Tuesday 10 April 2012

MUM'S THE WORD

I've known many people with pristine homes, the ones where you have to take your shoes off at the front door and there is not an overflowing ashtray in sight.  I often wish I had the courage just to turn up, out of the blue, and catch them in tracky bottoms with the remains of their spag bol down their fronts.  I sort of picture them surrounded by half empty boxes of KFC and lager cans, like Wayne and Waynetta.  I can only dream.


I haven't quite reached the point where Kim and Aggie have to unearth me from under a pile of newspapers, miscellaneous crockery and a few dozen moggies, but I don't lose any sleep about a bit dust on the skirting boards.  I also now happily wear odd socks.  I refuse to be dictated to by a pile of laundry.  Should I be run over and rushed to hospital, my undies are clean, but my last words will probably be 'I couldn't find the other one'. 


I am suffering from empty nest syndrome at the moment and sharing my Dine in For Two with an elderly mutt called Barnabus Bubble.  His table manners are appalling and his conversation isn't up to much, but he is a good listener.   He agrees with everything I say, and is quite happy to march alongside me, as long as he can stop for a wee at every lamp post.  Another plus, is that I don't have to share the wine, and I get two puddings. 


But I digress.  I need a cause.  I have had it in my head for a long time that women of a certain age are badly negelcted.  Its bad enough that we see our lovingly prepared meals sitting on the side on the command of 'I'll have it later', and we are unappreciated by society in general.  We have a wealth of wisdom and experience that is largely untapped and definitely not rewarded.  We face difficult times, our children especially, so many kids are being criminalised by Judges who are handing out sentences that reflect society's outrage, but are disproportionate to the crime.  We should be laying the foundations for our childrens' futures, not building more prisons to house them.

17 comments:

  1. Snap Bell.. my daughter moved out last October so kind of empathise with the empty nest sydrome.. found myself feeling a bit wistful at times.. on the other hand I love the dulux advert where the parents paint the room bright yellow and son moves out.. it tickles me how they go to his room and rub there hands.. job done haha.. freedome at last.. :-)

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    1. Hi RSue, yes that ad is a chuckle, and v.close to real life eh?

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  2. I met a woman i know recently and she put the fear of god in me, she told me she still had her 40 year old daughter still living at home ....... nooooooo i don't want to be hearing this, my kids have to have flown the coop by then!

    I think as parents we need time to ourselves after the kids have gone to regain the people we put away whilst being mum/dad nurse, chauffeur, teacher all the things we were to our children as they grew up. They need the space to grow further too and won't do this if stuck at home with mum & dad imo.

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    1. There seems to be a lot of adult kids still living at home, maybe the economic climate, who knows.

      I agree - we oldies need our own space!

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  3. OH! I had empty nest syndrome..waved my youngest away with tears in my eyes and an empty feeling in my chest..I looked at mr annie and suddenly thought.."I dont know what to talk to him about" We'd talked about the kids since 14 months after we got married and the first baby arrived...we talked about their first smile and how quick the walked and talked and how cute they looked in their school uniform and how they won the race on sports day..before long they are grown and ready to spread their wings...I wandered the house ..hardly any washing in the basket.cushions still in the same place from morning to night...too much food in the fridge/freezer, meals being cooked for 2 people but would feed 6...eventually I had to look and try and remember why I fell for mr annie all these years ago..slowly,slowly we built up our communication which didn't include the kids (well,not much) then a couple of months later 2 of the kids came home together for a week and I was as excited as a lottery millionaire....bloody hell....I couldn't wait for them to leave ..I was exhausted with washing and picking up after them and cooking and washing up...next time I waved cheerio (no tears in my eyes) as the car turned outta the street I rushed around getting the place straightened up again washing and ironing done..I was exhausted but happy...mr annie and I went out for dinner..so Bell there comes a time when the kids leave home and after we've cried ourselves to sleep, we wake up to LIFE as we used to know it...and it's great!! Annie.

