Friday, 9 March 2012


Oooooh Helen, put the iron away. I think I am going to start a feminist protest group in your name!  (You have to have a cause luv, if you are going to be the star, and quite frankly, I've had it up to here with Kate and her diva demands.  She says she has been studying you, and is just getting into character.  Would you please reconsider Angelina, or maybe Jennifer A?   But I digress.  I am quite liking the whole anti ironing thingy.  That could raise a whole lot of passion out of menapausal women.  The steam of hot flushes combined with Zannussi's latest is an explosive mix.  That lightbulb moment when you realise the sky won't fall in if you don't iron the t-towels.  Its a bit of an epiphamy. Shit, giggling here, it might be ephany, where the feck is val? lol 

Incidentally, the best tip I ever had, was to fold the nets when you put them in the machine, and hang them straight back up wet.  I never ironed a net from then on!  And put tops (shirts, jumpers, etc) on coathangers straight from the washing machine, basically, wherever you can - doorways, handles, whatever.  Young son has a disproportianate fear of coathangers, I have no idea why, but it gets the washing dry and ironing will be a thing of the past.  Just don't go out in daylight or anywhere respectable.  It also helps to tell teenage boys that ironed jeans are nerdy!
On the downside, your children may scream hysterically when they go into drycleaners and need therapy for ever more.  But to avoid ironing, a risk worth taking I think.  Bless 'em.
I haven't given up ironing entirely, it was just that, I made myself a golden rule, I wouldn't iron, unless I had a glass of wine in my hand.  And I was very strict.  That same rule applied, even if it was I was awakened from my slumber for an urgent shirt for work.  I was in danger of becoming a total alcoholic and losing my job, so I gave up the ironing.

Ps.  Thinking of variations on the words Helen and Foundation at the mo, Hmmmmmm
Pps.  Am thinking of inviting Jodie Marsh to audition? 
Ppps.  Are you limber?
Now, if I can just figure this out Helen, I am going to post it on my blog as an ode to your goodself!  :-*
Pppps.  I in no way think you resemble Jodie Marsh, lol, just not forgiven you for scolding me over leaving my M&S chocolate peanuts next to my adapter.  Yes, and it hurts to say this, they were mush.  I just feel that you could have been a little more sympathetic......... 


  1. As I recall, with regard to the M and M incident I said "You did not look after them properly, you killed them, was your own fault, now get over it"
    I stand by this, you did not deserve to have them, you lost them!

    And no to Jodie Marsh! Kate is my choice, now get your people to talk to my people!

  2. They were MARKS & SPARKS BELGUIM CHOCOLATE PEANUTS!!!!! There, you made me shout! Suffice to say, that little faux pas is right up there with the time my ex got me chocolate RAISINS!!!! We normally had our biggest fights around the season of goodwill, so pretty sure it was Christmas. The cheap little shit, wrapped them and put them under the tree when he got home drunk. Its times like that, you realise the love has gone..... sighs

    But I digress, M&S ones have the nasty, papery bit removed from the nut before they put the chocolate on. It makes all the difference. I'm quite the connoisseur, hoping to say, 'pass me another one of those Godiva chocolates' with me last breath.

  3. Ps. Should warn you, you are on dodgy ground, re casting, Kate has pulled out. Accept it. Lawyers are scouring legal loopholes as we speak. Basically, we are down to Jodie, and if so, do you want more, or less? tatooes? nothing signed as yet...

    Should also let you know, that most of the cast of TOWE are available and had missed call from Katie's people, so things are looking up.

  4. Makes it worse for me, I mean, if it were any old M and Ms well thats one thing, but only you could kill M and S ones, proof that you didnt deserve them :-P

    And its Kate or I am out, get your people to talk to my people.

    Oh and the other day I was thinking to myself about naked cucumbers, the Coop proudly announced they dont wrap their cumbers anymjore, now I know I am bordering on a little strange at times, but naked cucmbers freak me out, I much prefer them wrapped, how do you feel about naked cumbers?

    (Sticking anonymous lol)

  5. Kate has gained 4 stone and won't work without an hourly supply of dunkin doughnuts - quite frankly she's a mess. However, Lindsay Lohen is available, but she has an unusual ankle bracelet, is that OK?

    RE. Cucumbers. Get a grip woman - they are much better in the raw!

  6. No, not one for ankle bracelets and she got "pillow face" whatever that is.

    Re: Cucumbers- but dont you wonder how many people have had their hand on the cumber first, freaks me out, I like my cumber untouched and pristine :-(

  7. Oops, never thought of that, but probably takes quite a few mucky mitts to get them into that tight fitting clingfilm!

  8. Yes, I guess, I mean I dont mind it with my apples but like my cumber untouched. Thats for letting me get this out, I dont know many people that would consider the implications of this with me :-)

  9. Delighted to be of help Helen. I once spent half an hour discussing the loss of flavour in tomatoes with my therapist, so I know exactly how you feel xxx

  10. Tomatoes I can bear naked, think the flavour is better in plum and vine!

    BTW, they give me mouth ulcers!