would appear the Judge is not buying it.  

Are we reaching a crescendo?  I believe so, something's got to give.