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    1. Annie that lovely and I get what you mean about most of our lifes revolving round the children.. so it can come back.. but like you say slowly.. glad you wrote that Annie thought it was just me that didnt know what to talk about anymore.. maybe thats the wistful feeling.. its the brain coming alive again.. slowly but surely.. xx

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    2. I'm not sure about crying myself to sleep Annie, I quite like having the remote control to myself and running around the house naked - which reminds me, must put some curtains up, lol

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  4. Sue it's really hard work..you dont have the usual day to day news about the kids anymore..no more running around picking them up and sorting them out for sports or to the cinema..they're gone and making their own way in life just as you and I am Bell did..we're always there for them of course..and at times they will need us..but we're going to be a LONGGGG time without them so it's best to make plans for the two of you...talk about books you've read or a movie you've watched and book some tickets for the theater or cinema or go for a run and stop for coffee ..go walking or join a club...like learning to waltz...it's hard Sue..but they are the same man you started out with and yet different..they grew up along with you and the kids and sometimes we have paid much of our attention to the kids and kinda forgot about the man in your life...(Bell...get out there and learn to dance or offer your services to a creative writing class but do anything that includes meeting people and mainly men!!) and Sue...make a nice cuppa or give him an ice-cream cone and say you made it with love,just for him...eventually you realise how neglected they have sometimes felt..they ARE still kids at heart..well they ARE men!! hahaha.....Annie.x

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    1. Thank you Annie.. I really appreciate your words they are wise.. and really make sense.. thank you.. xx

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    2. Oooh, I don't know if I want a fella Annie, bad enough having to share my bed with the Bubble who snores and farts and is now as deaf as a post, so not even a good guard dog!

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  5. Lots to comment on in this one Bell but think i'll start with the "pristine house" mine is a long way off that BTW.

    I have a mate who wont have a speck of dust land in her home, she amazes me, she has cream carpets throughout the house and has brought three kids up in that enviroment, nothing is ever out of place and sge gets quite tetchy if someone stays too long and squashes her cushions lol, the best one though was when we were talking about christmas trees one year and the rest of us were talking about colour schemes...best place to buy nice ornaments ect when she said I love Christmas but its hard work isnt it, we all of course agreed thinking shopping...cooking, the usual stuff, she wasnt on about that though, she was talking about the extra housework and how long it takes....................to dust the baubles on the tree WTF lol.

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    1. Places like that make me feel uncomfortable Bev, and the more anxious I get the more likely I am to spill something!

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  6. Hahaha! Bev...I cant imagine that lady at all..what a waste of her life FGS..dusting baubles...I dont think I've ever dusted mine and they look fine (still) and now my 9 grandchildren come around to the house it looks like a grenade has gone off in it..but I'd rather they came than not ..nowadays I cant live in chaos..a friend of mine used to laugh if I ever took a bad cold or didn't feel well I would force myself to hoover and polish and get everything straight because I HATED being ill and the house needing cleaned because it meant I couldn't relax and feel sorry for myself for looking at what was needing done..but my mum used to say that a house was just bricks and mortar but a home was filled with love..she started every day by brushing the huge rug (and beating it once a week)..polishing the surrounds dusting and tidying the rest of the house because she had the washing to do and the cooking for dinner...next day the windows would get done along with her other jobs..the next it would be the girls room (beds pulled out,bedding changed etc) next day the usual jobs and the boys room..dont know how she did it with 6 kids..but the great thing about her was she made a tent on our room outta sheets and brought in little pancakes (scotch ones) and lemonade she made herself and joined us for a picnic in our tent...haha..she never minded if the crumbs went everywhere or lemonade got spilt..I think it's called a happy medium and not being obsessive about it and I think thats the secret..

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  7. Housework where do I start? there's so much fluff and guts that get in your craw that you have to sweep it away and start all over again. Once you've swept and dusted all that gruff up it turns up again and again. It's a never ending pit of gruff

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    1. That is so true Bespoke, its endless. I just sit and make lists!

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  8. If your house is tidy then so is your mind

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